Chapter 19
We have a home game before heading out on the road again. It’s a weird feeling for me to be dreading not being home. I’ve never cared before. Home, the road, it was all the same. But that’s not the case anymore because when I’m home there’s a level of anticipation when it comes to Audrey. My literal dream girl.
Am I going to see her?
Will we flirt with each other?
Will it lead to more?
I’m enjoying our situation more than I feel like I should considering the lingering fear I still have when it comes to sex. But with her it’s different. There’s a level of familiarity. Comfort. I’m worried about what all this means. Is it just fun? Is it going to be more? I don’t know if she wants more with me. Do I want more?
Fuck, I don’t even know anymore. My head is a jumbled mess when it comes to her. I want her. That much is certain. I know I should just enjoy everything that is happening. I know my dick is since it’s getting attention from more than just my own hand.
My head, on the other hand, needs to get on the same page.
I try to erase all my complicated thoughts from my mind before the game and leave them in the locker room. Of course, it hasn’t been as easy lately when I think about what Audrey could possibly be doing.
I turned off the notifications from the cam app on my phone, not needing to know if she’s on anymore. Since we are home, I know sometimes she comes to games with Chandler. We haven’t talked today, so I’m not sure if she was planning on it.
Debating with myself on if I should get some sort of answer I finally give in, turning toward my teammate, Dumont.
“Hey,” I nudge him on the shoulder. “Is Chandler coming to the game?”
He gives me a curious look, “Uh, yeah. Why?”
I shake my head. “No reason, just curious.”
He’s quiet, looking at me for a beat before I catch his slow smile from the corner of my eye. “Yes, Audrey is with her.”
I nod and give him a grunt like the information didn’t light a little fire inside me. He just chuckles, knowingly.
Knowing Audrey is here watching the game distracts me more than it should. She’s seen me play before, for fucks sake. This isn’t new. Not even close.
I’m losing my mind.
We endup losing the game so the energy in the locker room is somber as we all get changed. I get pulled for a post-game interview, which I reluctantly do. The questions are always so stupid, asking what I wish we did differently as a team and shit. We wish we scored more goals. Next?
By the time I’m done with the interview, showered and changed, I was hoping to catch Audrey in the tunnel with Chandler, but they must have left already. It shouldn’t disappoint me as much as it does.
Heading home, I’m not even sure if I’ll see her there. Then, I’m leaving in the morning. All the pressure from my thoughts and the stress of the game makes me feel like there’s a weight in my head and I just want to go to sleep.
Once I’m through my front door, tossing my keys onto the table in the entryway I head toward my room. I’m stopped by the visual of the woman with black hair and glasses perched on my kitchen island. She’s in skinny jeans and a Denver Dragons jersey. I’ve seen her wear it before, so I know there’s no name or number on the back of it. But right now, I’m wishing there was a certain thirty-six on it.
“What are you doing?” I ask, dumbly.
“Waiting for you,” she shrugs.
I approach her with a smirk, “We have to stop meeting up like this.”
I’m standing in front of her, dropping my duffel at my feet and bracing my hands on the counter on each side of her thighs.
“Like what?” she questions.
“In my kitchen.”
She looks around and laughs, “You’re right. We do seem to keep meeting in here. It’s a good kitchen. Very…central.”
I nod. “Maybe we should have a different meeting spot. Switch it up sometimes.”
“Yeah? Like where?” her tone is suggestive.
My room. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but for some reason I hold back from saying the words.
Instead, I say, “You could’ve waited for me after the game. I would’ve given you a ride home.”
“It’s okay. I thought you might have wanted to go out with the guys to commiserate or something.”
“But you said you were waiting here. For me.”
“I was.”
“So how long would you have waited if I did go out?”
“Probably not long,” she looks at her wrist as if there’s a watch there. There’s not. “Look at that, your time is up anyway.”
Jumping down from the counter, her body slides against mine because I have yet to move. She looks up at me, towering over her with our bodies pressed against each other.
“Where are you going?” I rasp, my voice thick with desire especially now that she’s pressed completely against me.
“My room,” she replies softly.
“Why?”
“I–” she looks behind me like the answer will be there before turning to meet my gaze again. This time there’s a challenge in her eyes. “I mean unless you have something better in mind.”
I do. I have so many better things in mind. So. Many.
But I can’t voice them. She’s putting the ball in my court right now, and yet I do better when she initiates what happens between us. Takes the choice out of my hands and makes it easier. I want to say something. Anything that portrays what I really want in this moment, which is her. Every inch of her.
Instead, I step back while my dick protests behind my slacks that I’m putting distance between us. “I should probably go to bed; we leave in the morning.”
The look she gives me appears to show disappointment, but only for a second. Then it’s gone. I bend down to grab my bag on the floor, hoisting it back over my shoulder, giving her a closed lip smile before turning to go toward my room.
Her hand touches my arm, stopping me. I turn to face her thinking maybe she will do it. She will ask me for something more to happen. Take control of the situation for me that I’m unable to do right now.
Instead, she presses up on her toes and grazes her lips over mine for a fleeting second. It’s barely a kiss, but she doesn’t give me the chance to press further either.
“Goodnight, Charlie,” she turns and walks toward her room.
I’m pretty sure she knows exactly what she’s doing to me, and fuck do I want more of it.
I would loveto say that I slept extremely well last night and that I’m bright eyed and bushy tailed for my trip today. But that would be an extreme lie. I tossed and turned for countless hours. At one point I got up and just stared at my bedroom door. I knew that if I opened it, I would find myself outside Audrey’s room, and who knows what that could’ve led to.
Orgasms always help me sleep, so I tried jacking off, but even that didn’t work because just the thought of her isn’t enough anymore. She wasn’t touching me, I wasn’t touching her, so it wasn’t enough and I was left completely unsatisfied.
I’m one of the last to board our plane, keeping my sunglasses on and headphones in as I sit in the open seat next to Dumont hoping he doesn’t try to talk to me. Of course, I wouldn’t be so lucky because he’s a talkative guy.
I should’ve sat next to McQuaid.
Once we’ve taken off, I notice Dumont looking at me like he’s dying to talk. I ignore him for a while until finally sighing and taking out my headphones.
“What’s going on with you and Audrey?” he blurts immediately.
“What do you mean?”
He rolls his eyes, “Come on. I’m in love with her best friend, she hears things. I hear things.”
“Then you know already. I’m not going to gossip with you like a teenage girl.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to make sure you’re not going to hurt her. Because if you do then she will be upset, go to Chandler who will get upset, then I’ll have to be upset.”
I raise my eyebrow, giving him a sideways glance. “What makes you think I would be the one to hurt her? Maybe she’s preparing to break my heart.”
“Good point. That’s probably more realistic. Okay, then I’m looking out for my teammate, so we don’t get totally fucked this season because you get your heart broken.”
I sigh, “Look, I don’t know what’s happening, okay? I…fuck man I like her, and I just don’t know how she feels. She seems to be more about the…fun.”
He nods knowingly. “Yeah, Chan has said she doesn’t really do relationships. So, then be down for the fun.”
“I’m trying. I just…like I said I like her.”
“Coming from someone in a totally normal, committed, and loving relationship–”
There’s a loud scoff that comes from the seat one row up and McQuaid turns around, clearly having been listening. “Continue that sentence, Dumont. Please.”
“Fuck off, McQuaid, you don’t know shit about how to get a woman to like you back without practically forcing her,” Dumont retorts.
“It seems to have worked. Chandler likes my methods. You know her favorite is when I–”
“Enough,” Collee’s deep ass voice interrupts from behind us. “You both are clearly not going to be very helpful for what Mann is wanting.”
“I can help,” our goalie, Colver, pops in from my left.
I groan at how this simple conversation turned into an entire team affair. I’m just waiting for the rest of the guys on the plane to join in with their opinions.
“Do you even have a girlfriend, Colver?” McQuaid asks.
“Not exactly. I have a girl, but she’s not really…mine. Yet.”
“And why not?” I ask, trying to deflect onto him so maybe the guys will leave me alone.
“She’s with someone else right now,” he looks down and I can see that isn’t a fun topic for him and now I feel like an asshole for asking.
“Sounds like you can’t help Mann anyway. Have you fucked her yet?” McQuaid brings the attention back to me.
I shake my head, done with all of this. “Never mind. Fuck all of you, this never came up, just drop it and don’t tell Chandler shit.”
I put my headphones back in, wanting to drown everyone out once again.
After a few minutes to myself an earbud is pulled from my ear, I turn to glare at Dumont, he speaks quietly to not draw the attention of everyone again. “Look, just go with the flow. She may not be big on relationships, but that doesn’t mean she would never have one. I know that’s more your forte, I’m not an idiot, you never hook up with anyone. I mean if you have, you haven’t made it obvious. Just don’t use her, and don’t hurt her. But maybe having some fun is the key to more with her.”
“That seems backwards.”
“Does it? Or would you rather prove to her you’re worth keeping around?”
I guess he’s got me there. I put my headphones back in and think about what he said. Try to just have fun, go with the flow. Maybe fun is the key to more with her. Do I even want more again? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I want to keep her around me as long as I possibly can.