Chapter 9 #3
In Brynn’s defense, she hadn’t ever slept with a woman.
Hallie tried to figure out the best way to phrase this.
She decided on fairly clinical language, which she felt Brynn would appreciate.
“Well, it’s not always true, but I’ve found that women, more than men, have been better sexual partners.
” She unthinkingly tacked on, “When I sleep with women, it’s more of a marathon, not a sprint, if you know what I mean. ”
And it was something that she did, at times, miss. It was a true tragedy that she had to put herself out there if she wanted someone else causing her orgasms.
Thus far, the juice hadn’t been worth the squeeze.
Brynn seemed to consider Hallie’s words with a slight blush. “I loved Gregory, but it was clear that there was a mismatch there. And Grant—”
Hallie held her hand up. “I cannot believe that the women in my life put up with him as a sexual or romantic partner for as long as they did. I don’t even need to hear whatever you’re about to say because I know that old dog was too lazy to learn any new tricks.
” She made a gagging sound for good measure.
Brynn laughed. “Yeah. He didn’t exactly rock my world. But to be fair…” She quieted then, and Hallie could feel the conversation taking on a more serious note. “I guess what I’m asking is…”
Talking about sex was healthy, and she didn’t want Brynn to feel otherwise. “I’m going to need you to spit out whatever it is that you’re chewing on because it could be anything from kinks to cunnilingus, fetishes to fellatio, and I have no idea where we land in between that.”
“I’m not sure if I’ve ever orgasmed,” Brynn said quietly.
She placed both sweaters down on the bed.
Her makeup and hair were already done, but she was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, which only added to the vulnerability of the moment.
“I mean, I think I have? Only, I guess that I’m not sure. ”
“With Gregory or Grant?” Hallie clarified. It could be difficult to come with a partner. That wasn’t a problem for Hallie, but she knew that each body worked differently.
“Like, at all,” Brynn responded meekly, sitting down on the bed next to her.
Her skin was still a little flushed from her admission when she added, big eyes trained on Hallie, “But maybe I did. I followed all the steps when I was alone, too. And it felt good. But the way people talk about them… Do you ever feel like there’s something that you’re missing?
Like everyone can see a color that you can’t?
It feels like the more I try, the less confident I am. ”
Hallie let out a soft grunt, her fingers digging into the comforter, instinctively looking for purchase.
This was fine. Conversations between friends about sex were perfectly normal.
Healthy, she reminded herself. Only, she’d never felt this way when discussing sex with anyone else.
And she definitely didn’t dare clarify how often Brynn had been trying.
Possibly in this very room. In this very bed they were currently sitting on.
Why was she feeling so out of breath? It was like she’d been sprinting in the freezing cold.
All she could think about—besides the fact that she needed to put a stop to this conversation right now—was that she felt restless, a need to stand overtaking her.
To move. To do anything to change the tempo of the moment.
But she didn’t do any of that. Instead, she was rooted in place on the bed, unable to look away from Brynn’s piercing stare.
And she’d have been fine, honestly. She could have pushed through this moment, or whatever she’d call it when she looked back on this conversation, except that, of course, Brynn had decided to recite what exactly people said about orgasms. Hallie would have usually found this endearing, but Brynn’s voice had this throaty timbre Hallie hadn’t heard before, a timbre that sent prickling shocks through her body.
“Toe tingling. Body shaking. Rapid breathing. All-encompassing, like your muscles are aching and straining at the same time. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt that…
” And then Brynn bit her lip, looking at Hallie for some type of explanation.
Heat sank into Hallie’s chest, and she was unprepared for how quickly the sensation overtook her. This reaction, especially because it was in response to Brynn discussing her masturbation tactics, was not ideal. Hell, it was not even close to okay. At all.
Brynn was a friend. A roommate. A person Hallie had really come to enjoy spending time with.
Wondering what exact steps Brynn had taken to try and make herself come or how, exactly, Brynn experienced an orgasm was not a path she could afford to go down.
Especially not after whatever the hell it was she and Reese had discussed earlier tonight.
But it didn’t change the fact that she was hot all over. Suddenly, that restless feeling was back as Brynn’s words played on a loop in her brain.
She knew, with every fiber of her being, that being attracted to Brynn was a bad idea. It would fuck up Hallie’s life. It would fuck up Reese’s life. And, by extension, it would also fuck up Sydney’s life.
Not to mention whatever it would do to Brynn’s life, when Brynn seemed like she was finally finding her footing.
But her body wasn’t getting the message.
It was on its own journey right now, her brain be damned.
It had been so long since Hallie had felt a connection to another person, sexual or otherwise, and it had sparked to life at the most inconvenient time, the two of them alone in Brynn’s bedroom, sitting on a bed that was just begging for both of their bodies to lie flat against the mattress.
She resoundingly didn’t want to be feeling this feeling, which was annoying because it did feel really, really good, especially because Brynn was the one who had caused it. Every nerve ending had come alive, her traitorous body scooting closer to Brynn on the bed.
But she wasn’t an animal. She could keep her impulses in check, even if it was causing her a not-insignificant degree of discomfort when she refused to reach out and take Brynn’s hand to comfort her, like she usually would.
Any touch right now was a bad idea. Even her lust-addled brain could process that.
Still, her own misfortune aside, she wasn’t going to leave Brynn hanging—conversationally, of course. She was looking at her so openly, patiently waiting for Hallie to respond.
“If you had an orgasm, you’d know,” Hallie whispered into the space between them.
Brynn tipped her head to the side. Then, infuriatingly, for Hallie, at least, she pulled her lip in between her teeth and sucked on it gently. “I wonder if I’m doing it wrong,” she finally voiced out loud.
The heat was back in full force, rolling through Hallie’s body.
She was along for the ride but not in the driver’s seat.
Who said things like that? With that tone?
If it had been anyone else, sitting on their bed and hypothetically talking about getting themselves off with such descriptive language, she’d have assumed they were flirting with her.
Hell, she’d have known they were flirting with her.
But with Brynn, she knew that wasn’t the case. Brynn was genuinely, 100 percent looking for support to better understand this part of life that currently escaped her.
And, for the last few weeks, Hallie had become that person for Brynn. A guide. A mentor. It was really coming back to bite her in the ass right now.
Hallie let out a silent scream, followed by an audible groan that prompted Brynn to grab her hand, interlacing their fingers.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked quietly, her gaze connecting with Hallie’s. Hallie was feeling more like a trapped, feral animal by the second.
“No, Brynn. You didn’t do anything wrong.
” She wanted to quell any doubt that Brynn had.
About anything, really. Which was the only reason she was able to get her next words out.
“Everyone’s bodies work differently. Some people need more romantic stimulation.
Some people use toys. There’s no one-size-fits-all to feeling good. ”
She was so fucking proud of herself for not thinking about Brynn, specifically, with a vibrator when Brynn insisted, “No, I mean are you okay?”
Hallie’s eyes went wide. How much of her desire was written across her face?
Did Brynn understand that that’s what she was seeing reflected in Hallie’s stare?
“I’m fine. It’s hot in here. Maybe the furnace is on the fritz again.
” A bad lie, but it was all that she could come up with on short notice.
Brynn raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Don’t furnaces usually fritz the other way?”
“I’m not an expert, Brynn,” she responded drolly.
“Maybe not in furnaces, but you’re an expert in a lot of other things. People. Online dating. Orgasms.” Because obviously Brynn would choose right now to compliment her. Hallie well and truly couldn’t catch a break.
“I wouldn’t call me an expert in any of those areas,” Hallie bit out, wondering if her chest was going to cave in on itself.
“Well, in that case, maybe you’re wrong about the orgasms thing. Maybe I have had one. You said that everyone’s body is different.”
Mentally, Hallie was begging, pleading with Brynn to stop this madness.
“Respectfully, Brynn, I don’t think you have. And that’s okay,” Hallie added quickly. She didn’t know why Brynn was pushing this so hard. Maybe to squash the last bits of sanity that were keeping Hallie tethered to reality. Though what Brynn’s endgame was was anyone’s guess.
“Well, we haven’t actually confirmed that’s not the case.”
Hallie groaned. Again. When did Brynn’s orgasms become a “we” conversation? And was Hallie now wildly interested in the idea of helping Brynn come? Yeah. Probably a little too much. But that was never going to happen. There was too much at stake.
“Maybe you’re right,” Hallie acquiesced, needing this conversation to be over. “You know your body better than I do.”
Cocking her head to the side, Brynn looked at Hallie with a surprisingly intense stare. “Are you placating me? I get that enough at home, and I’ve always appreciated that you’ve been honest with me. Haven’t you?”
Hallie missed the softness of Brynn’s fingers immediately. As in, her hand literally followed Brynn’s as she broke their connection. She didn’t look at Hallie; instead, she focused intently on the two sweaters.
She was right. In spite of the tumult coursing through Hallie, Brynn did deserve honesty, especially from someone she considered a friend.
“I don’t think I’m wrong,” Hallie ventured, “but it also doesn’t mean that I’m right. Bodies are so unique. I drew a conclusion based on what you told me, but no one knows your own body better than you do.” She let out a rush of air, proud of herself for getting that out in an almost even tone.
She was about to apologize, just in case Brynn felt like she’d minimized her feelings, but then Brynn pulled off her T-shirt. She was now standing next to the bed, wearing only a black bra and her sweatpants.
Hallie regretted letting out her last breath so quickly.
It was the stuff of Hallie’s homebody fantasies, a kink she hadn’t known she possessed until this moment.
Brynn’s smooth skin still had the slightest tan, and she had the cutest little freckles dotted along her stomach.
She was more toned than Hallie had expected, with long, lean lines of muscle running down her arms and across her shoulders.
In the dead of winter, Hallie hadn’t come close to seeing this much of Brynn on display.
And she was realizing what a blessing that had been until this moment.
She needed to act fast. The buzzy, out-of-control feeling was back. “You should wear this one,” Hallie said, pointing to the charcoal-colored sweater. “You were wearing it the first night we met.”
Brynn’s entire face broke out into a smile, and she ran her fingers lovingly along the material. “Feels like a lifetime ago that I got here.”
Until ten minutes ago, Hallie would have agreed, but now, she didn’t know what to think.
In some ways, it felt like Brynn had been here forever, like she’d always belonged in Stoneport and at The Stone’s Throw, and in other ways, namely in how Hallie’s body was reacting, everything was screaming “new” and “different” and “keep it together, woman.”
When Brynn finally picked the sweater up and pulled it over her head, Hallie kept her stare trained on the comforter. She couldn’t take any chances now. Especially when, from her peripheral, Hallie could see Brynn shimmy out of her sweats.
“How do I look?” Brynn asked, extending her arms out to her sides and doing a little spin.
Her black jeans hugged her slight hips perfectly, resting high on her waist. The V of her sweater fell low enough and was just slightly oversized, tilting to the side so that her collarbone was exposed.
Her blonde hair, which always looked great, had a little extra oompf, like she’d used some kind of styling product.
She could truly say, without a doubt, “You look beautiful, Brynn. Natalie is one very lucky woman.”
“We’ll see if she feels that way when I grill her about orgasms,” Brynn said.
The rush of jealousy that welled up inside of Hallie took her by surprise, so much so that she let out a strangled sound. It was an unreasonable emotion to have, she knew that. Brynn was literally going on a date with this woman. Ideally, if things went well, sex would become part of the scenario.
“I’m kidding,” Brynn laughed. “I am actually learning from your wisdom, Hallie.”
Immediately, Hallie softened. Her attraction aside, she wanted Brynn to be happy. “You shouldn’t change who you are to make someone else more comfortable. And if they want you to, they don’t deserve you. Let that be the most important lesson you learn from me.”
Because, in Hallie’s eyes, Brynn was perfect, just the way she was. And with that startling realization, Hallie was finally finding the motivation she needed to get out there and meet new people herself.
It wasn’t going to be long before Brynn met someone who also saw what was so clear to Hallie: that there was a magnetic, undeniable charm to Brynn’s trust and curiosity and kindness.
And, her own attraction be damned, Hallie was committed to doing everything that she could to help Brynn find it.