28. Nick
Chapter twenty-eight
Nick
W illa stands from my lap, straightening her clothes as I do the same. Despite trying our best not to look like we just fucked each other's brains out, it does little good.
Realizing it is a futile endeavor, I laugh ruefully, which makes Willa to giggle. Before unlocking the door, I kiss her one last time and murmur, "I'll see you at dinner. I'll try to make it to your room tonight, but with Mother here, I need to be cautious."
Willa bows her head, biting her lip in worry.
"What's wrong?" My brows knit together.
“It’s nothing,” she lies.
“Willa, tell me.”
Averting her eyes from mine, she mumbles, “It’s stupid, but…you aren’t ashamed of being with me, are you?”
"Not at all. I adore you." Placing my fingers under her chin, I guide her face up to meet my gaze.
"My mother is overbearing and opinionated, and she enjoys inserting herself into my business.
I don't want her interference to taint what we share.
My relationship with my mother is complicated, but I'll tell her about us when the time is right. "
"Okay. I'm going to head up to my room to shower." She squeezes my hand with a smile. "I'll see you later."
Then she slips out the door, taking my heart with her.
How did I fall so stupidly in love with a woman so quickly?
In hindsight, I've been falling in love with her since she tripped at my feet at the coffee shop.
Or when she admitted to bribing Bruno with treats.
Or when she started a food fight on her parents' boat.
Or when she nicknamed me Nicholas. Or when she trusted me enough to tell me about her miscarriage.
Or when she asked me to kiss her at the anniversary party.
I can't pinpoint one defining moment that caused me to fall in love with Willa; rather, it's the compilation of all our shared moments, both big and small, that tipped the scale from lust into this overwhelming, all-encompassing love.
I wait another minute before skulking down the hallway in the opposite direction as Willa. Strolling toward my wing of the castle to take my own shower, I hear the familiar staccato tapping of my mother's high heels on the castle's stone floor.
I managed to avoid her this morning when she arrived because I had a teleconference with Stewart and several other movie industry executives. But I knew, sooner or later, she'd track me down. She didn't choose to visit Bainbridge on a whim. There's definitely a reason behind her visit.
I turn when she calls my name. She scrutinizes my bedraggled appearance and her lips curl in disgust. Her eyes travel up and down my body and I can only imagine how I must look. Wild. Messy. Dirty. Tawdry.
Happy.
When Mother reaches me, she hisses, "It's safe to assume that the rumors circulating amongst the staff are true, then? "
I shrug nonchalantly and continue my trek toward my private quarters. "Depends on what rumors you're talking about, but I thought you were above gossiping. I’m disappointed, Mother."
She grabs my forearm, wrenching me to a stop as fury fills her voice, "I'm here because we have something important to discuss. Get cleaned up and meet me in the study in half an hour."
As a parting shot, she mutters, "I hope you at least wore a condom." Then she turns and stomps off.
What an odd thing for her to say, especially since I did not wear a condom.
Seriously, does she have the castle bugged?
I guess I’ll find out in half an hour.
I contemplated skipping the meeting with Mother to annoy her, but I'm too curious. What could she be so angry about?
Did she find out about Willa? Did she see Willa slipping out of the library before me?
No, it has to be something else. Whatever it is, Mother found out about it prior to traveling to Bainbridge.
By some miracle, I arrive at the study with a few minutes to spare.
Sitting down in one of the chairs, I prop my feet up on the desk and rest my eyes.
My late nights with Willa are catching up with me.
When I hear my mother storming down the hallway, I drop my feet to the floor and straighten my spine, preparing for Mother’s incoming verbal assault.
Slamming the door behind her, Mother, with steam pouring from her ears, flings a manila folder onto the desk.
My usually unflappable Mother looks very…flappable.
Raising my eyebrows, I assess the irate woman standing before me. She was angry before, but now she looks positively apoplectic.
"What has you in a tizzy, Mother?"
She whirls toward me, shaking her finger in my direction. "Did you know?" she snarls, her lips pinched.
“Did I know what? You'll have to be more specific because I know a lot of things."
She grabs the folder from the desk and hurls it into my lap with a violence I've never witnessed from her before. My cold, calculating mother is suddenly running very hot. The papers go flying and I struggle to grab them before they fall to the ground.
I grumble at my mother's dramatics, but then I glance at the top piece of paper on the pile.
Marymount Women's Reproductive Health Hospital, the letterhead reads.
What the hell does this have to do with me?
I skim the documents. My eyes latch onto the name at the top of the paperwork, and a chill runs through me.
When my brain processes what I'm reading, my hand shakes, and I drop the paper. Hastily, I grab another and then another as I piece together what it is I’m reading.
A medical file.
Carisa's medical file.
When my eyes bounce up, they meet my mother's penetrating gaze. "What's going on, Mother?"
With her arms crossed, she snaps, her voice venomous.
"What's going on is that Carisa Claridge, your university whore, went to the hospital for a pregnancy test two months ago.
Did you know about it?" Her diatribe continues as she paces, walking a rut in the Aubusson rug and chastising me for my poor choices.
"I cannot believe you allowed this to happen, Nicholai! "
I'm no longer listening to her, as her prior words tumble through my brain like a load of laundry on the spin cycle. Over and over and over again.
Carisa Claridge, your university whore, went to the hospital for a pregnancy test two months ago.
Reality slams into me with the strength of a sledgehammer, knocking the breath from my lungs.
Is Carisa pregnant?
Is it my baby?
Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn't she tell me when we met a castle?
Christ, is that why she looked so different? I blamed the differences in her appearance on work stress, but was it really the stress of carrying my child? A child she still hasn't told me about?
Maybe it isn't mine. She would have told me if it was, right?
But if it is, what will I tell Willa?
Jarred from my racing thoughts by my mother's icy voice, I ask quietly, "How far along is she?"
Instead of answering my question, she asks her own, "Did you know, Nicholai?"
I shake my head. "I swear to you, I had no idea."
"If you knew and did nothing to alert the palace's public relations team to a potential scandal brewing—"
"Jesus, Mother! Listen to yourself!" I bark, my thin veneer of calm shattering.
"I just found out that the woman I was sleeping with is pregnant with a child—most likely, my child—and all you care about is how it might look if the story ever got out.
Do you not care about my feelings at all?
Do you not see how this conversation is affecting me?
" Throwing up my hands, I add with a scoff, "Of course, you don't. That would require you to care about someone other than yourself or something other than the Crown. "
Dismissively, Mother scoffs. "Calm down, Nicholai. Your tart isn't pregnant, but the mere fact that she thought she was is an issue. What if she had been? What would you have done? Our family could not weather the maelstrom of an illegitimate child."
Relief swirls through me at once, but it is quickly followed by anger.
"Your cruelty knows no bounds, Mother! To toy with my emotions like that…making me believe Carisa was pregnant. Enough, Mother!" Pushing to my feet, I storm past my mother, departing the study.
When I veer into the hallway, I run smack dab into Willa. She takes in my appearance and immediately reaches up to cup my cheek. "Are you alright, Nick?" Care and concern are etched on her lovely face.
The disparity between Willa's kindness and Mother's sharpness is startling.
"I am now," I admit. I tilt my head into her hand and wrap my arms around her. Burying my head into her hair, I breathe her in, soaking in the comfort she offers.
"Nicholai, stop that!"
I lift my head to see my mother hovering in the study's doorway, watching my interaction with Willa through narrowed slits.
Willa drops her hand, but I grab her arm, pulling her to me.
I told Willa I would tell my mother about us when the time was right.
Well, that time has come much sooner than anticipated.
After my mother's casual disregard for my feelings, I simply don't have it in me to care if she doesn't approve of me dating Willa .
I'm done jumping through higher and higher hoops, trying to earn my mother's love. She keeps moving the goalposts, and I've finally come to the realization that nothing I do will ever be good enough for her.
I also realize that my mother's love for me shouldn't be contingent upon her ability to control me.
I'm well and truly done trying to please her.
Mother struts toward us, placing her hands on her hips.
Ignoring Willa, Mother hisses, "I had my suspicions when I saw you lurking around a few days ago.
You need to be more careful, Nicholai. You must prioritize your reputation over your sexual exploits.
" Mother scoffs snidely, "This behavior is what got you in trouble to begin with.
Your lurid affairs must stop. If word of this," she swirls her hand between Willa and me, "futureless dalliance gets out, it will ruin everything we have planned.
How will you go public with a serious girlfriend if people suspect you're sleeping with a Hollywood harlot? "
"Mother, stop this!" I bellow belligerently.
Gerald appears from out of thin air, stepping up from behind Mother. Cupping her elbow, he quietly insists, "Might I recommend that you move this conversation to somewhere more private, ma'am?"
She glances back at him. “You’re right.” Mother straightens her jacket. "Follow me," she commands quietly as she escorts Willa and me into the study.
As the door shuts behind us, Willa's beseeching eyes find mine, begging for an answer, the hurt evident. "What does she mean, Nick? Going public with a serious girlfriend? What is she talking about?"
Before I say a word, Mother continues her attack, undeterred by Willa's questions. "I had hoped that you were maturing and putting your philandering ways behind you, but I should have known better. You’ve always been a disgrace to this monarchy. When will you stop being a disappointment, Nicholai?"
Like only my mother is capable of doing, her words pierce my armor and penetrate the thick skin I've spent decades fortifying to protect myself from her vitriol. No one knows what to say to hurt me better than the woman who gave birth to me.
My grip on Willa's hand tightens.
"Philandering?" Willa utters, yanking her hand from mine. “Do you—do you have a girlfriend, Nick?”
"No, Willa. There is no girlfriend, and I’ve never cheated on anyone.
" I turn to her, imploring her to listen as I hastily explain, "After Alex's engagement was called off, Mother concocted a plan to trot me out in front of the press to divert attention away from Alex. Her plan hinged upon me debuting a serious girlfriend, knowing that the media would pounce on that storyline. But it’s all a fabrication. There is no girlfriend."
There’s only you .
Warring emotions scatter over Willa's face.
Mother squints her calculating eyes and wonders aloud, "Maybe we can use this to our advantage. Obviously, we won't be going ahead with your plan for Carisa to play the role of your girlfriend, Nicholai. But I wonder…" Mother breaks off, tapping her chin.
My throat goes dry. I know what she's about to suggest.
For the first time during this uncomfortable confrontation, Mother smiles and acknowledges Willa.
"How would you feel about signing on for a different type of acting role, my dear?
I'm sure you'd love the added clout and notoriety that would come from being Nicholai's girlfriend.
What actress wouldn't jump at the chance to court the world's press corps? "
Spurred to action by my mother's last-ditch effort to control the narrative, I step forward, putting my body between Willa and my mother. Shaking, I seethe, "Absolutely not, Mother."
But then I hear Willa's quiet words ring out with crystal clarity.
What she says stuns me.