Chapter 7
Two Weeks Later
While I wouldn’t have described myself as being in a pit, I did have to admit that I’d been a little bit absent as far as my family went. Where I usually stopped by Jianna’s house and called or texted Jia a couple of times a week, I hadn’t done either.
The only person I’d really spoken to had been Nico. Something about talking to him and being with him always lifted my mood. Of course, the sex was the world’s strongest endorphin hit, but it was also Nico, his presence, and his nearness. So, it went without saying that I was excited that I would be seeing him because he invited me to a housewarming.
“What’s this?” he asked when I came out of my townhome with two cupcake carriers stacked on top of each other in my hands. He took the trays from me. “You made cupcakes?”
“And cookies. Let me grab the cookies.”
When I came back out with the cookies, Nico was in the same place I left him, at the bottom of the stairs.
“What?” I questioned.
“You know you didn’t have to do all this, right?”
“I know. I wanted to do it.”
He gingerly placed the baked items in the trunk so that they wouldn’t slide and get messed up then he got in the driver’s seat.
“Aye, thanks for doing that.”
“You’re welcome. Thanks for inviting me, even though I’m nervous.”
He glanced over at me. “What are you nervous for?”
“I don’t know. I mean, ever since my father passed, big crowds…I don’t really like them. It’s so weird…” I mused, considering how almost unrecognizable this new Julianna would be to my daddy. “I used to have this huge, real boisterous, bodacious personality.”
We both chuckled.
“After all that stuff went down with the bastards I grew up with, I had to grow a really thick skin. Like I told you before, I couldn’t go to any of my father’s…events without the people in his clique treating me…anyway.”
I waved the thought away.
“My daddy told me that he couldn’t kill everybody.” I chuckled. “So, I was either going to shrink into a shell like some kind of turtle, or I would do Outlaw shit and develop a ‘fuck all y’all’ attitude. Even though he never said it out loud, my dad always thought that Jia and Jianna were timid. I mean, he gave Jianna the nickname Bunny. And he treated Jia like glass. I was always his wild card, the daughter who came as close to a son as he was ever going to get. I was the rough rider…the hellion. So, I went with the ‘fuck all y’all’ attitude. Now, all I want to do is crawl into my turtle shell most days.”
“Nah.” Nico shook his head, while making a right-hand turn. “Nah. You might not be ready to go back to your hellion days, but I’m definitely not letting you hide in no damn turtle shell. You’ve got some good shit to offer the world, lil bit. I’m not about to let you play in your own face, pretending that your best days are behind you. Because they’re not.”
“Ugh.” I dabbed at the tears forming in my left eye with my pointer finger. “You sure they’re not? It kinda seems like they are.”
“That’s the grief talking. Missing your pops is real as hell. You miss him, and you’re gonna miss him in the future. But you’re still gonna live. You’re gonna smile and laugh. You’re gonna do big things with your cupcakes and cookies. You’re gonna make him even prouder.”
I hope that Nico was right. I hoped that I did make my daddy proud.
* * *
The house was modest. Maybe a little more than a thousand square feet from what I could put together from the exterior. The host couple greeted us at the front door together. The husband was a handsome brother with velvety dark skin, neat facial hair, locs, and a body reminiscent of a linebacker. The wife was a fair skinned, freckle faced, glasses wearer with a bright smile, a button nose, auburn colored braids piled on top of her head in a bun, and a Coke-bottle shape. They were a very attractive couple, who also gave off friendly vibes.
The wife eyed Nico suspiciously. “Umm…” She twisted her pink painted lips. “You’re early. You’re never early. Why are you early, Nico?”
He pretended to ignore her, going as far as mushing her head and pushing her gently out of the doorway.
“What’s up, Ty?” He offered a handshake to the husband.
The husband returned the greeting while simultaneously warning, “Aye, I know my wife is your cousin, but don’t be mushing her on the head. I’m the only one who can mush her on the head.”
The three of them laughed, and Nico pulled his wife into a tight hug that had her straining to get away as he held her against his chest.
“Stop, dummy!” She whacked his chest with her open hand.
He kissed the top of her head.
“Come on inside,” the husband suggested.
We followed them into the foyer.
“Cousin, this is Julianna.” Nico introduced me to the red-headed beauty. “Julianna, this is my cousin, Sutton, and her husband, Ty.”
“Hello.” I gave them both a small wave, and they returned the greeting
“And I am here early for a reason,” Nico continued. “I’m early because I wanted to already be here when your other guests arrived. I didn’t want Julianna to be under the spotlight of us walking into a crowded room together—all the stares, the questions, the…shits. I didn’t want her to have to deal with that. This way she’s already here when they arrive, and she can stare at them.”
I chuckled at his logic.
“What is that? Boy math?” Sutton teased.
Nico shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t care. I just want my…Julianna to be comfortable.”
“Your Julianna?” Sutton repeated. “Your Julianna? What does that mean, Nico?”
Ty stood there trying to keep a blank expression on his face while his wife interrogated Nico. I wasn’t bothered by the slip-up, because it was hard to pinpoint exactly what we were to each other.
Homies? Lovers? Friends? All of the above?
I turned to Nico and whispered, “The cupcakes.”
“Oh yeah. I left something in the trunk. Be right back.”
* * *
Moments later, Sutton and I were in their small but elegantly appointed kitchen with the cupcake and cookie containers that Nico had brought in.
“Oh my goodness. She removed the lid from one of the containers. “These looks so professional.” She set the lid down and moved over to the table in the little nook area. “Oh no. We won’t be serving these today.”
I watched as she picked up what I recognized as a store-bought cupcake package. She walked back toward me, pausing to stop and shove the pre-packaged cupcakes in the corner of the countertop.
“Girl, I will take those to work with me and put them in the breakroom. They can eat those Costco cupcakes. We’re eating these.” She gestured toward the cupcakes I’d prepared. “Are you a baker?”
I hesitated, not really sure how to answer that direct question. “Umm?—”
“She’s a baker!” Nico called from somewhere outside of the kitchen, where he’d apparently been ear hustling.
“We’re about to go pick up the chicken,” Ty called out. “We’ll be right back.”
I turned my attention back to Sutton. “Umm, I’m a new baker. I took an introductory class on a whim and liked it. I’ve been baking ever since…cookies and cupcakes. Those are my specialties so far.”
“You ever…infuse any of your treats?” She walked away from me and made her way to the corner cabinet. Opening it, she pulled out a wine glass. “Wine?”
“No thanks.” I shook my head.
“I’m not a fan of gummies, but I love a good infused slice of cake...” She eyed me with a sly smirk. “…or cookie.”
“I never even thought about it. Girl, I just got the measurements down for regular cupcakes and cookies. Now, you want me to add weed?” I joked with a laugh. “Maybe when I get more experience under my belt, I’ll branch out. I’m sure there’s good money in it.”
“Well, if you ever make the decision to start infusing, definitely let me know. I’ll buy a dozen of whatever.”
“You should taste them first before you commit to becoming a customer because I’mma hold you to it.”
She giggled. “You’re right.”
She picked up a yellow cupcake with whipped cream frosting and took a bite.
“Wow,” she said with a moan. “This is so buttery and light. I love it.”
“Thank you.” I gave her a genuine smile. “I test recipes all day long. I thought I had finally perfected that one.”
She popped the last of the cupcake into her mouth.
“You have.” She eyed me. “I’m gonna need to hide a few for me and Ty to eat later.”
“Make sure you get a few cookies, too.”
She went to a different cabinet and grabbed two Tupperware containers.
“So, how long have you and my cousin been seeing each other?” She chose to continue looking down at the baked goods as she asked that question.
“We’re not seeing each other.” I corrected her. “I mean, not like that. We’re mostly just friends…kinda like in-laws, maybe?”
“Kinda like in-laws? How does that work?” She clasped the lid on the container holding the cupcakes, and went to work on filling the other one with cookies.
“His brother is married to my sister.”
“Oh, you mean one of his half-brothers?”
“Yes. Dolton. They have the same father, Briscoe Hill. Anyway, Dolton Hill is married to my sister.”
“Did you know him before that?”
“Nope. I’d never even heard of him. Now, look at us…hanging out.”
She closed the second Tupperware container. “Nico’s a good guy.”
I watched her walk toward what I assumed was the pantry.
“He is.”
“You like him?” She eyed me conspiratorially.
Before I had the opportunity to respond, not that I even planned to respond, the doorbell rang.
“Saved by the bell. Come on. Let’s go greet the guests.”
I wanted to remind her that those were her guests, and I didn’t know those people. Instead, I just followed her to the front door.
* * *
I had a good time at the housewarming. It was a small, intimate affair. The conversations had been lively, and my baked goods had been a hit.
“You going home tonight, or you staying with me?” The question was asked casually, even though the implication was large.
I’d been spending a lot of nights at Nico’s place. My place was cozier, but his place had…him. I liked snuggling up to him and falling asleep to the rhythmic beat of his heart. But I didn’t know if our dynamic was sustainable. At some point, he would get a woman, and I was positive that she would put her foot down and put an end to our little sleepover situation.
“I don’t know, Nico.”
“Why? It’s basically an either-or question. Either you’re going home or coming with me.”
“I know.” I sighed softly.
He sighed heavily. “You’re overthinking it, lil bit.”
“I didn’t bring my little bag with the extra clothes and stuff.”
We rode to my place in silence. Nico broke it when he pulled to a stop in front of my townhome.
“Go get your bag and whatever else you need. I’ll wait.”
“Nico—”
“Nah, lil bit. You acted like you couldn’t make the decision, so I made it. It’s out of your hands now.” He chuckled. “It’s…above you now.”
“Shut up.” I pushed his arm as he started to get out of the truck so he could come around and open the door for me.
He opened the door, and I stepped out onto the curb.
“Nico—” I began again.
“Go get your stuff. We’ve got all night to talk…or at least some of it. I remember you telling me that you don’t sleep at night. That’s not my experience. All I seem to get is dozing off or drowsy Julianna.”
I couldn’t help my giggle. He was telling the truth.
“I think you were lying. Every time you step foot in my spot, you can barely keep your eyes open.”
My jaw dropped. “And you know why, Nico. You keep putting me to sleep.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Good dick works better than melatonin. What can I say? Go get your shit. I’m ready to head to the crib.”
I didn’t make him tell me again. I went into my place and gathered my belongings.
* * *
While there were things that I would’ve changed about Nico’s place, there were definitely things that I liked about it. One of those things was the fact that he didn’t have a television in his bedroom. That meant that any time we were in there and not occupied in entertaining one another, the door was open for us to talk.
“Why’d you act like you didn’t want to come over here tonight?” he probed, pushing me lightly on the shoulder.
The two of us were stretched out side by side in his bed. I wore an oversized sleep tee with nothing underneath. He wore basketball shorts. Both of us would divest ourselves of the clothing items before we turned in for the night.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to come over here, Nico.”
“So, why the hesitation?”
“Because,” I huffed out a sigh. “I feel like I’m developing a dependency on you, and that’s not where I’m trying to be.”
“A dependency on me?”
That caused a pin prick of annoyance to travel through me at lightning speed. “Don’t do that. Don’t do that to me. Don’t pretend to be confused about what I mean. I’m at your place four to five times a week, Nico. I’m dozing off with my head on your chest after you fuck me into a coma. We’re with one another all the time. Your cousin asked me how long we’ve been together today. Several of the people at that party told me that they like me for you. People think we’re a couple, Nico. My body thinks we’re a couple. If my brain starts thinking we’re a couple, I’m going to be all fucked up. I feel like I need to…I don’t know…create some boundaries.”
He waved me off. “Fuck some boundaries, lil bit.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who’s on the fast track to getting their heart broken, sir.”
Tears sprang up out of nowhere. Crying wasn’t in the plan. I hadn’t even felt like crying before the tears came.
“I’m not saying I love you, Nico. I’m not trying to freak you out or force you into something,” I said through the tears. “I just…I don’t know. I’m tender right now. I don’t know how else to explain it. I feel like I should be sequestered away somewhere, getting myself strong. I feel like I should be isolating until I’m tough enough for all the stuff the world throws at me. And instead, I’m with you five times a week being open and soft. I’m acting like everything is butterflies and waterfalls, but you and I both know that when I hit the ground, I’m going to crash into concrete. And every bit of hard-fought strength is going to be lost. And I’m going to have to start from zero again.” The tears choked me and stole my voice so that my words came out in a barely audible whisper. “I don’t have it in me to start from zero again.”
Before I knew what was happening, Nico pulled me into his arms. He pressed me into his body, his arms wrapped tightly around me as he dropped kisses on my forehead, on my temples, and in my hair.
I cried. I didn’t sob loudly. I cried quiet tears, the kind that were so painful that you couldn’t make a sound. I could hardly breathe. I could hardly swallow. The pain racked me. My body shuddered, and Nico continued to hold me.
When my body finally released the sounds that had been weighed down inside my chest, they came out ear splittingly loud and primal. They sounded chilling and forlorn. They sounded excruciating and blood-curdling. They scared me. But they didn’t scare Nico. He didn’t flinch. He held me.
* * *
“I wasn’t trying to gaslight you when I repeated what you said about developing a dependency on me. I wasn’t trying to gaslight you, lil bit. I repeated you because I don’t understand why that would be a problem. I’m cool with you having a dependency on me. Shit, I have a dependency on you,” he said softly once I was all cried out.
I sniffled at his confession.
“You haven’t noticed that I’m trying to get you over here as many times a week as I can? You said yourself that I’ve had you spend the night with me four to five times a week these last two weeks. Have you ever once heard me complain about it? Does it seem like I have a problem with your pretty ass laying up under me?”
“Nico—”
“It’s not all about the pussy. Yes, the pussy is stellar. I love the pussy. Not gonna lie. But you do know that it’s only one component, right?I’m not at an age or a place in my life where I can do anything with a woman who has good pussy but is otherwise uninteresting to me. In case you haven’t noticed, I find you very interesting, Juli. And you’re fucking hilarious to me. You’re sweet as hell. You’re brainy. You’re quick-witted and sexy. Yeah, you can be somewhat of a downer with all your crying and shit?—”
Both of us laughed.
He gently wiped the last vestiges of tears on my face. “But I like your ass. I like you.”
“I like you, too.”
“I like being around you. I like doing things for you. I like it when you fall asleep all cuddled up on me.”
“Thank you for helping me get sleep. Before, it felt like I hadn’t slept in years. I was always so exhausted.”
He sighed lightly. “When you say stuff like that…when you talk about how alone you’ve felt…” He let his thought trail off for a moment. “All I wanna do is make sure you know that you’re not alone. You’re mine. You’re not alone. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”