Chapter 21 #2
He broke off before the bile could choke him. Turning away from her, he looked out at the island. His island. He took several deep breaths, letting Atlantis’s sweet air calm him. Only Atlantis had the power to purge the pain of his mother’s treachery from him.
When he went on, he was thankful he sounded calmer.
“My father didn’t have much to give her, I warrant you.
He made a decent living, but nothing approaching the level she was used to.
When she knew him, he wasn’t a drunk, or so he told me.
He only started drinking after she deserted him.
” Anger crept into his voice once more. “Apparently, he had trouble understanding why a husband and a son didn’t compare to a huge house with fifty servants and diamond brooches the size of her delicate, noble-born fist.”
She was quiet a long time. When at last she spoke, her voice was a ragged whisper. “I’m not like her, Gideon. I know you think I am, but—”
“Don’t put words in my mouth!” He whirled on her, his fists clenched.
“Confound it, I know you’re not like her!
You’re nothing like her! Trust me, my mother would never have traveled with a crowd of convict women.
She wouldn’t have quoted Aristophanes to a pirate.
She would’ve fainted at the sight of that snake, and she would certainly never have helped put out a fire. ”
He dragged in a heavy breath as his gaze locked with hers. “But then, no other English noblewoman I’ve ever seen would have done those things either. Most of the earl’s wives and daughters who traveled on the ships I attacked showed little backbone and less intelligence.”
“Can you blame them? They were probably terrified.”
She said the words defensively, bringing a half-smile to his lips. That was just like Sara, to take up for a group of women she didn’t even know. “Perhaps. But you weren’t. You shook your fist at me and spoke your mind. Face it, Sara, you’re not the average English noblewoman.”
“But if you don’t . . . hate me for being what I am, why haven’t you . . . I mean. . .” She broke off, her cheeks glowing crimson.
He stared at her. Surely she wasn’t trying to say what he thought. “Why haven’t I what?” he said in a carefully modulated voice.
“Nothing.”
A keen disappointment lashed at him. “Why can’t you admit it? Why do you pretend you don’t want me and put us both through this torture?”
“Because it’s wrong for me to want you!” Thrusting a lock of hair out of her face, she cast him a look of sheer desperation. “I shouldn’t want you! It’s not right!”
“Why? Because you’re an earl’s daughter, and I’m just some dirty pirate?
” He felt as if she’d just reached in and dug out his insides with her dainty fingers.
Turning back to the window, he braced his hands on the sill.
“Maybe I was wrong about you, after all. With the women, you can forget they’re criminals and beneath your station. But with me—”
“That’s not what I meant! It’s just that . . . I mean . . .”
When she floundered, he ached worse than before. He felt her approach. She laid her hand on his arm, and he flinched. “Don’t,” he said in a harsh whisper. “If you can’t come to my bed, then don’t touch me.”
“But Gideon—”
Grabbing her hand, he turned and twisted it behind her back, jerking her up against his body. “Do you remember what you saw this morning? What I was doing by the stream? That’s what a man does when he’s got a need so deep he can’t satisfy it, when he wants a woman who doesn’t want him.”
“I do want you,” she whispered earnestly, the color high in her cheeks. “Truly, I do. You’re right. I want you so much I can hardly bear it.”
“But you wish you didn’t,” he bit out.
“Yes. I can’t deny it. I despise what you’ve done in your life, the ships you’ve taken by force and yes, the way you’ve kidnapped us. I can’t help that. I was brought up to believe such things are wrong.”
He stared at her, unable to say anything.
For the first time in his life, he felt guilt over the life he’d led.
He’d had reasons for leading such a life, true, and for most of his career, his government had sanctioned his actions.
But that didn’t make them any less wrong in her eyes.
And suddenly, he wished he could wipe those years away, if only for her.
“But no matter how much I tell myself it’s wrong to want you,” she went on softly, “I can’t stop myself. It’s as natural to me as . . . as—” A faint smile touched her lips. “As lecturing people about their sins. I want you more than anything. And I’m willing to forgive the rest because I do.”
Though his heart leapt at the words, he dared not believe them. “You say that only because you pity me for what my mother did. You’ve made it quite clear you don’t want a criminal in your bed, a man who had to kidnap women just to find a wife, a man who delights in stealing the jewels off—”
She cut off his bitter words with a kiss, pressing her sweet, lithe body against him as she caught him by the shoulders. He went still, his pulse thundering in his ears. “Sara,” he warned when she pulled back from him. “Don’t do this. You don’t know what you want.”
“Yes, I do.” She slid her fingers along the bare skin of his shoulders, her eyes a luminous, dusky brown in the fading afternoon light. “I want you to make love to me. You said I’d have to be the one to ask next time. Well, I’m asking.” Her voice trembled. “Make love to me, Gideon. Please?”
That sweet little “please” nearly undid him. His blood raced hot, but he didn’t move an inch. “That’s not enough for me anymore. I want you for my wife. That’s what I want. And if you can’t be that—”
“I can.” She seemed surprised by her answer. Then resolve crossed her face. “I will. I’ll marry you and help you make Atlantis into the kind of colony it deserves to be.”
He could scarcely believe what she was saying. How many times had he dreamed of this, hoped for this? Was his mind playing tricks on him?
“Will you marry me, Gideon Horn, dreaded pirate captain and lord of the seas?” she asked with mock solemnity, a smile tugging at her mouth.
In that instant, all his control broke. His answer was to drag her into his arms and take her mouth in a kiss he knew was too hard, too fierce.
But he couldn’t help himself. She was his at last. And he was so hungry for her, he didn’t know how in God’s name he could keep from ravishing her where she stood.
But he didn’t have to worry. Sara seemed perfectly eager to be ravished.
She twined her arms about his neck, straining her slender body against him as her tongue met his stroke for stroke.
Her mouth was hot and sweet, and he couldn’t get enough of it.
He nipped at her lower lip, then sucked at it to soothe it.
Her soft breasts were crushed against his chest, making him insane to touch them. Dragging down the neck of the native blouse she wore, the one he’d bought for her, he filled his hand with her breasts, shaping and caressing them until he heard her moan.
Then he tore his mouth from her lips and kissed a path downward, reveling in the salty taste of her skin, the smooth slope of breast ending in the puckery nipple. Sucking at it hard, he felt her arch against his mouth with a little cry.
“Gideon . . . oh, Gideon, yes,” she whispered, firing him all the more.
Only with an effort did he keep his hands and lips off her long enough to growl, “We should go back to the ship, to your cabin—”
“No!” She dropped her hands to the buttons of his trousers, fumbling frantically to undo them. “No, let’s make love here, in our house.”
“Our house.” It wasn’t a dream, after all. She was here with him. She’d promised to be his forever. He yanked loose the ties of her blouse, then shoved the flimsy thing down her arms to bare her breasts totally.
Between kisses and caresses and muttered endearments, they took much longer to undress than he wanted, but he didn’t mind when she looked at him so radiantly and gave her body to him so willingly. By the time they were naked, they’d migrated to the bedroll he’d taken from the hold.
But he paused beside it to tamp down on his lust.
“What is it?” she whispered as he held her from him.
“I don’t want to take you like a rutting pig.” Kneeling down on the thin mattress, he took her hand and tugged her close until she was standing a few inches from him. “I want you to remember this forever.”
“What do you mean?” Her eyes went wide as his fingers parted the thick, damp curls between her legs.
Trembling, she clutched at his shoulders and looked at him warily.
“What are you—” She broke off when he kissed her between the legs, right on the soft folds of skin he’d bared.
A prolonged sigh slid from her lips. “Oh-h-h, Gideon . . . Gideon. . .”
He caressed her slow and deep at first, exploring every part of her with his tongue and lips and teeth.
When he felt her fingers clasp his head, urging him against her, he pleasured her with everything he possessed, until he thought he would burst with the need to bury something other than his tongue inside her.
She was hot and wet, and the musky taste of her drove him wild.
His hands gripped her thighs harder the longer he went on.
He wanted to be inside her so badly, but he wanted something else more .
. . to bind her to him, to make her never regret choosing him.
So he went on and on and on until he felt her jerk beneath his mouth and heard her utter a darling cry of release.
Only then did he tumble her down on the bed and enter her, his muscles straining as he drove himself deep inside her. He wanted to strike to the very heart of her so she could never leave him. She would be his forever. He would see to that.