Chapter Thirteen
Atterbury House
Grosvenor Square
Mayfair, London
Diana opened one of the windows in the drawing room, pushed it as far as it would go to encourage fresh air into the space.
Remarkably, it wasn’t raining, and the warmth of the sun on her face made her smile.
If her cousin hadn’t come to visit, she might have gone on a walk through Mayfair merely to take in the glorious weather.
As she turned about and looked at Tabetha, she said, “If you wish to go driving, I can call for the open carriage. We could enjoy the spring air and sunshine.”
The other lady waved a hand from her perch on one of the delicate chairs in the room. “That’s not necessary, for I won’t be here long. I merely wished to pay a call and see how you fared following your father’s death.”
Though the ever-present sadness persisted, Diana nodded.
She drifted close and sat in a matching chair.
“Papa left a hole in my life, of course, but I am doing well enough. Trying to keep busy so I don’t think about his loss so much.
” Yes, she was happy to spend time with her cousin, but her nerves were on edge, for Nathaniel would arrive soon.
“How are you with your husband’s health? Has there been any change?”
A sigh escaped Tabetha. “He’s a bit better, but the doctor says the rally probably won’t last.” Shadows clouded her eyes. “It’s odd, this waiting for the next phase of life while the current one is fading.”
“I know exactly what you mean. That was how it was like with Papa’s ailing health.
” To be fair, she would rather have that than be told unexpectedly of a loved one’s death.
“Honestly, why are you visiting me, then? Time is precious. You should be with him.” As a ball of tears lodged in her throat, Diana swallowed it down.
“If I’ve learned anything over the past two years, it’s you can’t avoid death.
It will come for us all, eventually, so you need to make the most of the time with the people you love while you can. ”
Would she have wished to spend more time with her father? Of course, but life had a way of getting in the way of things, and sometimes good intentions were lost to the wind.
“I will.” Tabetha nodded. She rested her gaze on Diana’s face. “I wanted to see how you fared since we haven’t talked in a bit.” A sigh escaped her. “I’m sorry I didn’t join the procession, but I couldn’t leave London with my husband’s health as it is.”
“Oh, I know.” Diana waved away her comment.
“You were there in spirit. However, it was a lovely procession and service as he was laid to rest. Papa would have been pleased, I think.” Despite the subject matter, she allowed a small grin as she again looked toward the doorway.
“Family gathered around, and I was glad that Surrey was so close.”
“Mmm.” Then Tabetha peered more intently at her. Here eyebrows rose. “Why didn’t you tell me that you have a man in your life?”
“What?” Knots of worry twisted in her stomach. Was it that obvious she’d entered into an affair? She laughed, but it sounded far too forced to her own ears. “That’s silly.” Heat slapped at her cheeks.
“Is it?” Her cousin smiled. A knowing look crossed her face.
“Then tell me why you are distracted when you’ve never been that before, why you keep glancing at the door as if expecting someone?
Oh, and just now, you blushed as if we were back in finishing school.
” A chuckle left her throat. “Who is it?”
“Um… uh…” What would it hurt to tell her cousin? Diana lowered her voice. “This stays between us.”
“Of course.” Tabetha leaned forward with expectation.
“It’s Lord Holdcraft. We recently renewed our acquaintance and had a few… encounters before I had to go away for my father’s funeral. I’m anxious to be alone with him again.”
“What?” Her cousin gawked at her with a slightly open jaw. “But he’s a known rake.”
“Who hasn’t been with a woman since we met.”
“Perhaps, but he’s younger than you.”
Diana snorted. “Not by much. Only five years. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme.”
“Oh, but it does. Rumor holds that he needs to marry for an heir.” Tabetha frowned, as a look of concern went over her face. “Are you able to fall pregnant any longer?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.” More knots of worry pulled in her belly. Truth to tell, she hadn’t had her menses for many months. In fact, she couldn’t remember when the last time was, but she hadn’t wondered since she’d been a widow for two years.
“Oh, Diana.” Tabetha reached out and put a hand on hers. “Even if Lord Holdcraft has feelings for you, what you two are currently enjoying can’t go into marriage. What good would it do for him?”
“I…” Blinking away the sudden tears in her eyes, she strove to hide her hurt feelings even though she’d had those same thoughts. “Well, there is only the physical between us, an affair if you will. We haven’t spoken about anything else.” And probably wouldn’t.
Yet did she want more?
Tabetha sighed. “I don’t think he’s good enough for you anyway. You don’t need a rake in your life.”
She appreciated the distraction of that. “Yes, but there is a reason for that. He’s been hurt deeply by women in the past and is guarding his heart by entering shallow relationships.” Said aloud, it sounded poor. Perhaps she was a fool after all.
“Pish-posh.” Her cousin waved a hand. “They all say that. Men don’t change, and you of all women have cause to know that.”
“They do if they have a good reason to do so.” The urge to cry returned. As best she could, Diana squelched it. She strove for an attitude of no worries. “Put the concerns out of your mind. What is between Lord Holdcraft and me isn’t that serious. We can walk away at any time.”
In fact, how could it be serious when they hadn’t had a chance to spend that much time together?
Did it matter that the hours they’d had were deep and meaningful?
That he’d made her feel so completely different from how Atterbury had done?
That his kisses both set her ablaze but also made her feel young again and needed?
“Oh, goodness.” Tabetha gasped as she stared at Diana. “Never say you’ve fallen in love him?” Shock wove through her voice.
Had she? “I… I don’t know…” Surely that wasn’t what some of the deeper feelings were, but they certainly went beyond the physical. How could it have happened in such a short time, though?
“Ha.” Her cousin snorted. “I never figured you for a liar. What are you going to do?”
What indeed. Diana shrugged. “Let things continue as they are?” After all, she couldn’t marry him because he needed an heir.
The best she could do was be his mistress, but how could she stand by and watch him marry someone else?
Give his body, his heart, his soul to another woman, one who would bear his children, one who would reap the benefits of being a family with him?
Good heavens, that would prove more devastating than being ignored in her own marriage. Tears welled in her eyes, and she couldn’t blink them away quickly enough. When they fell to her cheeks, she brushed them from her skin. Why was life so cruel?
The arrival of the butler prevented the conversation from moving forward. Thank goodness.
“Pardon the interruption, my lady, but Lord Holdcraft is here. Are you receiving?”
Her traitorous heart leapt at the news, and she gasped. With heat burning through her cheeks, Diana said, “Please send him up.”
Once the butler left, Tabetha grinned as she stood. “Not in love, eh?” she said in a soft voice. “I rather think you’re lying.”
She ignored the observation. “Are you leaving?”
“I am, for I’m quite certain my presence will soon be de trop.
” With a wink, she shook the wrinkles from her skirting.
“Besides, I’m going home to my husband. You’ve reminded me of what love feels like.
I want to feel that for as long as I can with mine.
” Tabetha lowered her voice. “But I expect you to tell me everything later.”
Seconds later, her cousin exited the room. The sound of polite greetings from the corridor told Diana that the viscount was talking with her cousin. His deep cadence coupled with Tabetha’s high, thin tone made her grin.
Then he came into the room with a flat rectangle box in his hand. “Good afternoon, Lady Diana,” he said with a wink. “Was that your cousin?”
“Yes.” Slowly, she gained her feet. “Tabetha came by to see how I fared, but her husband is ailing. She wanted to go home and spend time with him, which was why you met her in the corridor.”
“Ah.” He nodded. “It seems everyone is struggling these days.” Once he’d closed the distance between them, the viscount offered her the box. “This is for you. A gift.”
Frissons of excitement twisted down her spine. When was the last time she’d been given anything from a man, aside from the flowers he’d offered twice before? “Why?”
“Well, May Day came and went during a sad time, so I didn’t have a chance to ply you with mysterious tokens of my affection, or to even give you flowers.” The look in his eyes promised wicked things. “I’m making up for it now.”
“What a lovely gesture.” When she opened the blue linen-covered box, a gasp left her throat.
“Good heavens, Nathaniel. They’re beautiful!
” Inside was a long rope of perfectly matched pearls that gleamed in the sunlight, tied in two loops by a black satin ribbon.
“It’s far too much.” And since the box was new and had the name of a prominent London jeweler in foiled silver lettering on the inside of the lid, he must have recently bought it, which meant she’d been on his mind.
Heat went through her cheeks. “Far too much,” she reiterated in a whisper even as she caressed a fingertip over the jewels from the sea.
“Nonsense. Every lady needs pearls, and the ribbon is for your hair during this trying time.” He met her gaze with somber understanding. “I hope you’ll wear them even if you can’t attend society events just now.”