21. Halle
CHAPTER 21
HALLE
W ith a groan, I remove my microphone headset and stretch my neck. Scheduling for a doctor’s office isn’t the hardest work, but here and there, some of the people I have to deal with make the job exhausting. Especially when they argue about paying the no-show fee, unwilling to accept that I can’t reschedule them until they do.
“Why can’t you just waive the fee? Every time I’m there, I sit in the waiting room for an hour before I’m seen, anyway. Maybe I should charge the doctor a late fee. How about that?”
I just want to say “Dude, I get it. But I just work here, and I can’t help you if you don’t follow the rules. ”
Laptop powered down, I close it and slide it to one side.
My brothers won’t be home for another hour, and Caleb is in Boston until the weekend.
What should I do with my rare free time?
Take a long, hot shower and sing at the top of my lungs? Maybe. I don’t have one iota of singing talent, but that won’t stop me.
It only takes a heartbeat to decide to go for it.
I even take extra care to blow my hair dry with a round brush. I’m not a girly-girl by any means, but occasionally, I enjoy primping.
Downstairs, I check the time, realizing that the boys should be home by now. Concern suddenly rolling through me, I peek out the front windows, searching for signs of them, then laugh when I find them sitting on Cynthia and Thelma’s porch. They’ve made friends at school, but I swear they prefer the company of the two elderly neighbors. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
I unlock the door and open it, ensuring the screen door is unlocked too, then search the fridge for dinner ideas.
I’ve just pulled out the ground beef and lettuce when the door creaks open. “I’m making tacos for dinner,” I call out. “Hope that’s okay.”
“Tacos sound fantastic, but I’m not here for dinner.”
I turn at the sound of the female voice, finding Salem, who gives me a sheepish smile. “I knocked, but I don’t think you heard me.”
“I didn’t.” I set the supplies down, then pull a pack of tortillas from the pantry, needing a moment to collect myself .
Salem is genuine and kind, yet her presence—and maybe her beauty—makes me uneasy. Maybe it’s my general lack of trust in people, or maybe it’s because she knows Caleb in a way I don’t yet. She knows him intimately. In a way that drives me insane, since the man is always wandering around the house with no shirt and those slutty sleep pants slung low on his hips. Sleep pants I’m almost certain he doesn’t actually sleep in. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking on my slutty brain’s part.
“Right.” She smiles widely, a ball of sunshine overpowering the rain cloud that’s formed over my head. “I figured I’d pop over and invite you and your brothers to our Halloween party. Has Caleb mentioned it? It’s the Saturday before Halloween. Dressing up is optional but preferred.”
I frown, though I keep my tone even. “He hasn’t said a word.”
Does he not want me to go? It’s hard to picture, knowing him, but why else wouldn’t he invite us?
She plays with the ends of her hair, the move making me think it’s a nervous tick. The same way my mom tapped her fingers against the side of her leg when she was lying to me.
“No, I’m not using again, Halle-girl.”
She was.
“I paid the rent. I don’t know why the landlord dropped off an eviction notice. He must’ve gotten the wrong apartment.”
He hadn’t.
“Maybe he didn’t think you’d be interested and didn’t want you to feel obligated? ”
“Is he going?” I ask, the question a little more forceful than I mean for it to be.
She bites her lip, her eyes darting around like she realizes she’s said something she shouldn’t, but it’s too late to backpedal. “I assume so, but he hasn’t given me a straight answer, so please don’t…” She scrunches her lips. “Just forget I said anything, okay? Pretty sure I just threw Caleb under a bus I didn’t even know was there.” She blows out a breath. “I don’t know much about your relationship, whether you guys are serious?—”
“We’re not.” We must not be if he hasn’t bothered to mention a party that, from the sound of things, will be attended by all the people he cares about.
With only three weeks until Halloween, I can’t imagine costumes will be easy to come by. I don’t have the money for costumes, anyway, but I could pull together some pieces from my closet and the thrift store if necessary. But my brothers? That’s a different story. At fourteen, I have no idea whether they’d even want to dress up.
Inhaling deeply, I force the thoughts to settle. There’s a good chance I’m being too sensitive. The man went out of his way to make my birthday special—a birthday I hadn’t even told him about. There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he hasn’t mentioned it, yet I’m the one over here jumping to conclusions. Just like always. It’s my fatal flaw, the instinct to immediately distrust a person’s motives. To assume Caleb didn’t want me to know about it in the first place.
Shoulders sagging, I blow out a breath, forcing my toxic thoughts to go with it .
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m letting my insecurities get to me.” The moment I voice that truth, I feel surprisingly better. It feels oddly empowering to admit that out loud.
“Insecurities?” She scrunches her nose in the same way Seda’s does when she’s confused. “About what?”
“You,” I admit.
“Me?” she scoffs. “Why?”
“Look at you.” I wave a hand up and down, gesturing to her soft curves and tanned skin, and perfect blond hair. I’m the complete opposite of her. Tall and curvier, dark hair and dark eyes. And though there’s clearly been some hiccups in her past, she’s living what looks like the perfect life. “You just seem like you have it all together.”
She laughs, the boisterous sound pinging off the walls. “Trust me, Halle, I don’t have anything together. My life has never been rainbows and sunshine. I can promise you that. But where I’m at now? I’m happy. Even on the hard days.” She steps up close and grips my hands. “Come over for coffee and cupcakes sometime this week. That way we can get to know each other. I’m pretty much always home with Samson. He’s a little terror, more so than either of the girls was at this age, so it’s better to limit his exposure to the general public.”
“Okay,” I agree, surprising myself with my easy agreement. “I’ll come over tomorrow around noon, if that’s okay.”
Normally, I’d brush off her offer, but I really like Caleb, and this is the mother of his child. She’ll always be in his life, so I should get to know her.
“That’s perfect. ”
I nearly yelp when she throws her arms around my shoulders and squeezes with more strength than someone her size should have.
She beams, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends.”
I smile back. When she smiles, it’s impossible not to return the expression.
As I’m ushering her out, my brothers appear, stomping up the porch steps.
“Hey, Casen. Quinn.” She greets them with the same effortless smile she had for me.
“Hi, Salem,” they echo back.
“I’m making tacos for dinner,” I tell them as they dart around us and into the house. “Get your homework done.”
They grumble, but they head straight for the dining table and unpack their stuff.
The insurance company still hasn’t had the damage appraised. The longer it sits without repairs, the more I worry about mold, but despite my dozen or so calls regarding the matter, the process is slow-moving.
Once Salem has descended the porch steps, I lock the door and get back to work on dinner.
Hours later, I climb into bed, determined to read one of the books Caleb got me for my birthday. No matter how many times I start, I get interrupted or doze off. And like every other attempt, my phone rings just as I’m finishing the first page.
Though my first response is one of annoyance, when I realize it’s a FaceTime request from Caleb, the sensation quickly turns to dread, my stupid brain automatically assuming something is wrong.
With a shaky finger, I swipe the screen to accept the request. “Is everything okay?”
Caleb blinks back at me. “Um… yeah. Why?”
Heat floods my cheek. “You haven’t called me like this before,” I say.
“I’ve been gone for days. I thought we could catch up.” He swallows, and I swear concern flashes in his eyes. “I miss you. Is that okay to say?”
“You miss me?”
With a nod, he sets his phone down.
Unable to help myself, I peek at his surroundings. He must be in his apartment. The space behind him is small and outfitted with a couch, ottoman, and TV. Behind him is a set of doors that I assume lead to a balcony.
“Yeah, Hal,” he murmurs. “I miss you a lot.”
I press my lips together and consider the best way to respond. I miss him too, but I’m also incredibly frustrated with him. The desperate-for-sex kind of frustrated. I respect his thoughtfulness. Putting the ball in my court is honorable, regardless of what he knows about my past. But being the one saddled with the pressure to initiate even a kiss is a lot harder than I expected. As much as I want to ask for exactly what I want, each time I consider it, my dreaded self-doubt rears its ugly head.
Mocking me with thoughts like What if his feelings aren’t as strong as I’ve come to believe and he just said that because he knows I’ll be too chicken to act on it again?
I remind myself time and again that when I did act on it, he was very much into it. Yet the memory hasn’t freed me from my fear.
“It’s okay if you don’t miss me,” he says, humor in his eyes.
God, has anything ever ruffled the persistent, perfect in practically every way Caleb Thorne? I can’t imagine it.
“I do,” I admit quietly, heart in my throat. “And that’s weird for me. The only people I’ve ever missed are my brothers. And maybe my mom.”
Although I haven’t missed her once since she was sentenced. I’ve only felt relief in that respect.
“It’s okay to let people in.” He crosses his arms over his chest, the soft heather gray fabric stretching around his biceps in the most perfect way.
He’s so annoyingly fit .
The thought has just popped into my mind when a grin splits his face. “You’re staring at my arms.”
“I am.” No sense in denying it when I’ve been caught red-handed. “So, you called just to talk to me, or…?”
He sits back, and the stool he’s sitting in scrapes against the floor. “Salem called.”
“Ah.” I lower my focus to the comforter covering my lap. “I see. You’re only calling because of her.”
“No.” The firmness in his tone is a shock, causing me to whip my head up and assess him. “I’ve wanted to call you every day since I left, but I was afraid I’d make you uncomfortable.” Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair. It flops right back in his eyes. “I don’t—fuck, Halle. I’m afraid of coming on too strong. You can be so skittish, and I don’t want to scare you off.” His shoulders sag like all the wind has been taken out of his sails. “I’m trying to give you space. I don’t want to be overbearing. The kind of guy you can’t shake. Okay? You’re living in my house, and it's fucking killing me not to touch you, but I worry I’ll make you uncomfortable, and—” He drags his hand over his jaw. “Fuck, I’m just really confused, okay?”
I bite down on my lip a little too hard, head bobbing. “I understand.”
This whole thing is confusing. The day I chose to move to Hawthorne Mills, I couldn’t have imagined meeting a man I’d be interested in, a man who also showed interest in me, let alone a man like Caleb—the kind of person who could absolutely ruin me if I let him. The kind of person who has reminded me again and again that there are good people in the world.
“I don’t think you do.”
The pain in his voice makes my stomach twist.
“Explain it to me, then.”
He exhales, his whole body sagging and his gaze averted. “I’ve never felt like this before, and it… fuck, Halle. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone before, but I don’t think you believe me.”
I know I shouldn’t ask, but the words leave my mouth before I can stop them. “Not even her?”
He holds my gaze, his attention never wavering when he says, “Not even her.”
I keep my eyes locked with his for another moment, but eventually, my nerves get the best of me, and I duck my head. I have to let go of the Salem thing. He says he’s over her, and he’s never given me a reason not to believe him. My stupid insecurities are to blame in this situation. I’ve let them get the best of me, so concerned that I’m not the kind of woman a man like him deserves.
He’s gentle, kind-hearted, and caring, but couldn’t I say those things about myself too? So why can’t I be the kind of woman he deserves?
Caleb clears his throat, pulling me from my thoughts.
“The Halloween party slipped my mind. Salem mentioned that they were considering throwing one again this year, but I didn’t realize it was set in stone. Then I left for Boston, and we really haven’t spoken since then.”
I nod. “I understand.”
I really do, and I’m annoyed with myself for jumping to conclusions and performing Olympic-worthy gymnastic stunts in my brain.
He cocks his head to the side. “Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.”
My core tightens not only in response to the words but the tone in which he says them.
“I’ll be home tomorrow,” he says, stretching his arms above his head.
Here I go again, staring at his biceps and squinting at the tattoo peeking out from beneath the edge of his shirt sleeve, the one I’ve yet to get close enough to in order to identify.
“Okay,” I say softly. “I need to run to the grocery store tomorrow. Want me to pick up anything in particular?”
“If I think of something, I’ll text you.” He leans closer to the camera, his wide shoulders blocking out the apartment behind him. “And Halle?”
“Yeah?” The word comes out as a nervous quaver. This man has a unique way of unsettling me. Though not in a bad way whatsoever.
“If you want me to take the reins, just tell me you’re in.”
For a second, all I do is stare, processing the words. It takes longer than it should, but eventually, understanding dawns.
“O-oh,” I breathe, pulse suddenly pounding. “Okay.”
“Have a good night, Hal.”
“Night,” I echo.
Once he’s ended the call, I turn on the TV. There’s no way I can focus on a book now, yet there’s no way I’ll be sleeping anytime soon. Not when I’m a live wire, one second away from exploding.
It’s after two a.m. when I send the text message.
I’m in.