Chapter 17
I give the cab driver my address and hold back my tears until I’m home.
As we pass under the streetlights, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the side mirror.
There’s a red mark on the side of my neck.
No, no, no! He did not give me a hickey!
Please let it be something else! Please, oh please!
I rummage around for my phone to check, but then it hits me.
I lean back against the seat, letting out a frustrated sigh. The cab driver glances at me in the rearview mirror.
“Are you alright, miss? Do you have money to pay for this ride?”
I sit up straight and nod frantically. “Uh—sorry, yes, I’m fine, sir! And yes, I have money for this ride! Sorry, it’s just been a rough night, that’s all!” I assure him.
He nods back through the rearview mirror. When we arrive at my apartment, I hand him the money and tell him to keep the change. I hop out of the car and head straight to my apartment.
I kick off my heels in the elevator and run to my door, tears stinging my eyes. I swing the door open and throw my shoes on the floor.
I sink down to the floor, crying into my knees. I feel so dirty.
I was hyperventilating hard, I knew there would be a panic attack somewhere along the line. I can feel it.
He seemed so nice and charming. Why did it have to be me? I know nothing happened, but it felt like something did. This probably happens to a lot of girls my age, but it doesn’t make it right.
God, I’m so stupid! I should’ve known it was too good to be true. He was only after one thing.
Why didn’t I see it? This stupid dress didn’t help! Fuck, why did I agree to this? I should’ve stayed home watching Sons of Anarchy, but no! I had to go to a club with a bunch of NFL players!
They think they can play girls, coax them into bed with them. They think they can mention they play in the NFL and girls will drop their panties for them. Not me! I have higher standards than that!
It seemed like the girls who were there tonight would do anything to sleep with those guys. They looked like they were ready to get down and party right then and there with half of them. Walking around the club sober, you tend to pick up on these things.
This was supposed to be a night of fun, a night to help me forget about Drew. To help me go numb so I can’t feel the hurt anymore. But I still feel it, not just with Drew but now with Travis.
His eyes held a distant look, as if he wasn’t entirely present. It was as if he was out of his mind, and the image of his gaze, predatory and intense, was seared into my memory.
The sound of a key fumbling in the door broke my reverie. The door swung open and I quickly rose from the floor where I’d been sitting, hastily wiping away my tears. I squinted, trying to focus my tired, blurry vision on the figure in the doorway.
“Knox? What a-are y-you doing h-here?” I stammered, trying to regain my composure. I hadn’t expected anyone to follow me, to come find me. I’d planned to cry my eyes out, alone.
He rushed over to me, enveloping me in a tight hug. He pulled out his phone and dialed Kyle’s number.
“Hey, I have her! Yeah... she’s with me.
.. No, no, you guys stay out... Yeah, it’s fine.
.. I’ll stay with her, man!... Yeah, yeah.
.. no, it’s fine, seriously, Kyle, go have fun with Andy!
I’ll see you back here... yeah, alright, I will.
.. yeah, bye, man!” He ended the call and tossed his phone over my shoulder onto the counter behind me.
He wrapped his arms around me again, allowing me to cry into his chest. God, I’m ruining his t-shirt.
“It’s alright, baby doll, I have more of them in my room,” he laughed. I balled my fists in his shirt, the urge to hit something—or someone—overwhelming me. Why is my life filled with so much drama right now?
I pulled back to look up at him. He cupped my cheeks, his gaze intense. His eyes were glassy from the drinks he’d had tonight, his pupils dilated and focused solely on me.
“What happened, baby doll? Why are you crying? Why did you leave without telling us? Or texting us?”
I reached into his jean pocket, dangerously close to his lower region, and his eyes widened at my touch.
“Baby doll, what are you doing?” he asked cautiously. I pulled my phone from his pocket and waved it in his face. Realization dawned on him—he’d had my phone the whole time.
“You had my phone, so I couldn’t text you. I just wanted to leave. I didn’t feel like staying there.
Sorry if I cock blocked you tonight... I was going to message Andy from my laptop to tell her I left,” I lied. His eyes scanned my face, and then he noticed it—the love bite on my neck. Shit, shit, shit!
I slapped my hand over it in a futile attempt to hide it, but it was too late. A deep furrow formed on his brow as he frowned.
“Is this why you’re crying, Alex?” he asked, gently removing my hand from my neck and running his thumb over the forming bruise. His touch was hot, sending shivers down my spine. It was so gentle, his hands rough from years of playing football.
“Alex?!” he asked again, snapping me out of my thoughts. The fact that he used my name instead of ‘baby doll’ showed me how serious he was about this.
I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut as the memories flooded back.
“Who did this to you, Alex? Open your eyes! Look at me and tell me who did this to you? I will make them regret it!” His demand was stern, but I felt safe with him.
I met his pleading gaze and responded, “The guy you sent here to give me tickets.” My voice was cold, filled with disgust at his actions tonight.
The realization of what I’d just said hit him hard.
“Travis? He did this? I’m lit—”
“Stop, please! I don’t want to hear his name. I can’t. It’s not worth it, Knox. Really. I just want to go to sleep,” I pleaded with him, but I knew better than to believe he’d let this slide.
“Alex, he hurt you! Nobody hurts my baby doll! Nobody! It’s truly breaking my heart seeing you like this right now...” He whispered the last part more to himself than to me, but I heard it.
Wait, he just said ‘my baby doll’?
No, no, Alex, you heard that wrong, you’re nobody’s anything!
God, he’s hot when he’s protective—woah, Alex, chill! Now is not the time! You’re not drinking anymore if you’re going to keep thinking about him like this.
He’s Knox! Remember! He was so mean to you in high school and pretty much your entire life! So no! You cannot think about him like that! Maybe he’s changed, man? Maybe?
But I’m not going to go there, he’s Kyle’s best friend! But he looks so good tonight! “Baby doll? Say something, I know your mind is going a million miles an hour in there,” he said, worry etched onto his face.
I gave him a small smile and chuckled a little. He was right.
“Let me in, baby doll,” he pleaded once more. I looked up at him.
“Who are you and what have you done with Knox?” I joked, causing him to laugh. I couldn’t help it, but I also wanted to know who this person was! It certainly wasn’t the Knox I grew up with.
“What do you mean, baby doll? I’m still the handsome, rugged sex god you know and love,” he teased back, lightening the mood. I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous response.
“Annnnd he’s back!” I said, causing a bellowing laugh to escape his mouth. We both stood there, laughing at each other’s responses. Then we both calmed down after a few moments of enjoying our quip responses.
Staring back at each other, I rested my hands on top of his that were still cupping my face gently. He smiled his famous smile that all the girls drop their panties for in a heartbeat.
Mentally shaking the image from my head, hah! What was in those drinks tonight?
“Will you—uh—will you lie with me? Like old times?”
His face registered pure shock at my question, and I was just as surprised as he was. A few moments of silence ticked by, serving as his response.
Okay, this is getting awkward. I shouldn’t have asked. I nodded in defeat, accepting that he wasn’t going to stay with me like old times.
“It’s okay, I get it,” I said, averting my eyes to my feet. “You can head back to the party if you want. I’ll be fine.” I stepped out of his touch, immediately feeling the coldness that replaced his warmth.
But his large hand grabbed my small one and tugged me back to him. He kissed the top of my head, wrapping himself around me for comfort. He’s so comfy!
“Of course I’ll lie with you, baby doll. Anything for you! I was just in shock, that’s all.”
“Haha, I could see that!” I quipped back at him.
“I didn’t know you knew I used to lay with you when I stayed over at your place.
I thought I got in and out before you realized I was there.
This is so embarrassing!” he cried out while I laughed.
“I always knew, Knox. My mom even knows. Obviously, you wouldn’t have made a good ninja!
” I joked, but he just turned red in the face. He’s so cute right now!
Oh my god, Alex, stop! But I couldn’t.
Note to self: stop having conversations with myself.
“Are you serious! Shit! That’s why they—never mind! But why didn’t you say anything? I thought you hated me?”
“Knox, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate anybody. You were always so mean to me. And is the great Knox Carter blushing with embarrassment right now? That’s a first!” I was avoiding the question he had just asked so desperately.
“You didn’t answer my question, baby doll.”
He quirked his eyebrow, standing his ground for an answer. Why is he so stubborn?
“Ugh, you’re so annoying, you know that? I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.” Lie!
“Lie.” Shit! A few moments went by in silence. I knew he wasn’t going to give up.
“Fine, every time you slept with me, I had a good night’s sleep. I never had a nightmare with you.”
“That’s all?” he smugly asked.
“You may or may not have been comfy? Or good at cuddling? But you’ve slept with enough girls to know that!