Chapter 34
H is lawyer called him early the next day.
"Guin," Mr Evans's voice was flat. "I have some news."
Not good news, he noted at once, but just made a noise of assent. It’d been a long shot, the guy had been straight with him about that much, and at least he’d tried. He wouldn’t the first or the last omega to—
"They found it. The footage."
It felt like getting bowled over by sixteen stones of solid muscle and getting squashed against the stands as an excruciating follow up. His stomach was cramping violently enough he curled forward, pressing his lips together, fearing he'd throw up.
"I'm sorry," the lawyer told him, of all things.
For a long moment, breathing—ragged, too fast—was all he could manage. Then he asked, "Did you...?"
"No,” Mr Evans said. “But the police sent a report."
He shuddered, because that meant someone had seen. Watched him sitting there and taking it, not even trying—
"Is there someone with you there?" Mr Evans voice somehow penetrated into the haze of terror rising around him.
"I..." He glanced around his parents’ living room. Was his mum in the house? She normally let him know if she went out, but now he couldn’t remember.
“Okay,” the lawyer said slowly. “No need to speak. You said you are staying with your parents, correct?”
Kallen grunted his assent.
“Okay, then let me tell you about the time I saw you play the Crocodiles...”
Unbelievably, Evans had stayed in the line with him, retelling a game Kallen vaguely remembered. It’d been early in the season and he’d been excited to play at home, having his whole family in the stands cheering for him, knowing he’d made it in the stadium he’d visited most often as a child.
He’d got a goal, which Evans was telling him about now. Beautiful , he called it. And it had been, beautiful and glorious and a rush he could still feel inside right then and there. His cheeks were wet, his throat tight. Fuck , he thought. Fuck McKinley and the White Cats and the whole Hockey Association with a burning rod.
It was just so bloody unfair, to lose it all like this. When he was right, even by their own fucked up rules, McKinley had done something illegal. And Kallen was as good as Evans was saying, he was worth keeping in the team. And instead, they’d just drop him or try to use him like a child-making machine. Like they could distil his talent into hopefully alpha children they could then use to keep it all going.
“Guin?”
He cleared his throat, cleaning his face with his free hand. “Yeah, I... I’m okay. Just... Pissed. But thank you. You did it.”
“It will take some more work, and we should talk about your options. But that can wait, you have had a shock. If you call in tomorrow, we’ll set up a meeting.”
He’d agreed, thanking the lawyer again, feeling wobbly and unreal as he hung up and looked around the familiar room.
Fuck, they could prove it. It’d happened and they’d have to believe him because they could prove it.
He’d laid down in the sofa afterwards, closing his eyes and listing every player in the Crocodiles and their number, then the Hawks and he didn’t get far before his brain shut off. When his mother shook him awake, he was dry-mouthed and disoriented, and he allowed himself to be guided to the kitchen and fed.
“What happened?” she asked after a few minutes. Her own cup of tea was untouched.
“Lawyer called,” he told the tabletop. “He got footage—” He swallowed. “I didn’t... It wasn’t just the heats that were bad. Before I left—”
Her hand landing on his startled him into trying to pull back. She let go, eyes wide and full of pain. “Kallen...”
“Sorry.” He shook his head. “You know—”
“I read the police report.”
“What?”
She cut her eyes to the side. “I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t right. I should have asked you. But— I was worried. I had no right, but I did it so you don’t need to tell me.”
“Mum...” He didn’t know what more to say. He couldn’t quite remember what he’d written. Obviously he hadn’t been as crass in writing as he’d been verbally, but still, what had happened was crass, there had been no way around that.
He’d wanted to protect her from it. And she hadn’t wanted to be protected.
She met his eyes again. “You are my child ,” she explained, voice thin but fierce. “I was supposed to protect you.”
“I’m not a child anymore,” he pointed out.
“No,” she surprised him by agreeing. “But I’m still your mother. And I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
He sighed. Whatever he needed. If only he knew. “The lawyer wants to meet with me, to talk about what comes next.”
She didn’t speak.
“You could come with me? Just... be there. I mean, you obviously got it a lot sooner than I did, how— how fucked up it all is. The system.”
“I’ll come, but don’t blame yourself for not seeing it. If someone had offered me my dream I would have been pretty distracted too.”
“Your dream?” He paused, looking at her. It’d never crossed his mind to think about it. His father had once dreamed with playing hockey professionally and he’d done so.
She waved a hand to the side. “It was just something I wondered about.”
Either the food was kicking in or he could sense it mattered. “No, wait, what was it?”
“Just painting. I loved it when I was young, but it didn’t work out.” She must have seen something on his face. “Oh, no, baby, I don’t mind. I wouldn’t change you guys for anything, don’t you know that?”
“But you could paint. I mean, now we aren’t here and all?” It wasn’t exactly true that he wasn’t there, but he hardly needed much attention. He was willing to ask for help to get through this without making a mistake because he was too freaked out, but that left hours and hours in the day and the week, didn’t it? “I could help more with the cooking.”
She smiled at him. “Thank you, honey. That would be nice, seems like that boy of yours taught you well.”
Kallen huffed and she corrected herself, “Not a boy.”
It wasn’t until later, when he’d confirmed the footage was of the locker room and she’d hissed angrily but asked no questions, that he realised he hadn’t corrected her regarding the possessive.
HE’D HAVE BEEN HAPPY to pretend until the awkwardness went away, but that was very much not how Levy operated. “Like, I get you’re not...” They’d been talking on the phone more lately, so Kallen hadn’t thought much about it twice when his friend had texted to ask if he had a minute to chat. He hadn’t been expecting an apology of all things. “A lot’s happened. I’m sorry I acted like an alphahole, asking about Analisa. I know it’s none of my business.”
Kallen’s throat contracted painfully. It wasn’t Levy’s business, technically. Kallen hadn’t quit, legally, but he’d told Levy he was going to, which meant that Levy wasn’t his alpha any longer.
But he could hardly blame him for still feeling attached or whatever.
Not when Kallen knew he had less than a week left until his next heat and he still hadn’t found someone for it.
Even if he hadn’t been going to quit... Hell, even if he hadn’t been in the process of suing the White Cats or at least their captain, it was the off-season. And he’d never hired an alpha before.
It wasn’t Levy’s place to ask, but part of Kallen had kind of liked to know he still cared. Which was certifiable. They lived hours away from each other now and yeah, maybe he could have asked Levy to skip his volunteering to visit him for a couple of days and—
“It’s fine,” he said, a little too rough. “Don’t sweat it. I get it.”
There was a long silence before the alpha said, “Cool, I... I don’t wanna make things weird.”
And just then, for completely no reason he could think of, Kallen realised that Levy must know his heat was coming up. Was that why he was getting antsy?
“Then don’t,” Kallen told him simply. “It was just a question; I could have told you to fuck off.”
That earned him a snort, even if not quite a laugh. “What? In your mother’s house? What would she say?”
“I think her brain selectively bleeps them out,” he explained. “Or I used to think that. The other day, she actually swore in front of me.”
Levy seemed to get the significance. “Wow, what did you do?”
“Not me,” he explained. “Um, society, I guess.”
“Oh, then I fully agree with her. Society is full of it,” Levy said solemnly. He was trying to joke, but the edge behind his words was unmistakable.
“Yeah, I know,” Kallen agreed. “I’m thinking what to do about it.” The words were out, too sincere, before he could pull them back. He thought about what Analisa had said about lure being a tool for good. She hadn’t liked it when he’d pointed out that then alpha will could also be used well, much less when he’d had a ready example of an alpha who actually used it well.
Levy had fucked up at the beginning, Kallen wasn’t that na?ve. But he hadn’t needed Taylor to tell him that the pressure wasn’t just on omegas, he’d seen how uncomfortable Benny had been at the idea of having heat sex with him, and Levy hadn’t touched him in anything but comfort when he had. He must have wanted to, or at least he must have been physically affected. But he’d chosen to do better. To be better.
Maybe if he remembered that first time, Kallen would have been angry, but he didn’t. So all he had to go was Levy’s staggering guilt over it and months of friendship and support. If he’d been offered the chance to remember, he’d have refused it. Everything they were to each other wasn’t going to be wiped out by a single night when both of them had been pushed to do something they didn’t want in exchange for the chance to do what they loved.
“Yeah?”
“Well, I...” Levy knew what had happened, obviously. Without his help, Kallen might not have been able to tell anyone at all. But it was still too fresh, the knowledge that someone had seen it. “Yeah, I don’t know if there is really anything to do,” he said instead. “Sports teams have managed to keep the omega regulations on for decades, right? But...”
“It shouldn’t be like this,” Levy finished for him, fierce enough to be felt even at a distance.
“You ever think—?”
Levy’s throat clicked loudly. “What?”
“You think it can change?” he whispered. He hadn’t meant to, but it felt like a secret. At the meetings, people had talked big about it, like it was just a matter of time. But it didn’t feel like that to Kallen. It felt like even hoping for it was more than he could afford.
“I want it to,” Levy said after a long pause, words stretching like he was having trouble letting them go. “Like, if... it should . And yeah, fuck it, Kallen,” he added with sudden force. “It can change. It’s already changed a lot in history, so why stop at sports of all things?”
Kallen snorted. “Money?”
“Fuck money,” Levy spat. “Or not, I’ve got money. And I know it’s not as much as the teams have got all together, but... I don’t know, there should be something I can do.”
“Have you heard of Fair Sport ?” Kallen asked before he could think better of it. He was scared, but he’d been scared for years now, and he knew Levy meant every word he was saying. And if he didn’t... If Kallen told him about it and he did nothing, then...
“Fair Sport?” Levy said. “No, what’s that?”
“Um, it’s an organisation. Non-profit. To fix the whole... Well, I don’t know if it’s only to change the law or what, but they help omegas who want to go into pro sports or who have in the past.”
“Oh! Wow, I... Of course!” Levy snorted. “It’s so obvious, I feel like an idiot now.”
Kallen knew he was joking, but he still couldn’t let that stand. “You are not. They convinced us it was impossible. Just like they convinced me I had no power. Besides, you told me about lure, so it’s my turn.”
“Okay,” Levy said, softer now. “I didn’t mean it like that... I guess I thought I could just play, you know?”
Kallen let out a short laugh, and it came out more bitter than he meant to. “You telling me? ”
Levy deflated a little. “I know, I know. But I do just want to play,” he added, more determined. “And you should definitely get to play, you not being on the ice is such a fucking waste.”
It was so ridiculously sincere, but Kallen tensed up anyway, scrunching up his duvet on his free hand. It’d been over a month and he still couldn’t think about it. He wondered if it still hurt Taylor, all these years later.
“Sorry,” Levy was already saying. “God, that was such a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry. I’ll—” He stopped talking abruptly.
Kallen let out a whimper and then he was crying against the back of his hand, muffling it as much as he could because he didn’t want his parents to hear.
He couldn’t hack it. No , he didn’t want to hack it. He didn’t want to get to the point where he truly had no choice, where he’d allowed himself to be disrespected to such an extent that he couldn’t look himself in the eye anymore.
It’d been such a close call already.
But he also didn’t want this; his heart getting shredded as he turned away from the path he was meant to walk, where he was meant to shine.
Simply because the only way he could be safe was in the shadows.
He let the phone fall on the bed next to him and buried his face in the bedspread to let it all out, the tears and the screams and the growls. He wasn’t just heartbroken, he was furious and exhausted and indignant. He wanted to burn the world down for what it had done to him, and he wanted to hide and never face the world again, so he didn’t have to admit that he’d been hurt and humiliated. That he’d allowed himself to be hurt and humiliated and manipulated, again and again, and let them pretend it didn’t matter.
That he didn’t matter.
By the time he calmed down enough to reach for a tissue and blow out his abused sinuses, his eyes were swollen and he felt like he’d got punched in the face. He reached for his phone to wake up the screen in a daze.
It wasn’t until he saw the call was still connected that he realised he’d been hoping for it.
“Hey,” he said, and fuck, his voice was a wreck.
“Hey!” Levy sounded startled, like he’d been waiting and now was afraid to miss his chance. Except he didn’t say anything else. For a moment, they just breathed together through the line. Kallen’s heart slowing down as their breathing synchronised. “If I was there, I’d get you a cup of tea,” Levy offered. “With lots of honey, you sound rough.”
Despite everything, it made Kallen smile. He could very well imagine it. “In the cup with the kittens?”
“Yeah,” Levy said. “I know you like it.”
Kallen managed to sit up and reach for the glass of water on his bedside table, taking a sip and grimacing. It’d gone stale, and it was definitely not a lovingly made cup of tea with honey, but it allowed him to say, “You are the one who bought it.”
“It was a gift,” Levy said.
And Kallen laughed, rough and tired, but there. It was technically true, except it was one Levy had bought for his little cousin and then kept.
“Besides, it was obviously destined to be yours, so...”
“You don’t think I’m making a mistake?” he asked, knowing he was ruining the light mood but unable to hold it back.
No one else in his life would say it. But no one else understood what he was giving up. Except maybe Taylor, but Taylor had made his peace with his own choice, hadn’t he? So of course he’d want Kallen to make the same one. He probably wouldn’t judge him too harshly for doubting, but he wouldn’t get it.
“No,” Levy said, firm. “I think you are the bravest person I know, and I... I’m pissed you are getting screwed— Fuck, I mean—”
But somehow Kallen was laughing, a little hysterically because to think that they needed to talk around something like this after everything was just too much.
“At least you are laughing,” Levy said when he was no longer at risk of it devolving back into tears, or worse, hyperventilation.
“It’s laugh or cry,” Kallen admitted. “And I’m fucking done crying.”
And he was, he would much rather be angry than sad, because anger would push him forth until he crushed his enemies.
There was no skating, but deep down, it wasn’t so different, this steel solidifying in his core, this knowing that he was headed the right way. And just like in the ice, he had people on his team to help get to the goal. All he had to do was remain open.