Chapter Fifteen
The next morning after Mark went to work, Natalie put on one of
the dresses she’d brought with her from Kentucky. There was no
point in wearing something fancy if she was going out to Tony’s
farm. As she brushed her hair, a wave of nostalgia washed over her.
Yes, she’d written to her family and they’d written back, but right
now, she wished she could go back to Kentucky and be surrounded by
people who accepted her as she was.
With a sigh, she shook her head. No, she
didn’t want that. Yes, she wanted to be accepted, but she didn’t
want that at the expense of losing what she had with Mark. She
glanced at the Bible that was resting on top of the neatly folded
shawl on her dresser. She went over to it and opened it until she
came to the book of Ruth. There was the lilac, pressed down and
preserved in a cloth she had put it in to protect it. She kept
these things on her dresser so that she’d think of Mark every time
she looked at them. Even now, her mind went back to their wedding
day when he promised to share his life with her.
“For better or worse,” she whispered.
Velma had tried to warn her that she wasn’t
prepared for this kind of life, and as much as Natalie didn’t want
to admit it, Velma had been right.
With a sigh, Natalie shut the Bible then put
the brush on the vanity. She slipped her old bonnet on. She forgot
how comfortable her old clothes were compared to her new ones.
After she was ready, she found the coachman
and told him she needed to go to Tony’s farm. She ignored the
startled glances the servants cast her way and left the house. She
also ignored the couple of people who stopped walking and stared at
her in surprise. She was sure Fran or Katherine would find out
about this and give her a private lecture on why she shouldn’t be
caught in public wearing “farm clothes”, but right now, she didn’t
care.
She slipped into the carriage, purposely not
looking out the windows so she wouldn’t have to see anyone who
might be watching the carriage. It wasn’t until she was outside of
town that she checked out the scenery. On the train ride to Omaha,
she remembered thinking how few trees there were compared to
Kentucky. Out here, the landscape seemed barren. Now there were
fields full of crops ready to be harvested, so it no longer seemed
to desolate.
She steadied her shaky breath so she wouldn’t
give into the urge to cry. Back in Kentucky, she’d join the other
women in preparing for the fall festivities. There was so much to
do this time of year that she’d barely had time to do anything
else. She didn’t have time to sit and worry over silly things like
whether she held a teacup right. And if a hat happened to blow off
her head or she stepped on her dance partner’s foot by accident, no
one would have cared. Things were so laid back in Kentucky.
She swallowed the lump in
her throat and closed her eyes. She missed the feeling of belonging
in the community. She didn’t realize that marrying Mark would make
her feel so isolated from others. She had no close friends here.
Why did she assume she could leave Kentucky and have the same warm
community feeling out here? It’s probably
because I grew up surrounded by people who loved me. I took it all
for granted because I didn’t know any better.
The carriage came to a stop, and she looked
out the window. Tony and Velma’s familiar sod house waited for her.
The coachman opened the door, and she accepted his help as she
stepped out of the carriage. Not too far from the sod house, Velma
was hanging up a freshly washed bed sheet on the clothesline.
Velma put the last pin to secure the sheet to
the line then walked over to her. “Natalie, what are you doing
here?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” She glanced over
at the coachman as he shut the carriage door. “Do you have time, or
are you busy?” She gestured to the laundry.
“I have a blanket to hang up, and then I’ll
be ready. Go on into the house and make yourself comfortable.”
“Do you want any help?”
“No. This is the last thing I have to hang
up. Go on in.”
With a nod, Natalie went to the house. She
opened the screen door and entered the small structure made of
dried mud bricks. Lime plaster helped to keep it together,
protecting it from things like rain and bugs. She hadn’t grown up
in such a house, but she’d heard of them. It was a shame that Mark
wasn’t the one who’d chosen this kind of life. If only he had, then
everything would be perfect. And Velma would probably like that,
too, since she could dress up in the fancy clothes, go to dinner
parties, and have luncheons with affluent women.
Velma probably didn’t care much for the
simple dress she was wearing today or the fact that she had to wear
a bonnet to keep the sun from burning her face. Maybe Velma missed
her past as much as Natalie missed hers.
Velma came into the house and smiled at her.
“Would you like some coffee?”
“I’d love some.” It was much nicer than the
tea she seemed to drink all the time these days. At the very least,
it was a tangible part of her old life she could still enjoy.
Velma set out two cups and started pouring
coffee into them. “I thought you would have thrown your old things
out after you got a new wardrobe.”
Natalie glanced at her dress. “I kept them
because my ma helped me make them. They have sentimental
value.”
“I can understand that. I packed my clothes
in my mother’s trunk for the same reason.” She placed Natalie’s cup
of coffee in front of her then sat down. “You’re safe with the
coffee. Tony made it. I tried making it yesterday, and it tasted
bitter. I’m not sure what I did wrong.”
“How are you adjusting to your new life?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing.
Besides cooking, everything’s wonderful. I’ll admit, it wasn’t
easy. Before I came out here, I didn’t even know people lived in
dirt houses or kept food in creepy places like a cellar.”
Natalie chuckled at the irony of it all. She
was well acquainted with everything about this kind of life. From
the quaint cookstove to the laundry hanging outside and the barn
not far away, this was all reminiscent of the past.
“I can’t complain,” Velma continued. “Tony
loves me. I didn’t realize how wonderful love was. Growing up, it’s
something I never even thought about. Everything was about gain and
status. Out here, it’s about being happy with what you have. If I’d
known this kind of life was possible, I never would have tried to
marry Mark.”
Velma was right. Out here, it was about being
happy with what one had. It wasn’t about how much money a person
had, how many books they’d read, or what they wore. She was shocked
that Velma had come out and said it so matter-of-factly. This
wasn’t at all the way Velma had sounded when they were fighting
over marrying Mark. Natalie had no idea anyone could change in such
a short period of time, but it only revealed that all the wealth
Velma had enjoyed in her past hadn’t satisfied her, something
Natalie could understand.
“Farm life is simple,” Natalie said. “No one
cares which fork you use when you eat. You don’t have to worry
about what you say. You don’t have to change clothes two or three
times a day. You don’t have servants following you all over the
place. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake. I keep thinking back
to what you said about being sensible. I let my feelings take over.
I never gave serious thought about what being married to Mark would
actually be like.”
“But you love him, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do. I know what he did on our
wedding day was wrong. I’m not going to excuse him for that, even
if he keeps saying that he did what was best for everyone. I—”
“Natalie,” Velma interrupted, “it’s taken me
some time, but I understand why he did it. As much as I hate to
admit it, if I had been in his position, I probably would have done
the same thing. I realize you and Tony are honorable in all that
you do, so it’s hard for you to know why Mark believes it was the
right choice. I happen to agree with him. He knew I’d be happy with
Tony. He knew I only wanted to be with him because of his money. I
know his methods weren’t the best, but he really did do the right
thing.”
“Well, I feel better knowing you’re happy
with Tony.”
“I am.” Velma sipped her coffee. “I get the
impression you aren’t happy.”
As hard as it was to come out and say it,
Natalie was going to have to tell her the truth. She’d predicted
that things were going to be difficult for her if she married Mark,
and she’d been right.
“If it was just me and Mark out in the
country like this farm,” Natalie began, “things would be a lot
easier. This is what I’m used to. It’s what I know. I’m not fitting
in with his friends and clients. I’m supposed to go to a social
engagement with some of their wives this Saturday, and I don’t know
how to act. I’ve already embarrassed Mark at one of the dinner
parties. I’m afraid I’ll only make things worse on Saturday, but I
can’t decline the invitation. I was wondering if you would come to
it. I’m allowed to bring a friend. I won’t be so nervous if you’re
with me.”
“This Saturday will be fine.”
“Also, I have to know what I’m doing wrong. I
need someone who isn’t afraid to tell me the truth, even if it’s
something I don’t want to hear, and I trust you to do that. Mark
and Annabelle keep saying that I’m doing everything fine, but I
know that I’m not.”
Since Velma promised to do that, Natalie felt
much better. Velma hadn’t once held back what she’d thought at any
time while she’d known her. If there was anyone who’d give her the
truth, no matter how brutal, it was Velma. And right now, that was
what Natalie needed most. Relieved, she drank more of the coffee.
Maybe now things wouldn’t be so hopeless.
***
“I’ve never heard anyone play so
beautifully,” Fran said after Velma finished playing a third
musical piece that Saturday.
Natalie forced back a sigh. Katherine, Janet,