32. Austin
AUSTIN
T he house is packed, obviously. Midnight Wolves win, and suddenly everyone thinks it’s their personal victory too. Happens every time.
I used to love this shit—loud music, enough booze to drown a small village. Now? All I want is for everyone to clear the hell out so I can hang out with my girlfriend.
Never thought that’d be me. The guy who hangs with his girlfriend at a party. The guy who even has a girlfriend. But yeah, that’s me. In a committed relationship with a girl I’m completely and utterly obsessed with.
I didn’t see it coming. It shocks me how much she’s already changed everything without even trying. How she makes me want to be better—for her. Just having her around makes me want to throw all my old rules out the window and write brand-new ones.
Ryan and Nathan disappeared into the kitchen like twenty minutes ago, and I lost the rest of the guys, but I don’t really care, because they’re not who I’m looking for.
I do a slow lap of the living room, scanning the crowd, until I catch a flash of soft brown hair and light blue eyes across the room.
Maisie’s perched on the arm of the couch with Aurora and Isabella beside her. Her cheeks are flushed, more than usual, sipping from her red solo cup.
Even from across the room, I spot those freckles I’m crazy about—little dots scattered over her cheekbones.
Twenty-six on the left side, thirty-two on the right.
Or was it the other way around? Fuck, I don’t know.
I lost count half a dozen times when she slept in my arms the other night, but I kept going anyway, tracing each one with my eyes.
I kept staring at her, because it felt like I couldn’t not.
I don’t even realize I’ve started moving until I’m already in front of her and she’s looking up at me like I’ve just appeared out of thin air.
Those big blue eyes I adore lock onto mine. “Hi,” she says with a dopey smile.
“Hey, baby,” I say, grinning as I brush some hair behind her ear. “You having fun?”
She nods with a hum. “I had… two shots. And half a White Claw. Mango, I think.”
I blink, letting out a laugh. “That explains the red cheeks.”
She blinks back at me, all slow and dazed, and then reaches out to poke my chest. “You’re so tall, ” she says. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
My lips twitch at her adorable drunken state. “Once or twice.”
“You’re so handsome,” she adds, with a sigh. “I mean, like, obnoxiously handsome. I should be mad about it.”
That makes me laugh. I loop an arm around her waist when she leans a little too far sideways. She fits there so easily, completely relaxed against me.
“Alright, sweetheart. Maybe we call it quits on the drinks tonight, huh?”
She tilts her head back and rests it on my chest for balance. “Don’t call me sweetheart,” she says, a line forming between her brows. “Makes me feel things.”
Her fingers curl into the hem of my hoodie like she’s anchoring herself. She smells like vanilla lotion and fruity alcohol.
I duck my head, inhaling the sweet scent of that vanilla stuff she always puts on after a shower, and the fruity alcohol on her breath.
“Want to go catch some air?” I ask, pressing my lips against her cheek.
She shakes her head. “I wanna go to your room.”
I arch a brow. “My room?”
She nods. “I need to lie down. Your bed is nice and soft and smells like you. I like it there,” she adds with this dreamy little sigh.
I chuckle. She’s so damn cute. “Okay. Let’s go.”
I guide her down the hall, one hand pressed to the small of her back, the other hovering in case she tips over.
“Did I mention you smell good?” she asks as I push open my door.
“You might’ve,” I say, flipping on the lamp by my desk.
“You smell like heaven,” she says, dreamily, which makes me chuckle.
I help her sit on my bed and reach into my nightstand, grabbing a pack of Oreos for her, hoping it’ll soak up some of the alcohol—always keep one there just for her.
There’s even a jar of peanut butter nearby.
I hold out a water bottle, expecting her to take a sip.
Instead, she lets the bottle hit the mattress and grabs a fistful of my hoodie, yanking me toward her.
And before I can react, she’s kissing me.
My brain short-circuits when her mouth meets mine, and instinct takes over as I kiss her back, my hands braced on either side of her thighs. It’s hot, fast and a little messy and I can’t think straight.
Her fingers sneak under my hoodie, tugging at the hem of my shirt, and then she starts to pull it up, trying to undress me.
“Wait—” I murmur against her lips, catching her wrists. “Maisie, hold up.”
She locks eyes with me and licks her lips. “I want to have sex.”
Her words hit me like a bucket of ice water. Not because I don’t want to—God, I want to—but because she’s clearly very drunk and not thinking straight.
I pull back fast, shaking my head. “Maisie…”
She sways a little as she kneels on my bed, placing her hands on my chest. “I want to,” she says again. “I want to. Please.”
Fuck.
I close my eyes for half a second, because it kills me to say no. I want this girl so bad, and every part of me wants to climb into that bed and touch every inch of her. But not like this. Not when she’s drunk out of her mind and will wake up tomorrow with no memory of what happened.
I cup her jaw, brushing my thumb under her cheek. “You’re drunk, baby,” I say, meeting her eyes. “And as much as I want this—Jesus, you have no idea how much—I’m not doing it like this. I’m not taking advantage of you when you’re drunk.”
Her face twists. “You’re not taking advantage. I said I want to.”
“I know you did. I believe you.” I kiss her forehead. “But I want you to be sober when I finally slide inside you.”
“I’m not drunk, Austin,” she insists, even though the words come out slurred. “Here, I’ll prove it.”
She leans in and kisses me again. And because I’ve fallen way too fucking hard for this girl, I kiss her back, even though I know I shouldn’t.
Fuck, I love kissing her. I used to truly take kissing for granted.
I didn’t care much for it, never really thought about it.
It was always just a step toward hooking up.
But I could sit here and kiss her for fucking hours.
“Please,” she breathes against my mouth. “Please, Austin.”
The sound of my name on her lips undoes something in me. I close my eyes and exhale, my heart thudding so loud I can barely think straight.
I pull back just enough to see her face. “Maisie,” I say quietly. “Why now?”
She blinks a couple of times, and her shoulders fall as she sinks back on her heels, the fight bleeding out of her. And then, just like that, her expression crumples, like paper in a fist.
“Because I’m scared,” she whispers.
My brows tug together. “Scared of what, gorgeous?”
She blows out a shaky breath. “I’m scared that if I wait—if I’m sober—I’ll talk myself out of it. I’ll get too in my head. I’ll think about every bad thing I’ve ever believed about myself. I’m scared you’ll see me and change your mind. So it has to be now, while I still have some courage left.”
My stomach drops.
She looks down, shaking her head. “Every other girl you’ve been with…
they don’t look like me. They don’t have stretch marks.
Or stomachs that fold when they sit down.
Or thighs with cellulite that—” she swallows “—touch. And I keep thinking… what if I get naked and you realize I’m not what you want? ”
Fuck.
It kills me hearing her say that.
Without thinking, I reach for her. My hands cradle her face, brushing my thumbs along her damp cheeks. Her skin’s warm, flushed, and I can feel her shaky breath hit my chin.
“Maisie,” I whisper. “Look at me.”
Her lashes flutter, hesitant, and then she does.
Big, blue, break-my-heart eyes. Shining with tears she’s trying to blink away.
And God, I love her.
I’ve never said it out loud, but I fucking know it without an ounce of hesitation. It’s been there for a while now. Curling deeper every time she smiles at me like I’m something good.
“Every single woman in the world could be naked in my bed right now,” I say, keeping my eyes on hers. “And the only one I’d want is you.”
Her bottom lip wobbles, and she bites down on it like she’s trying to hold something in. She opens her mouth, then shuts it again.
“I’m just… I haven’t done anything before, Austin,” she says. “Every first I’m doing with you… you’ve already done with someone else.” She looks away for a second, then back at me. “I know that’s not your fault, but I just… I want you to want me the way you wanted her .”
I stare at her, stunned for a second.
Her?
What her ?
Because I can’t even think of anyone else when she’s in the room. I haven’t thought about anyone but her since the moment I met her—before that, even. It’s always been her for me. It will always be her.
My hands slide down to her waist, pulling her into me. “Maisie.” I shake my head. “There is no her. There’s no girl before you that meant a damn thing compared to this.”
I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t. She just looks at me like she’s trying to believe it.
“I want you in ways I’ve never wanted anyone. And it’s not just because you’re beautiful—though you are, insanely so—it’s because you’re you. It’s your laugh. Your smartass comments. Your brain. Your heart. It’s the way you talk to me. The way you see me, even when I’m being a complete idiot.”
Her breath stutters. “Austin…”
“I mean it.” I brush my thumb across her cheek. “I’ve never wanted someone like this before,” I whisper. “You’re it, Maisie. You’re the only one I want. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, baby.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do.” There’s no doubt in my voice—none. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
“Surer,” she corrects softly with a sniffle.