The Pretty Broken

Chapter 40 Sasha

FORTY

SASHA

Icouldn’t believe that Roman was sitting in front of me at the hospital.

I took in every inch of his face, noticing a few new lines around his dark eyes as he slept with his head on my mattress and my uninjured hand held gently in his.

He looked thinner, his cheeks hollow, and his skin didn’t have the natural glow it usually did.

I figured with winter setting in, he was lacking in vitamin D.

He was a sight for sore eyes, and as I studied him, I realized that my body missed him just as much as my eyes.

Even though I was beaten up pretty badly by the accident, I still felt myself coming alive.

Part of me hated myself for it, but the other part of me didn’t care.

I just wanted him to touch me again, but I knew it was over between us.

This was the first time I’d been awake long enough to communicate with anyone. Before, it had been a groan and a fluttering of my lashes before I fell back under.

“Why didn’t you tell us about you and Roman?” Mom asked as she sat on my other side.

“I didn’t want to explain until I had to,” I admitted. “And then everything ended, so I didn’t have to.”

She sighed. “Were you two serious?”

I shook my head, wincing because I still had an awful headache. “No.”

I thought we were, but I’d been so damn wrong.

“We’re OK with it,” she murmured. “Me and Dad. You both deserve to be happy, and if it’s together, you have our blessings. So don’t let us influence your decision.”

I sniffled as I stared back at her. “Really?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Roman was always a good man. He hasn’t left your side in a week. Dad had to force him to eat this morning.”

I looked down at the man with his head on my mattress, his body twisted in what appeared to be an uncomfortable position.

“When he wakes, talk to him,” Mom said gently. “He’s been worried sick.”

I swallowed and nodded. “I will. You should go home. Get something to eat. Have a nice shower and nap. Dad too. Tell him the coffee here is terrible, and he should go get a real cup.”

She smiled at that. “I think we will. Just promise me you’ll talk to him.”

“I will,” I whispered.

She leaned in and kissed my forehead gently. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

She left a few moments at that, leaving me alone with a sleeping Roman. He seemed to have the right idea. I gave his hand a small squeeze before I closed my eyes, drifting off.

I groaned softly as I fluttered my lashes. Night had fallen. The sun no longer peeked at me from beneath the hospital blinds.

Immediately, Roman’s voice called out to me.

“Sasha? Hey,” he said thickly, his voice trembling.

He was still here.

I peered at him through swollen eyelids.

“Roman,” I murmured tiredly. “Why are you still here?”

“Because I’m worried about you,” he answered softly. “Because the moment I heard you were hurt, I came. I-I…”

I exhaled, my body aching. “You should go home.”

“No,” he said fiercely. “I’m not leaving you.”

“You already did,” I said hoarsely. “Remember?”

He was quiet for a moment, his hand still wrapped around mine.

“I fucked up,” he finally choked out. “With you. I fucked up, Sasha. I’m sorry. I’m worried about you.”

“You could’ve just asked her for an update if you were worried about my well-being.”

He leaned forward. “I came because I was really worried about you. A phone call wasn’t going to change that. Is it really that hard to believe?”

“After the way you ended things? Yes.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” He let his head sag forward.

“Fooled me,” I mumbled, my eyelids heavy.

He lifted his head, and his eyes locked on mine. “Are you serious right now?”

I shrugged, even though it hurt. “Just admit it, Roman. You never had any feelings for me. I was just someone you had easy access to. Why go out looking for someone to sleep with when you have someone already in your house? I get it, OK? You said what you said, and that explained it all. You got what you wanted, and I learned my lesson.”

“That isn’t true.” The tone of his voice got a little deeper. More frantic. Almost… desperate.

“It has to be, because if you had any real feelings for me, you never would have been able to end things the way you did.”

“I did that for you!” he said, a little too loudly as he sprang from his chair. “I’m not good for you, Sasha. The only thing I’ll ever do is ruin you. Not to mention, I’m ruined, myself. I’m pretty goddamn broken in case you haven’t noticed.”

“You kissed that other woman. Slept with her,” my voice cracked at the memory of seeing him with her.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to let you go.

I wanted to be selfish and drag you alongside me, no matter how beat up you got, but I couldn’t do that.

I let you go for your own sake. I-I kissed her to make it easier.

I didn’t fuck her. I went home and drank myself unconscious that night.

” He wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry I had to hurt you in the process, but we both know you wouldn’t have accepted it any other way.

” His brows knitted together in anger, and his jaw was set. “I’m sorry. I am.”

“I don’t accept it,” I threw back, my chest aching.

I winced. I was too tired, breathless, and in pain to fight more.

“You hurt me.”I paused before deciding to just come out with it since I knew it tortured him.

“M-My parents know. I told them. They were OK with it. You’re the one who wasn’t, Roman. ”

With those words, his jaw relaxed, and his facial features smoothed out. His shoulders fell and bowed inward a little, like he was finally allowing himself to relax.

“What the fuck am I going to do with you?” he muttered, shaking his head.

“You could tell me how you really feel.”

“You really wanna know?” He looked at me with his dark eyes, his voice trembling.

I nodded my head once.

“I’m so fucking in love with you that I can’t think of anything else.

I can’t sleep without dreaming of you. I can’t.

I can’t distract myself to keep you off my mind.

All I can do is be miserable and kick myself for pushing you away.

I want you more than life itself. I want you so fucking much that it’s slowly killing me.

You have become a piece of a puzzle I’ve been trying to solve for the last few years.

I-I can’t be without you, Sasha. I get it now.

I love you so much, and I’m so goddamn sorry for what I’ve done,” his voice cracked as his body shook with his soft cry.

Using my good hand, I reached for his. He didn’t pull away. He let me take it, and I drew him closer.

“I’m so in love with you, too,” I admitted softly.

He sat down on the edge of my bed, twisting his upper body to face me. “So, what are we supposed to do with that?” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes again.

“We’re supposed to stop ignoring it. We’re supposed to give in, stop fighting it.”

“And your parents? Do they really know?”

I nodded tiredly. “They know.”

“And what about your friends? And what about—”

That’s when I had enough.

I didn’t care what anyone thought. I only wanted him, and I knew that he would be the only person I’d ever want.

I tugged his hand weakly, bringing him to me. I pressed my lips to his once he was near enough.

Even though he was surprised, his lips parted, and he allowed me to slide my tongue into his mouth.

Even better, he moved his hands to cradle my face gently, and he leaned forward, kissing me harder.

He eased me back, but he didn’t break our kiss.

Our kiss was hard, full of emotion and need.

He was moving slowly, savoring every second with me.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered against my lips. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

I wasn’t sure whether it mattered, but I needed to know. “And the woman from that night?”

His eyes met mine. “Nothing happened. I just wanted you to think it did, so you’d let go. I couldn’t touch her or anyone else. I haven’t touched anyone else.”

I placed my hand on his jaw and pulled his mouth back to mine.

“Are you mine?” I whispered against his lips.

“If you’re mine,” he replied before I kissed him again.

I was definitely his.

I was released from the hospital a week and a half later. Roman had a meeting I knew was important with a rifle company, and I insisted he attend, even though he wanted to cancel and stay at my side.

Given how much my parents had been doing for me and how tired they looked, I insisted on riding with Monica, who had come to see me. She was more than willing to drive me back to Roman’s.

One of the positive things that came out of this mess was Roman bonding with my parents again.

He’d even shown them photos of Sophia, which made my mom cry, and promised he’d bring her over to visit them soon.

This made my heart swell, and my parents looked like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

Luckily, Sophia was at daycare when I arrived back at Roman’s, so she couldn’t give away my little secret.

Monica winked at me and said Good luck before she left me in my room.

I was so sore, and the pain from my healing ribs was still making breathing hurt, but overall, I was a lot better than I had been.

My headache had subsided substantially, too.

I wanted to be here to see Roman, but I knew the couch wasn’t a good idea right now.

I heard footsteps on the stairs a few hours later, and my door creaked open.

I’m glad you’re back, but you’re in the wrong bed,” he said softly as he stepped into my old bedroom.

I smiled tiredly at him. “I didn’t want to be in the way.”

“You will never be in the way,” he said, coming to me.

He pushed the blankets down, bent, and scooped me up against him, carrying me from my bed to his room.

He set me on the mattress, his mouth landing on mine as he climbed up and covered my body with his—careful not to let any of his weight press against me.

It had been too long since I’d had him inside me, and it felt like I could explode just from feeling him against me again.

I tried to remove his shirt with my one good hand, but I couldn’t get it off.

He pulled away, chuckling as he removed it himself.

Tossing it onto the floor, he bent back down to kiss me as his fingers went to unbutton my shirt.

When he got the final button undone, his lips moved down my chin and neck.

He leaned back, taking in my bruised body.

I saw a flash of pain on his face, but he wiped it away a second later and moved his eyes back to mine.

“You’re beautiful, baby,” he whispered. “But I’m not going to fuck you.”

“What? Why?” I sputtered out, reaching weakly for him with my one good hand.”

He chuckled softly and kissed the top of my hand.

“You’re hurt and need to recover before we get to all that.”

“I-I can still do it,” I argued weakly.

“No.” He kissed me gently. “Rest. I’m going to make us something to eat.”

“But you took off my shirt…”

He laughed, his eyes lighting up.

“What can I say? I like looking at you.” He pulled away and covered me gently. “I’ll be back with food.”

I grunted, which only made him laugh again before he left me.

I couldn’t stay mad at him. Roman had a way of making me love him even more.

And that was saying something.