Chapter Four
Atterbury House
Grosvenor Square
Mayfair, London
As Diana stepped into the morning room around noon the next day, her cheeks were still warm from remembering that kiss she’d shared with Lord Holdcraft last night.
Good heavens, what came over me?
That kiss had taken her by surprise. One moment they’d been catching up on each other’s lives through the briefest summaries, and then the next, he’d kissed her.
Which had then made her quite brazen, for she’d wasted no time kissing him back, as well as issuing the invitation to call. Why? What had she been thinking?
A snort issued from her as she perched on a delicate chair in one corner of the room.
To be honest, she hadn’t been thinking, especially once she’d let herself surrender to that kiss.
Never in her married life had Atterbury kissed her like that, even while in the throes of alleged passion during the handful of times he’d bedded her.
There had been something head-turning and pulse-racing about that kiss with Nathaniel—her brother’s best friend—and a man younger than her by five years.
And she’d been immediately intrigued.
Though she’d known of him as a young woman through her brother, she’d not fancied him at that time.
He’d been far too immature and ridiculous.
How did she think of him now? Oh, that was an easy answer.
As she patted a few escaped hair strands back into her chignon, she smiled to herself.
Nathaniel Grossbeck was quite delicious from what she’d seen in that quick meeting and even quicker kiss.
And she wanted to know more if only for the experience.
Did that mean for more than just kisses and conversation?
That was something she hadn’t thought through, but if it did, why chase that with one of the biggest rakes in London?
There wouldn’t be so much gossip about him if some of it wasn’t true.
Additionally, she was old enough and experienced enough to know that a few kisses—or anything else—didn’t equate to love, but a woman had needs, and there was nothing wrong with having a tryst as a widow to have those needs met.
At least she could have a wild romp or two, and then her mind would be clear so she could tackle the ton, perhaps find a decent man who might be searching for a wife. Isn’t that what men did? Dally with more interesting women until they found one to wed?
A discreet knock at the open door wrenched Diana from her thoughts.
“Yes, Cartwright?” The butler had been in her husband’s employ since she’d married Atterbury, and she didn’t have the heart to change the staff. If her son wished to do that, he could at his own discretion.
The tall, thin man with graying brown hair offered a slight bow. “Viscount Holdcraft has come to call. He wishes to speak with you. Are you receiving?”
Her nerves felt strung too tight, for a part of her hadn’t truly believed he’d come. “Uh…” Then she cleared her throat and nodded. “I am, yes. Please escort him here.”
“Of course, my lady.”
Once Cartwright left, she blew out a breath. It had been an age since she’d last been with a man—even before her husband had died—yet she didn’t know if that was where today’s meeting would end. Still, the wondering was enough to bring out a bit of anxiety.
“Ah, Lady Atterbury. Thank you for seeing me today.” In one hand, he carried a bouquet of spring flowers, including lilies and tulips, wrapped in pale-pink paper.
Her stomach dropped at the sound of the viscount’s voice as he entered the room.
Rising, she inclined her head. “Good afternoon, Holdcraft.” When the butler asked if she wanted tea, Diana shook her head.
“Not just now. But be assured I’ll ring if the viscount or I require anything.
We are merely catching up. He is my brother’s best friend, and I haven’t seen him for over twenty years.
” Was she trying too hard to seem proper in front of a servant? When nothing untoward had occurred?
“Of course, my lady.”
“And Cartwright, please close the door. I don’t wish to be disturbed, unless my brother calls.”
“Very well.” Then the butler once more exited the room.
Tingles of anticipation played her spine when she was left alone with Nathaniel. “I’ll admit, part of me didn’t believe you would actually follow through and pay me a visit.” Good heavens, he smelled so good!
Citrus, sandalwood, and cedar wafted to her nose as he came further into the room and offered her the bouquet. “After the intriguing meeting we had at the rout last night, I was quite interested in continuing our conversation.”
The words were disarming enough but they held a double meaning that sent ripples of awareness dancing over her skin.
“Ah.” When their fingers brushed as she took the bouquet, she tamped down on the urge to give in to a shiver.
“Thank you for the flowers. I do so enjoy fresh blooms but rarely ever have them.” It pleased her that he’d done such, because her husband hadn’t given her gifts since she’d birthed their son.
When she’d been delivered of their daughter, he hadn’t even been in London and had gone to Brighton with his mistress.
“You are quite welcome. Honestly, I’m not in the habit of picking up flowers, but as I passed a woman with a handcart on my way here, they were so pretty and put me in mind of you, that I couldn’t resist.”
So he’d been thinking of her? Oh, dear. Heat went through her cheeks, which discomfited her, for wasn’t she too old for such things?
“Well, they are wonderful, and tulips are my favorite.” The pink and white blooms were the very herald of spring.
Not knowing what to do, she brought the bouquet to her nose and inhaled the floral aroma.
“I hope this visit isn’t disrupting your schedule,” she said as she moved to the circular table on the other side of the room where she usually took breakfast. It sat four but she rarely had visitors.
“Not at all. And I don’t rise before noon for just anyone,” he teased, with a wink.
She smiled. “Ah, you’re a dissolute lord, then?” Thankfully, an empty vase sat in the middle of the table, for one of the maids usually brought in flowers for tea, so she slipped the bouquet into the vessel. Water could be added later.
“Perhaps, but that would depend on one’s perspective.” As he paced about the room, peering into curio cabinets and shelves, she took the opportunity to study him.
A strong jaw gave way to slightly chiseled cheekbones, but it was his head full of light-red hair and his moss-green eyes beneath red eyebrows that made her breathless.
A smattering of freckles lay sprinkled over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and his shoulders were wide and strong.
She remembered what it had felt like to have his arms about her and how solid his chest was when he’d been pressed against her.
Would she have the opportunity to see what his body looked like sans clothing? Would he let her explore his form with her fingers and mouth?
Then he turned and caught her staring. As another splash of heat went through her cheeks, a slow, sensual grin curved his lips. “Shall I spin about for you so you can observe me from behind? I’ve been told my arse is quite something to behold.”
“Do shut up, Nathaniel.” But she couldn’t help her own grin. It was too bad she hadn’t known him well before she’d married Atterbury. He could have been good fun. That wouldn’t have changed the direction of her fate, but she might have been able to face it all the better.
He came closer to the chair she’d perched upon. “I have been friends with your brother for most of my life, and if William hasn’t yet cut me loose, you can be sure I’m not a complete scoundrel. However, you already know I’m a rake, so shall we be honest with each other?”
“Of course.”
“Then I’ll ask you this. Did you enjoy a healthy carnal life with your husband?”
“Oh.” Right to the heart of the matter. She avoided his gaze as if there was something wrong with her in that scenario.
“I did not. He told me time out of hand that he preferred bed sport with his mistress, and that once he had his heir and a spare—or in our case, my daughter—he wouldn’t come to my bed again. ”
Shock went through the viscount’s expression. “God, what a bounder.” He shook his head. “And he must have been mad, for had he ever looked at you? Not to be crass, but you are quite lovely, even more so now than when I knew you as a young woman.”
Was that genuine or was it flattery? Perhaps it didn’t matter, for his praise put warmth back into her cheeks.
But Diana shrugged. “It happens more than you’d think, and it’s quite demoralizing after a while.
I’d begun to ask myself what was wrong with me that I couldn’t hold my own husband’s attention. ”
“I can just imagine, but the failing was on his part. Not yours. Never think that.” Nothing but honesty reflected in his eyes. “Some men don’t understand what they have.”
She snorted. “While this is true, I’ll wager you’re just as bad as he was.”
Consternation filtered through his expression. “What?”
“Well, you go from woman to woman, getting what you need from them. Not caring if they’re satisfied, never letting yourself form attachments or feelings for them. That isn’t decent behavior, is it?”
A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. “That’s not all true. I’m quite diligent in making certain the women I’m with are satisfied.”
“Perhaps that may be so.” One of her eyebrows rose. “Why are you a bachelor still at forty? With no close friendships except with my brother, and no women in your life beyond the shallow relationships you cling to?”
That apparently gave him pause, for he crossed his arms at his chest as if trying to protect himself. “I suppose I just haven’t found a woman worth pursuing, one with whom I could see a lifetime with.”
“Yet rumor has it you need to marry.”
“Don’t we all at some point?”