23. Olivia
CHAPTER 23
OLIVIA
O livia sat in the living room of Marge Coldwell’s house, the silence seeming to penetrate to her very soul.
She hadn’t been able to bring herself to turn any lights on, which had been fine when she had arrived here — it had been early afternoon. But now the sun was beginning to go down and the room was growing dark around her, and Olivia remained in shadows. She could have gotten up to turn on the light — she could even have reached over to the lamp that sat next to her on the end table and switched that on — but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Every time she thought about moving, her muscles grew tense and paralyzed her.
It was so anxiety-inducing to do nothing but sit here waiting to see what would happen.
She glanced at her phone, which she had positioned face-up next to her. The screen was still dark, and had been since she had sat down here. No notifications. No texts, no calls — nothing. Wherever Charlie was right now, whatever he was doing, it didn’t involve reaching out to her.
Who am I kidding? He’s probably halfway back to Boston right now .
He had said that he wouldn’t go back, of course. He had promised that he would come home tonight so that they could talk. But she didn’t necessarily believe that. He had given her no reason to take him at his word about anything, even though she wished that she could — even though she would have liked to put faith in the idea that he would do her the simple courtesy of coming back to talk about where things stood between the two of them. Surely that wasn’t too much to ask for.
But maybe it was. He had certainly implied over and over — and on a couple of occasions, said outright — that he didn’t want anything beyond the professional with her. Maybe she just needed to take the hint.
Olivia closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her chair. If he didn’t come home tonight, she decided, she was going to stop putting herself through this. The house was Charlie’s outright now, so there was no reason to continue with the charade. If she didn’t speak to him tonight, she would list it for sale, and then she would move back into her own apartment.
Would he give her the twenty percent he had promised? She didn’t know. But she would still be the realtor on the sale of this house, and she would be entitled to some commission. Whatever she got, it would have to be enough — and it would be better than being trapped in this excruciating fake marriage to a man who couldn’t even bring himself to talk to her, even at a time such as this.
She heard the front door slam and bolted upright.
He’s here .
He had come back after all.
She couldn’t get up and go to greet him, even though she wanted to. She couldn’t force herself out of the chair. Once she saw the look on his face, she would know more than she did right now — she would have answers she wasn’t sure she was ready to face.
He found her quickly enough. She wasn't sure how he’d done it, since the lights were off and there was no sound of the television for him to follow, but he appeared in the doorway.
“Hey,” he said.
“You came back.”
“I told you I would.”
“But where have you been? It’s been hours.”
“I had errands to run.”
Olivia couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “You had errands to run?” she repeated.
“Yes.”
“I tell you I’m pregnant and you disappear for four hours because you want to go shopping?”
“Will you come into the kitchen, please?”
“I don’t know if I should!”
“Olivia, just… please. I’m asking you.”
“You have spent the last month not showing up for me, Charlie. Now you want me to go somewhere just because you’re asking me to?”
“Look, it’s just the kitchen,” he said. “I get the point you’re making, and if taking a stand here is that important to you I guess we can talk right here. But there’s something in the kitchen that I’d like to show you, if you can see your way to coming in there.”
She got to her feet. “Fine,” she said. If she didn’t cooperate, she knew, she would be handing him things to complain about, and that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be the only one with a righteous complaint here. When they walked away from all this, he should be forced to acknowledge that she had never been anything but cooperative. That he had been the one to introduce all the problems and chaos.
She followed him into the kitchen, wondering what this could possibly be about — but as soon as she reached the threshold, she stopped short, staring in wonder.
The kitchen table was covered with shopping bags.
“What is all this?” she asked him.
“See for yourself.”
She went to the first of the bags and opened it. A flimsy piece of plastic was rolled up inside. She unrolled it and saw a pattern of wide-eyed puppy dogs.
She looked up at Charlie. “This is a paint stencil.”
He nodded.
Olivia moved on to the next bag. It contained a cardboard box, and when she pulled it out and examined the artwork on the side, she saw that it was a mobile to hang over a baby’s crib. It featured stars, moons, and another puppy, this one wearing an astronaut helmet.
The third bag held a large stuffed dog. She looked up at Charlie. “These are baby things.”
“We’re going to need them,” he said quietly. “For the nursery, I thought.”
“For the…” Olivia’s mind raced to catch up with what she was seeing. “That’s where you’ve been? Out buying things for a nursery?
“Well, we’re going to need these things,” Charlie said again. “I mean, don’t you think?” He hesitated. “Are you upset that I did this without you? I know maybe I should have waited — maybe we should have gone together — but it felt like I had to do something that would make a point to you.”
“What point are you making?”
“That we’re in this together,” Charlie said. He sat down at the table, and after a moment’s hesitation, Olivia joined him. “I know I haven’t been the best.”
“Well, that’s an understatement,” she said. “You left town and didn’t speak to me for four weeks. I’m sorry, I’m not saying this to call you out, but…”
“No, you’re within your rights to call me out,” he told her. “Honestly, you should call me out. There’s no excuse for the way I acted.”
“If you know that, then why did you do it? Why did you disappear on me like that?” Olivia asked. “I get if it you didn’t want anything serious with me, but you didn’t need to ghost me that way. You could have said something. You could have let me know. Would that have been so hard?”
“No,” Charlie said. “It wouldn’t, and if that was the way I’d felt, I like to think I would have just told you, like you say.”
“What does that mean?”
He sighed. “I didn’t go to Boston because I didn’t care about you, Olivia. I went because I do care. Because I care way too much.”
Olivia’s heart missed a beat.
This was what Izzy had suggested to her. But it couldn’t possibly be true, could it?
“That doesn’t make sense,” she said. “Why would that make you go to Boston?”
“I was intimidated,” he told her. “I’ve never had feelings like that before — not for anyone. I know I should have gotten over it. I should have faced up to it, but it felt like if I were to stay around you, I would lose control of myself. I mean, hell, I already did lose control of myself once. That night on the boat…”
“That night you regret.”
“I only regret it because it scared the hell out of me, Olivia. Do you realize how long it’s been since I gave anyone the power to hurt me? Do you get that you could crush me with a word right now? I don’t know how to deal with that. I know that makes me…”
“Pathetic,” she said softly.
“Yeah. I get that. And the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to come back, because I knew I had made a terrible choice and that I was going to have to face it when I saw you again.” He sighed. “It’s impossible, you know? It’s impossible to live with this kind of fear and vulnerability.”
“It isn’t impossible,” Olivia countered. “I’m doing it right now. I’ve been doing it since that night on the boat. You can’t look at me and say that I’m asking the impossible of you when all you’re talking about is the very thing you made me do. I’ve been alone in this.”
“You’re right.” He buried his face in his hands for just a moment, but then he forced himself to look up. “You are entirely right,” he said. “I should never have left. I have no excuse, and there is nothing I can say. There’s nothing that will make this all right. I’m just… very very sorry.”
“I can forgive you,” Olivia found herself saying.
She was surprised at her own words, for she hadn’t thought they would come so easily. She hadn’t expected herself to be capable of forgiveness. Not this quickly.
His eyes widened. “Can you really?”
“I can try,” she said. “This baby stuff — it’s a start.”
“I’m sure I have a lot of proving myself to do.”
“More than you can imagine,” she told him, her voice catching. She swallowed before going on. “You say I have the power to crush you, Charlie, but… you did that to me. You left me alone for four weeks. I told myself not to get involved with you, because I was sure that you were like this — and then I did it anyway. I went against my own advice, and I got myself hurt in doing so. It’s a lot to deal with.”
“I know. I understand,” he said.
“I want to forgive you, because the things you’re saying — I understand them. I know how you must be feeling. I know, because I felt it myself,” she said. “And I think… I have always thought — that there’s something real between us. Something that deserves to be given a chance.”
“I think that too.” His voice was husky. “It scares the hell out of me, but I believe in it.”
“You cannot run away again.” She had to be clear about this.
“I won’t. Never.”
“You can’t. Because it isn’t just me now,” she said. “If I let you back in, I’m trusting you with our child. I want to do that. I think you’d be a wonderful father. But if you prove me wrong even once, if you make this baby feel for a second as though you can’t be relied upon, can’t be trusted, then you and I will be done. I can forgive you for messing up with me, but I will never forgive you if you do that to my child.”
Charlie rose from the table and came around to Olivia’s side. He dropped to his knees before her and took her hands in his.
“I will never do it to either one of you again,” he said. “I promise you that, Olivia. Leaving like that was the biggest mistake of my life, and I almost lost the best thing I have. That’s not a mistake I’m ever going to make again. If you give me this second chance — I know I don’t deserve it, but if you do — I will never disappoint you like that again. I will spend the rest of my life making up for this.”
Hope bloomed like a garden in Olivia’s heart.
“Well,” she told him gently, tears springing to life in her eyes, “that would be a start.”
She stood, pulling him up with her, and kissed him deeply, and he returned he kiss with such fervor that Olivia felt sure no force on earth or heaven would be able to tear them apart.