Chapter 7 – Linzie
LINZIE
“Mom, go back inside. Seriously. It’s too cold for you out here. Besides, doesn’t Andi need your help in the kitchen?” Trevor complains for about the tenth time.
“Do you not want to spend time with your mother? Is that the problem? Do you have a woman out here behind the barn and you’re just waiting for me to leave so you can have your way with her?” I tease. Trevor rolls his eyes in a huff. His breath is a puff of smoke in the freezing air.
“No. But I don’t want my mother to catch pneumonia and spend Christmas alone in the hospital.”
I gasp. “You mean you wouldn’t visit me? You’d leave me alone in the hospital … on Christmas?” I grip my chest, feigning disappointment and heartache.
“Cut the shit, Mom. I know you’re out here hiding from Gabe.”
Damn him. He’s too observant for his own good. Or mine.
“I’m not hiding. I just wanted to come outside and help. And there’s nothing going on between me and Gabe anymore. I don’t think we want the same things,” I admit out loud for the first time to anyone. Including myself.
Trevor leads the first horse into the barn and walks him to the stall at the end. I help him by putting oats and hay into the feeder while he brushes the magnificent animal and gets him settled in.
“Mom, I’ve seen you two together. That man loves you. I mean, why else would he go through the trouble of asking me if I’m okay with him pursuing you, and making sure I would have no objection if you two took things a step further?”
“He what?” I’m completely taken off guard. “When did he do all this?”
And what did he mean by taking things a step further?
Trevor shrugs. “When he first wanted to ask you out.” He resumes brushing the horse.
“Gabe pulled me aside and asked me if I would be upset if he asked you out on a date. He knew you were a widow, like him, and that I was close to Dad. He didn’t want there to be any issues between us.
I guess, you know, he thought I might not want you to replace Dad or seeing you move on would bother me.
But it doesn’t. I don’t think Dad would want you to stay single.
Not if he knew you had a real shot at finding someone who loves you and would take care of you.
Like Gabe does and would,” he says pointedly.
“You don’t think your father would mind if I moved on?
” I thought about that very thing for a long time and decided if someone came into my life I could share laughter and joy with, then I would put myself out there again.
It’s what Michael would’ve wanted for me.
It’s what I would’ve wanted for him if the roles were reversed.
It’s not that I didn’t love my husband, but being alone is sometimes harder than trying again.
“No. I don’t. But I also don’t think it’s moving on. Not really,” Trevor says.
“Explain.”
“You didn’t break up or get a divorce, Mom.
Dad was killed in combat. It’s not moving on.
You’ll never forget what you two had together or the memories you shared.
You’re just adding someone new to your life so you can have a life and make more memories with them.
It doesn’t erase your past. It adds happiness to your future. ”
“Wow, kid.” I breathe. “How’d you get so smart?”
Trevor smiles, coming around the horse to where I’m standing, then wraps me in a hug. “I have great parents.” He kisses the top of my head, and I wrap my arms around his waist, squeezing him tight.
We work together to bring in the next horse and repeat the same process. I feed him while Trevor brushes him.
“Your dad isn’t what’s holding me back from having a relationship with Gabe. I want you to know that.”
“Then what is it?” Trevor continues brushing the horse’s mane.
“Things haven’t been the same since the feds came into town.”
“So, you guys had a fight. It’s not that big of a deal. Couples argue all the time, but if you run away and don’t try to work it out, what will you be giving up?”
I shrug him off. “It’s not that easy, Trev.
” I sigh. “I don’t think Gabe feels the way you think he does about me.
” My chest literally hurts admitting this out loud for the first time.
“I don’t know, actually. It seems like maybe all he’s looking for is a physical connection, and I want so much more than that, Trev. I need more.”
“You think Gabe just wants to fuck you?” Trevor asks, surprised. He stops brushing the horse and looks over him to stare me straight in the eye. He looks appalled. “There’s no way. If that were the case, he never would’ve … you know what? Never mind. Talk.”
“It’s fine, Trevor. We want different things, and we have very different priorities. I’m okay to walk away.”
“Bullshit.” Trevor shakes his head. “Mom, what’s really got you so pissed off at him? Is it really because you think all he wants is a fuck buddy?”
“Jesus, Trevor! Do you have to be so crude? I am still your mother.”
He doesn’t budge, just glares at me with a knowing look. It’s a bitch when your own kid can call you on your bullshit.
I sigh. “Fine. It’s this club business,” I tell him honestly.
“I don’t like that the club always has to come first. Or that the women are left in the dark about things.
Everything seems to be a double standard, Trev.
One way for the men and completely opposite for the women.
Like at the Velvet Pearl the other night,” I complain.
“We were having a great time. The dancers pulled us up onto the stage as a special treat for Avery and her bridal party, and—”
“Say that again?” Trevor’s face contorts into the same look Michael used to give me when I said something he thought was completely wrong and out of character.
I wave him off. “See. That right there.” I point at him. “If any of the men had gotten a lap dance at Glitz and Tass for a bachelor party, it would be fine. But as soon as the women have half-naked men doing the same thing, you all get your panties in a bunch!”
“First, real men don’t wear panties.” I’m about to argue, but Trevor cuts me off with a pointed finger in my face. “Hawk dressing up for Halloween doesn’t count. We’re still not sure he's playing with a full deck as it stands.”
“Second,” Trevor continues. “The women at Glitz and Tass get completely naked when they dance, and if a brother is attached—meaning has a wife or an ol’ lady—they’re deemed off limits by all the women.
Gabe doesn’t fuck around with that shit.
He doesn’t tell the guys what they can or can’t do in their relationships, but he is adamant they don’t step out on their women with club girls or people who work for the club’s businesses.
” He cocks his brow. “You’ve seen those women in there.
They will shoot first and ask questions later.
Gabe’s not looking to deal with that type of craziness.
He’s about protecting the club, not giving the women a reason to blow it up.
You know Sadie’s crazy enough to do it.”
I laugh because he’s not wrong. Although I doubt she’d make everyone suffer for Hawk’s mistake. I also don’t think Hawk would ever cheat on Sadie. Their brand of crazy complements each other perfectly.
“Look, Trev. I know you love the club, and it’s given you a bunch of brothers like you’ve always wished for, but I don’t want to be second in a man’s life. If I’m going to put myself out there again, give my heart to someone, I want to know he’s going to cherish it. Cherish me.”
Trevor puts the brush back in its place and walks me out of the stall, closing the door behind us. He takes my hand and leads me over to a bench and gently pushes me until I sit down.
“You’re not hearing me,” he says, staring me dead in the eye.
“If you think, as Gabe’s woman, you will come second to anything else, you don’t understand who he is or how the club actually works.
” He stands back, his arms crossed, looking every bit the grown man.
“When a member takes a wife, or makes a woman his ol’ lady, she is the club.
” He shakes his head. “We’re about family and community.
Everything we do is for the people we love.
When trouble comes our way, which isn’t often—that shit with the feds was a misunderstanding and not our fault—but even with all that shit going on, the entire time all Gabe cared about was keeping everybody here out of jail and safe with their families. Even you.”
“What are you talking about? I wasn’t part of that mess!
I didn’t even know what the hell was going on until some asshole in a suit, waving a badge, came into my café talking all kinds of craziness about Gabe and the Kings—how they were murder suspects!
” I yell. “I know I’m shouting like a crazy person, and maybe I am crazy, but I don’t understand any of this and no one has ever really explained anything to me other than it was club business and I needed to mind my own. ”
“Mom.” Trevor squats down, placing his hands on my knees and meeting me eye to eye. “The feds had nothing on any of us. They were grasping at straws. He was throwing bullshit accusations around to see if anyone would say anything he could make stick.”
“Trevor, I know about what happened to Maggie. Gabe explained what he could. I know it wasn’t an accident, and that Caleb went to jail afterwards. I don’t have all the details, but I can work some things out for myself.”
Trevor rubs the back of his neck, wearing that look he gets when he’s not sure he should tell me something, but he knows he has to. I'd seen that look a thousand times when he was growing up.
“Trevor. We don’t keep secrets. If you know the truth, you need to tell me. I need to know what I’m getting myself into before I can decide if I’m going to take things any further with Gabe.”
“It’s club business, Mom. I can’t tell you everything.
I don’t even know everything. But I can tell you, justice was served.
” He takes a deep breath. “I’m not telling you this to change your mind about a relationship.
I’m telling you because there’s a history with the club.
They had rivals. They had enemies. Shit went too far, and Gabe and Caleb lost family members. It wasn’t just his wife.”
“Trev, Gabe told me what he could. He wanted me to know the dangers of dating him. But he’s not responsible for Maggie’s death. He’s not even responsible for someone deciding to become their rivals. People are responsible for their own choices.”
“There were repercussions—the Kings made choices,” Trevor says quietly.
“What I’m saying is, we won’t let shit slide when it comes to our own.
If someone tries to hurt the family, Gabe will do what he feels is necessary to put an end to the threat, and you won’t be invited to the conversation.
You won’t be allowed to know what the men are doing.
You’ll have to just trust us to protect you. Can you accept that?”
“You’re saying that Gabe would kill for his family? For his club.” It’s not really a question. I know by the look on his face that’s exactly what he means, but he’s not going to confirm it.
“I’ve said nothing of the sort.” He smiles.
He can’t. Even though he just did.
“But I’m not denying it either,” he says.
“What I will say is this. If you love Gabe and you want to see where things go, this club will do everything in its power to protect you and every other person here until their dying breath if that’s what it takes.
We don’t plan on having any more problems like what happened recently, but I can’t promise we won’t.
What I can promise is loyalty without question.
The type of respect money can’t buy. And a group of badass people who live hard and love harder.
They are what every family is meant to be, Mom. They’re honestly a lot like Dad.”
He’s right. Michael was insanely protective of Trevor and me.
He wouldn’t let anyone get away with being rude or disrespectful to me.
He always walked on the side closest to the road when we were together and insisted on sleeping on the side nearest the door no matter where we were sleeping for the night so he would be the first form of defense in an emergency.
Trevor’s got a point. I’ve seen the way these men love their women.
The way they dote on their children and the time they spend being with them, making memories and teaching them new things.
Even the children who weren’t born to them are treated as if they were.
No one would ever know that Lilah and Carter weren’t Ethan or Declan’s kids.
Those two are so proud to be their fathers.
I know what I want now. I don’t fear a future with Gabe or the club. I just need to know what Gabe truly wants. I need to know that he means it when he calls me his. Mainly, I need to know this is a permanent arrangement.
There’s only one way to find out.
I stand up, ready to go inside and find Gabriel. Trevor gives me another hug, and when I pull back, just because I can, I ask, “And what about the club whores? What are they in this whole family dynamic?”
Trevor smiles wide and says, “They’re what we call the perks of wearing a cut.” I slap his arm, and my boy laughs. “I’m kidding, shit. It was a joke!”