An Email from the Ice Queen
FROM: bscf@
SUBJECT: Another Charity Event Opportunity
Oliver,
I’m reaching out again due to the overwhelming success of our charity roller disco event, which raised $1.2 million! The Berkeley Shore Community Foundation is proposing another fundraising opportunity, this time to benefit the Cancer Ward at Berkeley Shore General Hospital.
We’re inviting athletic teams and Greek organizations to participate in a sensual art performance at the Berkeley Shore Convention Hall (the same venue as Skate with a Barracuda Night downtown).
We’re specifically requesting participation from:
Hockey Team
Rugby Team
Baseball Team
Soccer Team
Football Team
All fraternity houses
Best regards,
Anonymous Donor Committee
P.S. Last year’s similar event at Syracuse raised over $500,000. We’re confident BSU can do better.
I hit send, unable to suppress my grin. This is perhaps my most brilliant scheme yet. A sensual art performance? It’s deliciously scandalous, wildly inappropriate, and guaranteed to generate the kind of chaos that makes my blog thrive.
My phone buzzes almost immediately. Ladies and gentlemen, Oliver Jacoby is reliable as ever.
FROM: [email protected]
TO: bscf@
RE: Another Charity Event Opportunity
A sensual art performance? Seriously? That’s probably in violation of several university policies, but genius.
I’ll run it by the team, but knowing these guys, they’ll probably think it’s hilarious. When do you need confirmation?
-O
FROM: bscf@
RE: RE: Another Charity Event Opportunity
Oliver,
I need confirmation by Wednesday.
Best regards,
Anonymous Donor Committee
My email pings again. This time, the rugby captain enthusiastically confirms his team’s participation and asks if they can be as creative as possible. I tell him that creativity is absolutely encouraged and make a mental note to one day follow the rugby team, because these guys are DTF.
I open a new document and start typing.
COMING SOON: THE MOST SENSATIONAL CHARITY EVENT IN BSU HISTORY
Posted by The Ice Queen | March 4th | 9:34 PM
Hey there, puck bunnies! Ice Queen here, your go-to gal for the coolest takes on all things Barracudas.
Get ready to discover what art can truly be when you add beefy men to the equation.
Details coming soon.
Until next time,
Ice Queen skating off!
Short, sweet, and guaranteed to have the entire campus refreshing my blog obsessively. I post the teaser and close my laptop, already imagining the chaos about to unfold. Oliver thinks he’s doing this for charity. The athletes will think it’s another competition. But honestly?
This is all for me.