Chapter 51 Tyrell
TYRELL
It’s nearly four in the morning when I creep into the house. Everyone will still be sleeping for another few hours, and I don’t want to wake them, although I’m desperate for a shower. Hopefully me clattering around in the bathroom won’t disrupt anyone. I stink after a labor-intensive shift.
A soft meow catches my attention, and I glance down as Peaches follows me into the house. “Where have you been, girl?”
Lifting her up, I nuzzle her against my cheek before placing her back on the floor.
I need a hot shower, a cold drink, and then sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.
Padding through the kitchen in my work socks, I try not to trip over Cyrus’s cat as she weaves between my legs, then nearly jump out of my skin when I reach the living room and find my parents sitting there.
“Holy shiii…” I let the word trail off because Mama don’t like cussin’.
It’s kind of become a family joke in a way. Anytime anyone gets a little mouthy, we all put on a drawl, wagging our finger and saying, “Mama don’t like cussin’.” It’s especially great when we get to do it to her.
“Mmmm-hmmm.” She gives me one of her looks, and I sag into the wall, leaning my shoulder against it and looking between them.
“You guys good? Why are you up?”
They’re both looking at me in a way that’s setting off alarm bells.
Shit, I am so not in the mood for a serious talk right now, but it’s obvious they set an alarm so they could be sitting here when I walked in from work.
There’s no getting out of this. They mean business, and that shower’s gonna have to wait.
“Sit.” Mama points to the ottoman on the other side of the room from her. She can obviously smell me.
“You sure I can’t shower first?” I mumble, taking a seat on the worn-out leather.
“This is important, and you always shower for way too long. Then you’ll want to crawl into bed, and this conversation won’t happen.”
I scrub a hand down my face as Peaches curls into a ball at my feet.
“Now, boy, we need to talk about this.”
My insides pinch when Mama picks up a piece of card from the coffee table beside her. I squint my eyes, trying to figure out what it is… until I notice the QR code and sigh. My concert ticket.
“Dad found this on the floor, next to your trash can. Please tell us it just fell off your mirror.” She waves it in the air, and I glance at Dad, wondering why he was in my room.
He raises his hand. “I was only putting laundry on the end of your bed.”
“You guys don’t have to do my laundry for me,” I mutter.
“Oh, stop.” Mama frowns. “He did a load for everyone, cleaned out all the baskets, so just say thank you.”
I sigh. “Thanks, Pop.”
He nods, then glances at the ticket and raises his eyebrows at me. “You weren’t gonna throw that out, were ya?”
With a soft groan, I cover my face with my hand.
“He was,” Mama says to Dad before turning on me. “Boy, what is wrong with you? This could be your chance to get her back. You have to go.”
“She doesn’t want me, Mama.” I drop my hand to frown at her.
“That’s not true. She said she wasn’t ready.”
I flick my hand in the air. “And what makes you think she’s ready now?”
“I don’t know, but you can’t keep moping around here. You have to go and do something about it.”
My eyebrows wrinkle as I release a sharp sigh and look to Dad for help. But he’s siding with Mama on this one.
Shit.
“Your time off work has already been approved. You are going to this concert.”
I open my mouth to protest, then internally kick myself. Shit! I totally forgot to speak to my boss about not needing the time off anymore. How the hell did I do that? As soon as I got to work, I got busy and it slipped my mind. Shit!
“Look.” Mama sighs. “You know I love you. And I know that I can’t boss you around like I used to, but…
Tyrell, you will regret it if you don’t go.
You have been miserable all summer, and I can’t stand it!
You keep smiling and trying to pretend that you’re fine, but you’re not.
You’re not happy, boy. And it’s breaking your mama’s heart. ”
“Mama, come on.” I cringe, hating the way her eyes are starting to glass with tears. “Please, don’t. I just…”
“Just what?” Dad asks after my words turn into yet another heavy sigh.
“I… I don’t know.”
“Son.” Dad shuffles in his chair. “You can’t keep going like this.
You’re breathing and you’re going through the motions each day, but you’ve lost your spark.
We can feel your constant tension and unrest. Now, we’re assuming that it’s just about Dani breaking up with you.
But is there something we’re missing here? ”
Closing my eyes with a sigh, I figure that I’ve just been given the perfect opportunity and I have to fucking take it, because I may not get a better one.
“I can’t stay in Dallas.” I hold my breath and force myself to look between them.
Their expressions are both unreadable, dammit.
Just keep going. Get it out.
“I love you. All of you. So much. And I get that family loyalty is very important, and I really want to be there to support you all.”
“But…,” Mama prompts me.
“But…” I lick my lips and have to look down at the carpet for this part.
“I want to travel the world. I need to get out of here and explore and experience other cultures and see other places. It’s this burning inside me that I can’t extinguish.
” I tap my chest. “I’ve tried! I’ve tried to forget about it and want other things, but I always come back to this…
this dream. This need to spread my wings and go. ”
My expression crumples as I dare to look up and see just how much I’m hurting them.
Dad’s smile is sad, but he’s smiling. And Mama’s got a tear trickling down her cheek now. She swipes it away before moving forward to the very edge of her seat.
“You always did have an adventurous spirit.”
Dad softly chuckles. “When you were a boy, you were obsessed with wanting to know what was out there. You used to talk about how you wanted to be Indiana Jones so you could go to ancient places and see the ruins.”
“You’ve always gravitated toward anything outside of this place.” Mama looks at Dad. “Maybe I didn’t want to admit it, but I think I knew this day would come eventually.” She sighs. “I can sense it in you. Flitting off for one summer ain’t gonna cut it. Am I right?”
I wince and nod. “Yeah, Mama. I want to live overseas. I want to immerse myself.”
“How will you make money?” Dad asks.
“Well, I’ll need to save a bunch more before I leave, and then I’m hoping to get work.
There’s lots of jobs that I can do—waiting tables, working in ski lodges.
There’s probably some construction work I could pick up.
They’ll often hire people from overseas for short-term positions.
I was thinking I’d travel until I needed to earn some money, then find a job for a few months, save up, and then move on to the next place. ”
Mama winces. “What about your degree? All that study? Was it for nothing?”
“No.” I shake my head. “And I’ve still got this job lined up for the year ahead.
I’ll do that, learn what I can. I’ll work hard.
But I have to know that travel is on the horizon.
And eventually, when I get it out of my system, I’ll settle down, and that’s when I can get that nine-to-five, you know?
I’ll become a project manager for some construction company and…
” I huff, wishing that sounded more appealing.
Is Mama right? Was all that study for nothing?
“So you’re just gonna roam the planet, working under the table?” Dad raises his eyebrows at me.
I rush to justify myself. “I won’t do anything illegal. I’ll make sure I’m working for honest people. They can pay me with food and board if they want to.”
Dad flicks his hand through the air. “People do work off the books all the time. I’m not judging. I just want you to think this through.”
Rubbing at my tired eyes, I shrug, not sure what to say. “I know this all sounds risky and unstable, but I’ll make sure that I keep enough money aside to get home again. If things go bad, I’ll always have that option.”
Dad’s lips twitch, and he turns to catch Mama’s eye. “He’s a good boy, Nina. He knows what he’s doing.”
“I know that. I know that, but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss him like crazy.” She tuts and gets up from her chair, rushing across to me and wrapping her arms so tight around my neck, my eyes start to water.
“Mama, it’s okay. I’m not leaving right now.”
She lets out a laughing sob and lets me go, ignoring my stink and perching her butt on the ottoman. I shuffle along to make room for her, disturbing Peaches. She stretches before wandering down the hallway, her tail swishing.
Mama reaches for my hand, curling her fingers around mine and giving them a squeeze.
I glance at her before looking at Dad. “Are you sure you guys are okay with this? I thought you’d be really upset. That’s why I haven’t said anything.”
“Why would we be upset?” Dad frowns.
“Because you… you need me. I mean… I know it’s hard work looking after everybody, and I always feel like I have to stay close by in case—”
“We love having you around,” Mama cuts me off. “But not to your detriment. Tyrell Jackson, we would never stand in the way of your dreams. We love you, boy.” She almost looks wounded that I didn’t already know this, so I wrap my arm around her, kissing the side of her head in quiet thanks.
Wow.
I mean… this is really gonna happen for me. I’m going to see the world!
Why doesn’t this feel more exciting?
I sense Dad’s eyes on me and force a smile. “Thanks for your support. Both of you. It means a lot.”
“Of course.” Dad’s eyes narrow, and I dart my gaze back to the safety of the floor. “You thought she was going to go with you, didn’t you? You had high hopes.”
I sniff, eventually nodding. “Yeah.”
“Aw, baby.” Mama touches my cheek.
“I just wanted someone to share my experiences with, you know? I thought…” I swallow. “She was it. The one.” I sniff again, my throat swelling until it’s painful.
“Well, maybe you’ll fall in love with a girl overseas.” Mama pats my thigh, forcing a bright tone that none of us can buy into.
I throw her a pained frown, and her shoulders sag.
“I know, baby. She really caught your heart, didn’t she?”
Clenching my jaw, I try to nod, but I can’t seem to do anything.
Mama stands with a tut and walks to the coffee table. Snatching the ticket, she brings it back to me. “You have to go. You have to at least try, because what if she’s ready?”
“What if she’s not?”
“Then you go without her. But if you don’t find out for sure where she stands, then you’ll never be able to truly let it go.”
“I’m guessing the second you see each other, you’ll get a gut feeling.” Dad nods, glancing at Mama with a tenderness that’s so blatant it makes my heart squeeze. I want to look at my woman that way.
I want to look at Dani that way.
The fact that I can’t stop thinking about her has to be a sign, right? I just can’t seem to let her go.
Staring at the ticket in Mama’s hand, I hesitate.
“You’ll get closure or you’ll win her back. Either way, you have to do this, boy.” Mama’s voice is borderline pleading.
Do I really want to put myself through that?
What if she’s moved on and I’m the fool who’s been clinging to this unrequited love?
But what if she’s hoping to see you there? What if she’s ready for you?
With my heart in my throat, I take the ticket from Mama and stare down at the QR code.
This is it.
My chance.
And I have to take it.
“You won’t regret it, son,” Dad assures me while Mama leans down and kisses the top of my head.
“Now go shower before I faint from exposure to toxic fumes.”
“Hey, you were the one who had to do the talking now,” I tease her.
She laughs, pushing my shoulder with a soft “Go on witcha. Get clean.”
I stand and pause before leaving the room. Looking between my parents, I give them a heartfelt thank you. “Your support means the world to me. You know that, right?”
“You mean the world to us.” Dad smiles at me.
“We’re proud of you.” Mama pats my cheek. “And I’m gonna miss you like crazy, but as long as you keep sending me photos and giving me updates, I will survive.”
She starts singing that Gloria Gaynor song as she collects Dad’s empty mug, then hers, before heading into the kitchen.
I share one last look with my father before nodding and heading to the bathroom.
I’m gonna survive too.
My heart kicks out of place as I glance down at the ticket in my hand.
It feels like a chance. A whisper of hope.
Damn, it feels like fucking everything right now.