CHAPTER 34
DIMPLES
On my way home from work at the animal shelter, I drive past Black Briar. It’s after six, but the lights are on. I get a mile down the road before I turn around.
It could be any of the girls working late, but I take my chances that it’s Jazmin. If it’s not, I can pretend I need to put air in my tires. I park my old van near the front entrance.
I’ve wanted to talk to Jazmin—thank her for watching out for me on Saturday—but it’s been crazy around the club. I’ve only seen her in passing, and we’ve never been alone.
Alone. Is that even a good idea? Too late. If she saw me pull in, I can’t peel out now.
I touch the scab on my head. After four days, it’s healing, but I keep breaking it open.
I enter the garage and scan the area. Two cars and a motorcycle are still inside, but the tools are stowed, telling me they’re done working for the day.
But the door is unlocked, so someone must be around. I consider leaving, but I better check in case someone forgot to lock up when they left. Possibly one of the four girls who live above the shop ran upstairs for a minute.
Jazmin stays in one apartment, but I’ve never seen her place. I suppose I could wander up and see if she’s home. Yeah, being alone with her is dangerous, but visiting her apartment is another level of stupid.
As I’m debating with myself, I hear a clang from the back room. I stride across the floor. What the hell is my problem? I just need to see who’s here.
When I push through the double doors, the soft sound of music greets me. Sarah McLachlan? My heartbeat kicks up a notch. What are the odds of anyone but Jazmin listening to Sarah?
But seriously? Why would Jazmin have her music on? For fuck’s sake. I need to stop reading shit into everything.
I walk around the privacy wall that separates the garage workspace from the makeshift back area. Jazmin is kneeling next to the back tire of her motorcycle.
“Hey,” Jazmin calls when she sees me. A huge smile lights up her face. “Watcha doing here?”
Not ready to answer, I say, “What was all that clanging?”
Jazmin stands and holds up her torque wrench. “I was having trouble with my axle nuts.”
I grin. “So you threw your wrench?”
“No!” She swaggers toward me. “It slipped outta my hand.”
I’m happy to have a reason to glance at her hands. There’s something about the character etched into them that pulls me in. “I’m having trouble believing that. Not with your big, powerful hands.”
She grins and holds up one of her hands. “I don’t know. Seems like there’s something I can’t seem to hold on to, no matter how hard I try.”
Heat crawls up my neck. Message received. I pretend it wasn’t. “What are you working on?”
A flash of disappointment flits across her eyes. “Got new tires for my bike, so I’m taking the old ones off.”
I smile and nod toward the speaker sitting on the workbench. “Nice choice of music.”
She twirls the wrench in her hand. “Busted?”
I nod.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to catch me. I’d lose my cred with the other girls.”
“Good thing it was just me then.”
“Yeah, really good thing.”
We’re now standing only a few feet from each other, and I feel the heat from her body, or maybe it’s the heat coming from inside me. “I wanted to thank you again for Saturday. For looking out for me.”
“It was my pleasure.” She reaches out and runs her fingers over my injury. “Bump’s just about gone.”
“I’ve got a hard head.” I knock on my skull on the side opposite my wound.
“Still. I never wanna see you bleeding like that again.”
“I’d prefer not to, either. How about you?” I consider taking her hand, but I think better of it, so I nod toward it instead. “How’s the hand?”
She holds it up and opens and closes it a few times. “Tender, but it’s all good.”
“Rumor has it you broke her jaw.”
“Good. She deserved it.”
My chest tightens. “But what if she calls the police?”
“She won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I can’t, but it’s Wednesday. If they were gonna come for me, they would’ve already.”
“But you can’t be sure.”
“Ain’t nothing in life a sure thing, but I’m feeling okay about it.”
Without thinking it through, I reach out and take her arm. Her quick intake of breath tells me I shouldn’t have, but it would be weird to pull back now, so I say, “I’m sorry I put you in this position.”
“Don’t give it another thought. I’d do it a hundred times over.”
I take a deep breath, knowing I need to voice what we’ve been avoiding. “But you know it puts your status in jeopardy.”
She nods. It’s almost so subtle I don’t see it. “And I’d still do it a thousand times over.”
I smile. “But you just said you’d only do it a hundred times over.”
She returns my smile. “I misspoke. I’d do it a million times over.”
My concerns weigh too heavy to give her the laugh she’s aiming for. I shove my trembling hands into my jacket pockets.
“I’ll never be able to forgive myself if Frost blackballs you.”
“Ain’t nothing to forgive. I made the choice, not you.”
“How can you be so calm about it?”
“I learned not to sweat the shit I can’t do nothing about. And this is one of them.”
“But what’d you do if you don’t patch in?”
She grins, and her intense eyes lock on mine. “I can think of something.”
Is that why she seems so calm? It’d free us. That can’t be it. She might want to get me into bed, but she wouldn’t throw away her chance of earning her patch for me.
“Ya gonna say something?” she asks.
“I’m not worth it,” I blurt out, hating myself for saying it.
“Something else you can’t decide for me.” She gives me a sad smile. “If I thought it’d make a difference, I’d turn in my cut right now, but I know Storm’s your girl.”
“What? No!”
Jazmin laughs. “I didn’t mean it that way. She’s your homie.”
We both laugh, and the tension lowers. “Yeah, okay, she’s my girl. We prospected together, and that’s a bond that nobody can break.”
Sadness flashes in Jazmin’s eyes before she smiles.
I point at her. “What’s that about?”
She shrugs.
“Tell me.”
“I ain’t got that with Nadine. She’s nice and all, but we come from different worlds. The connection just ain’t like what it is with you and Storm.”
“I hear you. I wish you would’ve prospected with us.”
Her smile lights up her face, and she puts her large hand on her chest. “I’m honored.”
“You should be. I’ve never said that to anyone else.” I gaze into her eyes for several beats. “But you’re right. With Frost stirring up shit with the girls and making them afraid, especially the newer ones, I can’t do anything that’d hurt Storm.”
“And hanging out with a former prospect that laid down their colors would reflect bad on her.”
I drop my gaze to the floor. “Unfortunately, yes.”
“I get it.” She reaches out and lifts my chin. “And that’s why I’m gonna stick it out. See this through. By my figuring, it’ll be at least this fall before my vote comes up. Lots can happen in four, five months.”
All I come up with is, “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head. “What do you have to be sorry about?”
My mind races with all the reasons I’m sorry, and then they spill out of my mouth. “I’m sorry I’ve put you in such a bad position. You wouldn’t have knocked her out if it weren’t for…uh, this.” I wave my hand between us, but when I see my hand shaking, I shove it into my pocket.
“I’ve jeopardized your opportunity for a patch.” I gaze into her sincere eyes. “And I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be. Even if the other shit wasn’t going on, I’m not worth it. I’m too broken. I’m not certain I can be in a relationship with anyone. Some people are better off alone.”
I see her hesitate, wanting to reach out to me but uncertain how I’ll react. I don’t know how I’d react myself.
“That’s it,” I say, knowing I need to go. My hands are shaking worse in my pocket. “I just wanted to stop and thank you.”
She takes a step toward me and holds out her hand. I should leave, but my feet don’t move. She doesn’t take another step toward me. Instead, she opens her arms.
Fucking Storm. She broke me. I used to never need anyone.
I’m a fighter and learned as a kid that the only person who’d take care of me is me, but Storm changed me.
She’s allowed me to need other people, or at least her.
With all the problems weighing on her, I can’t have that from Storm. Right or wrong, Jazmin fills that gap.
I can’t bring myself to move, but I motion her toward me. My nerves are frayed, and I need a hug. She steps into my arms, and her strength brings me comfort.
“It’ll be okay,” she says into my ear, and I want to believe her.
Still, it feels weird letting someone else see this side of me. I get by on my smile. I’m the carefree one. If she only knew what demons are inside me. What scars my dimples hide, she’d run away.
Suddenly, her arms feel claustrophobic, and I push away. Surprise registers on her face, but it disappears as quickly as it came.
Needing to regain control, I point at her bike. “Your tires need changing, and I need to get home.”
I turn on my heels and hurry toward the door, needing to escape this room.
“Hey,” she calls, but I don’t look back. “For the record, I think you’re worth it.”