Chapter 7 #2
While I was securing funds to pay for my education, my parents bought an engagement ring and gave it to Kavia.
Our engagement party was planned, and the invitations were sent out.
Everything moved so fast, and I could barely keep up.
I planned to attend the party to call everything off, then come to you and tell you everything.
Unfortunately, you found out before I was able to follow through with my plan.
Sometimes the aching in my heart is unbearable because I miss you so fucking much.
This week, being in your presence and unable to talk and laugh with you, hold, kiss, and make love to you has all but killed me.
I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to behave myself.
You may be too stubborn to admit it, but I know it’s been hard for you too.
If you can’t forgive me and want to finish your six months, go back home, and continue to pretend like we never happened, I’ll let you do so in peace. It will hurt like hell, but ultimately, I want you to be happy.
If you reach out, I’ll assume it’s because you want us, and I want you to understand that it’s all gas, no brakes. I’m moving full speed ahead to secure our future. We will get married. We will start a family. We will have our happily ever after. Don’t make me wait too long.
I love you, Sweetness.
His nickname for me always made me blush. Tears blurred my vision, and I was surprised the ink hadn’t bled and the pages were still intact, because they were soaked with thirteen years’ worth of tears. After reading the last line, I couldn’t find my words as tears continued to fall.
Devyn gave me the time I needed and remained on FaceTime with me. She didn’t speak until my sobs had slowed, and the first thing she said was, “Wash your face, get some water, and come back so we can talk about how you feel.”
I did exactly what my friend recommended, and when I returned to my phone, she didn’t rush me to speak. I appreciated her patience because every time I thought I was ready to talk, my eyes became teary.
“That was a lot,” I finally said.
“It was, and it may take time to process your feelings.”
“I don’t think so. I know how I feel.”
“Do you feel like sharing? No pressure, sis.”
“He chose me, but I didn’t give him a chance to explain. If I had just listened, things would be so different.”
“It was a horrible misunderstanding. Anyone would’ve reacted the way you did. Don’t start blaming yourself.”
“But it’s my—”
“No, Nae. Don’t say it. Shit happens for reasons we’ll never understand. Blaming yourself won’t change anything about this situation.”
“I know, but—”
“What you’re not about to do is have a pity party over decisions you made as a twenty-three-year-old. You now have the information you need to make an informed decision, and based on that letter, Phyre is still madly in love with you.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“It ain’t about what I think. What’s your heart telling you?”
“To reach out to him.”
“Follow your heart.”
“What if my pussy is talking too?”
She fell out laughing before responding. “What’s she saying?”
“I don’t think you wanna know, sis, but just know, if he comes here, it’s above me.”
“Listen, you’re talking to a woman whose husband was once her ex’s best friend. I am not one to judge. Let that pussy talk.”
“Good. I don’t want you to be surprised tomorrow when I tell you I got my back blown out. It’s been hell fighting my attraction to him this week.”
“Oh, you ain’t playing, and I don’t want to hold you up any longer. I’m here if you need me, but I have one question.”
“What is it?”
“Do you still love him?”
My response was immediate. “I never stopped.”
“Enough said, and I’m glad you’re not in denial. We only live once. If he’s your person, don’t waste any more time being mad.”
“Thank you for sitting through that with me and just being here for me in general. This week has been more than I was ready for.”
“Always, sis. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Our FaceTime call ended, and I was met with background noise from the television, which I’d forgotten was on. I used the remote to mute it and sat with my thoughts for a few minutes. I was ready to have a civil conversation with Phyre, and I was as nervous as I was excited.
He was the only man I’d ever loved, and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to love again. I simply didn’t think I was capable of putting my heart out there to try love again. The risk was too great, and I couldn’t bear to have my heart broken, not even one more time.
Finally, I picked up my phone and went to Phyre’s contact information. He’d insisted that we exchange numbers so he could add me to the group text with everyone else who worked in his office. Surprisingly, he hadn’t used my number for anything outside of the group texts he’d sent.
I took a deep breath as I started the text thread, staring at my phone for several minutes without typing a word because I had no idea what to say. Before I chickened out, I quickly typed the first thing that came to mind.
Me:
It’s me.
Phyre:
I’m on my way.
I gasped at how quickly I received his response and giggled at what he said.
He had to have been waiting to hear from me.
When I read his message, my nervousness increased tenfold.
I wasn’t nearly as nervous when I found out I’d been assigned to his office.
The thought of being alone with him and the possibility of what could happen made my nipples tingle and my pussy throb.
“Calm down, girl. It’s just a conversation.”
I paced in front of the couch, grateful I had time to get myself together before Phyre arrived. The pacing didn’t help, so I wrapped up what was left of my dinner, put it in the refrigerator, and lit a few candles. When the buzzer sounded, I could’ve peed my pants.
“This can’t be him. Has it even been five minutes?”
I slowly walked to the monitor and looked at the screen.
“You’re kidding me!” I exclaimed in a whisper, as if Phyre could hear me if I spoke in my regular voice. “Was he already outside? Shit! Has he been waiting outside this whole time?”
As I pondered those questions, I pressed the button to allow him entry and tried not to lose it while I waited for him to knock on the door. I heard his footsteps coming down the hall and held my breath until he knocked twice.
“Oh, God. Please help me.” I pleaded with the Lord with my hand on the doorknob.