Barracudas Group Chat
Gerard
HOLY FREAKING FIDDLESTICKS ON A STICK!!!! Did you guys see what the Ice Queen just posted?!?!
Oliver
Unfortunately yes. My retinas are scarred.
Gerard
THONGS! We have to wear THONGS! Like actual thongs! Like the kind that go up your…
Kyle
We get it, Gunnarson.
Gerard
But Kyle! THONGS! In GLASS BOXES! While TOUCHING EACH OTHER!
Nathan
I think I’m going to be sick.
Actually, no I’m definitely going to be sick.
Gerard
I need to start doing more squats.
And lunges.
And whatever makes your butt look good from below.
Oliver
Pretty sure that’s gonna be the least of our worries G. Did you see the part about “constant physical contact”?
Nathan
Stop reminding me. I’m already having war flashbacks to the roller disco.
Oliver
Who’s pairing up with who for this one?
Kyle
Dibs on not Gerard.
Nathan
DOUBLE DIBS ON NOT GERARD!
Gerard
You guys are mean! I’m an excellent partner! I’m flexible! And enthusiastic! And I look AMAZING in a thong!
Oliver
Nobody disputed that last part.
Kyle
Unfortunately.
Gerard Gunnarson has added Elliot Montgomery to Barracudas Group Chat
Elliot
I’m filing a restraining order.
Gerard
But baby! We need to discuss my thong strategy!
Elliot
Your WHAT?!
Gerard
For the charity event! You’re going to come and watch, right? It’s for CHARITY.
Elliot
I don’t care if it’s for world peace.
Kyle
Lmao even Elliot has limits.
Elliot
Of course I have limits. I’m not an exhibitionist.
Elliot Montgomery has left Barracudas Group Chat
Gerard
He left again! Now I’m sad.
Oliver
So we’re really doing this, huh?
Kyle
Apparently.
Gerard
It’ll be fun! Think of it as team bonding!
Kyle
I’d rather not bond with any of you while wearing a thong.
Oliver
Too bad. Captain’s orders—we’re all participating.
Alex
Drew and Jackson are doing it together right?
Oliver
According to the Ice Queen, they’ve already confirmed.
Alex
That should be interesting.
Kyle
That’s one word for it.
Gerard
So you and me. Right, Nathan?
Nathan
WHAT?
NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT
Gerard
But we had so much fun at the roller disco! We almost won!
Nathan
I ALMOST DIED! Your...your EVERYTHING was in my face!
Gerard
And now you get to paint it!
Nathan
I’M GOING TO THROW UP
Oliver
Well that settles that. Kyle, you’re with me.
Kyle
Fine. At least you won’t make me touch your ass.
Oliver
No promises.
Nathan
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! I REFUSE!
Alex
Nathan? You’re typing in all caps again.
Nathan
I WONDER THE FUCK WHY ALEX!
Kyle
Hey! Don’t talk to him like that!
Nathan
But now I have to touch Gerard’s chest and arms!
OH GOD! AND HIS ASS!
Nathan
IT’S GOING TO BE RIGHT THERE
IN A THONG
AND I’LL HAVE TO PUT MY HANDS ON IT
Gerard
Multiple times probably! For full coverage!
Nathan
STOP MAKING IT WORSE!
I can already see it. That stupid perfect hockey butt that everyone talks about right there in my hands.
Covered in paint and glistening under the lights.
Alex
You sound very focused on that specific part.
Nathan
BECAUSE IT’S TERRIFYING!
Kyle
Is that what we’re calling it?
Nathan
WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!
Gerard
I think Nathan’s excited!
Nathan
I’M NOT EXCITED. I’M HORRIFIED. There’s a DIFFERENCE!
AND WHAT IF IT JIGGLES?!
Kyle
It will definitely jiggle.
Nathan
I KNOW! THAT’S THE PROBLEM!
Nathan
I’m concerned for my mental health.
Not for any other reason.
Gerard
Nathan you’re so sweet to be thinking about my body so much!
Nathan
I HATE EVERYTHING!
I’M LEAVING!
GOODBYE!
Nathan Paisley has left Barracudas Group Chat
Oliver
So. We all heard that right?
Kyle
Nathan basically just wrote Gerard’s ass a love poem? Yeah.
Alex
He seems very upset about it.
Kyle
That’s because he doesn’t realize he wants to motorboat Gerard’s ass yet.
Oliver
The denial is strong with that one.
Kyle
Five bucks says Nathan pops a boner during the performance.
Oliver
You’re on. I say he passes out first.
Alex
Can’t it be both?
Kyle
Good point.
Kyle
Think the Ice Queen knows about Nathan’s crush?
Oliver
Maybe Nathan is the Ice Queen. I mean, this all started with Gerard’s ass, didn’t it?
Alex
Maybe it’s a coincidence.
Oliver
OR maybe it’s not. Nathan is a freshman. So he would’ve just met Gerard shortly before her first blog post appreciating his cheeks.
Alex
But the Ice Queen has been blogging about you guys since well before that. She started when we were all freshmen. Nathan would’ve still been high school and not known a thing about us.
Oliver
Maybe he took up the mantle?
Kyle
I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.