CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
‘I never wanted to hurt you, Katja. Never,’ he said, handing me an orange juice from the bar, where I’d gone with him later ‘to talk’.
For some reason, there was no music playing in the Swan Hotel bar that evening, which meant I had an awful feeling the couple sitting on the next table were listening to every word of our conversation as Richard pleaded with me.
He said a lot of things about how great our relationship had been and how he realised he’d started to take me for granted – and how he’d known deep down that Emily was too young for him and anyway, he didn’t want to stand in the way of her dreams of being a dancer on Broadway because one day, she would start resenting him for it.
The upshot was he thought he’d made a big mistake and he was desperately hoping I’d agree to give ‘us’ another try.
He really couldn’t have picked a worse time to plead his cause.
I was shattered after little sleep the night before, miserable over how it had ended with Caleb, and all I wanted to do was go home, get into bed and hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep.
On top of everything else, it had given me a real emotional jolt seeing my ex standing there, although after listening to him talk, I did agree that there were loose ends that needed tying up. I’d run away from him that day in New York, and we hadn’t really spoken since. If nothing else, it would be good to end the relationship on a peaceful note. Especially since he was Fen’s brother, so we were sure to run into each other now and again.
As for giving ‘us’ another try, there was no chance of that happening, no matter how many flattering things he was telling me.
In the end, though, just wanting to be away, I found myself agreeing to meet up with him the next day to talk some more.
*****
Richard seemed less desperate and more like his normal self when he picked me up next day after work, which was altogether better from my point of view. It was more relaxed this time and I was even starting to remember the good things about our relationship as we talked and even chuckled over the things we’d been doing.
The one thing we didn’t talk about was that day in New York at the top of the Empire State Building. He was obviously steering well clear of embarrassing topics like that, and I wondered if he thought he was winning me over... that maybe he thought I’d started to forgive him...
We went to see Ellie, to see how she was. I’d phoned her the night before and told her about Richard wanting me to give him another chance. She hadn’t said a lot, which was surprising since I’d thought she would say I should tell him to take a running jump off the nearest pier. She’d just told me to be careful. But she’d been quite happy at the idea of visitors the following day. I think she was so bored having to be idle at home that she’d have welcomed anyone as a distraction – even Richard!
He was on his best behaviour, and when Maisie ran in and asked if we wanted to go into the back garden and see the hedgehog house Caleb had made for her, he agreed straight away.
‘It’s made from birch plywood,’ she said proudly, as we admired the neat construction that Caleb had placed in a quiet, shady part of the garden. ‘He had to cut lots of pieces then he put them all together with screws.’
I laughed in wonder to see it. It looked like something you’d buy at a pet shop it was so well-made. ‘I love the little tunnel leading to the main house,’ I said, pointing.
Maisie nodded. ‘That’s so that other animals can’t swipe a paw inside and get at the hedgehogs,’ she announced knowledgably. ‘It makes it safer for them.’
‘That’s pretty special,’ said Richard. ‘Who is this guy, Caleb?’
He looked at me and I felt myself blushing. ‘Oh, he’s just someone Ellie and I got to know doing our cake van thing.’ I turned away, feeling suddenly emotional. ‘Anyway, Maisie, how about we go in for some of that delicious-sounding homemade lemonade you’ve been making with your mum?’
Walking back to the house, tears were pricking my eyes as I thought about Caleb and how clever and kind he was to have made that beautiful hedgehog house for Maisie. I couldn’t imagine Richard taking the time over something like that anymore... getting pleasure out of being in nature and making a little girl’s day...
But I couldn’t deny I was enjoying Richard’s company. The anger and the sense of betrayal I’d felt seemed to have abated. Now, I just felt a bit sorry for him.
Later, on the drive back to Sunnybrook, I fell silent, thinking about this weird and totally unexpected turn of affairs... Richard pleading with me to give him a second chance.
I could tell he was genuine about thinking he’d made a mistake and wanting to make it up to me. And if we did get back together, I’d definitely hold all the cards! He’d have to do things my way for a very long time to make up for all the hurt he’d caused me.
But . . .
Didn’t they say that people who cheat on a partner will usually go on to do it again further down the line?
I’d felt so in tune with Caleb and I’d experienced such passion with him... but passion wasn’t everything. Kindness and being able to trust the person you were with was just as important to me in a relationship. Richard had destroyed the trust and it would take a long, long time to build it back up again.
Could I really give Richard a second chance? Was it mad to think he might have learned from his mistakes and become a better person?
That could happen, couldn’t it?
I hated the idea that Richard might still be in love with me and hurting. It was ridiculous, really, but even after all the pain he’d put me through, I couldn’t bear the idea that I might be the cause of anyone’s pain – even Richard’s.
By the time we pulled up outside my flat, I’d made my decision...