36. Halle
CHAPTER 36
HALLE
W ith the floors ripped out like this, the house looks even worse than it did before the damaged carpets and linoleum were pulled up. Though on occasion, I get the urge to regret the purchase, but it fades quickly each time, because it brought me to this town. To Caleb. To Cynthia and Thelma. Even to Salem and Thayer.
This is where I’m meant to be.
Men dressed in bright t-shirts and stained jeans haul the damaged flooring and floorboards out of the house and toss each piece into the dumpster out front.
Thelma had some choice words for me when the ugly dumpster arrived. When I told her that I couldn’t do anything about the look of it, she went off on a tangent about starting her own dumpster company. If she did, apparently she’d paint them pink and make them glittery. As long as my brothers aren’t stealing paint for her again, then she can do whatever she wants, and I wouldn’t put it past her to start a dumpster company in the near future. Eventually, she ran out of steam and waddled back home to do more research into the matter.
At the sound of a soft cry, I whip around and scan the street. Seda, head bowed, darts up the steps into Caleb’s house.
“Seda?” I hurry after her, the floors a secondary concern now.
I don’t catch up to her until she’s throwing herself across her pink bedspread.
“Seda, sweetie, what’s wrong?”
She wraps her arms around her pillow, her face damp with tears.
“He… h-he was k-kissing another g-girl,” she chokes out between sobs.
“Who was, sweetie?” I smooth her tangled hair back from her forehead. She looks like she ran all the way here from her bus stop at the end of the block.
“Q-Quinn.” She wipes at her face.
Oh, God.
“Well, he’s almost fifteen,” I hedge. “He’s about the right age to start dating, I guess, and?—”
“They’re supposed to wait for me,” she wails.
I cover my face with my hands and focus on breathing while I sort through that statement. “You like both of them?”
“Yes,” she sniffles. “They’re so cute and nice and?—”
Shit. I figured she was sweet on one of them, and I mean, they’re identical, so I guess I kind of get it, but she’s really gone all in on her first crush… crushes.
Why did it have to be my brothers?
“Well, they’re a good bit older than you and?—”
“I don’t care.” She wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands.
My heart aches for her. Young love and first crushes don’t always make sense, but the emotions that accompany them can be strong.
“Casen doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he?” she asks, her voice rising in panic.
“Um…” Chest pinching, I shake my head. “Not that I know of.”
Then again, I didn’t know Quinn even liked a girl, let alone was close enough to one to be kissing her. Though since the awkward condom conversation that I’m sure will haunt me for the rest of eternity, I’ve steered clear of asking about their love lives.
“Why couldn’t he kiss me first?” she cries, eyes pleading.
“Umm…” I worry my bottom lip, wishing Caleb were here to handle this. “You’re ten, and they’re almost fifteen, so?—”
“And I’m almost eleven.”
“Yeah, but right now, a four-year age difference is a big deal. Once you’re adults, age gaps like that aren’t as big an issue.”
Her eyes widen in a mix of excitement and horror. “You mean I still have a chance with them, but not until I’m twenty?”
I’m not going to touch on the them part of that question, deciding to assume she means that she might have a chance with one of them. Surely that’s what she means, right?
“Um, yeah.” I heave a breath. It’s better to reassure her than crush her spirit even more, right?
Still sniffling, she says, “My mom is running errands. Is it okay if I hang out here until she gets home?”
“Yeah, sweetie. That’s fine. Do you want a snack?”
“No,” she sighs. “I just want to lay here and listen to sad music.”
“Oh.” I stand slowly. “Just holler for me if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” She gives one last sniffle. “And thank you for talking to me.”
“Mhm,” I hum, easing out of the room. “You’re welcome.”
I shut her door quietly behind me and let out a deep breath. Then I pray that this crush passes quickly. For all our sakes.
Despite my better judgment, the second Quinn steps into the house, I blurt out, “Who’s the girl you were kissing? ”
“Jesus.” He slaps a hand to his chest. “Where did you come from?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I ask.
Casen shuffles in behind him. He’s doing much better with his crutches, but they still slow him down. He refuses to let me take him or pick him up from school anymore, but from the look of things, getting home from the bus stop is a chore. He makes it over to the couch and drops down onto it, backpack and shoes still on. When the crutches clatter to the floor, no one bats an eye. It’s a regular occurrence anymore.
“Sort of,” Quinn answers. “How do you know?”
“Seda saw you kissing a girl.”
Shit, the words are out before I can stop them. The last thing I want is to throw her under the bus, but it’s too late to backpedal now.
“Oh,” he breathes, his dark eyes going soft. “Is she… okay?”
Casen snorts, sprawled out like a starfish. “Probably not.”
I wince. Looks like they’re not oblivious to her crush.
“She came home crying. She’s upstairs right now.”
Quinn rubs his jaw. “Crap. I should probably go talk to her.”
I frown, stepping in front of him. “Do you think that’s best?”
Casen hauls himself up to one foot. “Nah, I’ll talk to her.”
Hands thrown up, I surrender to their discretion. “Do whatever you guys think is best. ”
I leave them to work it out while I start dinner. Caleb’s in Boston, so we’re on our own. I’ve always fought the idea of becoming dependent on a man, and I like to think I’m still self-sufficient, but I miss him when he’s not around. Being in love can be quite annoying in that way.
I’m halfway through making dinner when Seda comes downstairs without the boys.
“Hey, sweetie.” I blow an errant hair out of my eyes. “How are you feeling now?”
“Better.” She gives me a small smile. Though her eyes are puffy, her face is no longer blotchy.
“Do you want to stay with us for dinner?”
She pulls out one of the barstools and clambers up onto it. “What are you making?”
I peek into the oven, then straighten and turn to her. “Pork chops with mashed potatoes, green beans, and rolls.”
With a shrug, she traces a line in the marble countertop. “Sounds good, sure. My dad is staying in Boston tonight.”
“Yeah, I know.” I turn my back to take the mashed potatoes out of the microwave and give them a good stir. No homemade potatoes here tonight. I don’t have time for that. When they’re fluffy, I set them on a potholder and face her again.
“Do you miss him?” She balances on her knees, elbow on the counter with her chin in her hand. She looks so much like her mother it actually stuns me for a moment.
I give her a soft smile. “Of course I miss him.”
“Good.”
I can’t help but laugh. “What would you do if I said I didn’t miss him? ”
She doesn’t hesitate. “I’d tell him.”
A louder laugh escapes me. “You’re protective of your dad, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” she says easily. “He’s one of my favorite people.”
My chest warms at the sentiment. It’s incredible that, despite the unusual circumstances, Caleb, Salem, and Thayer have managed to come together to raise this spectacular child.
When dinner is ready, I make up plates for all four of us and call for the boys to join us.
As Casen comes down the stairs on his butt—finding it much easier than hobbling precariously from one to another—it’s hard not to wish time would move more quickly so he can be cast-free again. At his follow-up, the doctor was hopeful he could be in a walking boot before Christmas.
Christmas.
The holiday is only a few weeks away, and I haven’t bought a single gift. My brothers will be easy enough to shop for, but Caleb? I’ve yet to figure out what to get the man who has everything.
Seda heads home after dinner and my brothers shock me by asking me to watch a movie with them. Armed with bowls of ice cream, we lounge on the couch to watch a racing movie I’ve never heard of. It’s not my kind of thing, but I’m happy to be included.
Rather than focus on the movie, I study them. They’re turning into pretty decent young men, and with any luck, I won’t fuck this whole thing up.
They’re at a pivotal point in their lives, and they’re stuck with their older sister as their only parental figure. I’m not sure how well that bodes for them.
When the movie is over, the boys settle in for the night, and after I’ve washed my face and changed into pajamas, I check on them, standing in the doorway, close to tears. I might not be a mother yet, but I’ve played a part in raising my brothers since they were newborns. In a month, they’ll be fifteen. Before I know it, they’ll be driving. Then eighteen is around the corner. And with these milestones will come girls, cars, jobs, maybe even college. They’ll live entire lives.
Casen catches me in the doorway as he adjusts the pillow behind his head. “Oh no, Quinn. She’s doing it.”
“Doing what?” Quinn asks, rolling over and groans. “Halle, stop reminiscing. It makes you all teary, and we’re not good with tears and shit.”
“I’m fine,” I say, the choked words belying the sentiment. “Just thinking about how quickly you guys are growing up.”
“Yeah.” Quinn throws his arms out to his sides. “You’re reminiscing.”
With a sniffle, I say, “Good night, losers. Love you.”
“Love you,” they echo as I close their door.
Down the hall, I step into the room I’ve been staying in. But halfway to the bed, I turn on my heel. Then I head straight to Caleb’s. Tucked beneath the covers, I pull his pillow against my chest, letting his scent engulf me like a cozy blanket, and fall right to sleep.