15. Elyse
CHAPTER 15
ELYSE
I don't know if it's Bel's soothing presence or the fact we are shadowed by Drew's imposing one, but by the time we arrive back at the house, I’m already feeling better. I lead Drew and Bel inside, scanning the foyer and then ducking my head into Seb's study to see if he’s there, but the place is empty.
With a shrug I turn and say,"I'm not sure where he is right now, but I can text him if you want?"
Bel shakes her head, her bouncy hair bobbing around her as she moves. "No. It's fine. I'll see him whenever. Oh, I’ve got an idea. Let’s make him dinner!”
“Dinner?” I try not to look as apprehensive as I feel at the thought of her cooking anything.
Putting her hands on her hips she narrows her eyes at me. “Yes, dinner. What else would we make?”
“That’s not what I meant. I just didn’t know you cooked, that’s all.” I risk a quick glance at Drew, trying to gauge his opinion. He's been around a lot, but I still find him intimidating as hell. Like at any second he's going to go feral and rip me apart. His features are closed off, giving nothing away.
“Excuse me? Of course I know how to cook.” Bel scoffs and marches off towards the kitchen. I follow quickly behind her, with Drew hot on my heels.
“I wasn’t trying to insult you.” I tell her as soon as we reach the kitchen. She’s already elbow deep in the fridge, rifling around. Drew goes to her and stands at her side while I plop down on a stool. "I, myself, am not really a good cook. Not unless you consider microwaving meals cooking." I give a weak laugh.
Bel waves a hand at me, her focus on the fridge and its contents. The housekeeper has been good at keeping the pantry and fridge stocked so I'm certain she’ll find whatever ingredients she needs. I let her be, and after a few minutes of rummaging and piling items into Drew’s arms, she turns to me with a wide smile and declares, “I’m making tacos.”
I tug my phone out of my pocket, lift it to snap a picture of them cooking together, and then I send it to Sebastian, with no other explanation. Maybe he'll come back. The little trip out of the house was nice, but I can’t help feel something is missing now.
Bel interrupts my daydreaming when she slides a chopping board and tomato down in front of me. "Just cut this in tiny pieces, I'll cook the beef."
Drew leans against the counter near her, pouting, "Oh really, so you let her play with the knife but not me?”
“You’re such a baby…” She rolls her eyes.
“Well, if I can’t cut stuff up, what do I get to do?”
She doesn’t even look at him when she responds and simply turns the stove on, "You can just stand there and look pretty."
With a villainous gleam in his eyes, he leans forward and nips at her neck. A tiny whimper escapes her, and heat climbs into my cheeks. I jerk my gaze away and back to the tomato, trying to give them at least a hint of privacy.
Sebastian touches me, but not like that. Not so carefree and easy. It's as if every touch of Sebastian's will sear or scar me.
Is what Bel and Drew share how things are supposed to be? I wouldn't call what Sebastian and I have right now a relationship. Not that I have any previous experience. Sure, we're married, but it’s nothing more than a word at this point.
Drew slides some chopped up lettuce toward me, and I realize I'd zoned out again . "Did you say something?"
He shakes his head and continues watching me. "No, just adding this to the veggies. Figure it would be easiest to serve that way."
I nod, uneasiness coating my insides from the inspection of his direct gaze. "I texted Sebastian. Maybe he'll be back in time to eat with us."
Drew shrugs, “Maybe. Maybe not. The guy’s busy as hell.” He casually moves closer to Bel, pulling her back into his front and using his hands to cradle her hips.
I clear my throat and hop off the stool. I’m uncomfortable with his outright display of affection towards her, and I don’t know how to handle it. "I'm going to go wash up; I'll be back down in a few minutes."
I don’t give them the chance to reply before I run out of the room, up the stairs, and head straight into Sebastian’s…I mean, our room. His intoxicating clean scent surrounds me, and calm settles over me.
It only takes a minute to wash my hands and splash some water on my face. There’s this nervous energy in my stomach, and I can’t get it to go away. I don’t know what it’s about or why I have it, but it feels like something bad is about to happen. I check my phone again. He didn't even open my text message. What could he be doing when he's been so adamant about staying near me at all times? This is stupid. I laugh to myself. How do I both want him to keep his distance but also want to make sure he’s safe and tucked in to my side?
Possible scenarios fill my mind and do nothing to calm me. They only ramp up my anxiety. Could he be dead somewhere? What if my father got his hands on him?
My breaths become ragged, the tell-tale signs of a panic attack looming in the distance. No, this is just my fear, my trauma. Sebastian wouldn't be taken easily, no matter who tried to grab him. He’s a fighter. Always fighting.
Maybe if he gets home in the next few minutes, he'll be happy I'm waiting here for him. The thought makes me want to run, since that’s exactly what he wants, but there’s another part of me fighting back against that impulse. The one considering what Bel said about Sebastian doing everything in his power to protect me. Yes, he killed his grandfather, but he had to have a reason. He doesn't do anything unless he has a very specific reason. Bel suggested it was because of me, because his grandfather tried to own me.
But is there more to it? Or am I overthinking it all?
There's no way to know when he absolutely refuses to speak about that night.
I give myself another minute to wallow in my thoughts and then choose to go back downstairs because the last thing I want is Bel having to come find me. Straightening my spine, I fill my lungs with air and slowly release the tension, then I head back down to the kitchen.
When I enter Bel is piling tortillas on the counter with a wide, happy grin. And I can't help but smile back. She's infectious with her joy. A feeling I used to know . Okay, fine. It’s not that I'm unhappy now, just...different. My experiences wore down the juvenile innocence I once had. Can’t say it’s a bad thing. It’s probably for the best, since all that did was make me vulnerable.
I slide back onto the stool and grab a plate. "Should we wait for Sebastian?" I clear my throat. "Maybe if you text he'll..."
Bel cuts me off. "Please. That man lives and breathes for you. If he's not texting you back, he's not going to respond to me, either."
My chest is tight at the thought but I don’t comment. Instead I nod, focusing on the food. "Thank you for cooking, it smells amazing." My stomach rumbles so loud they both hear it, freezing at the noise. We all laugh, and the tension from earlier is broken. I can breathe again.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I snatch it out so fast I almost fumble it into a bowl of shredded cheese. I spot Sebastian's name on the screen and immediately hit send.
"Hey, we..."
He cuts me off mid-sentence. "Hey, you with Drew?"
I shake my head and stare across the counter at Bel and Drew's questioning looks. "Yes, I'm at home, waiting for you."
When he continues, something in his tone sends shivers rolling through me, panic churning in my gut. "Good. Stay put. Drew, Aries, Lee, and Bel will be over to keep you company."
I meet Drew's gaze, noticing the sharpening of it, and the way his lips thin as he studies me. "What? Why? What's going on?" I hate the frantic edge overtaking my tone but I'm incapable of reining it in.
"Do me a favor, though, tell Aries I need him to find me the best lawyer in the tri-state area. It seems the sheriff wants me to accompany him downtown to discuss a couple of things, and I don't talk to cops without legal counsel."
I snatch the phone away from my ear and hit the speaker button. "What the hell, Sebastian? What do you mean—he's taking you to jail?" I nearly screech and twist my hands into the fabric of my shirt to try and calm myself.
"Unfortunately, yes. But stay with them. I'll see you soon, babe. Love you."
There's a click, the signal he’s hung up the phone.
Now I’m both confused and frantic. My voice trembles as I speak, "We have to help him. I don’t think either of you understand how powerful my father is. He’ll kill him. Sebastian's the only thing standing between my father and me."
My phone starts to ring again, sliding on the smooth granite countertop. I peer down at the screen. It's an unknown number. Shit. How did my father get this number? It's a new phone. He couldn't have gotten it off Sebastian's phone that fast, right?
With a hammering heartbeat I move to answer it but Drew snatches my hand in mid-air shaking his head at me. "No, you don’t answer to that fucker anymore. Answering his call would be feeding right into his bullshit, and you’re above that. Sebastian has fought tougher villains. He can take care of himself."
I don’t understand why he’s not taking this more seriously. "He's going to jail, Drew!"
He merely shrugs, "Here is the thing about Sebastian. He’s all about strategy. If I had to guess I would assume that’s exactly where he wants to be. He has a reason for the madness, for even talking to your father in the first place. My bet is he would be livid if we did anything to ruin his plans, and you might be capable of listening to his bitching, but my ears start to bleed when I’m forced to endure his whining.”
I tug my hand out of his grasp and look to Bel for any type of advice, but she’s staring down at the counter, his forehead wrinkled. It looks like she’s devising a plan. "Tell me if I’m right or wrong here.”
“Okay?”
Bel looks up at me, “Your father wants to get Seb out of the way, so he can have you all to himself, right?”
I nod and swallow hard. "Yes."
Bel smiles, but it's a strange smile, almost evil, and it doesn't fit her soft features. "Then you have to show him you can't be separated, that you won't be separated.” I think I know where she’s going with this and I’m not sure I like it. She continues, “I’ll call the lawyer, and you go get changed into something..." she waves at me. "Something expensive looking."
I shake my head, confused. "What good is that going to do?"
"Your father will never expect you to be strong, to show ferocity in the face of fear. What we’re going to do is make sure he knows you’re not to be fucked with. You'll go pick Sebastian up at the police station and prove to your father you’re a united front and that if he wants to get to you, it’s not going to be as easy as he thinks. Show him your teeth and claws; I know you have them.”
Hell, no. I can't face my father! I can barely leave the house let alone stand up to the man who abused me for years. "No, it won't work. I can't sell that, look at me. I'm shaking at the very idea of it."
Drew skirts the counter and spins me to face him. "Do you love him?"
All I can do is blink. I part my lips but nothing comes out.
"It's a simple question." Drew’s features turn cold.
I try to organize my thoughts, considering, weighing, measuring. Do I love him?
"You don't need to think about it. If the answer isn't yes, then it's no."
He releases me, and I wobble on my legs, trying to find the words. Do I love him? Yes. I love him. Even if I shouldn’t. Even if it’s wrong. Even if he’s a murderer. I’m one, too. Sometimes the things you will do to protect yourself and those you love aren’t morally correct.
Turning his attention back to Bel, Drew says, "Let's get the car; we'll go pick him up."
"No!" I growl.
His narrowed gaze shifts back to me. "No?"
"No. I'll do it. I'll go. I’m his wife, and it needs to be me." I can barely believe the words coming out of my mouth right now. "Let me...go change really quickly."
I’m a trembling mass of worry, but I don’t focus on my anxiety. I race up the stairs, grab the first dress I can find that isn't too fancy, and wiggle into it. Shoes come next, and then I walk into the bathroom. There’s a bunch of hair products sitting on the counter, but I grab a claw clip and secure my brown locks in a bun at the back of my head. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I can see the worry lines forming, the fear trickling in. Fuck. I wish I was as good as Sebastian is at masking my emotions. I reach for the mascara and apply a little to brighten up my eyes. The last thing I want my father to think is that I’ve been held up in the house, anxiously waiting for him to attack, even if it is the truth.
As I walk past the bed, I stare down at where Sebastian keeps a gun sheath. A weapon might not be a bad idea. But then I remember another sheath. Sebastian’s knife.
I check the end table, under the bed, but it isn’t until I slide my hand beneath the pillow that I find it. The protective walls I’ve built around my heart crumble slowly as I grab it, check the sheath, and race back down to the kitchen.
It isn’t until I’ve nearly reached the kitchen I realize I’m still holding onto the mascara tube in one hand and the knife in the other hand, my dress flapping open in the back still needing to be zipped. Wow, what a damn mess.
The second Bel sees me she leads me gently to a bench near the wall, turns to zip me, and then sits me down. "Breathe. We have time. It'll be a little bit while they process him. Drew already sent the lawyer. I called the car service. We can't go in with you, but we'll be nearby, parked, with Lee and Aries in case something goes wrong."
Panic sinks its nails into my skin. Bel’s lips are moving but her voice sounds far away. What if I can’t do this? What if I’m paralyzed with fear? What if he hurts Sebastian?
Bel snags the items from my hands and cups me by the cheeks, forcing me to look into her eyes. “Breathe. You can do this. I know you can do this. You’re strong, stronger than you think, and fierce like a lion. Go in there and show your father he doesn’t have the hold he thinks he does on you. Stare fear right in the face and say fuck you.”
"Yes," I whisper in reply. “I can do this!”
I can do this. I have to do this.
There is no other option but to go forward, to face my fears. Sebastian would want me to do it. He'd expect me to play the part. The thought of his praise, of him looking at me with pride, makes my chest swell. This isn’t something I can do, but something I must do. I might be afraid, might be trembling, but at least I’m standing up for myself.
“Let’s do this!” I announce, and Bel’s hands fall from my face. I stand, ignoring the way my knees knock together. You can do this. You have to do this . Bel gives me an approving smile before she reaches down to fasten my shoes.
Once she’s done, I turn to face Drew.
He gives me a curt nod. "Everything's in place. Let’s get Sebastian home before your father does anything else resulting in his untimely death.”
“Huh? You make it sound like he’s already done something? Has he? Is Sebastian okay?” Dread fills me.
Drew extends his phone out to me and using his thumb, presses play on a video. I watch, stricken, as the video shows my father escorting Sebastian out of a coffee shop. Where the hell is that? I've never seen him in that shop, or even been there myself. Did he meet my father there? Or did my father catch him there? He doesn’t appear to be hurt, and looks more annoyed than anything which gives me a little relief. At least he’s not hurt. I hate not knowing what happened, how he ended up there, if this was planned or something else, but I’ll get the answers to those questions once we’re back at the house, together .
“This is circulating on social media already. No surprise there, though… Like I said, Sebastian has a plan. He always has a plan.” Drew’s voice trails off.
“His plan sucks. Next time he should tell us what he’s doing before he does it. We’re his family; we’re supposed to lift him up, and support him when he needs help.”
“Now you’re getting it.” Drew smirks, and all I can do is shake my head.
I'll get Sebastian out of jail, but by the time I’m done with him he’ll probably wish he was back in that cell. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right, and that means honesty with one another going forward.
“You’ve got this!” Bel offers in parting as she walks with us out to the car.
Doubt lingers in my mind. “What if I don’t have this? What if I’m not as strong as you think I am?” I don’t realize I’ve spoken the words out loud until I hear my own voice ringing in my ears.
When we reach the car Drew places his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze, “Sebastian wouldn’t have chosen you to be his wife, or to walk through fire with him, if he didn’t think you were strong enough to handle it. And also, to quote some really old guy who was a president once…Teddy Roosevelt, I think…, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
“If you’re trying to give me strength, it’s not working.” I mumble.
All he does is smile, “I don’t need to give you strength, Elyse. You’re strong enough. You just need to pull out that courage, put the mask in place, and conquer your demons. The only thing standing in the way of that is you.”
I swallow thickly, sliding into the backseat of the town car. Drew closes the door, trapping me inside and leaving me with nothing but my thoughts. Am I the only thing standing in the way of my own happiness?
And if so, am I willing to conquer my fears and let them go so I can experience true happiness?