Chapter 33 Anna
Anna
“She sounds like a cunt,” Gemma mutters as I arch my back, breathing through my cat–cow stretches.
“Excellent observation. I happen to agree with you,” I say.
We’re referring to Danielle, of course.
Gemma and Max got back from New York this week, so I’ve been filling her in on everything that happened while they were gone, including Liam’s match a week ago and the whole Danielle situation.
But I’ve held back on the more personal stuff for now.
What happened with Roger, and the way Liam cared for me.
I’ve saved those conversations for when we meet up with April and Elliott after our yoga class.
I haven’t seen Liam since last weekend, but we’ve been messaging back and forth.
“Ughhhh,” Gemma groans beside me. “Max has put my back out.”
I sit back on my haunches. “Seriously? How many times have I asked you to stop telling me that shit. He’s my brother! You’re going to ruin my Zen.”
“Ruin your Zen?” She scoffs. “Hardly. I think your Zen is doing just fine, thanks to your mate, Liam.”
“Ladies!” Rafael, our yoga instructor calls, clapping his hands. “Less talking, more bending.”
“Sorry,” we say in unison, getting back in position.
“Gotta hand it to you, I didn’t think you’d be up for another class with Rafael,” I whisper-shout.
She waves her hand. “Please. A little crystal up the arse never hurt anyone. He’s totally over it—we’ve all moved on.”
I’m fairly certain a crystal up the arse has definitely hurt someone, but I’m not opening that discussion.
“So,” she continues, lowering her voice. “He’s been sleeping over?”
“Yeah. Only when Finn’s not home.”
“And how’s that going?”
“You know what? As much as I enjoy having him stay, I’ve been dying to fart properly.”
She gasps. “Oh God, isn’t that the worst?”
I give her a serious look. “Gemma, I’m talking proper stomach-cramping, need-to-let-it-rip situations. The second he leaves, I sound like a bloody whoopee cushion.”
She grimaces. “Wait until you eat something spicy, then you’re really in trouble.”
I snicker. “I totally forgot about this phase.” I shake my head, moving into downward dog. “You know—the early dating phase when you have to pretend you’re like a delicate flower. Holding in farts, pretending you never use the toilet, sneezing like a mouse instead of an elephant.”
Gemma pauses and her eyes lock on me. “Did you just say dating phase?” She pumps her eyebrows up and down suggestively with a smug look on her face.
I roll my eyes. “Oh, piss off.”
“Well, well, well,” she teases. “This is an interesting development. Not so friendly anymore, is it?”
“You’re so full of it.”
“The lady doth protest too much,” she says with a wry smile.
“Right, let’s move into our warrior poses,” Rafael calls from the front. We all stand. “Now, balance on one leg, extend the other behind you . . .”
Gemma wobbles beside me, trying to hold the pose. “This is ridiculous, I can’t—” She loses her balance and, as she shifts her weight to catch herself, a loud, unmistakable sound escapes her.
The entire class goes silent.
I look at her. “Did you just—”
“Oh my God,” she whispers, her face turning beetroot red as she processes what just happened.
“Jesus Christ, it smells like someone microwaved an egg in a gym sock,” someone in the class shouts.
Gemma’s hands lift to cover her mouth.
I can’t help but laugh. “You deserved that.”
Elliott burps as April bounces him up and down over her shoulder, patting his little back. She listens intently as I relay everything I told Gemma this morning, but I also disclose the Roger incident and Liam bathing me.
This makes them both freeze.
“What?” I ask.
April’s eyes well up. “Honey, I’m so, so sorry. What do you need? Can we do something?”
“I’ll march into that school right now and shove my Jimmy Choo so far up Roger’s arse, he’ll taste the leather,” Gemma declares, already pushing herself out of her chair like she’s ready to make good on her promise.
I lean over and press her back down into her seat. “Relax, Gem. I’ve handled it.”
“How?” Gemma looks at me incredulously. “Did you report him? Please tell me you reported the creepy bastard.”
I shake my head.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” April says, her voice gentle.
I glance between them, their eyebrows both raised as they wait. I sigh. “I didn’t want to bother you.” I gesture to April. “You have a newborn,” I say before focusing on Gemma, “and you were in New York. I didn’t want to spoil your trip.”
Gemma reaches across the table, resting her hand over mine. “You wouldn’t have. Always, always reach out if you need. I don’t care what I’m doing, what time it is, or where I am. You two come first.”
April rocks Elliott in her arms. “Me too. James could have easily watched Elliott. Just because I’m a mother now doesn’t mean I can’t be there for my best friends.”
I clench my jaw, feeling guilty for keeping it from them. April must be able to read my expression because her face softens. “Anna, we don’t mean to make you feel bad. We just need you to know that we’re both always here. No matter what.”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “Thanks, guys.”
Gemma’s thumb runs over my knuckles. “Do you feel you might want to speak to someone about what happened?”
I basically shiver in my seat, disgusted by the mere thought of red-flag Roger. “No, I think I’m okay. I was really shaken at first, but Liam sort of… helped with that.”
“How?” Gemma presses gently.
I fidget with the handle of my coffee cup. “He didn’t push me to talk about it. He just . . .” I search for the right words. “Took care of me.”
“Oh,” Gemma says, nodding knowingly. “I’m picking up what you’re putting down. He took care of you, all right—with his dick.”
“Gemma!” April admonishes.
“What?” Gemma says, lifting her hands in surrender. She looks at me. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“We both know I can’t lie,” I say, glaring at her.
April’s jaw drops. “Oh my God, he did!”
Gemma presses a hand to her heart. “When you find the right dick, it really can be magical.”
“Are you sure you’re all right?” April asks carefully.
Am I? A week ago I would have bristled at the question, but after opening up to Liam and the girls, it feels like a weight I hadn’t even realized I was carrying has lifted.
I know what Roger did was wrong. I’m not brushing it off, or making excuses, or blaming myself anymore, which feels like progress.
It’s been easy enough to avoid him at work.
Anytime he’s seen me from a distance, he’s kept clear, so I think he knows not to mess with me.
If he does, I might have to take Gemma up on her kind offer to lodge a shoe up his crapper.
But the thing is, after Liam stayed over and took care of me the way he did, I feel like something shifted.
I promised myself that if Roger tried anything else, I wouldn’t freeze.
I’d take action. Report it, scream, whatever it takes.
And that promise makes me feel stronger than I did before.
Maybe knowing I have people who believe and support me without question reminds me that I’m worth protecting.
Either way, I’m all right. Or at least, I’m getting there.
I look at April. “I am, yeah,” I say with confidence. “If anything changes, I swear I’ll let you guys know and speak to someone.”
And I mean it.
This seems to appease them. They both shoot me small smiles.
“That sounds like a good plan,” April says.
I turn my attention to Gemma. “Can you please not tell Max? He’d lose it if he found out, and I really don’t want him to worry.”
She hesitates, sucking in her bottom lip. She finally nods. “If it means that much to you, I won’t say anything.”
“I’d really appreciate that, thank you,” I say.
It’s quiet between us for a moment.
“So,” April says, balancing Elliott in one arm while taking a sip of her coffee. “You’re falling in love with Liam, huh?”
My spine jerks straight. “Absolutely not. This is just—”
“Bollocks.” April cuts me off. “I’m not buying that we’re friends rubbish for another second. You just spent ten minutes telling us how he bathed you, took care of you, and made you feel safe. That’s not fuck-buddy behavior, Anna,” she says.
“It’s not love either,” I protest, even though my voice sounds less convincing than I’d like.
Gemma leans back in her chair, studying me. “Hmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I say, jerking my head to her.
She crosses her arms, stifling a smirk. “Nothing.”
I lift my coffee cup to take a long sip. “Oh, piss right off, the both of you. You’re reading way too much into this.”
But my stomach drops. April might be right, and maybe I’m just too terrified to admit it. The worst part? I couldn’t walk away if I tried; I’m in too deep. I care too much about both of them—Liam and Finn. And I have no idea what to do about it.
Liam has Finn, and I desperately want to be a mother one day. It’s not like I should even be entertaining the thought of us somehow being together. After everything they’ve been through, I’m sure the last thing Liam wants is a new relationship and a baby.
He’s been there, done that.
So, no. This can’t go beyond what it is… no matter how much I want it to.
April giggles, but it’s cut off when Elliott suddenly heaves and projectile-vomits all over her shoulder. She sits there frozen, covered in sick, while Gemma starts gagging.
“Serves you both right.” I lift my coffee in a toast. “At least Elliott’s got my back.”
April’s nose wrinkles in disgust as she places Elliott in his pram. “Are you sure you want this, Anna?” she teases.
I lean over the table, taking in Elliott’s pudgy little hands, bright blue eyes, curly red hair and full tummy, and my chest literally aches with longing. I reach my arm forward and he curls his tiny fingers around mine.
“God, yes,” I say, my voice nearly catching. “I want this more than I want to breathe.”