Six
The house was still, and Diana paused for a moment to cherish the quiet.
After loud protests and an argument with Joan, who seemed to think a fifth grader should be allowed to stay up and watch MTV, both girls were in bed.
Whether they were asleep or not was an entirely different question.
Peace reigned, and that was all that mattered to Diana.
She brewed herself a cup of tea and sat with her feet up, reading.
In another two weeks school would be out, and then Joan and Katie would find even more excuses to put off going to bed.
If it were up to those two ruffians, Diana knew they’d loiter around until midnight.
Only Diana wouldn’t let them.
In some ways she was eager to spend the summer with the girls, and in other ways she dreaded three long months of total togetherness.
Her parents had insisted on having them fly to Wichita and had even paid for their airline tickets.
Diana was looking forward to those two weeks as a welcome reprieve.
She missed seeing her family and in the past had briefly toyed with the idea of moving back to her hometown.
That had been her original intention after Stan had died.
Her parents had planned to come and help her with the move, but Diana had hedged, uncertain.
Now she was convinced she’d made the right decision to stay in the Seattle area.
With the loss of their father, the girls had already experienced enough upheaval in their young lives.
A move so soon afterward wouldn’t have been good for any of them.
Although Diana dearly loved her family, she did better when they weren’t hovering close by.
Her wandering thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.
She paused and checked the time.
It was only a few minutes past nine, but she rarely received company this late.
Setting aside her book and her tea, she answered the door. “Cliff.”
“Hi.”
His ready smile was filled with charm. “Did you win the election?”
Diana was more than a little surprised to see him. After their telephone conversation a couple of days before, she hadn’t known what to think. She stepped aside so he could come in. “Win the election?”
she repeated, not following his line of thought.
“Yes, you told me you were up for PTA secretary.”
“Oh, yes. I was running unopposed, so there wasn’t much chance I’d lose.”
“Is that Cliff?”
Katie, dressed in her pink flannel nightgown, appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Hi, Katie.”
Cliff raised his hand to greet the youngster, his smile only a little forced. He preferred to spend time with Diana alone tonight.
“Katie, you’re supposed to be asleep.”
“Can I give Cliff his lure?”
“Okay.”
Diana knew it would do little good to argue.
While shopping in a local store the day before, Katie had found a similar fishing lure, and they’d bought it as a replacement for Cliff’s.
At the time, Diana had wondered if there would be an opportunity to see Cliff again.
He had asked to see her on Saturday, but she half expected him to cancel.
She wasn’t sure where their relationship was headed.
He seemed determined to see her again, but she hadn’t heard a word from him since their abrupt telephone conversation a few days earlier.
Katie flew down the stairs and raced into the kitchen. “Mom, where’d you put it?”
“In the junk drawer.”
As if by magic an exasperated Katie reappeared, hands on her hips. “Mom,”
she said with a meaningful sigh, “all the drawers are filled with junk.”
Rather than answer, Diana stepped into the kitchen and retrieved the fishing lure for her daughter.
Katie eagerly ripped it from Diana’s fingers and hurried back to Cliff, who was sitting in the living room. “Here’s another lucky lure,”
she said, her eyes as round as grapefruits. “I’m real sorry I lost yours.”
Cliff’s gaze sought Diana’s as he accepted the lure. “I told you not to fret over it.”
“But you got real angry, and I felt bad because I wasn’t supposed to get into your fishing gear and I did. Mom’s making me pay for it out of my allowance.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
Cliff directed the comment to Diana.
Before Diana could respond, Katie broke in. “But I have to!”
she declared earnestly. “Otherwise I won’t learn a lesson—at least that’s what Mom said.”
“Moms know what’s best,”
Cliff managed to murmur, looking uncomfortable.
Katie brightened. “Besides, I thought that if I bought you another lucky lure, then you’d take Joan and me out in your sailboat again. Next time I promise I won’t get into your fishing box.”
As though to emphasize her point, she spit on the tips of her fingers and dutifully crossed her heart.
Before Cliff realized Katie’s intention, the little girl hurled her arms around his neck and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek.
Diana smiled at his shocked look. “Tell Cliff good-night, honey.”
Without argument, Katie paused long enough to give her mother another hug and kiss, then dutifully traipsed back upstairs.
“It seems women have a way of throwing themselves into your arms,”
Diana teased once Katie had left the room. She hoped to lighten the mood. She didn’t know why Cliff had come, especially when he looked as though he’d rather be anyplace else in the world than with her.
“I sincerely hope the trait runs in this family,”
Cliff teased back. He held out his arms to her, then complained with a low groan when Diana chose to ignore his offer.
Cliff wasn’t exactly sure what was going on with him.
After their last adventure on the sailboat, he’d decided that although he enjoyed Joan and Katie, he preferred to keep the kids out of the dating picture.
It was Diana who interested him.
In fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
She wasn’t as beautiful as other women he’d seen.
Her hips were a tad too wide, but where physical attributes had seemed important in the past, they didn’t seem to matter with her.
When it came to women, Cliff wasn’t being conceited when he admitted he could pick and choose.
Yet the one woman who filled his thoughts was a young widow with two preteens.
He’d been so astonished at the desire he felt for Diana that he’d phoned his brother in California and told him about her.
Rich had listened, chuckled knowingly and laughed outright when Cliff mentioned that Diana was a widow with two daughters.
Then he’d made some derogatory comment about it being time for Cliff to find a real woman.
Cliff had been vaguely disappointed in the conversation.
Subconsciously he’d wanted his brother to tell him to wise up and stay away from a woman with children.
Cliff had almost wanted Rich to tell him to avoid Diana and insist that a relationship with her would be nothing but trouble.
Maybe that was what Cliff wanted to hear, but it wasn’t what he felt.
Even if Rich had advised him to break things off with her, he doubted that he would have been able to.
She was in his blood now, increasing the potency of his attraction each time they were together.
That evening as he’d sat in his office, he hadn’t been able to get his mind off Diana.
Twice he’d picked up the phone to call her.
Twice he’d decided against it.
He didn’t like what was happening to him. No one else seemed to notice that he was sinking fast. And there wasn’t a life preserver in sight.
Sitting in the overstuffed chair beside Cliff, Diana took a sip of her tea and attempted to put some order to her thoughts.
She was happy to see Cliff.
More than happy.
But a little apprehensive, too.
“How was your day?”
she asked finally when he didn’t seem inclined to wade into easy conversation.
“Busy. How about yours?”
“I went in for a job interview with the school district this morning.”
Cliff couldn’t possibly understand what courage that had taken. She hadn’t worked outside the home since Joan had been born, and had no real credentials. “I’m hoping they’ll hire me as a teacher’s aide. That way I’ll have the same hours as the girls.”
“Do you think you’ll get the job?”
Diana answered with a soft shrug. “I don’t know. The principal from Joan and Katie’s school gave me a recommendation, since I’ve done a substantial amount of volunteer work there. The last school levy passed and the district’s been given the go-ahead to hire ten teacher’s aides. I have no idea how many applications they took or how many they interviewed.”
“If that doesn’t pan out, I’m sure I could find a part-time position for you in my law firm.”
The minute Cliff made the offer, he regretted it. Having Diana in his office two or three times a week could end up being a source of personal conflict.
“Thank you, Cliff, but, no.”
“No?”
This woman continued to astonish him. He’d expected her to jump at the offer. “Why not?”
“It’s downtown, and I’d prefer to be as close to the girls as I can in case they get sick and need to come home . . . .”
That was the first plausible excuse to surface. Although it was the truth, Diana didn’t have a great deal of choice when it came to finding employment. She’d turned down his offer because she preferred not to work in the same place as Cliff.
“I can understand that,”
he said, relieved and irritated at the same time. Diana had him so twisted up in knots he couldn’t judge his own emotions anymore. He shouldn’t have come tonight, he knew that, but staying away had been impossible.
“I’m pleased you stopped by,”
Diana said next.
He was happy she was pleased, because he was more confused than ever. He had thought that if he stopped off and they talked, then maybe he’d know what was happening to him. Wrong. One look at Diana and all he wanted to do was make love to her.
“I want you to know I feel bad about our conversation the other day.”
Diana felt as though she were sailing into uncharted waters, her destination unknown.
Their telephone conversation had gone poorly, and she wasn’t sure whose fault it was.
Cliff had kept insisting on seeing her again, and she had kept refusing, finally giving in.
More than that, it seemed that Cliff had been expecting her to be angry because he’d had to cancel their dinner date.
She hadn’t been.
Then Cliff had sounded as though he’d wanted to start an argument and was confused when she wouldn’t be drawn into a verbal battle.
“You feel bad because I canceled dinner?”
Cliff asked.
“No, because I had to turn down your offer for another date.”
Cliff felt more than a little chagrined.
He’d admit it—her refusal had irked him.
For all his suave sophistication, he wasn’t accustomed to having a woman turn him down.
It had taken a fair amount of soul-searching to decide he wanted to see Diana again—without Joan and Katie.
Her rejection, no matter how good her reasons, had been a blow to his considerable pride.
“You turned me down for dinner and Friday night,”
he reminded her.
“I thought I explained . . .”
“I know.”
Diana lowered her gaze to her mug of tea, which she was gripping tightly with both hands. “You don’t know how hard that was.”
“Then why did you?”
“For the very reasons I told you.”
His brow puckered into a deep frown.
“I like you, Cliff. Probably more than I should.”
She didn’t know what weapon she was handing him by admitting her feelings, but she was too old for silly games, too wise to get tangled up in a web of emotion and too intelligent not to look at him with her eyes wide open. They weren’t right for each other, but that hadn’t seemed to matter. They’d weathered their relationship much better than she had ever imagined they would. If they were going to continue to see each other, then she preferred that they be honest about their feelings. Honest and up-front.
“I like you, too, Diana,”
he admitted softly, his eyes holding her all too effectively. “I’m not sure I’m ready for what’s developing between us, but I want it. I want you.”
The muscles in her stomach constricted with his words. She’d asked for his honesty, and now she was forced to deal with her own reactions to it. Cliff frightened her because he made her feel again; he’d reawakened the deep womanly part of her that craved touch. Intuitively she’d known the first time he’d kissed her how potent his caress would be. In the years since Stan had died, she’d effectively cast the hunger for love and desire from her life.
Until Cliff.
Knowing this made each minute they spent together all the more exciting. It made each date all the more dangerous.
Diana tore her gaze from his. “What are we going to do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I . . . don’t, either.”
Cliff drew in a hard breath and held out his arms to her. “Come here, Diana.”
Of its own volition, her hand set the tea mug aside.
She stood and walked over to Cliff and offered no resistance when he pulled her down and cradled her in his lap.
Her hands rested against his shoulders as his eyes gently caressed her face.
It was almost as if he were asking her to object.
She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
A long, uninterrupted moment passed before Cliff lifted her hair from her shoulder and tenderly kissed the side of her neck.
His lips felt cool against her skin, and she turned her head to grant him the freedom to kiss her where he willed.
At the sound of her soft gasp, his tongue made moist forays below her ear.
Cliff loved the scent of her.
Other women relied on expensive perfumes, and yet they couldn’t compare to the fresh sunshine smell that was Diana’s alone.
An all-too-warm, tingling sensation raced through Diana.
Against her will, she closed her eyes.
Her fingers gripped his shirt collar as his lips slowly grazed a trail across the underside of her chin.
“Cliff . . .”
she moaned. “Please . . .”
“Please what?”
Her throat constricted, and she felt as if she were going to cry again. When she spoke, the words came out sounding like someone trying to speak while trapped underwater. “I want you to kiss . . . me.”
His hands covered each side of her face and directed her mouth to his.
Their lips slid across each other’s with sweet familiarity.
Diana was eager, so eager, but the urgency was gone, leaving in its wake a pure electric, soul-stirring sensation.
She clung to him even as the tears burned their way down her face.
When he paused, as though unsure, she kissed him back, her mouth parted and pliant over his.
She’d come this far and she refused to let him back away from her now.
Diana’s kiss was all the encouragement Cliff needed.
His arms tightened around her, and he gently rocked her, unable to get close enough.
He felt the moisture on her face and tasted the salt of her tears.
The reason for their being there humbled him.
She was opening up to him as she never had before, trusting him, granting him custody of her wounded heart.
Diana moaned as his hands roamed over her back, bringing her as close as it was humanly possible.
At her soft cry tenderness engulfed him like a tidal wave.
He wanted Diana in that moment more than he’d ever craved anything in his life.
The passion she aroused in him was almost more than he could bear.
He tried to tell her what she did to him by kissing her again and again, but it wasn’t enough.
Nothing seemed to satisfy the building fire within him. “Diana,”
he moaned, “I’m afraid if we continue like this we’re going to end up making love in this chair.”
The words made no sense to Diana.
Cliff had transported her from limbo into heaven in a matter of moments.
She had no desire to leave her newly discovered paradise.
Her only response was a strangled, nonsensical plea for him not to stop.
“Upstairs,”
he said a minute later. “I want to make love to you in a bed.”
Somehow the words made it through the thick haze of desire that had clouded her brain. He wanted to make love to her in a bed! Upstairs. Joan and Katie—her daughters—were upstairs.
“No,”
she managed.
“No?”
Cliff echoed, shocked.
“The . . . girls.”
“So? Aren’t they asleep?”
“I . . . don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me,”
he argued. “I need you, Diana.”
She didn’t need to guess how much he wanted her—she was feeling the same urgency. It had been slowly building in her for three long years.
“I want you,”
he reiterated forcefully. Pressing his hands over her ears, he kissed her long and hard so she’d know he wasn’t just muttering the words.
Diana drove her fingers into his hair and slanted her mouth over his in eager response. “I need you, too,”
she whispered against his lips. “Right now, I could almost die I want you so much.”
“Good.”
“But, Cliff, I can’t. I . . .”
“Come on, honey, don’t argue with me. We’re mature adults—we both know what we want—so what’s stopping you?”
“Cliff, you don’t understand.”
He closed his eyes and groaned. “Somehow I knew that you were going to say that.”
“Joan and Katie are up there.”
“They’re asleep, for heaven’s sake.”
He could argue with her if she were being reasonable, but he was defenseless against such logic. “They won’t even know.”
“I’ll know.”
His hold on her torso tightened as he buried his face in the smooth silk of her skin.
He drew in a ragged breath as the battle between his conscience and his raw need raged within him.
Without too much trouble, he knew he could change her mind.
She wanted him nearly as much as he craved her, and all it would take to convince her of that was a few more uninterrupted minutes.
He released an anguished sigh when his conscience won.
There would be another chance, another place, and the next time it would be right.
“Are you angry?”
Diana asked.
He thought about it a moment, then shook his head. “No.”
“I feel like I’ve been a terrible tease.”
“Then tease me anytime you want,”
he managed on the tail-end of a sigh. “Now,”
he said, easing her off his lap, “walk me to the door and kiss me good-night while I still have the power to leave you.”
She rose unsteadily. The carpet under her feet seemed to buckle and sway beneath her.
Cliff held out his hand to steady her. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,”
she admitted with a half smile. She didn’t know if she’d ever be the same again. Every part of her was throbbing with need, and yet all she could taste was frustration and regret.
He wrapped his arm around her and let her walk him to the front door. Their kiss was ardent, but brief. His arms continued to hold her. “Saturday night,”
he reminded her. “I’ll pick you up at six-thirty.”
It was all Diana could do to nod.
She remained leaning against the door frame long after Cliff had left.
A strange chill rattled her as she realized how close she had come to walking up the stairs and making love with Cliff.
It was then that she realized there was no real commitment between them, not even whispered words of love, only the pure physical response of a lonely widow to an exceptionally handsome man.
Diana gripped her stomach as a wave of nausea passed over her.
She felt ill and frightened.
Somehow she made it up the stairs and into bed, but that didn’t guarantee sleep.
Over and over again she thought about what had nearly happened with Cliff.
No doubt women regularly fell into bed with him.
Diana couldn’t blame them; he would be a wonderful lover.
Gentle and considerate. Even now, hours after he’d left, her body tingled from the memory of his touch.
She wanted him, but the situation was impossible.
Her life was filled with responsibilities now.
She wasn’t carefree and single—she was a mother.
After twenty more minutes of tossing and turning, Diana glanced at the clock.
Life wasn’t simple for her anymore.
Not with two daughters who watched her every move.
When she’d been dating Stan, there’d been no real thought to the future.
It had all been so easy. They were in love, so they got married. Diana was burdened with obligations now on all sides. Ones she willingly accepted.
For two days, she agonized over what she was going to say to Cliff.
She wanted to set the record straight, explain that what had nearly happened wasn’t right for her.
She couldn’t deny that she desired him; he’d see through that fast enough.
When Cliff arrived promptly at six-thirty to pick her up on Saturday night, she kissed the girls goodbye and stiffly followed Cliff to his car.
Although he’d told her they were going to dinner, he hadn’t said where.
“You look as jumpy as a pogo stick,”
he said once they were seated inside his Lamborghini. He was dying to kiss her. Already he ached with the need to hold her in his arms and taste her kisses.
“I . . . we need to talk.”
Cliff placed the key in the ignition, then leaned over to gently brush his mouth over hers. “Can’t it wait until dinner?”
Diana shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s about what nearly happened the other night.”
“Somehow I thought you’d bring that up.”
His hands tightened around the steering wheel. He’d gone too fast for her, but she’d amazed him with how ready and eager she was. It hadn’t been right for them Thursday, but it would be tonight—he’d make certain of that.
“I’m not ready for . . . it.”
Her face flushed with embarrassment. She’d never talked to a man this way, not even with Stan.
“Lovemaking.”
If she wouldn’t say the word, he would.
He didn’t know what her problem was.
The fact that she would deny what was happening between them surprised him, especially after all her talk about honesty.
Their making love was inevitable.
He’d known it almost from the first.
He wanted her desperately.
Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured her in his bed, satin sheets wrapped around her, with her arms stretched toward him, inviting him to join her.
She wouldn’t need to ask him twice.
These past two days without her had been hell.
He wanted her so much that he felt naked and vulnerable without her, and now he was determined to have her.
It hadn’t felt right to walk away from her the other night. The memory of her kisses had returned to haunt him.
“All right, lovemaking,”
Diana echoed, her voice firm but low. “After the other night, I’m afraid I’ve given you the wrong impression.”
Cliff reached over and squeezed her fingers. “Don’t worry, honey, we’re not going to do anything you don’t want.”
Diana should have felt better with his reassurance, but she didn’t.
She’d dreaded this evening from the moment he’d left her, and yet the hours hadn’t gone by fast enough until she’d seen him again.
She thought she knew what she wanted, but one look at Cliff and she was unsure of everything.
“You didn’t say where we were going for dinner,”
she said, making conversation.
He smiled, and his face lit up with boyish charm. “It’s a surprise.”
He drove toward Des Moines and Diana was certain he was taking her to the fancy seafood restaurant the marina was famous for, but he drove past it and instead headed up the back roads to the cliff above the water.
“I didn’t know there was a restaurant up this way,”
she confessed.
“There isn’t,”
he told her with a wide grin. “We’re going to my condo. I’ve been cooking all day.”
“Your place,”
Diana echoed, and the words seemed to bounce around the car like a ricocheting bullet. Her heart slammed against her breast with dread.
“I’m a fabulous chef . . . wait and see.”
Her responding smile was weak and filled with doubt.
Cliff parked his car in the garage and came around to help her out.
He tucked his arm protectively around her waist as she climbed out of his car, then paused to gently kiss the side of her neck.
His tender touch went a long way toward chasing away Diana’s fears, and she smiled up at him.
Cliff was eager to show her his home and proudly led her into his condominium.
The first thing Diana noticed was the flickering flames of the fireplace.
The table was set for two, with candles ready to be lighted. The room was dark, and music played softly from the expensive speakers.
As she surveyed the room, a chill shimmied up her spine. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”