chapter thirty-three
THE POISONER
“ I s this new?” My eyes scaled the large brick country home.
“Relatively. Father bought it a year ago. He wanted a change of scenery.” Phoebe paused. “This isn’t far from your family cottage, no?” she asked, but bit her lip, realizing she shouldn’t have touched on a sore subject.
“Yes, not too far, maybe thirty minutes.”
A year was spent away in that formidable place. It was the only home I thought to go to escape the world that I knew would be watching. I was well aware of how close we were to it.
“Let’s get you settled inside, then.” She smiled, motioning for her footmen to bring in our trunks, and looped her arm through mine.
The Caldor Estate was something truly bewitching.
The giant crosshatch windows stretched from floor to ceiling, cathedral-like.
It was an older building, but its beauty held many stories of its creation and craftsmanship.
It was an old English house, its architecture laced with historical details.
It was hard not to feel like royalty walking through the grand halls.
Out in the back of the house was a four-season conservatory, with a glass hall that led to a grand circular room with a green stained-glass dome.
Comfortable furniture adorned the room, making it the perfect place to lounge the day away, no matter the season.
The upholstery was a sage color to complement the stain of the glass.
Potted plants were scattered around the room.
I could live here forever if Phoebe let me.
“Is everything all right? You know that you can tell me if you are not well.” Phoebe’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“Yes, I’m fine. Why would I be anything except fine?” I gave her a tired look.
“As hard as I’ve seen you work, I’ve never seen you look this drained.” Her dainty brows knit together. “Is it Silas? Is he bothering you?”
“No! No, it’s all right. A little sleep paralysis is all. I think I’ve just been sick,” I reassured her.
We took our time having lunch and walked through the gardens. There was a beautiful gazebo on a peninsula surrounded by a man-made pond. Many willow trees and tall pond flowers surrounded the area. It would be the perfect picture if two white swans were swimming about.
Phoebe’s friends arrived around midday. We all gathered in the cozy conservatory as the evening went on.
I knew a face here and there, but not many.
I stayed in place on the couch, just observing for now.
Background noise and the sounds of the chattering environment were perfect for letting my mind wander, slipping into a deep dissociation.
Phoebe had sunk her talons into some poor, handsome soul off in the corner, so it looked like I had the night to myself.
“For someone who hates parties, I sure do see you at a lot of them.” A charming accent cut through the voices surrounding me.
Viktor and a couple of his friends approached, and he plopped himself next to me on the love seat. His peers sat in the two chairs across from us.
“I didn’t know that you were coming.” I smiled tiredly. “How have your travels been?”
“Oh, I was just tagging along.” He gestured to his companions. “These are my peers, Nikolai and Boris.”
I tilted my glass at them in a welcoming gesture. “It’s very nice to meet you. Do you study with Viktor?”
Nikolai glanced briefly at Viktor before looking at me again. “Yes, we have known him a long time. Long enough to know he doesn’t study,” he joked. It seemed both men shared accents similar to Viktor’s.
“What’s wrong with your face?” Boris asked abruptly, leaning back in his chair with a twisted sneer.
“Boris—” Viktor’s tone snapped in warning, then he said something in Russian.
I clenched my teeth together. “Nothing is wrong . It’s poliosis. It affects the pigment of hair and skin,” I said matter-of-factly, taking a slow sip of my drink.
Viktor snapped again in Russian, and Boris laughed, shooting off some sort of comment that I could not understand before his head tilted back to me. “Is it contagious?”
“I would have thought a medical student such as yourself wouldn’t be this featherbrained.” I clenched my jaw. “Are you sure that it is Viktor who doesn’t study?”
I turned to Nikolai. He was trying to hold back a laugh before cocking his head at his companion as if to ask, You’re really going to take a beating like that from a girl?
Looking over at Viktor, I saw that something had changed in his face. He looked impossibly stoic, like Boris was on some thin, quickly crumbling ice.
Boris got up, not bothering to continue the conversation.
“I better go console him while he dresses his wounds with bourbon.” Nikolai sighed. “It was so pleasant meeting you.” He gave me a warm smile before nodding politely at Viktor.
“I am so sorry. You know how some men can be,” Viktor reassured me, leaning his arm on the back of the couch behind me. “What brings you this far out?”
“Just getting away from the noise is all.” I shrugged, inspecting the liquid in my cup as I tilted it. “It’s nice to see a familiar face.”
“I am happy to be a light on the footpath.” He leaned in as we people-watched.
A phonograph hummed a tune while murmurs brought the night to life. Sounds of clinking glasses and laughter littered the air.
The ceiling became more interesting with each passing moment.
Even with the stained glass, it was easy to see the stars due to the lack of light pollution.
It was beautiful, reminding me of my time in solitude.
I could feel a grip on my chest as my heart weighed on me, feelings of the past pulling it down.
I’d spent many nights looking at the sky, talking into the abyss to pass the time.
Eyes were on me.
Viktor had been staring at me through lowered lashes. He leaned in and kissed me, his touch so tender.
I melted into him without thinking, savoring the soft touch.
He pulled away briefly, running his thumb over my lashes as he cupped my face. “You are so beautiful when you look out at the universe. I wonder what it would be like to be looked at with such adoration as you do at the unknown,” he whispered against my lips.
“Viktor, I—” My heart could just shatter at his words, knowing that it would never be something in the realm of possibility. Why did it feel like I was betraying Silas just by hearing it? “I can’t,” I whispered.
His amber eyes looked pained, but he nodded like he knew my reasons. “I know.” He pulled away. “It would punish me every moment it went unsaid.” He sighed, standing. “I hope you enjoy yourself tonight. I leave for the city in a few days. Will I be seeing you around?”
“I will be here.” My face reddened because he just returned a sad smile. “We still have a few more things to finish in the lab.”
He lifted my hand to his lips to bid me goodbye. He took a moment to linger, seeming to savor any contact he could. “Then I will see you soon.”
He left me on that couch to let my thoughts ferment inside my already weary head.
Guilt, longing, and neediness surrounded me like ghosts clutching on to my soul.
A phantom pain. What if I was letting Silas ruin something that was meant to be?
My feelings for both were entirely different, but I could not help the hollowness in my chest. The only thing I could do was fill it with something else, preferably the sweet numbness of scotch.