26. Miles Day
This is perfect. I smile with my eyes closed, basking in the afternoon sun. After swimming and laughing until our fingers pruned and our sides ached, we trudged up the beach to our chairs and shared a lunch of cold sandwiches and spicy barbeque chips. Once our bellies were full, we leaned the chairs back to soak up the sun, letting the rays dry our skin and hair.
I roll my head to the side, looking at Ellie through the filter of my sunglasses. Her hair is the color of rich red wine, and the constellation of freckles on her skin is made darker by my lenses and her time in the sun. She looks happy, which only increases her beauty. Her lips are turned up in a content smile and she’s so relaxed I wonder if she’s fallen asleep.
I’m tempted to take a nap myself. It wouldn’t be the first time I”ve fallen asleep on the beach. I’m lucky enough that I rarely ever burn, so it’s not much of a risk for me to stay out for hours. I did apply a little sunscreen before laying down though just to be safe, because playing golf with a sunburn would be miserable.
Ellie’s head turns my way, surprising me. Is she awake? Can she tell I’m staring through my sunglasses? She doesn’t say anything, so I continue admiring her. Her large sunglasses are perched on her button nose, and though they take up most of her face, I can still see the flush of pink on the apples of her cheeks. Her full lips are shining with some kind of balm she put on before laying down. It makes me want to kiss her even more than I already do.
I turn my head back toward the sky, letting my eyes drift shut. Today only made my feelings for Ellie grow. She took the time to put together a whole beach day just because Fitz told her it would help me feel better. That alone made me want to draw her in my arms and kiss her right there in the parking lot. But then we spent the day together, and I got to see this wilder, freer version of her. A version that laughed with reckless abandon and dove head first into the ocean waves. She was magnetic.
I’ve never bothered to get to know a woman like this before. But now I know that she loves flowers and the beach, that her sister is her best friend and her nephew is her world. She loves to wear lavender and green but she likes to decorate in shades of blue, and her favorite way to eat pizza is straight out of the fridge. I’m collecting details like shells in a bucket, and each time I get one all I can think is more. I want to know more. I want more of her.
Anxiety creeps into my thoughts like a thief in the night ready to steal the happiness I’ve found. I want to kick it out and ignore it, but I can’t. I have to face the facts. There’s a good chance–at least fifty percent–that Ellie and I don’t work out. Probably more if you factor in that I come from a home of divorced parents.
I clench my fists in the towel beneath me. I’m not my father. Or at least, I don’t want to be. My whole life I’ve done my best to avoid any similarities to him. Which is difficult, considering I share his sandy brown hair and grass green eyes. Every morning I look in the mirror and I see a little bit of him in me. It’s what’s made me stick to my anti-marriage vow for so long. I picture him staring back at me in the mirror and I commit every day to be different.
But now, Ellie has swept into my life and shaken it up. She’s brightened my world. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose her. So now I have to choose between pining after her as a friend, or risking it all in order to be something more. The part of me that lives in the moment wants to throw caution to the wind and wake her up with a kiss right now. But the cynic that’s resided in my heart since I was old enough to understand that just because two people are married doesn’t mean they’re in love…that part of me wants to draw a line between us in permanent marker never to be crossed.
A low beeping noise startles me from my thoughts. Ellie reaches for the bag next to her chair and pulls out her phone. After she taps a few times, the beeping stops.
“Sorry,” she murmurs in a sleepy voice that makes me smile. “I must have dozed off. I set the alarm to make sure we weren’t late for your actual physical therapy appointment.”
“I haven’t checked the time since we got here. Am I going to have to buy you pie another day?”
She stretches her arms overhead, her back arching up in a way that has my blood heating. “We have time to stop by the diner. I gave us enough of a buffer.”
“You thought of everything,” I say as I sit up in the chair. She follows suit, swinging her legs over the side.
“I wouldn’t say everything. I forgot chairs and an umbrella.”
I shrug. “I like the ones we ended up with. I was on my way to falling asleep right along with you when the alarm went off.”
She grabs her shirt out of the beach bag and pulls it over her head. Her red curls stand out against the white of the fabric. She’s so unbelievably beautiful it doesn’t seem real.
“I hate that we can’t stay even longer.” She stands and shimmies on her shorts, then pulls out my shirt and throws it to me.
“Me too,” I say as I pull it on. There’s something oddly intimate about getting dressed in front of each other. It feels like something a married couple would do.
“Do you ever think about quitting?” she asks, catching me off guard.
“Not really, no.” I tie up the grocery bag we were using as a trash bag while I answer. “There have been bad days where I think of just going home and not finishing a round, but I’ve never considered quitting.”
“I feel like the pressure would get to be too much though. You’re training all the time, and trying to hold your spot against all these other golfers.”
“You’ve really been paying attention,” I say with a smile. She ducks her head to avoid my gaze.
“I’m trying.”
My heart swells at those two words. I’m not sure I’ll be able to convey to her what it means to me that she’s taken the time to learn about this world. A world she vehemently hated when we first met. I’m so happy that I don’t even tease her about starting to like golf.
“I appreciate it,” I tell her truthfully. “And as for the pressure, it can be a lot, but it’s as much a part of the game as anything else. The end result is worth it.”
She slings the beach bag over her shoulder while I get the trash bag and cooler. Our chairs will be taken up by the company we rented them from, so we’re free to head to the diner. We start the trek to the boardwalk, the sand kicking up around our calves.
Ellie resumes our conversation. “I don’t know, I think I’d buckle under all that pressure.”
“Are you kidding me?” I say and shake my head. “Ellie, you moved here to help your sister through a difficult time, got a job you didn’t want, worked hard to save what little you could, and all the while you didn’t give up on your dream of owning your own business. You believed in it so much that you applied for another job that you hated the idea of just to be able to save up more. You’re strong and ambitious. You’d be one of the best on the course.”
“Right below you?” she teases, but I can hear the emotion in her voice.
“Well we both know you’d never be good enough to beat me.” I laugh when she swings the beach bag toward me, barely grazing my arm.
We make it onto the boardwalk and she pauses to look at me. I wish I could see behind her sunglasses. Those brown eyes of hers always say more than she does.
“Thank you for saying all of that. And thank you for hiring me. I was constantly treading water at Coastal Coffee. Now I feel like I have a foothold to stand on.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’re glad you became a golfer’s assistant.”
She shakes her head and starts to walk off. I follow her, laughing.
“I was just kidding, Red.”
“I’m never saying anything heartfelt to you ever again,” she replies, but I know by her tone it’s in jest.
“Okay, okay, I’ll be serious,” I say to her when we reach the parking lot. “I’m glad hiring you is helping you reach your goals, because it’s helping me with mine too. You know how I’ve been this week? It would be at least ten times worse without you holding everything together.”
“So what you’re saying is,” she echoes me with a smirk. “I’m the best assistant you’ve ever had.”
“I guess that is what I’m saying.” I grin down at her. “Would you like an award? Maybe a plaque to commemorate this achievement?”
She tilts her head to the side, pretending to contemplate it. “I think I’ll just take a slice of pie.”
“With a canister of whipped cream on the side?”
Her smirk blooms into a full-on smile that steals my breath. “Is there any other way to eat it?”
I’m close to falling asleep when my phone buzzes on my nightstand. I grab it and sigh at the text on my screen.
Jason: Brock’s advice was terrible. I’ve given it time, and she still hates me. She might hate me more now.
I type out a response, feeling groggy after such a long day.
Miles: It’s way too late at night for you to be texting the group chat.
Emmett: Agreed.
Shaw: Come on guys, don’t beat him while he’s down. What’s going on, man?
Jason: She hates me, and everyone knows it. She treats all of the other guys great, but she argues with me about everything. Today I asked her a question about the TikTok video she was making and she acted like I was interrogating her.
Brock: You can always get her fired.
I blink at my screen. He did not just say that.
Shaw: Don’t worry, I hit him for typing that.
I guess that means Brock and Shaw are hanging out tonight.
Jason: Thank you. Someone needed to.
Brock: I disagree.
Emmett: I’m going to mute the chat unless someone says something productive.
Shaw: ET, you can’t get mad at us when you aren’t even contributing.
Jason: Yeah, Emmett, what’s your advice?
Emmett: Stop caring if people like you or not.
Jason: ….
Jason: Anyone else?
I sigh and start typing a response.
Miles: Try to figure out something she likes, then buy it for her or talk about it with her. Maybe that will get her to ease up.
Shaw: I agree with that idea. I’m convinced that half the reason Sutton fell in love with me is because I knew all of her Star Wars references.
Jason: I don’t need her to fall in love with me. I just don’t want her to hate me. But thanks, I’ll give that a try.
I set my phone to the side once more. It’s strange to think that not long ago I was in a similar position to Jason. Except I wouldn’t say Ellie hated me, moreso golf in general. Still, it’s weird to know that we’re friends now. Friends who occasionally look at each other like they want to kiss–but friends nonetheless.
Memories from our first meeting up to our day at the beach today float through my mind. I want to keep every single one. To etch them into the framework of my mind so I don’t ever forget them. They’re all that will be left if everything falls apart.