Chapter 14
T heir flight was late the next day, but he was so exhausted he still set an alarm on his phone for noon.
The message was the first thing he saw when he woke up.
[Heat go ok?]
The previous night came back to him like a dream, except that for all he’d been quite hormone-high throughout, he recalled it perfectly. He’d fucking owned them. Except maybe Benny, but who cared? He’d been weird, but he’d also been damn nice to Kallen.
He started to type, then paused, unsure. He’d done nothing wrong, or at least he didn’t think he had. But some part of him didn’t want to put it down in writing.
[All good] he sent in the end. He remembered Levy had been worried.
Apparently, he hadn’t done so great in the reassurance department, because when Johnson and he got home that night, they found Levy was there with Merle. There was no reason Levy couldn’t invite himself to dinner, he bet he had a standing invitation from all the wives and partners, given that he could charm a solid wall without even trying.
But he never had taken Merle up on it before that Kallen knew. And now he was looking back at Kallen where he’d frozen by the dining room door, eyes dipping as if to check his body. “You left your charger at mine,” he said casually when Kallen took the chair next to him.
Johnson and Merle were pretty much flat-out making out against the fridge for a good thirty seconds before she smacked his hip and brightly offered Kallen some pie and coffee.
“Um, thanks, Merle, but I shouldn’t. Gotta get back on schedule, or I’ll be a right mess all week,” he explained with a grimace.
She’d accepted his excuse and neither of them had asked any questions when he’d followed Levy out and up to his own flat. He was kind of hoping for a welcome kiss of his own, but as soon as they were alone, his friend’s expression grew darker. “Are you really okay?”
Kallen paused, then decided to kick off his second shoe anyway. “Yeah, I... I did what you suggested.” He’d mostly said that to their feet.
“You used lure?” Levy sounded shocked. “I mean, that’s great, so it worked?”
When he looked up, Kallen was already frowning. “Why wouldn’t it?”
Levy looked shifty. “Well, you didn’t know how to do it before the other day, right? And who was it? Or don’t tell me, but like, if they weren’t— It depends on who it was.”
He was pretty sure that hadn’t made any kind of sense and it wasn’t just his exhausted brain. “Can we go to bed?” he asked. It made no sense after a single night, but he craved it already.
His friend’s grin was response enough. “Want a shower first?”
Kallen laughed. “You mean you want me to shower off the plane smell before I get into bed with you?”
“Well, yeah,” Levy admitted. “But you’ll feel better for it, too.”
“How’s your elbow?” he checked, already pulling his t-shirt over his head as he headed towards the bathroom.
“Better,” came the response but there was something off in the tone that made him turn around. Levy’s eyes skittered away from him at once like he’d been caught looking in the changing room or something.
Kallen glanced down at himself. There were a couple bruises from game two where an enforcer had got him... and on his hips, scratches and bruising from fingers digging in. Oh , he thought, stomach dropping and hands coming up to hug the shirt to his chest.
That was probably not the kind of thing you wanted to see on your... lover? Was that what they were? Because it’d sounded that way to him, what with the promise of a next time and the actual next times they’d shared virtually. But maybe Levy hadn’t thought it through, what it meant, who and what Kallen was.
“I can go,” he said, his own voice rough.
“What?” Levy took a step towards him. “I— Why?”
Shrugging a shoulder was as much as he could manage right then; his throat was tight and he was clenching his teeth. He didn’t know what would come out if he opened his mouth. It made no sense, but he wasn’t just disappointed, he was actually angry . And wasn’t that insane? If Levy wasn’t into this, if he couldn’t accept...
The hand on his elbow made him jerk in place, but he still didn’t look up. “I don’t want you to go,” his friend said very slowly. His thumb was tracing the bone there, a very small caress that had Kallen’s whole body aching for more.
“But I’m all...” He gestured at his body, the marks all over him indisputable proof of what he’d been up to.
“Does it hurt?” Levy asked.
And Kallen looked up. “What?”
His friend shrugged. “I dunno, man. I won’t touch you—” He let go of Kallen’s arm.
“No!” Kallen cut in, so sharp he saw Levy startle. “That’s... It doesn’t hurt, but I thought... It might be weird.”
“It’s fine,” Levy said, but his voice was too rough.
“You don’t mean that,” Kallen muttered between his teeth. He still couldn’t look up, so all he saw was Levy’s throat work as he swallowed.
“I wanna mean it,” his friend explained. “I just— I missed you, and... well, maybe you didn’t.”
Kallen’s head snapped up. “What?” he demanded, uncomprehending.
“It’s fine—” Levy started to say, but Kallen cut him off.
“Bullshit!” It was loud enough to make Levy take a step back. And even that was a loss that made his heart contract, but he wasn’t about to shut up to keep this. He couldn’t . He had to shut up way too much already, every single day, just to keep hockey. “What do you mean maybe I didn’t? I called you, didn’t? We—” His throat was back to playing games, but Kallen refused to give in. “We had phone sex, or video or whatever.”
Levy was blinking at him, his hazel eyes wide and surprised. “So, you missed me,” he said after a couple of beats, his smile was a little unsure, but it was there.
Kallen raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you think?”
Now the smile was back in full, bright and blinding. Kallen couldn’t quite look away anyway. “I think you probably wrote me a poem, or maybe a song.”
And it was impossible not to laugh at the absurdity of it. Afterwards, he found himself yawning as Levy led him to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet while he got the shower going. “Maybe I should get in with you,” he suggested with a smile that promised a lot of fun in Kallen’s future. “Make sure you don’t fall.”
Kallen faltered. He was that tired, but then he dropped his trousers and boxers and gave Levy a look. “Sure, I could fall.”
And it was true, but maybe it was also too late to worry about it.
THEY DIDN’T TALK ABOUT his heat any more after that. That was fine by Kallen; it’d gone well for once and he was neither too sore nor too jumpy. It was true he’d felt a little weird about enjoying it, like he’d broken some unspoken promise to Levy. But they’d got past that, and now it was almost like he’d never gone away.
Levy was cleared for non-contact and then for light contact and finally, ten days later, to play. He was clearly perfectly capable of cooking his own breakfast and folding his own laundry now. But after practice, Levy mentioned they needed to go grocery shopping and Kallen went along with him.
He’d gone to have dinner with the Johnsons the previous night, feeling guilty to have ditched them after they’d been so kind as to take him in.
Merle had made a joke about him having grown a couple of inches since she’d last seen him, and Kallen had rolled his eyes at her, a little embarrassed. But other than that, he’d enjoyed a simple plate of pasta because that’s what he got for dropping into a family home in the middle of a busy week. And then he’d stayed for a chat and second dessert—the first one being fruit for the sake of the kids—which was a frozen bourbon ice-cream cake that had Merle and Johnson going starry-eyed. It was a little too sweet for Kallen after years of avoiding sugar, but he ate it anyway to be polite.
“You having fun in the singles’ flat?” Johnson asked him idly.
“Sure, it’s good. Levy’s teaching me to cook.” Given that Johnson’s attention was at least half on his empty plate, Kallen felt he could get away with not elaborating beyond that.
Recipes got them through another ten minutes, and then he could get up and insist on putting the plates in the dishwasher for them, clearly announcing he was leaving without saying so.
HE HONESTLY FORGOT all about them. Most of his clothes had migrated to Levy’s guest bedroom, even if he never used the bed there for anything except leaving clothes out for the next morning. And his life was simply too intertwined with Levy’s for there to be too many gaps for anyone else.
Every other weekend, he called home. He texted with his brothers semi-regularly, and of course he went out with the team when they won, or when it was someone’s birthday and their schedule didn’t make it impossible.
“Wait, what?”
“My mum and my sister are coming over,” Levy repeated. They were having leftover stir-fry for dinner after a game day. “For my birthday. Next weekend?”
“It’s your birthday?”
“Um, yeah, December 11.”
Kallen shoved another forkful into his mouth. He hadn’t known that, which felt a little messed up. It wasn’t like... It didn’t matter what they called it or didn’t. Levy was a good friend and they were definitely close enough for presents. And then he caught on why Levy might be mentioning it to him.
“Oh, you want me to...?” He tilted his chin down to indicate the Johnson’s.
His friend sighed. “Not really, but... It could be a little weird?” he admitted, licking his lips. “I haven’t told them... I mean, I told them you are living with me, and, like, I talk about you to them, but I haven’t mentioned that we are sleeping together.”
If Kallen had been an alpha, they could have easily bunked together for the night and no one would have thought anything of it except that they were accommodating Levy’s family. Then again, it wasn’t like they would be wrong to guess they were lovers, would they?
Maybe Levy didn’t want them to guess. Not that Kallen did, he certainly hadn’t said a word about it to his own family, letting them believe he still lived with the Johnsons and simply spent a lot of time with Levy.
He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t, it wasn’t like he had a reputation to protect, was it? And there were no rules about who he had sex with when he wasn’t in heat.
But he didn’t want to share it. Everyone already got to know who he fucked when it was contracted. Levy wasn’t like that, in fact Levy hadn’t even fucked him yet. He didn’t know why, and it wasn’t like he felt like he was missing out, everything they did was amazing.
“I get it,” he said. “It’s our business.”
Levy stopped chewing, then glanced away and swallowed. “Sure, we can just—” He stopped himself, then met Kallen’s eyes with a smile that was a little stiff. “I mean, the Johnsons must be missing you, right?”
And that’s how he’d ended up at Merle Johnson’s dinner table the day he found out her husband was on his next heat rota.
THE NEXT DAY WAS SUNDAY so the gym downstairs was the only place he could think to hide. He’d pretended to get a headache the previous night just to get away from Merle and Johnson. Thankfully little Tilly had been acting up, so they’d probably forgotten all about him the moment he’d gone to his room.
He still had to survive today, though, and there was no way he was showing up for Sunday roast and looking either of them in the face. Did Johnson already know? Or did Management tell the alphas closer to the date of his actual heat?
[What you up to?]
Texting Benny was a move of pure desperation. Kallen had had lunch at a local sushi restaurant after he’d been done with his workout, using the shower next to the sauna in the back of their gym to avoid going upstairs. But he couldn’t work out anymore without injuring himself and they had a game that Tuesday where he was hoping to keep up his scoring streak of nine games.
Benny didn’t live in their building, instead he shared a flat with two of his brothers near the White Cats’ Den. The team’s previous omegas and their children lived there, as did a considerable number of grown kittens who’d stayed on as support staff. Technically, anyone in the current team was allowed and encouraged to stop over at their ‘home’, but after his initial visit, Kallen hadn’t returned.
He liked kids just fine, or at least he liked playing with them, but the Den wasn’t about other people’s kids. It was about his own. And that was well away into the future and therefore he didn’t need to think about it.
His teammate was waiting for him downstairs when he arrived. “Hi...”
“The numbering system is confusing,” he explained, already turning around. “My brothers are in,” he added with a grimace. “Just ignore anything stupid they say, yeah? They used to play, and they got hit in the head a lot.”
Benny’s brothers were both alphas. They were also both white, which meant they were half-brothers. They had the same omega, of course. Probably Alexei Ariak, who’d been an enforcer for the White Cat’s over thirty years earlier. Kallen didn’t know how many kids he’d had, and he hoped he didn’t find out. Statistics were bad enough.
They both got up to greet Kallen, shaking his hand and complimenting him on his play. Naturally, they all watched every single one of the White Cats’ games.
“So gonna keep up that streak of yours?” Matty asked him, chewing on some artificially yellow snacks Kallen couldn’t even identify. He’d quit that shit as a teenager and he didn’t miss it, but Benny’s eyes kept straying to the unhealthy side of the coffee table. It must have been tough to live with people who weren’t hockey players and indulged like this, Kallen thought.
He shrugged. “Gonna keep showing up and doing my best,” he told Matty.
The alpha laughed, shaking his head at him. “Cool as a cucumber, aren’t you?”
“We gonna play?” Kallen asked him instead of replying. He didn’t want to be rude, but he didn’t have any reason to let these strangers interrogate him, whatever claims to being basically family they liked to make.
Playing video games had passed a few hours, anyway. He’d stuck to water and lemonade despite all the beer they’d offered him. Benny was alright, but Benny was letting both Matty and Chase walk all over him, so Kallen wasn’t going to count on him for anything more than this. Once they forgot the power games and focused on the video games instead, it was even fun.
Then he’d gone to the toilet and overheard them asking Benny if he had a crush on him. His teammate denied it, but his voice was going high and he was obviously upset. His brothers must have known it, but despite being older than Benny, they apparently weren’t mature enough to know when enough was enough.
Kallen sighed, and let himself linger in the corridor a moment longer. Then he took a deep calming breath and stepped back into the living room. He didn’t say a word, just let himself stand there, facing the three alphas who’d suddenly turned his way, completely silent.
“Benny, wanna come to mine?” he asked, and he wasn’t actually pulling, not anymore.
It wasn’t like Benny needed enticement when he was being treated like this in his own home. His teammate scrambled to his feet. “Yeah, yeah I— For sure.”
Chase attempted to say goodbye. “Nice meeting you, Guin. Come around anytime.”
Kallen thought about responding, something innocuous. He’d been doing it all his life, so what was once more? They were dicks, but they were probably harmless. And then he thought about the way they’d all stopped. Fuck it , he thought. He wasn’t going to come around ever again, so why pretend?
They left without speaking another word.
“I’M SORRY,” BENNY BLURTED out the moment they got out into the streets below. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Moved in with them?” Kallen guessed, way too sharply. He didn’t know Benny, he reminded himself. And it was none of his business if his brothers were bullies, or...
But Benny laughed, staring at him. “You were... The balls in you, Guin.”
Kallen kept walking. “I am not coming back,” he said at last. “So I don’t care what they think. But you...” He shrugged, leaving it there in case Benny wanted to pick it up.
It seemed he wouldn’t, but then, so low Kallen instinctively turned to try to catch his words, Benny asked, “You heard them, didn’t you?”
“Sure, they were being dicks to you.”
Benny’s head was so low he looked shorter than Kallen when he had a good five inches on him. He didn’t mean to do it, but he found himself stopping and reaching to grab hold of Benny’s elbow. “Hey.”
“I should have defended you,” Benny said, and his eyes were full of pain. “I’m just—”
Kallen turned to face him fully. “You should have defended yourself . I was fine.”
Benny shook his head. “They were being disrespectful. They owe you— They are supposed to respect you. You’re the White Cats’ omega. Like our Dad was,” he added.
Fuck , Kallen thought, if there was one topic he didn’t feel up to discussing. “Benny,” he said gently, and reached with his other hand to cup the other man’s face. Except Benny stumbled back like he’d slapped him instead.
“I...” He looked like a rabbit in the headlights, like he was scared of Kallen . And it was so odd to see an alpha acting like that, a big hulking man who could take being hit with a puck without even stopping, that for the first time Kallen looked at him .
Benny Ariak was an alpha, he looked like one too, but he didn’t behave like one. Kallen had assumed he was being deferential to their older teammates, and that he was polite and even nice to Kallen because he’d been brought up in the Den where omegas abounded. But Matty and Chase pretty much proved that theory not wrong, but basically impossible.
“It’s okay,” he said, hands raised between them. Benny still looked ready to bolt, so very slowly Kallen lowered his own shoulders and let the oasis expand inside himself, like a breath of fresh air sweeping away the tension that had somehow come up between them. “You wanna get something to eat?” he offered, not actively pulling, just showing what he was.
He wasn’t in any danger, and he didn’t need to make his teammate do anything. But an oasis was, of course, a place of safety. Just like an omega was meant to be for his teammates.
It had never made any sense until this moment, he’d never even wanted to be, except with Levy. But somehow seeing Benny’s fear had taken him there, right in the middle of the darkened street.
He didn’t actually know what he was doing, but Benny mumbled his agreement and led them to a pub nearby. Most of the food wasn’t in their meal plan, so they got steak. Benny ordered himself a side salad and Kallen, in a fit of rebellion, got chips. He’d let go of a lot in his life, and a lot of it he didn’t even miss anymore, but the meal plan wasn’t written in stone.
“You wanna go halves on that salad?” he asked when their food arrived.
Benny looked up from the beer he wasn’t drinking and smiled a little. “Yeah, thanks.”
They didn’t talk about it, not Benny’s brothers nor the way he clearly didn’t want Kallen to touch him. Instead, they watched the people about them, sharing smiles when the guy next to them bombed it with his date and leaning over to pet a woman’s dog in her handbag.
“I really want a dog,” Benny admitted. “But, you know...”
“Not home enough?” Kallen guessed.
“Yeah, and—” He was probably thinking of his brothers. “Yeah.”
“Maybe one day,” Kallen told him. “Listen, I’m gonna call a cab. You want me to drop you off?”
Benny had accepted, and he’d given the driver a different address than the one he’d texted Kallen that morning. Kallen had kept his mouth shut, slapping his back when they got there and keeping his eyes away from the building in the corner.
At least Benny would be somewhere safe.