Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
‘Y ou smell of sex.’
‘I’m sorry, what?’ Allie muttered sideways through gritted teeth. If Jess’s intention was to distract Allie, then it was working. She wobbled dangerously and then collapsed on her mat out of her ardha chandrasana, just as the yoga teacher instructed the class to come slowly to a sukhasana, whatever the hell that was. Allie checked her neighbours and carefully crossed her knees, trying to pretend Jess hadn’t said what she had just said.
‘I said, you smell of?—’
‘I heard you the first time,’ Allie growled.
‘Ladies…’ the yoga instructor murmured, reminding them to focus on their breathing and shut out the outside world.
Allie surreptitiously tried to smell herself, pretending that nose in armpit was a well-known yoga stretch. Pulling a face, she shifted her mat as far away from Jess as she was able to in the overcrowded yoga studio.
‘I told you, we didn’t have sex,’ Allie murmured in protest.
‘Yeah but you want to,’ Jess said out of the corner of her mouth, ‘you’re giving off all the pheromones.’
Allie opened her mouth to protest again but caught the eye of the instructor who looked as if she was about to completely lose her ohm with the pair of them. Allie couldn’t help herself, she started to giggle. Jess looked over and saw Allie’s shaking shoulders and then she started too.
‘Did you get this for free? The class I mean?’ whispered Allie. Jess was always blagging freebies through her work. And if this class had been one of those then Allie felt less bad about making Jess leave early.
Jess swivelled on her yoga mat to turn and look at her. ‘Yes. Shall we get out of here?’
‘Definitely.’ Allie was already quietly rolling her mat up and grabbing her towel and water bottle.
‘Sorry, sorry’ they muttered as they clambered over the prone bodies now trying to relax in shavasana. The instructor shot them a filthy look as they finally got to the door and closed it behind them.
‘I don’t think we can go back there,’ said Allie, still giggling.
‘You’d want to?’
‘Nah, bit too trendy for me. I prefer my yoga in a community hall, with old ladies letting go and farting.’
Jess rolled her eyes. ‘Come on, let’s go get breakfast.’
Jess led the way to a cafe she said she knew and Allie hoped it wouldn’t be in the same vein as her morning so far; she wanted bacon and eggs, not quinoa and green tea. Ten minutes later, she ended up settling happily for black coffee and smashed avocado and hoping that the toast would contain as much gluten as possible. She stretched her legs out in front of her as she waited for it to arrive.
‘So, tell me everything,’ Jess demanded, scraping her chair across the floor and making Allie wince.
‘I’ve told you everything,’ protested Allie.
‘No, you haven’t.’ Jess gave Allie a hard stare. ‘You messaged me yesterday to tell me you’d got with hot waiter guy but this morning told me you hadn’t smashed. That is not enough detail Allie, look at you!’ exclaimed Jess.
‘What?’
‘Your face, it’s got this kind of sexy goofy expression on it. God, I hope that’s not the kind of face you pull around hot waiter guy, because I can tell you now, it does nothing for you.’
‘Will,’ said Allie, ‘he’s called Will.’
‘OK, sorry, Will then. Do not pull that face around Will next time you want to bang him.’
‘Thanks for the advice, Jess ,’ Allie said, pulling the cup of coffee which had just been put on the table towards her, and feeling more than a little sorry for the girl serving who looked mortified by Jess’s statement.
‘So, tell me all about Will .’
‘Do you have to use that inflection every time you say his name?’
‘Sorry, I’m just enjoying seeing the effect it has on you. Wow, now I’m imagining what you must look like when he says your name.’ Jess took a large swig of her drink and pulled a face in disgust.
‘What is that?’ asked Allie, pointing at the glass of sludge that Jess seemed to be drinking.
‘A cleansing juice.’
‘Looks disgusting.’
‘It is.’
‘So why are you drinking it?’ asked Allie, barely managing to keep the tone of irritation in her voice below extreme vexation.
‘Detox.’
Allie rolled her eyes. She well knew that Jess would be drinking and vaping again that evening so why she bothered with the pretense of a detox was beyond Allie.
As if reading her thoughts, Jess said, ‘Baby steps. I figure if I’m good during the day then I can get away with being naughty at night.’ She grinned wickedly at Allie. ‘But that,’ she said, pointing at her glass, ‘is truly disgusting. And no amount of excess can make it worthwhile.’ She pushed the glass away from her and fixed Allie with a look. ‘Seriously though. Tell me what happened, I haven’t seen you looking this dreamy-eyed over a boy since…’ She paused, looking thoughtful. ‘Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you look this dreamy-eyed.’
Allie smiled a little shyly. Jess was right, she didn’t recall ever falling this fast or this hard for a guy.
‘I really like him,’ she admitted.
Jess grinned at her. ‘I can tell. And Al? I’m so pleased. You deserve it. Has he called you yet?’
Allie shook her head and Jess looked momentarily downcast.
‘But he’s messaged.’ Allie’s lips twitched in amusement as she saw Jess’s face completely transform.
‘Yay!’ Jess exclaimed. ‘Al that’s great.’
‘Yep. I woke up to a message saying what a great night he’d had and checking I had got home OK. And then he messaged to ask if I was free next Thursday night.’
Jess clapped her hands together in glee, looking more like an overexcited toddler at Christmas than a thirty-something professional woman in workout gear. ‘Tell me you said yes!’
‘Of course I did!’ exclaimed Allie. ‘Honestly, Jess, he does funny stuff to my insides every time I think about him. I’d cancel on you if it meant getting to see him again.’
Jess pretended to frown. ‘Er, I thought we had an agreement, friends come first?—’
‘When?’ Allie interrupted, genuinely surprised. She put her coffee cup back down. ‘Did you put me first when you cancelled our night out at the cinema so you could meet that skanky boy you kept hooking up with in our final year?’
‘Oh my god!’ Jess practically shouted. ‘You’re never going to let me forget that are you?’
‘Nope.’
‘You didn’t even want to go to the cinema. In fact, I remember you saying that if you were made to sit through another Pirates of the Caribbean film, you would personally hunt down Jack Sparrow and condemn him to Davy Jones’s locker yourself.’
‘Did I?’ Allie felt pleased with herself. ‘Sounds rather eloquent, very much like something I would say.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘Anyway, it’s irrelevant. I’m not cancelling on anyone to see Will. I had no plans other than to try and get some writing done.’
Jess grimaced. ‘Dare I ask how that’s going?’
Allie smiled up at the waitress as she put the food down in front of her, grateful that Jess wasn’t shouting something smutty at that precise moment.
‘Actually, I think I’ve had a bit of a breakthrough.’
‘You have? Allie, that’s great. Another thing to celebrate.’ Jess pulled her plate towards her and started attacking the bacon and eggs on there with gusto. ‘See?’ she said, with a mouth full of food. If Jess wasn’t so gorgeous it really would be a revolting spectacle watching her eat. ‘It’s all coming together, sex and your career!’
‘I told you,’ Allie said forcefully, ‘I haven’t slept with him.’
‘Yeah, but you will. And soon.’ Jess grinned at Allie, ketchup smearing her mouth a little.
‘How’s the detox coming along?’ Allie asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘Sod off,’ Jess mumbled through another mouthful of bacon. ‘And don’t change the subject,’ she continued, waving a piece of toast threateningly at Allie. Allie picked up her own cutlery and regarded her plate. She’d told Martin that she didn’t want anyone to know about their arrangement. But now that she was sitting here with Jess, she wondered whether it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to run it past her? Was it really a good idea? She didn’t know Martin, only by reputation. And it could end up being a colossal waste of time. Or even worse, Allie could end up writing Martin’s book for him and getting nothing in return. But on that thought, Allie paused. Yes, she didn’t really know Martin, but her gut feeling told her that he was one of the good guys. And she was intrigued to find out more about him. Especially if it meant she might get to meet the amazing Angie, although Allie couldn’t yet envisage the circumstances under which that might actually happen; she found it hard to imagine Martin leading with the introductions, ‘Hey Ange, I want you to meet Allie, she helped save our marriage.’
Allie felt another flicker of excitement in her stomach at her plans. Because, actually, while she was excited to see if working with Martin might help both of them write, she was also excited to see if everything she had learned on paper about love and romance could be put to practical use in the real world. If her experience writing romance might just help save Martin’s marriage. And maybe things with Will would spark some real-life romance in her own life.
‘Earth to Allie! Stop drooling over Will and tell me about the book.’
‘Alright. But stop calling him Will . His name is Will.’
Jess bit her lip in amusement and pretended to pull a serious face. ‘Will it is.’
Allie made a split-second decision as she swallowed a large mouthful of toast. ‘I’ve got myself a writing mentor.’
Jess looked confused. ‘A writing mentor? How does that work and where did you find her?’
Allie found it interesting that Jess would assume her mentor to be a woman. Some definite bias that presumed only women wrote romance, and that they wrote it solely for other women. She decided not to correct Jess. Best to keep things as vague as possible until she really knew how things might pan out. Until then, she could amuse herself by imagining the look on Jess’s face when she unveiled her mentor as a straight, middle-class man approaching retirement age.
‘I met them at a publishing party. We kind of clicked,’ Allie explained. ‘They’re going through something similar and we agreed to meet up regularly. Help each other out, encourage each other and set targets. You know,’ Allie shrugged, ‘that sort of stuff.’
‘Cool,’ said Jess. ‘But do you think you’ll have enough done to meet your deadline?’ Allie had told Jess all about Jake’s new, set in quick-dry concrete, deadline. Right before she had told Jess in excruciating detail every last painful piece of torture she planned to exact on Jake if she ever got the chance.
‘Ugh, honestly? Allie looked pained. ‘I’m not sure. I hope I can get enough down to buy me some time for a second draft. And anyway,’ her expression switched from pained to coy, ‘maybe Will might help inspire me?’
‘Aw yuck. I am definitely not reading this new one.’ Jess pretended to vomit and then had to assure the waitress who had just come to collect their plates that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the food. ‘It was bad enough last time when I kept wondering if you thought about Dominic when you wrote your sex scenes.’
‘Jess!’ protested Allie. This was a perennial source of anxiety for Allie. Would people think it was autobiographical? Would they think that she was writing about her own fetishes? What would her mother think? It was this kind of thing that would wake Allie in a cold sweat at night. And something she didn’t want her best friend questioning her about over breakfast.
Jess didn’t seem to think it was an issue and smiled sweetly back at Allie, drinking the cappuccino she had ordered to make up for the undrinkable cleansing juice.
‘Do you know, I find it a bit depressing to realise how little I miss Dominic and how easy it was for him just to walk out.’
Jess looked serious for a moment. ‘Yeah, I get it. I mean it’s good that you weren’t so invested but at the same time, makes you wonder what it was all for.’
Jess had hit the nail on the head and in the process made Allie tear up. Because this was exactly how she had been feeling for months, maybe even for years. Every time she had written a new book she had wondered what she was missing out on and why she could never get the happy-ever-after that she wrote so lovingly for each of her characters. She wondered where she had gone wrong and again, what her dad would say if he could see her now, settling for mediocre men.
‘Oh Al, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry!’ Jess looked mortified and reached across the table to grab Allie’s hand, almost making the revolting juice fly across the cafe.
Allie righted it just in time, only to be rewarded with a smear of green slime on her wrist. She wiped the rancid mess on a napkin and shook her head at Jess. ‘It’s fine, I’m fine!’ she insisted.
Jess gave her a look that Allie hadn’t seen in a while. It was the ‘I know you’re pretending to be brave, but I also know there’s more to this’ look.
‘Ugh, OK. I’m fine about splitting up with Dominic – see, I even said splitting up and not “being dumped”.’ Allie gave Jess a meaningful stare but was not rewarded with the praise she was seeking.
There was a moment of silence, and then Allie broke, ‘OK, alright. I don’t care about Dominic, but I do care about what this says about me and about my relationships with men.’ Allie was now properly on the verge of weeping, her voice had gone all wobbly and was getting higher in pitch with every word she spoke. She fumbled in her rucksack for tissues but came up with only a sweaty headband and a damp yoga towel. Briefly she considered using one of these to mop her tears before realising that Jess was holding out a packet of tissues towards her. Of course she was, you didn’t perfect ‘the look’ without thinking ahead of the consequences of using that look on unsuspecting individuals.
‘You know,’ Jess said, pulling a tissue free and giving it to Allie, who had been grappling with the packet and was in danger of just shredding the lot. ‘It’s totally normal to be upset about a relationship ending, even if you’re glad that it has.’
‘But that’s just it!’ wailed Allie. ‘I’m not even sure it was a relationship!’ She held the tissue to her nose, which had started leaking just as much as her eyes. ‘How can you call it a relationship when there’s nothing to sort out after it ends? We had literally nothing to disentangle.’ Allie took a deep breath and tried to calm her ragged breathing.
‘Hey, hey, it’s OK.’ Jess grabbed her arm awkwardly across the table and tried to comfort her.
‘Yeah, I know, it’s fine. Really. I’m fine,’ Allie insisted again. ‘It’s just a bit depressing. Two years and nothing to show for it. And I keep wondering why I bothered staying with him.’
‘Apathy? Inertia? Al,’ Jess said encouragingly, ‘we’ve all let a relationship drag on when it should have been marked do not resuscitate. It is what it is.’
‘But what if it means I suck at relationships?’ Jess gave Allie a ‘please, listen to yourself’ look. But Allie was on a roll. ‘What if not only do I suck at relationships but that’s the reason I can no longer write books about them? Look, I really like Will, he’s seriously hot, but I don’t think it’s a good idea right now just to launch myself into another relationship.’
‘What?’ Jess exploded. ‘How did we get from maybe I suck at relationships to maybe I should ghost the first guy who’s given me the feels in years?’
Allie shrugged. She wasn’t sure herself, but somewhere, deep down inside her she feared that all the situation with Will would lead to was disappointment and eventual apathy, because that’s all she knew.
Jess frowned at her. ‘Firstly, this thing with Will, maybe it doesn’t have to be a relationship, maybe it could just be fun. And secondly, just enjoy it, Allie.’
‘I don’t think I should.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because, because … because things are really messed up right now and I don’t think I should be dragging someone else into that mess.’
‘OK.’ Jess was now using the voice she used when dealing with children and irrational clients. ‘You need to get a grip, it’s not a mess. You got dumped.’ Jess waved away Allie’s protest at her choice of language. ‘And…’ She paused for effect. ‘You have already met someone who makes you feel like … like…’ She searched for the right words.
‘OK, this isn’t working,’ Jess said eventually.
‘This?’ asked Allie.
‘Yes this,’ Jess waved her arms around, ‘yoga, cleansing juices, avocado on toast. You need something to knock some sense into you, make you realise you’re great, you’re a catch! You’re allowed to have fun, flirt, kiss hot men! You’re a bestselling author, Allie! Who yes, I concede, might be having some trouble writing her next book, but as I understand it that’s not uncommon when you’ve been churning out books for years.’
‘We prefer you don’t use the term “churn” when describing the writing process,’ seethed Allie.
‘Shut up,’ snapped Jess. ‘Allie. You’re great. You had a shit and uneventful time with disappointing Dominic. Did I ever tell you that this is what Tom and I always called him? No? Well, now you know. But that’s over. And now you’ve met a new guy who is making your pants ping and he’s got the serious hots for you too. Enjoy it. And yes, maybe it will help you write, maybe it won’t. But just enjoy it for god’s sake, because you deserve it.’
Allie gaped at Jess’s outburst and wondered whether to be offended by Tom and Jess’s nickname for Dominic. ‘Does anyone really say “got the hots” anymore?’ she eventually asked.
Jess rolled her eyes and grabbed Allie’s hand, pulling her up from the table and pointing at her yoga bag, indicating Allie should pick it up. ‘Where are we going?’ asked Allie.
‘For cocktails.’ Jess sounded like she meant business.
Allie glanced at her watch. She dithered momentarily, wondering if Jess would actually take no for an answer before deciding that 10am really wasn’t too early for cocktails, especially when you’d been dumped by an ex and kissed by an insanely attractive man all in short succession. And this was Soho, if they couldn’t find somewhere here to serve them cocktails at this hour, then this was not the Soho Allie knew and loved.