Chapter 18 Liam
Liam
Finn’s plopped himself in the reading corner of the office. We’re seeing Dr. Murray, a pediatrician. With his legs curled under him, Finn’s totally absorbed in his book. He seems content enough for me to speak with the doctor alone for a moment.
We’ve spoken to Dr. Murray together about Finn’s withdrawal and the bullying at school.
Finn stayed quiet for most of it, but toward the end, when she asked him directly about how he was feeling, he looked up from his lap with those big dark eyes and said, “I feel like my da’s the only one who wants me. Ma left and Josh was really mean.”
My heart was just about obliterated.
“I’ve received a report from Finn’s teacher detailing his trouble at school, which has been incredibly helpful.
And thank you for taking the time to complete the questionnaires about Finn’s behaviors and symptoms. They’ve allowed me to paint a clearer picture of how he’s been coping.
” She leans forward, threading her fingers on top of her desk.
“Mr. Murphy, what Finn’s experiencing is very common for a child facing multiple stressors. ”
“Common,” I repeat, nodding to myself. “So what do we do about it?”
“Well, the withdrawal is his body’s way of coping with overwhelming emotions, particularly at school.” She settles back in her chair. “I would ensure you’re keeping a consistent routine. Finn’s going to need stability more than anything.”
She reaches for her pen and pulls her notepad closer, jotting as she talks.
“Don’t pressure him to open up. Instead, create natural opportunities for conversation.
Lots of parents use the car rides to and from school to engage in casual conversation.
Or you could try bedtime, if he likes stories. Spaces where he feels safe,” she says.
I turn to see Finn flip a page of his book. “Right.”
I can do that.
“Make sure he knows it’s normal to feel big emotions—sad, angry, confused—especially about his mother.
If he brings her up, don’t shy away from the topic.
Listen to what he’s really saying. And if he starts using language that suggests he blames himself or feels ashamed, gently redirect that.
Help him understand that his feelings are perfectly valid, and what happened isn’t his fault. ” Her pen stops moving.
My own da wasn’t the type to sit down and talk about feelings. His generation believed men needed to “toughen up,” that “boys don’t cry.” Which is a load of shite, if you ask me. I’d never expect Finn to suppress his emotions.
It’s a cycle I refuse to repeat.
“I’ve arranged weekly sessions for Finn to see a psychologist,” I say.
“That’s excellent.” She smiles. “I think it’s a wonderful idea to seek professional help for Finn to process his mother’s abandonment.
It’ll also be hugely impactful to talk openly about the bullying that Finn’s experienced.
Psychologists can work wonders with kids his age.
” She points her pen at me. “The key is getting onto it early.”
“How long does it usually take for kids to adjust to such big changes?”
She nods. “That’s an excellent question. Once the immediate stressors are addressed, Finn’s likely to improve within months, but you could very well see immediate results within weeks. Children are remarkably resilient.”
Dr. Murray gives me a kind smile. “I do believe that, with the right support system, Finn can thrive in his new life here in London. His friendships with Yuki and his cousin Melody both sound extremely positive.” She shrugs.
“If he asks to see them, I’d absolutely recommend it.
Social interaction with children his age on his terms will be exactly what he needs. ”
I nod. Finn’s face always lights up when he mentions playing with Yuki at school or spending time with Melody at Roman and Zoey’s. He does seem more at ease and like himself with them. “I can do that.”
“Great.” She purses her lips momentarily before leaning forward. “I do recall you mentioning an incident at school?”
“The bullying?”
“His retaliation,” she says with finality.
Ah. The punch.
I exhale deeply. “Yeah, Finn was cornered, taunted and… he punched his bully.”
Dr. Murray raises an eyebrow. “And how did that make you feel?”
Like a failure.
I scoff, only because I’m so fucking mad at myself. I can’t bring myself to answer her question.
She can obviously read me because her pen pauses above the pad. “Mr. Murphy, it’s natural to have complicated feelings about this. You can be upset that he used violence and relieved that he defended himself. The two don’t cancel each other out.”
I clench my jaw and my throat tightens. “I… lost control a few months ago. Finn found out about it.”
“I see.” There’s no judgment in her tone, but it doesn’t stop the conversation from landing heavy in my gut.
“Children are observant, Mr. Murphy. They learn from their environment. If Finn saw or heard that violence was your response to a threat, then it makes sense he’d apply that same logic in protecting himself. ”
It’s my fault.
When I don’t respond, she leans forward.
“It might help you to hear that Finn’s response wasn’t only about what he picked up from you.
His nervous system recognized a threat. When we’re threatened, our nervous system can respond by going into fight or flight response.
For weeks he’s coped through withdrawal—that’s the flight response—but this time, when the flight response didn’t protect him, his system switched to fight.
The psychologist will delve deeper into this with Finn and construct an appropriate plan to start him on his road to recovery.
” She throws her hands up casually. “Mr. Murphy, I don’t want to overstep, but I feel it could be worth examining your response to your own experiences.
I only suggest this because taking care of your responses will help you take care of Finn’s. ”
She’s right. I know she’s right. But the idea of sitting in a therapist’s office and unpacking every messed-up thing my father did to us sets my teeth on edge. I want to give every spare moment I have to Finn. I know I messed up, and I just have to do better—control myself better.
I scratch my three-day stubble. “It’s just one of those things on my list that keeps getting pushed further down. I’ll look into it.”
She offers a small grin. “It’s clear you and Finn are close and that you love him deeply.
The fact that you’re here and have arranged therapy for him tells me he’s going to be fine.
” She rips out a page of her notepad and passes it to me.
“I’ve written down everything we discussed.
If you have any concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me. ”