Chapter Nine
Pierce
Driving away shouldn’t hurt like this. It was a job interview. Nothing more. It wasn’t even the job interview I thought it was. I mean, sure, it should suck to still be unemployed. And yeah, I went there thinking I was getting a job at a bar that came with a place to live and a semi-decent salary, and now, I was going back to an apartment that was on borrowed time, to a jar of applesauce and a cactus named Hank. That was all in suck territory, but none of that was causing the ache deep within me.
I felt like I needed to go back and find Rafe, and I didn’t get it. I met him for a whole handful of minutes. I’d had longer conversations on the city bus or in line at the grocery store. Heck, I didn’t even know the guy’s last name. But still…getting to him felt more important than anything else in this world.
And the kicker was that he didn’t want me. Not the real me. He wanted someone to fill a position, nothing more. No feelings. No sex. Just a fucking contract.
What would happen if I went back? He’d probably say, “Okay, sign the contract.” Like we were still in the middle of a business interview.
And me? The way I was feeling, I’d sign the contract and then be around him all the time, to have him not want me. I’d torture myself daily as we shared the same space, not even as a friend. Unrequited love was a fate crueler than death. Not that this was love. Of course it wasn’t. Was there such thing as unrequited attraction? Because if so, that was what I was stricken with.
There were no good options if I went back. He wasn’t looking for love or even a “for tonight only.” Heck, he didn’t seem to care that I was a beta, basically useless. He was looking for someone to help him with his career. We didn’t even talk long enough to know what that career even was. And besides, who wants to get married just to be someone’s trophy? Maybe me. And that realization was the only thing that kept me going straight home.
More than once, I thought about turning around and going back to Animals, marching up to the table, and just accepting the stupid offer. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from heading back to the sexy man, and I hated that about myself.
Was I so lonely that one hot guy with a mediocre offer was enough to have me question everything I was? Apparently, yes.
I pulled into my parking spot and ran up to my apartment, scared that if I went too slowly, I’d find myself climbing back in my car. I was stronger than this. My no was a no.
Reaching my hallway, I was grateful there was no new pink slip. I’d been a little nervous that my payment hadn’t been received, because usually I got a receipt, and this time I did not. Could I have reached out to double-check? Absolutely, but what if they didn’t get it? The money was gone, and I’d be in a worse position than I was in now. It was better to live in the land of denial than to know for sure I was extra screwed.
“Hey, Hank. I’m home.” I shut the door and looked around the room. Might as well start thinking about packing because, best-case scenario, I was going to be living in my car come the next couple of weeks.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
Hank, of course, didn’t answer. He never did. That’s kind of how it was when you were a plant. But he was a real good listener, and he listened to me as I told him every single thing that happened. He sat through my every detail about my time at the club as I sorted my meager belongings.
By the time I was finished going into even the most minute of details, including the fact that he smelled of sunshine, I had piles of belongings everywhere. Piles to discard if I had a new place to live lined up, ones that were going with me if I was going to be living in my car, and others to be donated me no matter what. Basically, my living room was a bunch of piles, the only places free of them, my bed and the couch. The place looked like a windstorm had whirled through it, but at least it felt like I was doing something.
“And so you see, that’s why…” I plopped down on the couch. “That’s why I turned Rafe down. The offer wasn’t good for me. Why would I say yes?”
Only…I wanted to say yes. So badly. Fuck it. Maybe I needed to give this thing a second shot.
I grabbed my laptop and pulled up the job listing site, seeing if there was a phone number I missed somewhere along the way. But the entire listing was down. I couldn’t even message him.
I couldn’t contact him again.
I didn’t even have his last name, and Rafe? There were a thousand Rafes around, if not more. It wasn’t like I could just pull up every single one in existence and work my way through the list. And even if I wanted to, because right about then it sounded like a good idea, where would I even find such a list?
Fuck it. I was going for it. I closed the computer and grabbed my keys.
“Hank, I’ll be back.”
And out the door I went.
Was I being foolish? Absolutely. But maybe, just maybe, if I went fast enough, he might still be at the club. It was a cool place; it wouldn’t be shocking to learn he stayed for a drink or dinner. Sure, it was super late now, but that didn’t mean he raced home.
This time when I arrived, the driveway was packed, and it made my first trip there look like it was empty. There was still a short line, but the bouncer smiled at me and told me to go on in before I even hit the end of it.
At least someone was glad to see me.
I wormed my way through all the people there having a blast, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil I was feeling on my way to the table I’d met him at earlier. But as I got closer, I saw he wasn’t alone. Something I had never experienced before built up in me, and I found myself racing over.
He was mine.
That other man? He needed to get lost. He had no right to be there sitting with Rafe. Rafe belonged to me.
Forgotten were all the reasons why this was a shitty idea.
But then, as I reached the table, suddenly all of that feeling of anger toward the stranger was gone. Replacing it was a feeling of calm…home…desire. Nothing made sense and yet everything did.
I was looked at the two of them, and instead of wanting to rip them apart so I could have Rafe, I was wondering if maybe I could sit between them, I could have them both.
What was wrong with me?