Chapter 17
Seventeen
AMbrOSE
I was back to watching Godr in the field a few days later when I had an unexpected visitor.
“Ambrose?”
Finn’s shy voice drew my attention, and I pushed off of where I’d been leaning against the fence to look at him.
We’d just seen each other that morning for the group lessons we always had after breakfast. I hadn’t expected to see him again until after lunch.
He was a sweet man, still shy even though we’d spent the better part of the last two weeks together.
I felt oddly protective over him. Someone that sweet needed to be protected.
Thankfully, the man he’d bonded with was more than up to the job. He was downright terrifying most days.
“Hey. What’s up?”
He twisted his fingers, looking a little nervous as he said, “Me and the other male tributes have sort of formed a little group. We sit and talk to each other, share our experiences, that kind of thing. I was wondering if you’d like to eat with us tonight.”
I wanted to refuse. Thus far, no one had figured out I wasn’t actually interested in men.
A male tribute’s job was to provide companionship for a barbarian who wasn’t interested in women.
I’d limited my time with the other tributes in the hope of avoiding the conversation, and only spoke in the barbarian language since they couldn’t ask me anything complicated when we were practicing.
Up until now, I’d only ever eaten meals with Godr in his tent.
I saw the clan in short bursts, not sitting down for a full conversation.
I was worried what would happen if someone found out how I truly felt.
The thing with Godr was… a misunderstanding. It didn’t change my opinion on relationships.
After weeks of thinking the same thing, I was almost tired of the lie in that statement.
I’d been embarrassingly aware of the man sleeping next to me at night, and I looked forward to the cold river baths to cool my heated skin when I woke up hard each morning.
It didn’t help that Godr had no shame and washed next to me like he hadn’t been intimate with me before.
Like I hadn’t felt his mouth on mine, heard what he sounded like when he came.
Maybe a distraction would be a good thing.
Aside from when I was learning with Finn or taking a few moments here and there to help Zoya, Godr and I were basically attached at the hip.
As he was my protector, I was expected to stick close, even if he didn’t hover like other protectors did.
He was a playful tease, ensuring I took breaks and relaxed when he noticed I was rubbing my temples from working too hard.
It was getting harder and harder to ignore the way my stomach flipped when he touched me, or the urge I had to lean in when he got close.
A little break might help me get my head on straight.
“Sure. Where?”
“We’ve mostly been gathering around the fighter’s fire,” he said with a shrug. “It’s smaller and gives us some privacy. Godr knows where.”
I nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
And maybe after talking to these guys, I could figure out how to at least pretend to be the companion my next clan wanted me to be.
What were the chances the barbarian I ended up with would be as kind and sweet as Godr?
My chest hurt just thinking about it, and I almost wanted to tell the truth of my interests just to avoid having to pretend again.
Finn left after a little language practice focused on what I’d learned from Godr over the last few weeks.
We talked about the horses, and I told him I liked to ride and that Godr was teaching me.
All simple sentences, but Finn seemed pleased with my progress and smiled brightly before leaving to find his bondmate.
They didn’t call them husbands here—I’d learned that in the first few days—and some got grumpy if you referred to them as anything other than bondmate.
That lesson I’d learned the hard way when Einar overheard me and barked at me.
Godr’s walk finally brought him to where I was watching him, and he pulled the young horse’s mane to get him to stop.
There were a few moments of psychological warfare, where the horse tried to fight the command, but Godr remained steady, and eventually the horse stopped and stood petulantly where Godr asked him to.
“Ambrose. Was that Finn?”
I hummed and nodded, putting out my hand expectantly. Godr smirked and pulled a treat from one of his pouches to toss to me. I hopped the fence, offering the piece of apple to the young horse, who seemed pleased with the treat.
“What did Finn want?”
I formed the words carefully in my mind before answering, “To eat by him.”
Godr cocked his head, eyes narrowed as he took in the sentence. “For you to join him for a meal?”
That sounded better than what I’d said. I wouldn’t say I was perfect with my speaking yet, though Finn said I was picking it up faster than most of the other tributes. I understood more than I could recreate with the language. I nodded. “Yes. Tonight.”
Sliding off the horse’s back, he offered another treat before sending him on his way with a pat. The young horse didn’t hesitate to take his freedom, running off without a backward glance. Godr huffed, giving an amused shake of his head.
“He acts like he is—” He finished with a word I didn’t know, and when I frowned at him, he corrected himself. “Like this is a bad place. He is happy here most days. What more does he want?”
Glancing at where the young horse was running free, gathering a few friends to run alongside him, I bit back my reply.
I didn't have the right words to express myself, and even if I did, I didn’t want to say them to Godr. He’d done everything in his power to make me comfortable and happy since my arrival.
I didn’t want him to think I was ungrateful just because I felt for the horse. I wanted my freedom back too.
Godr led me into the field where two other barbarians were working with the horses.
One was checking hooves for rocks while another was checking ears.
Godr had introduced me to them after I’d finally begun my language learning.
Ferarn was kind; he had a bondmate and a young son that he sometimes brought to the field with him to introduce him to the horses.
Drin… didn’t like me. It was clear with every dirty look he gave me whenever I was nearby.
I found I didn’t like him much either. He constantly flirted with Godr, and despite telling myself Godr could do as he pleased, it still bothered me.
I approached Ferarn, peering over his shoulder at where he was picking a rock out of the horse’s hoof.
“Does that hurt?”
He glanced at me for a second before giving his attention back to the horse. “Not if careful. The rock hurts more.”
That made sense. He showed me how to check the next hoof mostly by pointing. He kept his sentences as simple as he could, but I could tell sometimes he struggled to come up with simple ways to explain things to me. He tried, though, and that was all that mattered.
“You can check Rhoddgorr? He will bite me.”
I snorted and nodded, straightening to look around for the horse known amongst these men as ‘the big bastard’.
I’d had to get Uttin to translate that word for me since Finn was uncomfortable with the foul language.
For some reason, Rhoddgorr only liked me, and once I’d started brushing the horses, he only ever let me take care of him.
He stood in the middle of the field surrounded by other horses, one of the biggest in the herd, a sleek black from nose to tail.
When I approached him, he eyed me expectantly.
I chuckled, opening the treat bag I’d snagged from Godr before heading over and offering him a carrot.
“I need to check your hooves. Bear with me, I’ve only just learned how.”
He always acted like he understood me. He didn't seem to care which language I spoke in, either, which was curious.
I ran my hand down his leg, lifting at the place Ferarn instructed to check the massive hoof for any stones.
The first three were fine, but there was a stone stuck in the back one, and my hands shook as I tried to get it out. I didn't want to hurt him.
Strong arms came around me, Godr’s sun-kissed hands guiding mine in the motion that was best to remove the stone.
“He is patient with you,” he murmured as he helped me pick the stone free. “You have a way with stallions.”
My breath caught in my chest, and my body buzzed where he touched me.
We’d kept things friendly since the misunderstanding, shoulder bumps and playful pushes.
Even at night when we slept in the same bed, he made sure to keep space between us.
I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to touch me until his arms were around me again.
Looking at him over my shoulder, I felt my breath catch. He was so damn close.
His eyes dropped to my mouth, and his brows drew together, his words barely audible as he asked, “Can I?—”
“Godr!” Drin’s voice broke the moment, and I jumped away, nearly stumbling into Rhoddgorr in my haste to put some space between us.
Godr looked just as flustered, his arms still out like he wanted to draw me into them again. It hit me hard that I wanted the same. I’d successfully suppressed my feelings until he was pressed up against me again and the flood of want crashed into me in a rush.
“Godr…” I murmured, torn about what I wanted to say. I didn’t know how to talk about it. It’d been years since I’d admitted I wanted someone.
Drin stepped between us before I could figure it out. He put his hands on Godr’s chest, smiling cheekily at him. “I need your help. I think mama will foal soon.”
I could see the open conflict on Godr’s face, but I knew how much the horses mattered to him. He talked to them like they could understand him. I didn’t want to stop him from doing what he loved.
“Go ahead. I stay with Rhoddgorr for a little while, sound okay?”
That drew a twisted expression from Godr that made me smile. “If it were anyone else, I would warn against it. He is enamored with you, so I trust him to behave. I’ll… be right back.”
Drin shot me a sneer over his shoulder as he followed Godr away, throwing an arm around his waist in what could probably be seen as a friendly gesture if I didn’t know better. I scowled to myself, leaning against Rhoddgorr as he pressed against my back.
“I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like that guy.”
Rhoddgorr nickered in what sounded like agreement. I turned to face him, studying his long face. “Godr says you can understand me. If you can, maybe you can tell me what to do. I… I’ve never been interested in men. But I’ve found myself unable to look away. What do I do?”
If he had an answer, he didn’t provide it. He just bumped his nose against me, making me stumble a little. Huffing out a laugh, I threw my arms around his neck, just soaking in his warmth.
“I think I might miss him when I go…”