18. Nick #2
“She was alright. Smart but boring. Pretty but shy. I had to work to pry every word from her mouth, but at least her breasts looked real.” Under my breath, I add, “Real small.”
Nothing like Willa’s voluptuous breasts. If I close my eyes, I can still remember the weight of them in my hands and the taste of them on my tongue.
But I don’t close my eyes. I take a larger swallow of whiskey and chide myself for thinking about Willa again.
Alex pauses, absorbing my excuses. Because every night when we discuss my dates, I always have a litany of excuses to explain why the ladies I met didn’t appeal to me.
“Maybe Mother isn’t the problem, Nick. Maybe you’re too picky. Every woman you’ve met, you’ve had issues with. Yes, there have been a couple who have had their quirks—"
“That’s putting it nicely.”
“But most of them have seemed okay.” Alex leans back in his chair, eyeing me. “What’s really behind this reticence to fake date someone?”
“Fake date?” I scoff.
“Nick.”
Dropping the act, I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.
Other than mentioning that I met Willa once, I never spoke of her again to my brother.
I was hesitant to admit the depth of my feelings to myself and admitting them aloud to another person would have made them real.
Too real to be suppressed and ignored. So, Alex has no idea that Willa and I spent nearly every waking minute together for weeks, that I developed strong feelings for her, and that her memory now haunts me.
No one knows that whenever I have a minute to breathe, I search Willa’s name on my Internet browser, hoping to find a sighting of her on her travels.
No one knows that every morning, I start my day by sending Willa a text message.
Or that every night, when I climb into bed, I watch one of her movies just to see her face and hear her voice again.
No one knows that when Willa’s birthday passed, I lit a candle and ate a cupcake, wishing I could have celebrated with her in person.
No matter how many women I meet, none of them will measure up to Willa.
Despite leaving Willa a month ago, my mind remains focused on her. We shared an intimacy I've never experienced with anyone else.
In a world of artificiality, she was real, and she made me want to be real with her. Unfortunately, I was a coward, and I never told her who I was or what my life entailed. I kept large parts of myself hidden because I feared that when she learned the truth, she'd leave me.
Instead, I was forced to leave her, and I regret that every second of every day.
Though I still send Willa daily texts, I know she doesn’t receive them.
She blocked me, as she should have. Although my regret at leaving Willa is strong, we’re half a world apart and there’s nothing I can do now to salvage what we once shared.
I cannot chase her down and beg for forgiveness because I'm chained to Belgrovinia. My home and my obligations are here .
Mother’s right. I need to pick a woman and get on with it.
Alex is also right. I’m being too picky. It won’t be a love connection, but surely, there's a woman who I can tolerate fake dating for a few months.
Determined, I admit as much to Alex. “I’ve been dragging my feet long enough, Alex. I’ll pick someone soon. Maybe I’ll reach out to Carisa, a woman I dated casually during business school, and see if she’d enjoy playing the part of my official girlfriend for a bit.”
Alex nods as a look of sadness flashes across his face. “Thanks, mate. I appreciate you doing this for me.”
“You never have to thank me. I owe you this. If it weren’t for me and my screw up years ago, the press wouldn’t be so hard on you now.” Before Alex can assuage my guilt, I switch topics. Sitting up on the couch, I lean toward my brother. “Have you spoken with Annika lately?”
“No, not since she called off the engagement. Given my position, I can’t participate in an on-again, off-again affair. Better to make a clean break.” He swirls what’s left of his whiskey in his glass morosely. “I thought it would hurt less doing it this way, but fuck, do I miss her, Nick.”
“I can commiserate,” I murmur, missing Willa more in this moment than I have in the past few weeks.
“Can you?” Alex’s head jerks up from his glass, curious.
“I met a woman on my travels, and we just…clicked. There was something special, something indescribable, between us from the first moment we met, and our emotions evolved quickly.” I shrug. “I miss her. I left her in the middle of the night without a word.”
“So, she’s the real reason you’re refusing to select a girlfriend. That makes more sense,” Alex surmises sagely. “Who is she? Tell me about her.”
“Honestly, brother, I don’t want to talk about her. She’s in my past, and I need to move forward. Remembering the past only causes me more pain.”
Alex sits pensively, watching me for a few moments. “And I can commiserate with that sentiment more than you know. Alright then, moving on. I have a business proposition for you.”
I’m grateful for the change of subject. “Do tell.”
“Given your international business degree and your prior history working with the tourism board, I’d like for you to combine those areas into one focus like you did in school.”
I feel a fissure of excitement as creativity rolls through me. This is what I’ve been missing—an intellectual pursuit to give me a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment to my days.
Something other than speed dating and ribbon cuttings and council meetings.
When I was in grad school, I acquired an interest in developing political initiatives to bring new career fields to Belgrovinia.
As a small European nation, Belgrovinia is lesser known than many of the larger countries on the continent.
I explored career fields that would allow for employment growth while simultaneously increasing Belgrovinia’s international exposure, in hopes to increase tourism.
Initially, I focused on social media influencers and how they develop travel content, but I quickly realized that their niche was too small to impact our broader economic system.
Almost ironically now, I shifted my focus to the success of the small but thriving movie industry in Belgrovinia, which has been proven to have a direct correlation to a marked increase in tourism.
When a movie that was filmed here hit theaters, there was a corresponding spike in publicity, resulting in more visitors to our nation in the months following .
“I’d like you to meet with a film director who's visiting next week. Hugh Benoit, his name is. He's set to direct a film about Princess Mila's life, and he'd like to delve into the aristocratic world of European monarchies."
Puzzled, I ask, "Why did he contact our family and not the Monaco royal family?"
"Once I heard about the film, I contacted him actually. Thought forging a relationship would be beneficial for us both. I offered him the opportunity to meet directly with members of the monarchy in hopes that he'll agree to film in Belgrovinia rather than Monaco."
"Well played, Alex."
"Thanks," Alex replies, quickly shrugging off my praise. "Anyway, Hugh specifically asked to meet with Ellie. However, for the usual reasons, my office told him Ellie was unavailable, but you'd enjoy meeting him."