45. Caleb
CHAPTER 45
CALEB
S lowly, I blink into awareness.
The room around me is dark, but the beeping is loud. And it feels like I’ve been run over by a truck… or shot.
Second by second, the details creep back into my memory.
Yesterday was supposed to be the best day of my life, and it was, until…
An image of Freya and the crazed look in her eyes appears in my mind. It makes my chest ache, knowing how angry she was at Halle. The boys. I’d take the bullet a million times over if it meant keeping them safe, but I know Halle and the twins must be feeling awful.
Halle .
It’s then that I search for her. She’s still holding my hand. No wonder it’s warmer than the rest of my body. Eyes closed, she’s slumped partially onto the mattress, still wearing that blue dress.
Fuck, she has to be cold.
Little by little, I work one of my blankets off and drape it over her. Each move, no matter how small, is excruciating.
Wincing, I push the button that’s supposed to dispense more pain killers through my IV.
Less than a minute later, a nurse comes in. “Hey.” She disinfects her hands at the antibacterial pump in the wall. “I noticed you pushed the pain button. I thought I’d check on you since you’re awake. I take it you’re feeling some pain.”
“Yeah,” I groan.
After the work I did to cover Halle, I’ve broken into a sweat.
Her eyes follow mine to my wife, and she sighs. “Let’s try not to do anything strenuous, okay? You just had surgery.”
“Can’t help it,” I mutter.
“I’m going to get your temperature and blood pressure. They should be coming by for blood work in the next hour or so.”
I let her do what she needs to do, thankful when the pain medicine kicks in, even if it makes me groggy.
“Let me get another blanket or two,” she says when she’s done with all her checks .
When she returns, she lays one blanket over me and another on Halle.
I can barely keep my eyes open as I whisper, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Hit the call button if you need me.”
I’m out before she leaves the room, but Halle and I both stir when a phlebotomist arrives to draw blood.
When they’re gone, Halle touches my cheek, looking at me like she can’t quite believe I’m here.
“How are you feeling?” she asks.
“Like I’m not going to let a little bullet wound slow me down.”
She rolls her eyes, even as they mist over. “Caleb.”
“I’m serious.” I grasp her hand, grateful for the feel of her fingers as she wraps them around mine. “This is nothing.”
“You were shot . I wouldn’t call that nothing.”
With my free hand, I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, after a lot of blood loss and surgery.” She sniffles. “What if?—”
“Let’s not dwell on the what-ifs. What-ifs are the thief of joy. All that matters is that I’m alive.”
Halle gives a soft laugh. “I admire your ability to be optimistic in even the worst circumstances.”
My lips twitch. “One of us has to be.”
She shakes her head. “A couple of days ago, my brothers told me that you look at me like you’d jump in front of a bullet for me. I just didn’t think you’d literally put that theory to the test, especially so soon. ”
I break into a genuine smile. I appreciate her attempt at levity. “Baby, when are you going to realize that you’re my world? I’d do anything for you.”
She leans over, pressing her forehead to mine. “I love you.”
I don’t say it back, because she already knows.
Seda’s hug is downright bone-crushing. It’s excruciating, really, but I don’t dare let my little girl go. I can’t even think about what kind of hell she went through yesterday.
She cries into my shoulder, my hospital gown wet with her tears.
“You gave us all quite the scare,” Salem says from the end of my bed.
“You really didn’t have to test how much we care about you by getting shot.” Thayer levels me with a stern look.
“Seda, sweetheart?” I say when her tears haven’t slowed. “Daddy’s okay. I promise.”
“I thought you died ,” she sobs.
I wince. I can’t imagine what was going through my little girl’s head yesterday, how hard it must have been on her, on everyone.
“I’m okay,” I say, gently stroking her hair. “I had surgery and I’m good as new.”
“I was so scared,” she says. “But Casen and Quinn kept me safe. They shoved me behind a table.”
My heart thumps heavily in my chest. I’ll have to remember to thank them for that, even if it was incredibly stupid of them to try to approach their gun-wielding mother.
When Seda finally lets me go, she wags a finger in front of my face. “Don’t you ever get hurt again, Daddy. Promise?”
I pull her closer and kiss her cheek, but I don’t make that promise. Any number of things can happen to a person, and I don’t want her to ever think I’d break a promise.
“I love you, sweet girl.”
“Love you too.”
When she hugs me again, I can’t help the groan that slips out of me.
“Seda, I think you’re hugging too tight.” Salem gently tugs our daughter’s shoulders, pulling her back. To me, she says, “Did Halle tell you your parents are here?”
I nod. Before my wife left to go home to shower and change—after much convincing on my part—she mentioned that my parents were in the waiting area. It might be selfish, but I have no interest in seeing them. But as a parent myself, I don’t have it in me to turn them away.
“Should I send them back?” Salem asks.
I give a wooden nod. There’s no telling how this will go.
“We’ll see you when you bust out of here,” Thayer says, giving my foot a light tap.
“I’ll see you soon,” I tell Seda. “I promise.”
That’s a promise I can keep.
She nods, wiping at her face. “Okay.”
Once Seda has followed Thayer out, Salem rests a hand on mine. “I don’t know what any of us would’ve done if we’d lost you. I hope you know how much we all care about you.”
I turn my hand over and give hers a squeeze. “I know.”
She gives me a watery smile. “Good. I’ll let your parents know they can come back.”
I nod and take a moment to brace myself for their appearance. Chances are, this visit will leave me feeling emotionally drained.
All too soon, they’re both standing in the doorway, peering in.
Annoyance leaches into my tone as I adjust my position in the bed. “You might as well stop staring and get in here.”
My mom rushes forward, a cry ripping out of her throat. She opens her arms wide to hug me, but I shake my head and weakly hold up an arm.
“No, don’t.”
I’m doing a kindness by allowing them in to visit. I don’t owe them any affection. For years, I’ve put up with their shit, and I’ve been more patient and understanding than they deserve.
“I…” Her hands float down and rest listlessly at her side. “I guess I deserve that.”
“You do.” I don’t bother to soften the blow. “You’ve been nothing but judgmental of my life choices for years. You ridiculed my ex endlessly, you’ve never accepted Seda, and now that I’ve met someone else, you’re repeating the cycle. You never learn, and frankly, I’m tired of giving you second, third, and hundredth chances. You’ve shown me over and over that you’ll never change, and I finally believe you. I won’t continue to make the people I love endure your ridicule. It’s gone on long enough.”
“Caleb—” she starts.
I shake my head. “I’m serious, Mom.”
Her hands hover near me like she wants to touch me but knows if she does, I’m likely to blow up. “I understand, Caleb, I do but?—”
“You don’t, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. There are no buts to be had. No more excuses. I mean it.”
“I’ve just always wanted what’s best for you.” She sniffles.
“What makes you think you know what’s best for my life? You’re my mom. You’re supposed to be there to support me. Not make my decisions for me. I decide who I want in my life. Not you.”
She brushes her short hair behind each ear. It’s a nervous tic. She only ever messes with her hair when she’s uneasy.
“I’m not a kid anymore,” I remind her. “I’m an adult, and I’m fully capable of making my own decisions. My life choices are mine to make.”
“I…” She rubs her hands down her shirt. “You don’t understand. It’s so hard being a parent?—”
Irritation washes over me, making every cell in my body hurt. Despite the pain, I bark out a laugh. “I am a parent. You may refuse to accept that, but I am. Seda is my daughter in every way that matters.”
She winces. “Right. I…”
“Forget?” I supply for her. “Even though Seda has been my daughter for ten years? ”
“It’s just hard for me to accept,” she admits.
“It shouldn’t be,” I argue. “All I’ve ever asked is for you to follow my lead, and you didn’t.”
“You lied to us for a long time,” my dad interjects. “You said she was yours.”
Annoyance flares in my veins. All I’m doing is repeating myself over and over and getting nowhere.
“Yes, because she is mine. I chose her. Do you not understand that? Blood is nothing. I lied, if you want to call it that, because I knew you’d behave like this. And let’s be candid. You didn’t exactly embrace her even when you thought she was my biological child because of your dislike of Salem. Both of you are pathetic.”
My mom rears back like I’ve slapped her, but it’s about time I told them. I’ve tiptoed around, avoiding outright hurting their feelings for too long. I should’ve stood up to them a long time ago.
“I’m tired of being nice,” I go on. “Of always placating your feelings. What about my feelings?”
She exhales a shaky breath, and at the foot of my bed, my dad bows his head, his focus set on the floor.
“I’ll give you guys one last chance to do things right even if, frankly, it’s more than you deserve. But the second you insult my wife or her family or my child, I’ll fully cut you out of my life without a second thought.”
My mom nods and reaches for my hand. This time I let her touch me.
As much as I’d like to believe that things will be better moving forward, I’m not optimistic. But at least I’ve said my piece. That’s all I can do. The rest is up to them.