Chapter 29 #2
A little while later Rachel stood in the doorway of her mother’s bedroom and watched as Lily showed Janice the Mad Scientist cartoon strip.
Rachel had glanced at a few of the drawings, quick pen strokes that managed to capture the lovable ditziness of the scientist whose experiments always went wrong but managed to produce good results.
Janice’s eyes were following the cartoon, although she couldn’t speak.
She managed to nod in what seemed like approval, and Lily smiled.
“And here’s another one. . . .” She showed her mother another drawing, and Janice’s mouth jerked in a half smile; the left side of her face was still paralyzed.
Rachel leaned against the doorway, taking in a scene she’d never expected to see. Lily enjoying time with her mother, when she’d always avoided her before. Things actually working, even if it was in a completely unexpected way.
Lily looked up and caught her eye, and Rachel stepped into the room. “Hey there,” she said, smiling at her mother, whose face jerked again in response. “Those cartoons are pretty cool, aren’t they?”
“I didn’t think you’d looked at them,” Lily said. Her voice sounded guarded, unsure.
“I glanced at a few when I was taking your dirty washing from your room. May I see them now, though? Properly?”
Wordlessly, Lily handed the sheets over, and Rachel spent a few minutes silently studying the drawings, smiling a bit as Mad Scientist Girl’s potion exploded in a sea of bubbles, creating a soft landing for her sidekick cat, who had been thrown up in the air by the explosion. “Clever,” she murmured.
“You think so?”
“Yes.” Rachel looked up, taking a deep breath. “How’s your studying going?” She’d meant the question as an opener, a way to talk about things, but Lily’s expression closed up and she reached for her drawings. Rachel handed them to her without a word.
“Fine.” She glanced at Janice, who was drifting into a doze. “I guess she wants to sleep,” she said, and tiptoed out of the room. Rachel followed.
“Lily,” she called. Her sister was already halfway up the stairs. With a gusty sigh she stopped and turned around.
“What?”
Rachel stared at her, not wanting to ask her about what she wanted. Not wanting to shed doubt or project possibility into a situation that had been so certain. “Just a few more weeks,” she said, knowing she was chickening out. “Then it will all be over.”
Lily stared at her for a moment, her face expressionless. “Yes,” she agreed. “It will.”
In her own room Rachel reached for the thick white envelope from the University of Lancaster and slit the top.
She pulled out the glossy brochure, thumbing through the pages, glancing at the photographs of laughing students with backpacks slung over their shoulders, everyone looking as if they were having the time of their lives.
And for a second she imagined how it could work.
She’d go down to Lancaster twice a week; maybe Claire could take over some of her houses, even go halves in the business.
Meghan could take more on with Mum, and Lily would be at uni.
It would be crazy and hectic, but in a good way.
They’d all be living their dreams. Even if Lily didn’t realize what hers was yet.
Why shouldn’t she try for it? It was easy enough to fill out an application online. It was the hoping that was hard.
Impulsively, she reached for her phone and scrolled down for Andrew’s contact.
He answered on the first ring. “Rachel?”
“I’m looking at the University of Lancaster brochure.”
“And?” His voice was careful, cautious.
“And I’m thinking maybe it could work. Maybe.” Her fingers were clenched around her phone and her heart had started thumping. Amazing how difficult it was to admit that much.
“That’s great news,” Andrew said, and Rachel could hear the genuine warmth in his voice. “Let me take you out to celebrate.”
“To celebrate looking at the brochure?” Rachel said with a laugh. “I haven’t done all that much, Andrew.”
“To celebrate you getting in,” Andrew answered. “And starting your course.”
She felt dizzy, imagining it. Andrew had been right. Settling for something was better than having nothing at all. Why had she kept herself from it for so long?
She knew the answer to that. Because of fear as well as pride.
“Rachel?” Andrew prompted gently, and she realized she’d been silent, just breathing into the phone. “We’ll go somewhere really classy,” he promised her. “Like Raymond’s.”
She laughed then, a shaky relief pouring through her. “Okay,” she said. “I’d love that.”
Still high with possibility, Rachel fired off a text to Claire.
What do you say you take on part of Campbell Cleaners permanently?
If you’re really thinking of staying in Hartley-by-the-Sea?
She sent it before she could think better of it, before she considered how much of herself she was putting out there.
For once she wasn’t going to hold herself back. She was going to let herself dream, and see where it took her.