Twelve
“Mom, what do you think?”
Joan paraded in front of her mother as though the eleven-year-old were part of a Las Vegas floor show. She wiggled her girlish hips and demurely tucked her chin over her shoulder while placing her hands on bended knee. “Well?”
Diana successfully squelched a smile. “You look at least fifteen, if not older.”
Joan positively glowed with the praise.
“How come we have to wear a dress?”
Katie grumbled, following her sister into the living room. Diana’s younger daughter wasn’t the least bit thrilled at the prospect of a dinner date with Cliff if she had to wear her Sunday clothes. “How come Cliff can’t just bring over KFC? I like that best.”
“Hey, dog breath, I want to eat in the Space Needle,”
Joan blasted her.
In a huff, Katie crossed her arms and glared defiantly at her sister. “I think it’s silly.”
The dinner date with the girls to announce their engagement had been Cliff’s suggestion. He’d wanted to take Joan and Katie someplace fancy and fun and had chosen the famous Seattle landmark from the 1962 World’s Fair.
“Come on, girls,”
Diana pleaded, “this night is special, so be on your absolute best behavior.”
“Okay,”
the two agreed simultaneously.
Cliff arrived ten minutes later, dressed in a crisp pin-striped three-piece suit and looking devilishly handsome.
The minute he walked in the house, the girls burst into excited chatter, gathering around him like children before a clown.
Although he was listening to Joan and Katie, his eyes sought out Diana’s and were filled with warmth and gentle promise.
One look confirmed that his wild imagination hadn’t conjured everything up out of desperation and loneliness.
She did love him, and heaven knew he loved her.
Seeing Cliff again made Diana feel nervous, impatient and exhilarated.
She’d only arrived back in Seattle the day before, and her whole world had been drastically changed within a matter of a few hours.
The memory of Cliff standing on the other side of Joan’s bedroom from her, looking boyish and uncertain as he suggested they get married, would remain with Diana all her life.
Anyone who knew this man would never have believed the confident, sophisticated Cliff Howard could be so unsure of himself.
In that moment, Diana knew she would never again doubt his love.
She didn’t recall how she’d answered him.
A simple yes or a nod—perhaps both. What she did remember was the joy of Cliff crushing her in his arms and kissing her until they’d been forced to part when Joan and Katie returned.
“Can I order KFC at the Space Needle?”
Katie asked a second time, breaking into Diana’s musings.
“Every restaurant serves chicken, dummy,”
Joan inserted. “Personally, I’m going to order shrimp.”
If dishes were wishes, Cliff would order two weeks alone in a hotel room with Diana.
He dreamed about making love to her, about lying in bed and experiencing the feel of her skin brushing against him.
He thought about waking up with her in the morning and falling asleep with her at night.
Night after night, day after day.
The mere suggestion excited him, filled him with anticipation for the good life that lay before them.
The physical desire he felt for her was deep, honest and powerful.
On the twenty-minute drive into Seattle, both Joan and Katie were excited and anxious and kept the conversation going, bantering back and forth, then squabbling, then joking.
The elevator ride up the 605-foot Space Needle left Joan and Katie speechless with awe.
Diana treasured the brief silence.
She didn’t know what had gotten into her girls lately, but they seemed either to be constantly chattering or else endlessly bickering.
The hostess seated them by a window overlooking Puget Sound and the Olympic mountain range.
The two girls sat together, and Cliff sat beside Diana.
Once they were comfortable, they were handed huge menus.
Diana’s eyes skimmed over her own, and when she’d made her decision, she glanced in the girls’ direction.
“Katie,”
she whispered, both embarrassed and amused, “honey, the napkin’s not a party hat. Take it off your head.”
“Oh.”
Katie’s dark eyes were filled with chagrin.
Joan smothered a laugh, which only proved to embarrass Katie more.
“How was I supposed to know these things?”
Katie demanded.
Joan opened her mouth to explain it all to her younger sibling, but Diana interceded with a scalding look that instantly silenced her oldest daughter.
Cliff set his menu aside when the waitress appeared, and after everyone had made their selection, he ordered champagne cocktails for the adults and Shirley Temples for the girls.
While waiting for their drinks to arrive, Cliff placed his arm around Diana, cupping her shoulder.
She raised her hand and linked her fingers with his.
His touch was light, almost impersonal, but Diana wasn’t fooled. Cliff was as nervous about this evening as she was. So much rested on how Joan and Katie reacted to their news.
“Cliff and I have something we’d like to tell you,”
Diana said softly after the waitress had placed a drink in front of each one of them.
She knew how much the girls liked Cliff, but she wasn’t sure how they’d feel about him becoming a major part of their lives.
It had been just the three of them for a long time.
Joan took a long sip of her Shirley Temple.
Her eyes were raised, but her head was lowered.
She looked like a crocodile peering at them from just above the waterline.
For her part, Katie was busy spreading out the linen napkin across her lap.
Diana resisted the urge to shout at them both that this was important and they should pay attention.
“Cliff and I are trying to tell you something,”
Diana said forcefully, gritting her teeth with impatience.
“What?”
The fact that they’d decided to get married wasn’t something to be blurted out without preamble. Diana had hoped to start off by explaining to her daughters how she’d come to love Cliff and how her love would affect Joan’s and Katie’s life.
“Cliff and I have discovered that we love each other very much.”
Diana’s fingers tightened around his. Just being able to say the words and not having to hide them in her heart produced a special kind of joy.
“So?”
Katie murmured, lifting the tiny, plastic sword from her drink and shoving both maraschino cherries into her mouth at once.
“I already knew that,”
Joan said knowingly.
“So,”
Diana said slowly, and expelled her breath, “Cliff and I were thinking about getting married.”
“And we wanted to know your feelings on the matter,”
he inserted, studying both Joan and Katie. He was as uptight about this evening as Diana. But the girls seemed more concerned about sucking ice cubes than listening to what their mother had to say.
Joan shrugged. “Sure, if you want to get married, I don’t care.”
“Me, either,”
Katie agreed, and juice from the two cherries slid down the side of her chin.
“Oh, gross,”
Joan cried, and pointedly looked in the opposite direction.
Diana’s patience was quickly wearing thin. “Girls, please, we’re not talking about what we’re going to have for breakfast tomorrow morning. If Cliff and I do get married, it’s going to be a major change in all our lives.”
She was about to relay that the marriage would mean they’d be moving and the girls would be changing schools, but Joan interrupted her.
“Will I get a bigger allowance?”
“Can I have a new bike?”
Katie asked on the tail end of her sister’s question.
“Can I tell people we’re going to be rich?”
Joan asked without guile.
“If we’re going to be rich, then I should be able to get a new bike, shouldn’t I?”
“We are not going to be wealthy because I’m marrying Cliff,”
Diana cried, raising her voice and doing a poor job of hiding her disappointment in her daughters. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from Joan and Katie but it certainly hadn’t been indifference and greed.
“Gee, Mom, why are you so mad?”
Joan asked, studying her mother with a quizzical frown. “Katie and I already knew you were in love with Cliff. We couldn’t help but know from the way you’ve been acting all summer.”
Both girls seemed to want an answer.
“I see,”
Diana answered softly, briefly regaining a grip on her emotions.
“Then neither of you has any objection to our getting married?”
Cliff asked.
Diana was as tense as a newly strung guitar. What upset her most was the way the girls were behaving; the entire dinner was about to be ruined.
Joan and Katie shared a look and answered his question with a short shake of their heads.
“I think it’d be great if you married Mom,”
Joan answered. “But if it’s possible, I’d like to be able to get my ears pierced before the wedding.”
Briefly she fondled her thin earlobe. “What do you think, Cliff?”
As an attorney, Cliff was far too wise to get drawn into those mother-daughter power games. “I think that’s up to your mother.”
“And you already know my feelings on the matter, Joan!”
“Okay. Okay. Sorry I asked.”
Any further argument was delayed by the waitress, who delivered their order, and for a brief time, all dissension was forgotten. Katie dug into her crispy fried chicken, while Joan daintily dipped her jumbo shrimp in the small container of cocktail sauce.
“Mom, will Cliff be my father?”
Joan asked a minute later, cocking her head in a thoughtful pose.
“Your stepfather.”
Joan nodded and dropped her gaze, looking disappointed. “But would a stepfather be considered a real enough father for the banquet?”
It took Diana only a moment to understand Joan’s question.
The Girl Scout troop Joan had been involved with throughout the school year was sponsoring a father-daughter dinner at the end of the month.
Diana had read the notice and not given the matter much thought.
Unless someone from church volunteered to escort them, the girls generally didn’t attend functions that involved fathers and daughters.
“I’m sure a stepfather will be acceptable,”
Cliff answered. “Would you like me to take you to the banquet?”
“Would you really?”
“I’d be more than happy to.”
It seemed such a minor gesture, but a feeling of such intense gratitude filled Diana’s heart that moisture pooled in her eyes. She turned to Cliff and offered him a watery smile. “Thank you,”
she whispered. She wanted to say more, but speaking was quickly becoming impossible.
His eyes held hers in the most tender of exchanges, and it took all the strength and good manners Cliff could muster not to kiss Diana right there in the Space Needle restaurant.
His insides felt like overcooked mush.
He was ready for a wife, more than ready, and he was willing to learn what it meant to be a father.
It wasn’t his intention to take the memory of Stan away from Joan and Katie, nor would he be the same kind of father they’d known.
He was sure to make mistakes; he wasn’t perfect and this father business was new to him, but he loved Joan and Katie and he planned to care for them as long as he lived.
Somewhere along the way to discovering his feelings for Diana, her daughters had neatly woven strings around his heart.
“It’s because of me, isn’t it?”
Katie asked, waving a chicken leg in front of Diana’s and Cliff’s nose as though it were a weapon.
“What is?”
Diana asked.
“That you and Cliff are going to get married.”
“How come?”
Joan asked sharply, reaching for her napkin. “I think it’s because of me.”
“No way!”
Katie cried. “I was the one who broke my arm and Cliff came back to Mom because of that!”
“Yeah, but I was the one who called and told him you were in the hospital—so it’s all my doing. If it hadn’t been for me, we could have ended up with Owen, or worse yet, Dan from Wichita, as our new dad.”
“Will you girls kindly stop arguing?”
Diana hissed. Embarrassment coated her cheeks a shade of hot pink. People were turning around to stare at them. Diana was certain she could feel disapproving looks coming their way from the restaurant staff.
“Who did it, then?”
Katie demanded.
“Yeah, who’s responsible?”
Both girls stopped glaring at each other long enough to turn to look at their mother.
“In a way you’re both responsible,”
Diana conceded, praying the two would accept the compromise.
“Ask Cliff.”
Once again the chicken leg was waved under their noses.
“Yeah, Cliff, what do you think?”
“I think . . .”
“Drop it, girls,”
Diana insisted in a raised voice the girls readily recognized as serious. “Immediately!”
The remainder of the dinner was a nightmare for Diana.
Whereas Joan and Katie had chattered all the way into Seattle, they sat sullen and uncommunicative on the drive home to Kent.
A couple of times Cliff attempted to start up a conversation, but no one seemed interested. Diana knew she wasn’t.
Back at the house, Joan and Katie went upstairs to their rooms without a word.
Diana stood at the bottom of the stairs until they were out of sight and then moved into the kitchen to make coffee. Cliff followed her and placed his hands on her shoulders as she stood before the sink.
Miserable and ashamed of her children’s behavior, Diana hung her head. “I am so sorry,”
she whispered when she could speak.
“Diana, what are you talking about?”
“The girls—”
“Were exhausted from a two-week vacation with their grandparents. You haven’t been back twenty-four hours, and here we are hitting them with this.”
Gently his hands stroked her bare arms. He felt bad only because Diana did. “I love you, and I love the girls. Tonight was the exception, not the norm. They’re good kids.”
She nodded because tears were so close to the surface and arguing would have been impossible.
Cliff must really love her to have put up with the way Joan and Katie had behaved.
Diana couldn’t remember a time when her daughters had been worse.
After all these years as a single mother, Diana had prided herself on being a good parent and in one evening she’d learned the truth about her parenting skills.
“Diana,”
Cliff whispered, “put that mug down. I don’t want any coffee. I want to hold you.”
The mug felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds when Diana set it on the counter. Slowly she turned, keeping her eyes on the kitchen floor, unable to meet his gaze.
His arms folded around her, bringing her against him.
He didn’t make any demands on her, content for the moment to offer comfort.
His chin slowly brushed against the top of her head, while his hands roved in circles across her back.
The action had meant to be consoling, but Cliff had learned long before that he couldn’t hold Diana without wanting her.
Diana looped her arms around his neck and directed his mouth to hers.
The kiss was possessive, filled with frustration and undisguised need.
Diana shuddered at the wild, consuming kiss.
Cliff was pacing outside the gates of heaven.
He loved this woman, needed her physically, mentally, emotionally—every way there was to need another human being.
But she was driving him crazy.
The drugged kiss went on unbroken, and so did the way she moved against him. “Diana,”
He pulled his mouth from hers and buried his face in her shoulder while he came to grips with himself.
They remained clenched in each other’s arms until their strained, uneven breathing calmed.
Gathering her courage, Diana tilted back her head until she found his eyes.
Cliff smiled at her, bathing her in his love. His thumb brushed the corners of her mouth, needing to touch her.
Little could have gone worse tonight, and Diana felt terrible. “You don’t have to go through with it, you know.”
He frowned, not understanding.
“With the wedding . . . After tonight, I wouldn’t blame you if you backed out. I think if the situation were reversed, I’d consider it.”
Cliff’s frown deepened. She had to be nuts! He’d just found her and he had no intention of doing as she suggested. He saw the doubt in her eyes that told him of her uncertainty. He met her gaze steadily, his own serious. “No way, Diana,”
he whispered, and cupped her face, tilting her head upward to meet his descending mouth.
The kiss was deep and long, warm and moist.
When he broke away, his shoulders were heaving and his breathing was fast and harsh. He didn’t move a muscle for the longest moment. Then, slowly, regretfully, he dropped his arms.
“I’d better go,”
he said with heavy reluctance. It was either go now or break his promise to her.
Diana wanted him to stay, needed him with her, but she couldn’t ask it of him. Not tonight, when everything else had gone so wrong. Wordlessly she followed him to the front door.
He paused and lifted his hand to caress her sweet face. Diana placed her own over his and closed her eyes.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She nodded.
“Mom, when will Cliff be here?”
Diana finished removing Joan’s hair from the hot curler before glancing at her wristwatch. “He’s due in another hour.”
“Do you think he’ll like my dress?”
“I’m sure he’ll love it. You always did look so pretty in pink.”
“Really?”
Diana couldn’t remember Joan ever being more anxious for anything.
The Girl Scout banquet was a special night for her daughter and for Cliff.
The wedding was set for the second week of August; they’d found a house near Des Moines that everyone was thrilled with, and they planned to make the big move before the first day of school.
Diana had already started some of the packing.
Her parents were flying out for the ceremony, as were Cliff’s.
His brother, Rich, and his wife and family were driving up from California.
But for Joan, the wedding and all the planned activities that went along with it ran a close second to the father-daughter banquet.
Cliff had told her he was ordering an orchid for Joan, and out of her allowance money Joan had proudly purchased a white rose boutonniere for Cliff.
The phone pealed in the distance, and a minute later Katie stuck her head in the bathroom door.
“It’s for you, Mom.
It’s Cliff.”
Katie paused and glanced at her elder sister. “Wow, you look almost grown up.”
“You really think so, Katie?”
Smiling, Diana hurried into the upstairs hallway and picked up the telephone receiver. “Hi, there. Oh, Cliff, you wouldn’t believe how pretty Joan looks. I’ve never seen her—”
“Diana, listen . . .”
“She’s more excited than on Christmas morning—”
“Diana.”
This time his voice was sharp, sharper than he’d intended.
He was in one heck of a position, torn between his job and his desire to be with Joan for her special night.
He didn’t mean to blurt it out, but there didn’t seem to be any other way to say it. “I can’t make it tonight.”
Diana was so stunned she sagged against the wall and closed her eyes. “What do you mean you can’t make it?”
she asked after a tortuous moment when the terrible truth had begun to sink in. Surely she’d misunderstood him. She hoped there was some kind of mix-up and she hadn’t heard him right.
“The senior vice president has asked me to take over a case that’s going to the state supreme court. I just found out about it. The first briefing is tonight.”
“But surely you can get out of one meeting.”
“It’s the most important one. I tried, Diana.”
“But what about Joan?”
This couldn’t be happening—it just couldn’t. The new dress, Joan’s first pair of panty hose, her hair freshly permed and set in hot rollers. “What about the father-daughter banquet?”
Cliff couldn’t feel any worse than he already did. “I phoned George Holiday, and he’s agreed to take her. There will be other banquets.”
“But Joan wants to go with you.”
“Believe me, if I could, I’d take her. But I can’t.”
He was growing impatient now, more angry at the circumstances than with Diana, who couldn’t seem to believe or accept what he was telling her.
“But surely they’d have let you know about something this important before now.”
“Diana, I’ll explain it to Joan later. I’ve got to get back to the meeting. I’m late now. Honey, believe me, I’m as upset about this as you are.”
“Cliff,”
she cried, “please, you can’t do this to her.”
But it was too late, the line had already been disconnected. When she turned around, Diana discovered Joan watching her with wide brown eyes filled with horror and distress.
“Cliff’s not going, is he?”
she asked in a pained whisper.
“No . . . he’s got an important meeting.”
Without a word, Joan turned and walked into her bedroom and closed the door.
The minute it was feasibly possible, Cliff prepared to leave the meeting.
He shoved the papers into his briefcase and left with no more than the minimal pleasantries.
He felt like a heel.
His conscience had been punishing him all night.
Okay, okay, it wasn’t his fault, but he hadn’t wanted to disappoint Joan.
His only comfort was that he’d be able to take her to the father-daughter banquet the following year and the year after that.
Surely she’d understand this once and be willing to look past her disappointment.
The porch light was on at Diana’s, and he hurriedly parked the car.
To his surprise, Diana met him at the front door.
She looked calm, but she didn’t fool him; he knew her too well.
Anger simmered just below the surface.
He’d hoped she would be more understanding, but he’d deal with her later.
First he had to talk to her daughter.
“Where’s Joan?”
“In her room. She cried herself to sleep.”
“Oh, no.”
Cliff groaned. He moved past Diana and up the stairs into the eleven-year-old’s bedroom. The room was dark, and he left the light off and sat on the corner of her mattress. His heart felt heavy and constricted with regret as he brushed the curls off her forehead.
“We need to talk,”
Diana whispered from outside the doorway. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her feet were braced apart, as though to fend off an attack.
“How did the banquet go?”
he asked as he followed her down the stairs.
Diana shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Joan hardly said a word when she got home.”
“Honey, I’m sorry, I really am. This kind of thing doesn’t come up that often, but when it does, there’s nothing I can do.”
“You broke her heart.”
Cliff didn’t need Diana piling on any more guilt than what he already had. It wasn’t as though he’d deliberately gone out of his way to disappoint Joan. He certainly would rather have spent the night with Diana’s daughter than cooped up in a stuffy, smoke-filled office.
“I know a banquet with an eleven-year-old girl isn’t high on your priority list . . .”
“Diana, that’s not true—”
“No . . . you listen to me. You want to break a date with me, then fine. I’m mature enough to accept it. But I can’t allow you to hurt one of my children. I absolutely refuse to allow it.”
Cliff ran his fingers through his hair and angrily expelled his breath. “You’re making it sound like I deliberately planned this meeting just so I could get out of the banquet.”
“All I know,”
Diana said, holding in the anger as best she could, “is that if it had been Stan, he would have been here!”
Stan’s name hit Cliff with all the force of a brick hurled against the back of his head. He reeled with the impact and the shock of the pain. “Are you going to throw his name at me every time something goes wrong?”
“I don’t know,”
she murmured. “All I know is that I don’t want you to hurt Joan and Katie.”
“You’re making it sound like I’m looking for the opportunity.”
“I’ve had all night to think about what I want to say,”
Diana confessed, dropping her gaze, unable to meet the cutting, narrowed look he was giving her. “All of a sudden I’m not so sure marriage would be the best thing for me and the girls.”
Cliff knotted his hands into tight, impotent fists. “Okay, you want to call off the wedding, then fine.”
His willingness shocked her. “I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, you’d better hurry up and decide.”
A horrible silence stretched between them like a rolling, twisting fog, blinding them from the truth and obliterating the love that had once seemed so strong and invincible.
“I’ll give you a week,”
Cliff announced. “You can let me know then what you want to do.”
With that, he turned and walked out the front door.