Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Jules
I’m starting to think the double tequila shot before I came out this evening was a bad idea. But after seeing my dad, I needed something to help me chill out before meeting Sophia. Part of me wanted to cancel tonight and run back to my mom. But I don’t want to let Sophia down.
“Shots!” Sophia calls. I know I should say no, but alcohol makes it easier to lie to my friends that I’m engaged and not tell them I saw my dad today. Both topics feel equally forbidden.
Sophia still hasn’t straight-up asked me if the engagement is real. She’s asked me some more questions, almost daring me to be honest with her. I explained that we’d shared a kiss and he’d decided he didn’t want a fake fiancée anymore. She’s going along with it. It’s all I can ask.
“Only one more,” I say.
“You’re going to need them, trust me.” She winks at me and nods towards Natasha, one of our old school friends. She lives in Ohio now but happened to be in town .
“Why am I going to need them?” I ask.
“Because,” Natasha says. She digs around in her bag and pulls out a plastic tiara. “This.” She squeals. Part of me dies inside.
“No,” I groan.
“Yes!” Sophia takes the tiara and places it on my head.
The headpiece has a short veil in front, prickly and stiff. I feel about as comfortable wearing it as I would a real wedding tiara.
“It actually suits you, which spoils the effect a little,” Sophia says.
“You mean it would be better if it made me look terrible?” I ask. Sophia isn’t the kind of friend to set anyone up for a fall, so it’s a weird thing to say.
“More… I think it would be better if it didn’t look like it could have been a deliberate choice.”
I laugh and reach up to pull it off, but both Sophia and Natasha stop me. I don’t know if it’s the booze or the way it’s just good to see my friends again, but I relent and let the wonky tiara be.
“So how did you meet him?” Natasha asks. “I feel so out of it in Ohio. I didn’t even know you were dating.”
“I live with her and I didn’t know,” Sophia says. “I thought you hated your boss.”
“He’s your boss ?” Natasha asks.
I’ve been a little vague with Sophia about my change in employment and relationship status. Of course, she knew why I took the assistant job, but I’ve just told her my role at the hotel is temporary.
“What’s with the sudden change of heart?” Sophia asks. “I don’t get it.”
I shrug. “I’ve always thought he was hot,” I say. Again, it’s kind of true .
“Thinking someone is hot is a far cry from marrying them,” Natasha says.
“True. What can I say? I found out he’s… different to how I thought he was.” Now that is one hundred percent true. Yes, Leo is a flirt who’s had more than his fair share of women, but he’s kind and sweet and humble. I like him. I keep replaying the way he guided my dad away from me earlier. I need to talk to him about not employing my father, but he would have known seeing my dad again would be difficult. He made it easier without being asked.
Leo’s a good man. I like chatting with him, I like cooking with him. I like feeling his hand at the small of my back and his tongue between my legs. I press my fingers to my temples. I need to think straight and stop focusing on all the reasons I like Leo. I’m not his real fiancée.
“Do you remember that costume party you dragged me to a few years ago?” I ask Sophia.
“The one that wasn’t a costume party?”
I nod. “And that guy from the party that I got chatting with?”
“The one you really liked who ended up being a dick?” We’d talked about it for weeks afterward. Sophia wanted me to text him, find out where he lived and then send him weird things in the mail. I think we’d both been drinking pretty heavily at that point.
“Right,” I say. “I didn’t tell you because I know you would have thought I was crazy, but that’s Leo. My boss. My fiancé. He’s the guy from the party.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Sophia says, grabbing my shoulders. “Are you serious? Why didn’t you tell me when you realized?”
“I thought you’d tell me to tell him to shove his job up his ass, and I really wanted the job. ”
She releases me and slumps back onto the bench. “Yeah, I probably would have told you that.”
“And he didn’t recognize me, being human color and all. I just tried to pretend I hadn’t met him before. That he wasn’t the guy from the party.”
“I’m so confused,” Natasha says. “Can we double back?”
We fill in Natasha about the details of my first encounter with Leo. She listens with rapt attention.
“And kismet wouldn’t be shaken off,” she says, slowly shaking her head.
“You can’t dodge destiny,” Sophia says. “You and him haven’t come out of nowhere at all. You’ve been simmering for two years!”
I try not to groan. It all sounds so cheesy. It was a coincidence.
“If you’re fated to be together, then the sex must be off the charts. Tell us everything!” Sophia says, and my heart leapfrogs into my feet. “I always think sex with rich, powerful, good-looking men must be a complete letdown because they’ve no reason to try.”
I nod, thinking back to last night. In no way was it a letdown. Things had been simmering between us for a while, but the boil? I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting to feel the things he made me feel. I wasn’t expecting to feel so comfortable with him, like I could be every version of myself, bare in every sense, and he’d worship every part of me.
“You’re saying it’s bad?” Natasha asks.
I shake my head. “He has no business being so good in bed,” I say. “Maybe that’s why I said yes.”
We dissolve into laughter and another round of shots gets delivered to the table. It feels good to laugh. Every smile makes my dad feel a little further away.
“Now that I know how good the sex can be, I don’t want to go back,” I add. I hope memories of last night will fade, because if they don’t, I’ll never be able to settle for anything less.
“Does he have any single friends?” Sophia asks.
“I’m not sure Jamie would like you asking that question,” I reply.
She sighs. “Yeah, well, we’re on a break. We never see each other and it’s not like we’re working on changing things so we do. We’re in this weird limbo, which is fine if we were twenty, but I’m about to hit thirty.”
“God, Sophia, that’s shit,” I say. “But a break? What does that mean?”
“That we’re delaying the inevitable breakup, I suppose.” She nods and tips back her shot. She winces. “You’re right. It’s shit. And what’s worse, I can feel us both inching toward the exit and neither of us is trying to stop the other.”
I squeeze her hand. We’re going to need a lot of alcohol.
“You deserve someone amazing,” I say.
She nods. “You too.”
I don’t say anything and Natasha looks between us like she’s missing something.
“I don’t think men learn to fuck by talking about it in front of the game,” Natasha says out of nowhere. She adopts a deep voice, before going on to say, “‘Yo, dude, I discovered my girl’s G-spot last night. You gotta try this thing with a finger.’ So just because Leo is perfect, doesn’t mean his friends are. But it might be worth a try.”
Sophia and I both laugh at Natasha who’s clearly a little tipsy already.
I haven’t met Leo’s friends, but I’m guessing they don’t have conversations like that. I feel a pang of longing and wonder what he’s doing right now—whether he’s with his friends. I wonder what they’re like, whether I’ll like them as much as I like him, and whether they’ll like me.
“You’re probably right,” Sophia replies. “I just live in hope that I can find someone half decent in this town.” She turns to me, her expression serious. “I know that we’re joking around, but I’m honestly really happy for you.” Her voice breaks. “I’ll miss you, that’s all.”
I put my arm around her, my stomach tightening at the idea that I’m upsetting her for nothing because it’s all a lie. “Hey, I’m not emigrating. I’ll just be over the river and across the street.”
She nods, pasting on a fake smile that doesn’t quite hide the disappointment in her eyes. “Let’s have some fun tonight.” She pulls out her phone. “Let’s get a picture. You can send it to Leo to let him know you’re having fun.”
I hope the wince I feel isn’t translated into my expression in the photo. Leo and I have never texted unless it’s purposeful—directions to New River, timing for dinner, that kind of thing. I don’t know how I feel about sending him a text just because.
Natasha gets up and comes to stand on the other side of me, so I’m in the middle. Sophia holds out the phone, and before I know it, we’re striking poses and taking selfies like we’re seventeen again.
Sophia flips through the options. “This one is definitely the best.”
My phone bleeps immediately and I bring up the photo.
I look ridiculous in the fake bridal tiara. What the hell was I thinking?
“Send it to him. You look hot.”
I shake my head. “No, I’ll show him later,” I say .
“You have to send it!” Sophia says.
Natasha pulls the phone from my hand. “Why wouldn’t you send it? You look hot as fuck.”
“My point exactly,” Sophia says.
I glance up and they’re both looking at me. What do I do? If I refuse to send my fiancé a picture of me dressed up in a fake tiara, they’re going to think there’s something wrong with me. If I send it, Leo will think there’s something wrong with me. This is a lose-lose situation.
“Go on,” Sophia says.
I relent, bringing up my chat with Leo and dropping the picture before turning my phone facedown on the table.
We order another round of shots. Sophia tells us about her first post-Jamie date with a guy who’s an actor—not a famous one. He’s trying to “make it” and Sophia can’t decide whether he’s worth all the time she spends analyzing him. My vote is hard no , but I’m not going to say that at the moment. She’s still too into him. My phone vibrates and I feel it in my thighs. I know without checking that it’s Leo.
I wait until Sophia and Natasha are elbow-deep analyzing this new guy’s refusal to see Sophia more than once a week. If they were sleeping together, a once-a-week thing would mean he was trying to keep it casual, but they’re not having sex yet. Whatever game he’s playing, it’s not worth Sophia’s time. She needs to look for someone who cares about her. Someone who’s thoughtful.
Someone who comes down in the elevator twenty floors so you don’t have to ride up on your own. Someone who brings you lunch because you left before breakfast. Someone who deflects your dad’s attention away from you when it’s too much to handle.
While they’re both busy, I slide my phone off the table and take a look.
Hot
It’s all Leo writes, but afterward, he sends a picture of a half-eaten bowl of mac and cheese.
I smile to myself when the three dots on-screen tell me he’s typing. I suck in a breath, waiting for his follow-up.
Doesn’t taste as good as you.
My blush starts at my toes and ends at the tips of my ears.