Chapter 35
JACKSON
The world is different when you’re not pretending anymore. The sun is brighter, the birds more lively. The pep in my step is more of a hop, skip, and a jump than my usual “caveman stride,” as Ryan once called it.
Drew’s fingers intertwine with mine, and I couldn’t be happier to finally call him what I’ve been calling him all along—my boyfriend.
The boardwalk stretches out before us, the weathered planks creaking under our feet.
For the first time in months, I don’t have to calculate how long to hold his hand or worry if my smile is believable enough.
“This is weird,” I say, squeezing his fingers. “Good weird, but weird.”
Drew glances at me, hazel eyes catching the afternoon sun. “What’s weird about it?”
“We’re walking. Holding hands. No Ice Queen to perform for, no audience to convince.” I gesture at the mostly empty boardwalk with my free hand. “And somehow it’s more natural than all those times we were trying hard to sell it.”
He stops walking, tugging me to face him. “Jacky, about what I said at Home Depot—”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“Yes, I do.” His jaw sets in that stubborn way I’ve memorized. “When you told me how you felt, I panicked. Called you my ‘bestest friend’ like we were in fucking kindergarten.” He winces at the memory. “I should have been honest.”
I study his face, searching for any trace of performance out of habit, but all I find is raw honesty—the kind that makes my throat close on itself.
“I wasn’t honest either,” I admit, watching a seagull dive for scraps near the railing. “Not only about my feelings for you but about everything.”
Drew’s thumb traces circles on my palm, patient and encouraging. The gesture gives me courage.
“I’ve been sneaking around with guys since sophomore year.
” The confession tumbles out, words I’ve never said aloud.
“Random hookups—always in secret, always with guys who wouldn’t tell a single soul that they got head from the supposedly straight quarterback.
” I force myself to meet his eyes. “I wasn’t ready to be out.
To admit that I like men. That I’ve always liked men more than women. ”
“Jacky…”
“Let me finish.” I take a shaky breath, tasting brine and the faint sweetness from the candy shop down the pier.
“Every time, I’d tell myself it was experimentation, that I was scratching an itch.
But then you asked me to fake date you, and suddenly, I had an excuse to be close to you without having to admit what I really wanted. ”
Drew’s hand tightens around mine. “How long?”
“How long what?”
“How long have you wanted me?”
Heat floods my face despite the ocean breeze.
“Freshman year. The first time I saw you out on the ice. You were a force to be reckoned with, and I realized that I wanted your force. Your strength. Your power. I wanted to know what it was like to be completely taken apart by you. And by that, I was more confused than ever. And then when Elliot and Gerard met, I was over the moon to finally be a part of your world, even if it was only as a friend. I got to know you, and you know what I learned?”
“What?”
“That you were the one for me, Drew. Your devil-may-care attitude, combined with your big heart, was an arrow straight to my heart. There was no way I was going to let you out of my life. I needed you more than I ever needed anything in my life. And now I get to call you mine. Forever, hopefully.”
“Forever always,” Drew says before placing one of his giant hands on the side of my face and pressing our lips together.
Fireworks shoot off in my head as my toes curl in my shoes and my fingers grab onto his waist, pulling him to me until we’re flush against each other. I notice with overwhelming certainty that Drew Larney is hard for me. I’m equally hard for him.
As we stand there making out and showing each other how much love is in our hearts, the boardwalk slowly comes alive.
Families with strollers, couples sharing cotton candy, joggers weaving between pedestrians.
The smell of funnel cake drifts from a nearby stand, mingling with the scent of sunscreen and sea spray.
It’s the kind of perfect early spring day that makes you believe winter might finally be over.
“I’m sorry I made you hide,” Drew says, pulling away with swollen lips and wide, lust-filled eyes. “With the fake dating thing. I know it probably made everything more complicated.”
“It did,” I agree. “But it also gave me an excuse to be myself. Even if I was pretending it was pretend.” I laugh at my own twisted logic. “Does that make sense?”
“Perfect sense.” The ocean stretches endlessly behind me, but all I can see is him as he takes my hand and we start walking again. “No more pretending, though, Jacky. This is real. You and me.”
“Real,” I echo, the word tasting like freedom.
“Come on,” he says, tugging me toward the pier. “I want to win you a stuffed animal at the ring toss.”
“Aren’t those games rigged? I’ve never seen anyone win one of those things.”
“That’s because they don’t have what I have, Jacky.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“Excellent hand-eye coordination.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon being disgustingly couple-y.
Drew does win me a stuffed shark at the ring toss—after spending thirty dollars—and I beat him at Skee-Ball.
We share boardwalk fries soaked in vinegar, and he kisses the salt from my lips.
We take selfies with the ocean behind us, and even one of us mooning a flock of seagulls—because even though we’re grown adults, being in love makes us act like teenagers.
As the sun starts its descent, painting the sky in pastel colors, we find ourselves on a bench facing the water. Drew’s arm is around my shoulders, and I’m tucked into his side, the stuffed shark on my lap.
“I want to come out,” I say, surprising myself. “Not just with my sexuality, but with the truth. That this started as something fake to get people off our backs, but then it turned into something neither of us could keep on denying.”
Drew’s arm tightens around me. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” I turn to stare at this beautiful, infuriating man, who somehow loves me back. “I’m tired of hiding. Tired of being afraid. It’s time I stop running from it.”
“Whatever you need,” Drew says firmly. “However you want to do it, I’m with you.”
“Even if it means dealing with some of my extended family when you eventually meet them? They’re not like my parents and brothers. They’re…traditional. They think quarterbacks should be dating cheerleaders.”
“Especially then.” Drew presses a kiss to my temple. “Though I should warn you, I look terrible in a cheerleading outfit.”
I laugh, the sound carrying over the waves. “I don’t know—those legs would look pretty good in a skirt.”
“Perv.”
“You love it.”
“I love you,” he corrects, and my heart stutters at the words.
“I love you too,” I tell him, meaning it with every fiber of my being.
We stay on that bench until the boardwalk lights flicker on, turning the wooden planks golden. Until families pack up their beach gear and couples claim the gathering darkness for themselves.
Finally, after much confusion and worry, I’m no longer afraid of being seen. Of wanting what I want. Of the truth.
Drew Larney is my forever person.