29. Willa #2
"No," he replies vehemently before sighing softly.
"My feelings haven't changed. If anything, they've only grown stronger.
I only want to date you, Willa." Nick retreats a step and pushes his fingers through his dark blond hair.
He grabs my hand and walks backward until he hits the bed.
He sits on the edge, tugging me onto his lap.
"However, what you told me when we were in Saltside weighs heavily upon my mind.
This is everything you wanted to escape when you talked about leaving the movie industry.
You wanted to get out of the limelight and avoid public scrutiny.
But…what I'm asking you to do is the opposite of that.
" He hangs his head in defeat. "I'm sorry to have put you in this situation.
I was hoping we'd have more time to date quietly before this decision had to be made. "
"You haven't put me in this situation, Nick. I volunteered."
He lifts his eyes to meet mine. "I know and I'm grateful that you did, but I want you to truly contemplate this before you agree."
"Your mother—"
"I don't care about her," Nick interrupts heatedly. "If you change your mind, I'll deal with the fallout from my mother. She isn't your concern."
"Why were you so…withdrawn after I agreed?"
"My mother and I don't get along well. I learned early on that knowledge is power, so I do my best not to give her any knowledge about my private life, lest she use it against me."
"So, you were quiet because you didn't want her to know about us? "
"Yes. It's better— safer —if she believes that what we share is only a physical connection." He nods. "I don't want her to know how deep and real my feelings are for you."
His admission puts things in a new light. Nick was trying to protect me and our burgeoning relationship.
"You know, your mother warned me about you."
He snorts. "I'm sure she did. She's never thought highly of me, I'm afraid."
"Then, she obviously doesn't know you."
We sit in silence for a few minutes. Nick strokes my arm, gently trailing his fingers up and down.
Hesitantly, I voice another question I've been wondering about. "Nick, when I ran into you in the hallway, what were you upset about?"
With a wince, Nick explains, "While I was in graduate school, I had a casual arrangement with another student. To put it bluntly, we were friends with benefits. Carisa—”
“Carisa,” I squint. “Your mum mentioned her name earlier, didn’t she?”
“She did.” Expelling a breath, Nick backtracks, explaining in greater detail how his mother’s fake relationship plan came to fruition and what it entailed—the dossier of suitable partners, the weeks spent meeting them, and then how, under duress, he finally settled on Carisa.
"Mother was angry I picked someone who wasn’t from her approved list, so she had the Royal Guard run a background check.
The investigator uncovered some sensitive medical information.
" He pauses before saying in a rush, "Carisa underwent a pregnancy test a few weeks after my father died.
I had no idea Carisa suspected she was pregnant, so it was shocking.
"And for a moment, my mother allowed me to think that Carisa was pregnant.
Probably in some ploy to scare me, but it incensed me that she would trick me like that.
I ran into you right after I found out. I felt such an overwhelming rush of emotions.
Shock and disbelief, but I was also swamped with relief to find out that Carisa wasn't pregnant.
" His cautious eyes meet mine. "Knowing how painful your miscarriage was and how badly you want to be a mother one day…
I hate confessing that to you, but I want to be honest about my feelings. "
"I appreciate that," I murmur. While I dislike hearing about Nick's past sexual exploits, I am glad he told me.
"The reality of the situation was brutal to contemplate.
If Carisa had been pregnant, some difficult decisions would have been hanging over our heads.
Could we co-parent? Would I even be allowed to acknowledge the child?
Would I have been forced to marry Carisa if I wanted a place in the child's life?
But on the other hand…" Nick trails off, sighing. "It put things in perspective for me."
My brow crinkles. "How so?"
"The idea of Carisa being pregnant with my child was terrifying. But the idea of you one day carrying my child…that isn't terrifying at all." He runs his hand though his hair, mumbling, "I must sound like a total nutter."
"Total nutter," I smile. His words, while they are slightly insane, reassure me. "By the way, I haven't changed my mind about us, Nick."
He nods slowly. "Then there's one more thing to consider, Willa. We should move up the date for your surgical procedure. In order to provide you with privacy, it should be done before any word about us can reach the press."
That hadn't crossed my mind, but it makes sense. "Alright," I agree. "We'll get my surgery scheduled and then I'll be ready to go public as your fake girlfriend. "
Nick assesses me for a long moment. Reassured that I'm comfortable with my decision, he nods. “If you agree to this, Willa, there’s one caveat I must make.” Nick cups my face in his hands.
“I don’t want you to ever call yourself my fake girlfriend again because there is nothing fake about what I feel for you.
If we do this, I want it to be real. I want you to be my girlfriend. "
My heart stops beating, and my breath freezes in my chest as giddy butterflies swarm and swoop in my belly.
“Whether you want me or not, I'm yours, Willa."
"You’re mine? Do you really mean that? Even though…"
Even though I'm not well-educated.
Even though I'm an anxious basket case.
Even though I suffer from panic attacks.
Even though I may never be able to have a child.
Even though I'm not an aristocratic snob with noble bloodlines.
"There is no even though , Willa. You are enough. Hell, you're more than enough. In fact, you're perfect."