Chapter 50 Liam
Liam
I’ve called Anna ten times, but she won’t answer her phone.
I’ve fucked up. Badly.
The second Roger’s hand closed around Anna’s elbow, I was eleven years old, standing in the dining room, watching my father’s hand wrap around my mother’s wrist, twisting her arm back until something popped. It’s a sound I can still hear twenty-one years later.
The crack. Her cry. My frozen legs.
Anna’s face faded out and all I could see was my mother’s fear. All I could hear were her cries, begging him to stop. Please, just stop! Liam is watching!
I was out of that car before I even knew I’d made the choice. He was hurting her.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I know it won’t be Anna, so I ignore it.
Zoey sets a mug of tea in front of me.
After punching Roger, I couldn’t just go home and pretend everything was fine, so I drove straight to Roman and Zoey’s. Finn’s upstairs playing with Melody while I try to figure out what the hell I’ve done.
“Start from the beginning,” Zoey says, settling in opposite me.
I run through everything—waiting for Finn at pickup, watching Anna, seeing Roger grab her arm, hearing the things he said.
The moment my fist connected with his face.
Principal Taylor bursting through the doors.
Anna’s face when she looked at me… that mixture of shock and disappointment that will haunt me forever.
I’ve washed Roger’s blood off my knuckles, but my hands still feel stained.
“Shit,” Roman murmurs when I finish.
“Yeah.” I take a sip of the tea, my hands still trembling from the aftermath. “She won’t answer any of my calls.”
“Can you blame her?” Zoey says, her voice gentle but firm. “You assaulted someone in front of her school.”
I pinch my eyes closed and bury my head in my hands. “Fuck!”
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t helpful,” Zoey says quietly.
I look up. “But it’s the truth. Anna’s pissed at me—rightly so. I thought I could handle my emotions.”
“She’ll just need some time, mate,” Roman offers. “You need to consider what this means. For Anna, for her job—”
“I know what it means,” I say, an edge in my voice. “I saw her face. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The principal got involved, and now Roger knows about us. Everything’s fucked. You think I don’t know that?”
Roman holds his hands up in surrender. “Easy—”
“I know you’re hurting,” Zoey cuts in sharply. “But we’re the ones here trying to help.”
I look down and notice my fists clenched and I take a deep breath, close my eyes and slowly count to four before nodding. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just so bleedin’ mad at myself.”
My phone rattles again.
“Why did you hit him, Liam?” Zoey asks, her voice quiet.
I shake my head. “He was hurting her. He had his hands on her, threatening her, and I just—” My voice wavers. “Became furious. I couldn’t think. I had to make it stop before he—”
“Before he what?” Zoey whispers.
When I look at Zoey, her eyes are soft with understanding and sadness. Not pity, it’s deeper than that. She leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Oh, Liam. You were only trying to protect her.”
“I think I’ve lost her, Zo,” I rasp. “I just wanted to keep her safe.”
“You’re in love with her,” she says. And when I look at Roman, he just watches me.
“Yeah, I love her.”
Zoey moves to sit beside me on the sofa, her hand resting gently on my forearm. “You reacted from a place of trauma, Liam. That doesn’t make it right, but it makes it understandable.”
“It’s not enough. I don’t know what to do,” I say, shaking my head.
“I just got so angry and I couldn’t—” I don’t even realize I’m crying until a tear lands on my hand.
“I don’t know how to be a man who doesn’t fight.
Violence is the only language my body knows when I think me or someone I love is being threatened. ”
Zoey dips her head to catch my eye. “That little boy who couldn’t protect his ma?
I think he’s still inside you, still trying to save the people he loves.
” Her eyes glisten. “But, Liam, you’re not that powerless child anymore.
Those things your da did to you and your ma aren’t your fault.
You can’t keep punishing yourself for what you went through, or for how your body learned to survive it. ”
Roman gives me a tight smile.
“I lashed out. I don’t think I could have stopped it.” The words come out splintered. “What do I do if I scare Finn? What if I ever . . .” I can’t finish. The thought of becoming my father, of hurting my son, makes me physically ill. “And Anna—I can’t hurt them. I can’t.”
Thank God Finn didn’t see me punch Roger; he only saw him storm off holding his nose afterward. But he’s smart enough to put the pieces together.
“I know you don’t want to, Liam,” Zoey says. “I know you don’t want to be a violent man. But you have done violent things when you’re triggered. Maybe it’s time you—”
“I need help,” I whisper, the admission wrenching me open. “I can’t do this again. I can’t lose Anna or Finn because I can’t control myself. I feel so fucking weak.”
“Getting help isn’t weakness,” Roman says. “It’s the strongest thing you can do. For yourself, for Finn, and for Anna.” He drags his chair closer. “A mate of mine sees a doctor who specializes in trauma therapy, I know it really helped him identify his triggers and process his childhood.”
That sounds like exactly what I need. “Could you give me his details?”
“Of course, mate.”
Tears spill down Zoey’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry for tiny Liam.
For that little boy and everything he witnessed.
Your father abused his power, and his role as a parent.
I’m so sorry no one protected you from him.
” She wipes her face with the sleeve of her jumper.
“Come here.” She opens her arms. I accept the hug, and she rocks me slightly.
“You aren’t anything like your father, Liam. You’re so much more than he ever was.”
“Thanks, Zo,” I say. I stay in her embrace for a long while before pulling back and wiping my eyes. “That’s one mess I need to clean up. I still haven’t figured out how to tell Finn his mother’s pregnant.”
Roman and Zoey look up. “What?”
“She’s six months along with Keogh’s child.”
“Jesus,” Roman says, blowing out a breath and rubbing the back of his neck.
“Oh, Liam,” Zoey breathes.
I stare at my hands. “What do I tell Finn?”
“You tell him the truth,” Zoey says. “Gently, in a way he’ll understand. And stress that none of it is his fault. That he still has a complete family with you and us.”
“He’s seven. How the hell is a seven-year-old supposed to accept that his ma chose a new family over him?”
“With help,” Roman says. “He’s still seeing his psych?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s a grand start, then,” Roman says.
I grind my teeth. “I thought I could do this parenting thing alone.”
“You’re doing an amazing job, and you aren’t alone,” Zoey says firmly. “You’re never alone. You have us. And if Finn doesn’t handle the news, then we’ll all be here for him. As a family. We’ll make sure he knows that he is loved and nothing will change that.”
My voice takes on a rough edge. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” Zoey says, giving my arm a light squeeze.
My phone vibrates a third time.
“I think you should check that,” Roman says.
Zoey scoots back and I reach into my pocket. Jack’s name is across multiple notifications on the screen. I’m about to tap on our chat when my phone rings.
I bring the phone to my ear. “Jack.”
“About bloody time, mate,” he says. “Have you read any of my messages?”
My stomach plummets. “No. Why?”
He hesitates. “You might want to check them.”
I switch to speakerphone and open our text thread. Pain tears from my throat when I see what he’s sent. It’s a video. Posted an hour ago and it already has millions of views. The thumbnail shows me, mid-punch, Roger’s head snapping back.
But it’s the caption that makes my blood run cold.
VIOLENT FOOTBALLER LIAM MURPHY ATTACKS TEACHER AT SON’S SCHOOL
“Oh, shite.”