Chapter 61
CHAPTER 61
APRIL
I toss and turn for most of the night. Dinner with Caleb was something else.
The way he squirmed when his ex appeared. How much I miss him, and not just his magic dick. I know in my heart I’m done for. All I can do now is damage limitation.
He reassures me he can control the fall out of my past. But I don’t know what to believe. I can’t see how we can spin it without it coming back to haunt us.
Then there was his final bombshell. My mother. Is she really looking for me? Do I want to meet her? I’m twenty-five. She left me when I was three. Do I have hangups? - hell yes. Does my past bother me? I know it does. The unknowing is painful. Why did she leave me? Why did she never come back for me? I know deep down I was too young for it to have been my fault, but there’s always a nagging doubt in my mind that I wasn’t good enough, loveable enough.
The phone pings next to the bed, and I see a message from Caleb. He sent me a pleasant dreams message last night, as he always does, and I’ve been waiting for this morning’s one. I smile.
CAL:
How did you sleep?
I pick up the phone and dial his number. He answers almost immediately.
“I didn’t,” I say.
“I’m sorry, beautiful.” He sighs. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I smile at his contrite tone. Only Cal would blame himself for giving me that kind of news.
“I’m glad you told me.” Not wanting him to feel any worse than he already does. “I’ve spent a lot of the night thinking about it.”
He remains silent.
I inhale deeply.
“I want to meet her. I realised at about three AM that I need to put the past to bed. Stop wondering what happened. Get some closure.”
The silence remains, and I wonder if we’ve been disconnected.
“Cal?”
“I’ll speak to Eli, see what he can find out.”
I take another deep breath.
“No,” I say. “I want to do this, just you and me. If you’re up for it.”
It’s Cal’s turn to exhale loudly. “I’ll always be there for you. Whatever you need.”
Butterflies dance around my stomach. He really has no idea how special he is. This side of him has me falling harder and faster every day.
“Can you get me the details?” I ask, my breath catching. My mind is filled with countless what-ifs, making it difficult to know where to begin untangling them.
My heart is telling my head this needs to happen, or I will always wonder. If it’s a disaster, then I’ll have to learn to live with it, but I can begin moving forward.
I have trust and abandonment issues. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out why. This could be the answer.
“I already have them,” he admits. “I’ll send them across. And April. Whatever you choose. I want to be by your side.”
I swallow the lump blocking my throat.
“Thank you. It means more than you can know,” I choke out.
“Whatever happens.”
I smile at his words.
“Whatever happens,” I repeat back at him.
As promised, Cal forwards me Sarah’s details. I ask Scarlett if I can borrow her office. I need to make this call before I run for the hills and use one of the thousands of excuses that have been swirling around my head all morning.
Punching in the numbers, I wait.
“Sarah speaking?”
“Hi,” I say.
The sound of her voice steals my breath. Not something I was expecting.
“Hello?” Sarah says.
Words fail me. The silence deepens, and my heart rate picks up as I wonder if she’ll put the phone down thinking this is a crank call. What if she’s changed her mind and doesn’t want to contact me at all?
“April?” Her voice catches. The desperation in her tone is clear .
My name shocks me back into the present. “Yes,” I croak out.
“My goodness… I can’t believe… Is it really you?”
The words come out stuttering as if she’s overcome with emotion.
“Hi,” I say, closing my eyes and focusing on the words.
“It’s been so long. I assumed you… sorry,” she says, stopping herself.
“I only just found out you were looking for me,” I say. Not wanting her to say anything else. Not yet.
“I can’t believe it’s you.”
When her voice catches, the words rush out. “Can we meet?” I ask.
A sob resounds down the phone, and I brace myself at the surprise flood of emotion that hits me. There’s silence for a moment before Sarah speaks again.
“I would love that,” she says softly. “You have no idea how much.”
The details Cal sent me said Sarah lives in Yorkshire with her husband and two children.
“I can come to you,” I say. “We can meet up in a hotel, neutral ground.”
“A hotel is fine, although my husband, Tim knows all about you. He’s been helping me to find you. He’ll be so excited,” she says, her voice picking up pace, as if she too is excited.
The news shocks me. I don’t know what I was expecting. Part of me wondered if I was going to be her dirty little secret.
We spend some time going backwards and forwards. I tell her I can come up in a couple of weekends’ time. I just hope that’s okay with Cal.
When we finally end the call, it’s as if someone has lifted a heavy weight off my chest. I pick up my phone and dial Cal’s number.
“Hi,” I say. I hear muttering in the background. “Sorry, are you in a meeting?”
“I am, but don’t worry. Give me a second.” I hear him moving and a door close.
“I could have called you back,” I say.
I should have thought about how busy he is.
“No, I’d rather listen to you than that bunch of boring old farts,” he says, making me giggle.
“Seeing the average age of your company is about thirty-five, I’m not sure boring, or old, fits the bill. Remember, I’ve been around them.”
He chuckles, and my heart soars.
“What do I owe the honour of this mid-lunchtime call?” he asks, and I remember I called him. This man sends my hormones racing, and I lose all rational thought.
“Yes. Sorry.” I stumble over my words.
“April, breathe,” he says, but I can hear the smile in his tone.
“Sorry.” I inhale. “I called her.”
“Who? Your mother?” he asks cautiously.
“I did. She wants to meet me. The weekend after next.” I say, hoping he’s not going to tell me he has other plans and can’t make it.
“I’m proud of you,” he says. “I’ll book us a room. There’s a Frazer Hotel nearby. We can meet her there.”
A flood of warmth takes over my body, and I sink back into the chair.
“Thank you. Thank you for encouraging me to do this.”
“It’s all you, little dancer. I’m along for the ride. I want you to have your dreams. Help make them happen, anyway I can.”
The words I love you stick to my tongue. I want to say them to him, know I mean them, but I can’t. Not yet. I have a few more things to do. Meeting my birth mother is one of them.
“Will I see you tonight? I can come over and cook dinner,” I say. Wanting, no, needing to be close to him.
There’s a pause. “I’d love that,” he says, his tone lighter.
I can’t keep the smile off my face. “I’ll see you later,” I say before ending the call.
I have a skip in my step as I head back to the dance studio for my next class. Only a few more weeks here, and then I’ll be moving back to my studio. I’ll miss the banter and the companionship of those I’ve met here. Although I know it’s not over.
“Wow, you look happy,” Scarlett says, stepping into the studio.
I tilt my head. “I am,” I admit, a grin spreading over my face.
Scarlett steps forward. “You and Cal? Have you sorted out your differences?” she asks.
I know she’s been concerned since I moved into her apartment.
“We’re getting there,” I admit.
I take a deep breath. I'm not sure if I should tell her what’s going on, but I'm not sure I can keep it to myself. The bubbling in my chest wants to explode.
“I just spoke to my birth mother,” I say, opening my eyes wide and waiting. Not sure what reaction I’m expecting.
It’s Scarlett’s turn to look shocked, but she grabs my hands and squeezes. “I’m taking it, it went well. You’re practically vibrating.”
I screw up my face. “I don’t know. Cal and I are going to meet her a week on Saturday. I’m confused.” I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not sure how to feel or what to say. She abandoned me when I was three. I haven’t seen her since. ”
Scarlett pulls me into her arms.
“All you need to do is listen. See what she has to say. There are no hard and fast rules. Whatever happens next, you can draw a line under the past.” She gives me another squeeze before releasing me.
“Thank you,” I say, my throat tight. She does not know how much her words resonate.
“You’re welcome. I’m going to miss you when you leave,” she says.
The door to the studio opens, and the next class enters. I see Lottie in the back, so I wave over. Eli never brings his daughter, it’s usually his wife, ex-wife.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Scarlett says, heading for the door. Before she reaches it, she turns back. “Can you come and see me before you leave? I have a proposition for you. There is a certain rock-star who needs choreography for his new video. I think your style will fit. I want to know if you’re interested.” Scarlett grins, and I scowl at her. How can I turn down an offer like that?
“That’s cruel,” I call after her.
“I know, speak to you later.” She leaves the room laughing, and I shake my head.
“Afternoon, class.”
“Afternoon, Ms April.” They chorus. My focus moves from Scarlett and my evening planned with Cal to the teenagers in front of me.