Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gracechurch Street
M y dearest Lizzy,
I have taken pen to paper this morning to perform the task of an envoy. Perhaps it will surprise you that I should write to you of Mr. Darcy with favour but indeed, my dear sister, I do feel such compassion for him. But before I begin, I hope that you will pass on my regards to our cousin and Mrs. Collins. I trust that you find the both of them satisfactorily settled and well. Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Darcy I have seen recently enough that I need only hope they have travelled safely to Kent with little trouble. It is a short journey perhaps, but one hears tales of carriages going amiss or falling into difficulty often enough to feel concern.
It was strange when you left, to sit in this room alone and go to bed without you beside me. How much I have treasured your companionship, Lizzy, particularly when my thoughts were so unhappy after Charles left Netherfield! To think, my dear, that one can change so rapidly from despair to happiness. My trunks are almost packed. There is one more smaller case that must be filled but we have a party this evening to attend. It will not be a large gathering, Charles says, but Mrs. Hurst wished to mark her brother's engagement properly with a dinner. You are suspicious, I suppose, but I cannot help but feel that she at least has warmed considerably, and her husband, you know, was never unkind. He is an oddity, but for all that, I am truly of the opinion that he greeted the news of our engagement with immense pleasure. He rose to shake Charles's hand vigorously and went off directly to inform his friends at the club of what had happened. Aunt Gardiner said afterwards that his reaction had been the most genuine .
With regard to Miss Bingley, I am sorry to say that whilst things are civil, we have not the warmth of friendship that I had once hoped for. Charles has declared that he is unmovable — if she will not speak kindly to his wife, he will not permit her to be in company with us. I do not know that she has believed him — he does not have a longstanding habit for firmness, Lizzy, but Mrs. Hurst seems to have thought him sincere at least. It seems that Mr. Darcy's displeasure troubles Miss Bingley more than her own brother's disappointment.
It is strange to say that I have needed to borrow two more trunks from Aunt Gardiner to fit my gowns. I should have never supposed that I had bought so many dresses, but they have mounted up prodigiously. Uncle Gardiner has been pleased, he says, not only with the increase in his capital for the business but also in the connections. Lord Matlock came with another gentleman the evening you left and they spent a good deal of time in the study together. All that was wanted, it seems, was a little assistance and our dear aunt and uncle's futures are the more secure. I feel almost guilty, dearest, that we will also benefit greatly from what ought to be freely given kindness to our relatives .
I have not written to Mama of the wedding clothes yet, but I bought a length of exquisite French lace that I hope to wear on the day I become Mrs. Bingley. I need Lydia to tell me what colours I ought to don — I daresay she will have her opinions. I received a letter from her yesterday, detailing her feelings about going to school in Bath. I think it a good thing that the establishment is so fashionable or else I really do think she would baulk at the idea. She is to have a new wardrobe, of course — Mama has promised her. At least she cannot spend more than her allowance and I do trust Papa will intercede if Mama attempts to lend from her own portion .
And now I must address the subject of Mr. Darcy. He came to visit us at Gracechurch Street today and I had a few minutes of quiet conversation with him. Mr. Darcy, Lizzy, will ever be a reserved man but his remorse regarding his interference between Charles and me is true, and even were it not, he had only Charles's happiness and well-being in mind. I cannot regret those unhappy months we have spent apart, dearest. Not only did I have my beloved sister to support and care for me, but I will surely not make the mistake of holding Charles's affection too carelessly once we are married. If Mr. Bingley had never loved me, I would have found myself healed by the great care my sisters have for me. There is no less value in that love than in his. Charles's regard for me shall be cherished and nurtured because I know now how it feels to fear it is gone.
We spoke, Mr. Darcy and I, of you. He said to me frankly that he feared he had erred from the very beginning in his dealings with you. I told him that misunderstandings can often arise when people meet but that only rarely is it insurmountable if they truly wish to be on amicable terms .
I should like, Lizzy, for you to listen to Mr. Darcy — perhaps even as though you were new acquaintances and, knowing that he has done no lasting damage to me, forgive him if you can. Mr. Darcy is a good man, I believe, and that in a way so few gentlemen are these days. Certainly he is a little stately, but once one is under the mantle of his protection and care, it seems there is nothing he would not do in pursuit of that person's contentment .
I will only add that he also offered to lay before me the truth of his dealings with Mr. Wickham, fearing that for us to remain in ignorance of his true nature much longer might endanger us or our sisters. I do think he feared that Mr. Wickham had imposed upon your affections, Lizzy, and it pained him exceedingly even to speak of it. I listened, as one ought to do when trusted with such a personal account, and asked that he would tell you at least some of what he imparted to me .
I am very glad, Lizzy, that our sisters are to go to school. It seems that we have been preserved in more ways than one in having the funds that we now have available to us. That makes me more thankful than I feel in looking at all the beautiful dresses that have been scattered across this room .
Here ends my attempt to be an intercessor. I know you through and through, so I feel there is little for me to do but entrust the rest to your excellent sense of justice. If I have hopes beyond that, I shall not burden you with them and will end this letter with only my desire that you should be as happy as I am now, for all the days of your life.
I remain your most devoted sister ,
Jane .
Elizabeth took Jane's letter with her as she left the house the following morning to wander in the parkland. It had been necessary to put on the thickest of her pelisses and certainly to wear gloves. The gloves made her fingers clumsy as she leafed through the delicate pages and she pondered their contents as she made her way across the parkland in the direction of the elm wood she had already discovered .
She wondered most particularly what on earth Mr. Darcy could have told Jane about Mr. Wickham that made her so relieved that their younger sisters were to go to school. Lydia's reaction to more formal teaching hardly surprised her. It was to be hoped that their spirited youngest sister might curb a little of her heedlessness and remain in the establishment.
Her surprise at seeing the figure of a tall man on the path that led to the elm wood was faint. She recognised Mr. Darcy from a distance as she glanced up from her letter and, her curiosity leading her feet, quickened her pace to greet him as he did her.
He bowed and nodded toward the letter in her hand. “Miss Elizabeth. I see you simultaneously indulge in reading and walking.”
As she made her curtsey she raised her eyes to meet his and found herself blushing at the tender amusement she saw there. “Indeed, sir, we ladies must often perform our tasks in pairs, you know.
“It is efficient. I suppose I might suggest to my steward that we take the ledgers out to the stables in order to emulate you.”
She laughed, pleased and a little astonished that he should entertain her taste for the ridiculous. “I wonder how your horse would tolerate a heavy tome balanced upon a saddle.” She felt a little shy as he fell into step beside her, though she did not object to his company. “You do not ride this morning, Mr. Darcy? I had thought most gentlemen of your age preferred a horse to your own legs for exercise.”
“No, I hoped to encounter you and so thought that leading Albion placidly behind me might be a little optimistic.”
“Albion! He is a large horse, I am to assume.”
He smiled again. “He has annoyed a young lady before by attempting to graze on the flowers bedecking a bonnet. In his defence, they were within easy reach. ”
Strangely, this made her frown, a flash of something vaguely jealous passing through her but she forced a light laugh and said, “And thus the young lady was quite done with you. I am sorry to hear it, sir. Where do we go, Mr. Darcy?”
His answer was swift. “My sister is, I am pleased to say, unable to be done with me. If you do not object to my escort rather than my cousin's, I thought you might enjoy seeing the largest of the lakes at Rosings. If the water beckoned you, as you said it did yesterday, I imagine you will enjoy it and I have no doubt you will manage the distance. It is not more than a mile or two if we take a direct route.”
“A lake! Lead on, Mr. Darcy — I should like to see a lake in this morning light. It feels very much as though spring might soon come to Kent. The air, I fancy, is not so biting as it was when I arrived. ”
They walked side by side for a little way in companionable silence until they reached a wood.
“We must climb this stile, Miss Elizabeth, in order to take the path to the hill and then down into the valley where the lake lies.” He offered his hand to assist her to step up and although she had, upon numerous occasions made use of stiles at home without need of assistance, she accepted his hand and found it steady and strong.
“A wood, a hill, a valley, and a lake, Mr. Darcy? It sounds very promising.”
“My cousin mentioned to me last night that he would escort you but he was unexpectedly needed elsewhere. The privilege of showing you the lake therefore falls to me.”
Privately, vain creature that she was, Elizabeth suspected that Colonel Fitzwilliam had been ordered elsewhere, but did not say so. Instead, she looked away into the wood and said quietly, “That is very prettily phrased, sir. I do not regret that your cousin had other demands on his time, for it gives me an excellent opportunity to appease my curiosity. Curiosity, I might add, that has been piqued by this very letter.”
“Your letter from Miss Bennet, I suppose,” he replied. “Your sister is a remarkably gracious woman.”
“I know it, Mr. Darcy. Jane wrote as an envoy. She would make a very fine ambassador should the opportunity arise — it is almost a pity that Mr. Bingley is not intent upon representing England abroad, for my sister would have the world at peace within the month, or perhaps two.”
Mr. Darcy's soft laughter answered her and she found herself momentarily distracted even as it made her smile to hear it. The earth in the wood remained damp underfoot, and more than once Elizabeth found it troublesome to keep her balance. On the few occasions that she slipped, Mr. Darcy's hand took her elbow .
“You wish, I suppose, to ask about Mr. Wickham.” Mr. Darcy began after they had exited the wood. The hill, not a particularly steep one, lay before them.
“Jane said that I must listen, sir. I believe she even called upon my sense of justice to encourage me to do so. If…if it would not trouble you to tell me, sir, I see that I ought to hear whatever it is that worried my sister. If I am to be entirely frank with you, I begin to see that all I know of your history has been from Mr. Wickham — it does not make for a thorough picture.”
“I dislike to speak of him,” said Mr. Darcy gravely, offering his arm and looking pleased when she took it, “but I will indeed relate the whole of it to you. I have not…I did not speak of particulars to Miss Bennet, only in general terms. I believe it is expedient to be more specific for this conversation, little though I relish it.”
“Jane wrote that she was glad my younger sisters were going to Bath, to the finishing school. Truly, Mr. Darcy, you look stern enough at present for me to guess at the nature of what you are about to tell me. I recall you bade me doubt his goodness that night at your aunt's ball.”
Something of the intensity of that night crossed his face at the mention of it and Elizabeth was struck anew by how handsome Mr. Darcy was. It made her remove her hand from the crook of his arm.
“And do you doubt his goodness now? Are you at least a little more disposed to believe the truth of what I am to impart? ”
“I think,” said Elizabeth slowly, “that the answer to that has less to do with my needing to doubt Mr. Wickham's goodness, and more that you have not given me reason to doubt yours.” She blushed and added, “Jane believes you and that is as good a start as any to trust whatever it is you will tell me. ”
Pausing, Mr. Darcy seemed to consider this and then slowly, quite deliberately, reached for her hand to place it once again on his arm. When she did not attempt to tug it away, he resumed walking.
“That,” he said, succinctly, “is one of the most heartening phrases I have ever heard from your lips. I told your sister that Mr. Wickham is not well regarded in Derbyshire — many of the fathers and guardians of young women have trusted him to their detriment. To you and to you alone I will add that I am one of those guardians.”
“Mr. Darcy,” said Elizabeth quickly, horror and shame mingling within her, “you need not go on, indeed you need not. I would not force a confidence from you. ”
He reached with his hand to cover hers where it lay on his arm. “I do not like to distress you, but it occurred to me when I was speaking to Miss Bennet that you might easily have been duped by him, and that had that been the case, I should have no one to blame but myself. You have implied that you will trust me and so too do I trust you. My sister was not so badly affected as many. Her dowry being an attraction to him, Mr. Wickham gave every appearance of a proper courtship — apart from the small detail that she was fifteen years old — and he worked his persuasions upon her deliberately away from my notice.” Mr. Darcy sighed, lost in unhappy memory. “He knew, of course, from our shared childhood, that Georgiana would go to Ramsgate for the summer — she enjoys the sea. He also knew that I was occupied elsewhere and could not join her. Her companion, Mrs. Younge, was a most duplicitous woman and assisted him in making her believe that theirs was a great love match.” He shook his head. “The most difficult part of the whole affair has been her self-recrimination. She doubts the truth of her every feeling. ”
Lizzy was silent. She gently turned her hand under his to clasp his fingers, pressing them lightly. Immediately the hand was lifted to his lips and Elizabeth released a shaking breath .
“I hope you will forgive me for being such a fool, Mr. Darcy. He told me, with every appearance of truth, that you had deprived him of a living your father meant for him, and I believed him so wholeheartedly because I thought myself a very fine judge of character. You were right, at the ball — I was flattered by pretty words and wounded pride did the rest. Miss Darcy, is she…I mean, I do hope she will recover from her disappointment. My mortification, such as it is, is not of the same nature — my dismay is in myself.”