Chapter 56
CHAPTER 56
APRIL
T he penthouse is ominously quiet when I let myself in, despite the warmth of the sunlight bouncing off the floors and walls. I make my way upstairs and enter my room, my limbs feeling as heavy as my heart. Dragging open the case, I used over the weekend I pack my belongings. I look at the row of clothes Caleb bought me after the fire, and the ones I’ve treated myself to with the money Scarlett has paid me.
I sink to the floor next to my case, my hands dangling listlessly over my knees. My chin against my chest. I shouldn’t have left the party. I’m a chicken. Cal deserves better. He always has, but I let myself believe in fairy tales. When will I ever learn? My throat thickens, my eyes growing wet. More tears, more despair. I need to wake up and smell the coffee. Get over this pity party. It’s time to move on. Move back to my old life, my community. To what I know. Where the rules are ones I understand.
The door downstairs slams, and I jerk upright, rubbing my eyes.
“April!” I hear Caleb’s frantic call .
I climb to my feet and make my way to the door, just as it flies open.
“April,” he says, his voice filled with relief. He steps up to me, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me flush against his body. I want to sink into the security of his arms but know I can’t. It’s not fair to him.
It’s because I have, I’m now in this predicament. If he and Elijah think they can do anything about Crawley and his cronies, they’re mistaken. I’ve spent too much time around men like them. The club kept them in line, but now I’m fair game and I refuse to take this beautiful man down with me.
My arms hang limply by my side, until he moves back, taking my face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, little dancer. I’m so sorry. Elijah is dealing with Crawley. Mum is on the warpath. I promise you’ll never have to worry about that man again.”
I look into the dark eyes I’ve come to care for so much, my hands coming up to grip his wrists. I pull them away from my face. Holding them between us.
“I can’t,” I say, my voice thick. “I’m sorry, Cal. I can’t let you do this. This is my reputation and therefore my battle. I will not drag your family’s name into it with me. My choices, my problem.”
“No, April. That’s not how this works. When Crawley went after you. He went after all of us. You aren’t alone. Not anymore. You don’t have to stand up to him on your own.”
“Crawley has nothing on your family. It’s not you he wants, it’s me. If it comes out, what will your board say when they find out I was a stripper. Think what the parents of my kids will say. Even Scarlett’s business will be marred by a stripper teaching their kids.” I bury my head in my hands. I knew it was all too good to be true.
Cal takes my hands and pulls them away from my face. When I finally look up all I can see is the beautiful man in front of me. “Everyone has been so kind, but this is my mess. If I walk away, hopefully he’ll get bored. Realise there is no power in his words or threats.”
“Ex-stripper,” he says calmly. “And Elijah will see there is no story.” The sincerity in his voice tears at my heart. If only I could believe him. He places a hand behind my head and pulls me towards him, our foreheads touching.
“We can get through this, April. I know about your dancing at Merryfellows. I’ve known from the beginning. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew. I honestly don’t care about your past. It never mattered to me.”
“Elijah told me about the dossier.” I pull back and stare him in the eyes. “You know how screwed up that is, Cal?”
When he says nothing, I sink down to sit on the edge of the bed.
He drops to his knees in front of me, clasping my hands in his, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over my knuckles. “I love you, April. It’s not something I ever thought possible. But you, little dancer have swept me off my feet, knocked me sideways.”
I gasp at his words, the pressure in my chest building. I stare wide-eyed at Cal, his eyes radiating the honesty and belief he has in his words.
I shake my head before he cups it in his hands, making me stop and look at him. He inhales, bringing our foreheads together again.
“I’m not proud of what I did. But information in my world is power. You fascinated me from the moment I met you in New York. Then you disappeared, only to reappear. A scrap of a dancer with fire in her eyes who was taking me on. When the studio burned down and you disappeared again,” he pauses. “I used Eli to track you down. I won’t apologise, it brought you into my life.”
“You can’t love me,” I whisper .
He pulls back, a frown marring his brow. “I can and I do. I don’t expect you to feel the same way. Not yet. But know this. I love you April Wilson and nothing is going to change that. No bully like Leonard Crawley, is going to stop me. Nothing you have done in your past is going to stop me. We live in the here and now, and look only to the future. A future I want you to be a part of.”
I let out a sob. Everything I have wanted to hear. Cal runs his thumbs over my cheeks, his eyes filled with love as he stares at me. “I’ve not exactly been a choir boy, and I hope you can find it in your heart to look past my misdemeanours.”
I let out a choked sound at his words. He can’t mean it.
I drop my forehead back to his.
“Sir Leonard won’t give up. Even if he does, he’ll be one of many. There’ll be others, Cal,” I bite my lip to prevent a sob escaping. “Every party we attend, there will be snide comments. They’ll eat away at us. You think you love me now, but.”
I can’t end my sentence. My chest constricts at the thought of Cal one day looking at me with disgust in his eyes.
He pulls back, his eyes locked on mine. “I don’t think. I know. I love you, April. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you. It’s like you’re the air that I breathe, my world feels empty when you’re not around.” He shakes his head. “I thought I was going to suffocate when I found you’d left the party.” The sincerity in his tone shocks me.
“But what if it’s not enough?” I say, cupping his cheek, watching as he presses his head into it, closing his eyes. “I’ve survived many things, but the thought of watching the love you’re showing me now, fade and die. I’m not sure I can survive that.” My voice catches and despair engulfs me. “I’ve been alone so many times in my life. For the first time I feel like I’ve found somewhere, a home. Now after today… I won’t be a burden.”
When Cal’s eyes open, the steeliness I see there shocks me. “My beautiful little dancer, you have no idea how powerful my family is. When I tell you, he will not bother you again, I mean it. Crawley’s a creep. He won’t get away with threatening you or my family.”
My eyes must widen, because his face softens, and he smiles at me. “Unlike Crawley, we don’t abuse our power. But we do protect ourselves and those we love.” He takes my head in his hands. “I need you to trust me.”
My mind wanders back to Elijah in the hallway. Crawley was scared. I assumed it was the man’s towering presence that intimidated him, but now I’m beginning to wonder. Crawley hadn’t expected his threats to be overheard.
“I will protect you. You just need to give me a chance. I want you to trust me, trust in us. Let me prove how much you mean to me.”
I break eye contact, drawing in a deep breath.
“I’ll trust you,” I say, “But, Cal. All this, you and me. There are things you don’t know.”
He draws my hand up to his mouth, turning it over and placing a kiss against my palm. “I’ll never hold your past against you,” he says quietly. “We all have to do things to survive. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of. You’re a survivor.” He takes my chin in his hand and tilts it, so our eyes once again connect. “You should be proud of all you’ve done, all you’ve achieved.”
His smile shoots arrows through my heart. Melting the surrounding ice.
“I know you used the money you earned from dancing to fund the studio. Why do you think I was so willing to bend over backwards to help you keep it? You deserve a break. All the good you’ve done, all the children you’ve helped. It was time someone helped you. Please don’t give up on us, over some incorrect sense of self-preservation or before we’ve had a chance.”
I grip the hand holding my chin, and squeeze. “I’m not giving up. I won’t do that. But you can’t deny we’re intense.”
He smirks at my words, and I raise an eyebrow. “The trip back in the car gave me time to think. Crawley opened the door to things I locked away. I’m on a rollercoaster, Caleb, and there’s no way off. My life is charging ahead of me. I need space, time to think. I can’t do that here.”
“That sounds like a goodbye.”
I glance down as he interlocks our fingers before meeting his gaze.
“Not goodbye. Space. We need to talk. I want to be transparent with you. About my life and my past.” I sigh when he tilts his head. “I never sold my body. Stripping was one thing, but I couldn’t…”
He pulls me into his arms. “I’ve not been a saint,” he says. “You know that. I can’t say I’m not glad you didn’t have to do that. But I would not have held it against you. I’ve only read about your life. I can’t imagine how scary it was living it, trying to survive on your own at such a young age.”
“It’s why Samuel is so important to me. He was always there. Like a big brother. We looked out for each other.”
Cal moves to the bed next to me, his arms engulfing me as I drop my head against his chest. Letting the past drift away, at least for now. Choosing to trust the man who tells me I’ve stolen his heart. Knowing without a doubt, he’s stolen mine.
“I can’t stay here,” I admit. “If I do, then I’ll end up in your bed.”
I feel his lips press against my hair.
“What I need is time to process, time to find myself. Ensure you’re right. That there won’t be any blow back on your family.” I pull back and look up. I know it’s the last thing he wants.
Cal drops his chin to his chest and closes his eyes. A silence descends.
When he raises his head, his lost expression breaks my already wounded heart. It’s my turn to cup his face. I place my lips against his in a chaste kiss. “If we are going to survive, I need to do so from an even footing. I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.”
“Is it so wrong I want to take away all your problems, protect you?” he asks quietly.
“No. But that would be the easy option for me. In the past few months, I’ve learned a lot about myself. What I want and who I want to be. As you’ve said yourself. I’m a survivor, but that’s all I’ve ever done. Survived one crisis after another. What I want to do now is take charge, control my own destiny.”
“And you can’t do that with me by your side?”
The uncertainty on his face is surprising. My playboy, Caleb, looking insecure. I never thought I’d see the day.
My eyes widen, is that what he thinks.
“Oh Cal, I very much want you by my side. Please believe me when I say that. But us, what is going on between us. It has happened because we’ve been thrown together. You are my prince charming, my knight in shining armour. But life isn’t a fairytale. I want us both to be sure, when we take the next step.”
Cal’s eyes scan my face as if trying to ascertain what I’m saying is true. Whatever he sees has him sighing.
“I’m not giving up,” he tells me, his brow quirking, his expression smug.
“I should bloody well hope not,” I reply, laughing. “I spoke to Scarlett. She rents out her old apartment as an Airbnb. It’s currently empty. She says I can stay there until the studio apartment is complete.”
“Okay,” he says, his eyes locking with mine. “But promise me. If you need me, you’ll call. You’re not alone. I’m here for you and if not me, the other people in your life who love you. Di, Julian, Samuel, my family. They are all here for you.”
I place a finger over his lips and smile. “That goes double for Elijah, apparently. If there are any issues, he’s given me strict instructions to call him.”
The look on Caleb’s face shocks me, but then he gives a strange little smile.
“He made me promise. If Crawley or any of the others come, I’m to let him know. I won’t try to handle it. And Cal, I promise not to run.”
My words seem to hit home, and he smiles at me. Pulling me forward, pressing a kiss to my lips.
“I love you, April Wilson. Just remember that when you’re curled up in your lonely bed at night. Your vibrator will be no substitute.”
I bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing. He’s right about one thing. My vibrator won’t even come close. I’m not sure another man could replace Caleb Frazer, and that should scare me.
“I have you on speed dial. If Jeremy isn’t up to the task,” I say, winking at him before pushing myself off the bed and stepping towards the wardrobe and my half-packed case.
Caleb turns to face me. “Jeremy? You named your vibrator?” He shakes his head and laughs. “Fine. Just make sure you do,” he says. “I’ll arrange for Mason to come and pick us up. He can drop you at Scarlett’s.”
I nod before turning away, overcome with emotion. My chest is tight.
Caleb gets up before coming towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist before dropping a kiss where my shoulder meets my neck.
“I’ll give you the space you need, but just so you know. I’m not giving up on us,” he says before letting me go and walking out of the room.
The hollow feeling spreads from my heart out, but not as it’s done in the past. I know I’m doing the right thing in my head. I just need my heart to understand. I rub the centre of my chest, before continuing to fold the rest of my clothes into the case.
Cal returns as I’m zipping it up. Taking the handle from me, he wheels it out of the room. He takes my hand in his free one, bringing it to his lips.
“I’m going to work hard at convincing you to come home, but I understand this is what you need. Just don’t be too proud to let me know when you’re ready to come back.”
I can’t keep the smile from my lips, and his own eyes twinkle.
“Confident much?” I say.
“Totally,” he says. “Love has to win out otherwise what’s the point?”
Maybe he’s right. But then, why do I always find myself alone?