Chapter 36 Anna #2
My hand flies to my mouth. “Oh, Liam. I’m so sorry.”
His tongue drags over his top teeth. “It was a long time ago. I’m an only child.
I’ve got my older cousin, Roman, of course, who you met.
He’s a lot more like a brother to me. We were thick as thieves growing up, still are.
Then there’s my ma . . .” His voice dips.
“She was usually on the grog. And I get it, she numbed herself to cope. But after a while, she stopped feeling anything. Stopped flinching when he raised his hand. Like she’d built up a tolerance to the pain. ”
The words break me apart, pressure building behind my eyes. “What happened?” I whisper. “To her?”
His eyes find mine, hardened and full of pain. “They’re both gone. Ma took her own life when I was twenty-one. Da—” He clears his throat. “Da drank and got behind the wheel after we found her. Wrapped his car around a tree just outside Dublin. Thankfully he didn’t hurt anyone else, only himself.”
He crosses one leg over the other. “I think that’s why me and Roman are so close. His ma is my ma’s sister. So his family took me in until I signed with a team and could stand on my own.”
He says it so easily, but I can’t breathe. Can’t think. Liam, who is so patient, so gentle with Finn and me, who loves his son with everything he is… this was his childhood?
An image of him as a boy flickers through my mind, so small and hurt and defenseless, and my lungs almost collapse.
I grab his hand and clutch it tight. “I can’t even imagine.”
He stares at our joined fingers and starts tracing circles over my knuckles. “It’s why I worry so much about getting it right with Finn. He’s my whole world and I just… I don’t wanna mess it up.”
“You’re nothing like your father, Liam,” I say fiercely. “Nothing. You’re one of the most gentle, patient dads I’ve ever seen.”
I watch as he drops his gaze and his jaw tenses. “I get mad sometimes and I just . . .” His eyes flutter closed before he looks at me with so much vulnerability it makes my stomach flip. “I don’t want to scare Finn. Ever. That guy I hit? Keogh, he—”
“I know,” I say, looping my fingers around his and giving them a squeeze. “That doesn’t make you your father.”
“I shouldn’t have hit him. I lost control completely.
” He pushes his hair back. “And it wasn’t the first time.
When I was nineteen, I came home and found my ma sitting there with a bag of frozen peas over her eye, blood on her lip.
She couldn’t even look at me.” His voice cracks.
“When my da came downstairs, I just… snapped. Hit him before I even knew what I was doing. I was finally big enough. Strong enough.”
I give his hand a squeeze. “Liam, you were protecting your mother. That’s not the same as what your father did.”
“Violence is violence, Anna. But I was scared that if I went to the police… I don’t know what he would have done.” He shakes his head. “I should have found another way.”
“Maybe. But you were nineteen years old, watching someone you loved being hurt by someone who was supposed to protect her. That’s not cold-blooded violence… that’s a son who couldn’t stand by anymore.”
“I just never want to be like him.”
“Your father hurt people because he could. You defended someone who couldn’t defend herself. There’s a world of difference.” I shift closer to him. “And the fact that you’re sitting here questioning whether it was right proves you have a conscience he never had. That’s admirable.”
He huffs a hollow laugh. “I don’t think hitting someone makes me admirable.” He takes a sip of his drink.
“No. But fighting to be better for your son does.”
He looks at me earnestly. “I’d never hurt Finn, Anna. Ever. No matter how angry I got, no matter—” He stops. “I’d never hurt you.”
My stomach turns inside out. That thought never even crossed my mind.
In the brief time I’ve known Liam, he’s been nothing but gentle with me.
Even when I told him about Roger—when I saw that flash of rage cross his face—he was angry for me, not at me.
His instinct was to take care of me and make sure I felt safe.
The violence he’s describing… I understand it differently now.
With his mother, he was nineteen and watching someone he loved being brutalized.
With Keogh, it was about betrayal. About having his world destroyed by the people he trusted.
Yes, he lost control, but it came from a place of devastating hurt, not cruelty.
Even now, he’s not making excuses or minimizing it. He’s owning it and regretting it. That tells me everything about who he really is.
“I know you wouldn’t.” I bring our joined hands to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. “You protect the people you love. That’s who you are.”
“Not sure hitting Keogh falls into that category,” he murmurs.
“You’re human, Liam. Humans make mistakes. You’re a good person.”
His expression is raw as he looks at me. “You know, I never feel any burden when I’m with you. Whenever you’re around, it’s like… I don’t know. I kind of feel… free.”
My heart stampedes in my chest.
I release his hand, turning my body to cup his face. “I feel the same when I’m with you.” He leans into my touch, closing his eyes, and my voice drops to a whisper. “Thank you for trusting me with your past… for letting me see you.”
He draws in a breath. When he opens his eyes, the deep blue of his irises lassoes me in and pulls me under.
“Anna . . .” His gaze lingers on me. “This isn’t just physical for me anymore.”
All the air leaves me as I press my forehead to his. “It isn’t for me either.”