Chapter 39
O nce they sat down, they talked about their families a little, easy anecdotes and updates. Levy’s sister Leila finally had a date for her wedding, further out than she’d have liked but in a dreamy beach location. Kallen told him about Paul’s new job as a bar manager in downtown and Mikey’s plans to travel north to see the glaciers.
“Damn.” Levy shook his head. “I’d love to do that. Like, I’ve seen the photos, but obviously...”
“Yeah,” Kallen said. Obviously, they’d lived their lives at the rhythms of hockey for years to get as far as they had. It hadn’t even occurred to him to take a holiday other than to visit his family, both from Gresham and from Jiro it’d been far enough to require plane travel. It’d felt like enough time away from the ice, like taking more would have been neglecting his work.
When they’d been kids, his parents had always opted to drive to the coast. Kallen hadn’t been to the beach in at least two years, though, since his schedule had made him miss the family excursions. “We went to Tarei, when I was little. But I’ve never been further north than Jiro.”
“We could go,” Levy said, and then glanced away. “Like, not to steal Mikey’s plan or anything!” he added with transparently false cheer. “And I mean, can I even go on holiday if I don’t have a job?”
Kallen let him babble, but he was picturing it already. The scenery was vague, but he’d been in a car with Levy, argued about his music choices and his extremely cautious driving. And it was true, he didn’t have a job either. But that wasn’t the point, was it? “Could be fun.”
Levy didn’t say anything, watching him like he was a snake about to strike.
“You remember Fair Sport ?” Kallen asked him, and it didn’t feel scary at all, to open up at last. He knew he was safe with Levy, but more than that, he thought he was safe with himself .
Levy nodded. “Yeah, I looked them up, but...” His mouth twisted to the side, eyes falling. “I chickened out, didn’t call them.”
“That’s fine,” Kallen told him. Levy had found his own thing, hadn’t he? Kallen had never been mistreated by his coaches, but he’d never been protected either. Like his own father, they’d probably assumed he had to learn to toughen it out when people called him names. “You are going to work with kids, make sure they know they deserve a fair sport, right?”
“I haven’t got the job yet,” Levy said.
Kallen didn’t look away. “You will.”
It got Levy to smile, a little shy, but pleased. “Okay.”
“I don’t have a job, exactly, and I haven’t done my budget. I didn’t...” He glanced away, sighing. “I guess I’m not very good at being an adult yet.”
“Well, you are probably better off than me, what with the free accommodation.”
“Oh, I didn’t— I should have been paying half, shouldn’t I?” he asked, losing his cool.
Levy laughed in his face. “No fucking way,” he told him cheerfully. “I meant the Johnson’s. You moved in with me to look after me, did you forget that?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Are your parents charging you rent?”
“What? No, but they are my parents, and they own the house.”
Levy sighed, lifting a finger. “What did you mean, you don’t have a job exactly?”
It was enough to give Kallen pause. He wasn’t exactly ready to give up on his argument, but all that was the past and this...
Well, it could be his future. If it worked out. No, it would be, even if he ran out of money and ended up having to get a shitty job on the side to help his parents with bills. He could still do it, he could still show up and try his best to help others, give them at least a bit of an edge to manage their heats and their lives.
He licked his lips and cleared his throat. “So you know how I used lure and I pulled someone I didn’t mean to?” Levy agreed with a short hum. “Well, that was at one of the first Fair Sport meetings I went to, and then Taylor— Taylor’s the facilitator there. He asked me if I’d teach him how I do it. I thought it wouldn’t work, because... Well, I’d only done it a few times. But when he asked...” He met Levy’s eyes. “You don’t know what it meant. Knowing I could do it was...” He remembered walking into the heat room after that first time he’d used it on Levy like it’d been yesterday. “It changed everything for me.”
“Yeah?” Levy’s voice was so soft Kallen half thought he was reading his lips.
“I don’t even think I thanked you for it, did I?”
Levy shook his head, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. “I’m glad,” he said, easy. Like he’d tipped Kallen off about a new energy drink instead of transformed his life.
But Kallen couldn’t even insist because that was just who Levy was, wasn’t it? Generous to a fault, always looking out for him. And what Kallen could offer in return was the trust those actions had earned. “I think it could...” He had to swallow and he couldn’t look up from the spoon he’d started fiddling with again. He breathed out slowly. It was just a theory, it was true, but he’d already got texts from the omegas in his class about it. His class . “I think it could balance things out, between alphas and omegas. If we can...” He risked a glance.
“Yeah.” Levy’s eyes were wide and excited. “That’s... fuck, of course. That feels right, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s pretty much what my parents told me, but it would explain so much. How you get so much violence from alphas, and how omegas so often end up being victims of that violence.”
Kallen’s eyes narrowed. “What’s the violence got to do with anything?”
“Well, lure calms you down, doesn’t it? It makes you...” Levy glanced away, as if searching for the word amidst the busy cafe around them. “Safe!” He smiled at Kallen in triumph. “It makes you feel safe, and if you know you are safe, you don’t need to attack anyone.”
Kallen nodded slowly. It did make sense. Safety... that’s what an oasis would be in a dessert, wasn’t it? “And if you know you are safe, you can be open,” he added. It didn’t feel like something he’d come up with, but something that was true that he’d simply caught sight of and recognised as such.
He remembered how he’d felt after the meeting with Taylor. How absolutely calm and certain of his own value. It’d been easy to be open with the knowledge that he mattered, that he was more than enough, he was amazing . And whether someone else could see it in him or not, that didn’t change.
For once in his life, he’d felt absolutely safe to be himself.
Of course he’d discovered lure with Levy, the one person who’d made him feel like that from the very beginning. Of course it had been Levy who’d got him to open up, because Levy himself had always been absolutely open about how happy seeing Kallen made him.
Long before they’d kissed or done anything beyond cook and play together, Kallen had known Levy loved spending time with him. There was probably no one else in the world that he’d have felt confident enough to step in and help like he had his friend.
His life was a mess, he didn’t have a job and he hadn’t even quit the team yet.
But once again Levy was here, seeking him out because he liked him . He hadn’t known about Kallen’s volunteering to teach lure. In fact, he hadn’t pushed for any information on Kallen’s new life. He’d asked and he’d listened, but he hadn’t needed it.
Levy didn’t care if Kallen was successful, or useful. That was all him. Levy just liked spending time with Kallen so much he was talking about applying for a job in his city.
And Kallen hadn’t even told him how he felt.
He opened his mouth, but had to close it again. His mouth was dry and his pulse was hammering in his neck.
“You okay?” Levy asked, his gaze weighing on Kallen.
“What did it feel like for you?
“Lure?” Levy asked. “Well, safe?” he said, a little tentative and Kallen realised that of course Levy had already told him. More than once, he realised. It was just hard to believe him, especially about the light. “I mean, back when Leila made me do her chores, I didn’t even get angry afterwards. As an adult, I can see it was messed up, sure. But in the moment, it was like she really needed me and I was happy to help.”
Oh. That was how lure went bad, then. Funnily enough, it was exactly how alpha will went bad, too, when you were so focused on your own needs that you forgot about the other person. When you used your power to override their own instincts to prioritise themselves so they’d serve you instead. Lure sounded like it felt better in the moment, but it would feel worse afterwards when you realised the person had forced you.
“And... when I did it?”
“Safe,” Levy repeated. “And I still feel safe now.” His lips were curving upwards already. “You just made me an offer too good to resist.”
Kallen snorted despite himself. He half wanted to ask permission to do it right then and there. Not because he wanted anything from Levy, what he wanted was the calm certainty that he would be okay no matter what answer he got.
But that wouldn’t have been fair. And anyway, maybe he couldn’t quite know for sure right now, but he could still have faith.
“Can I make you another one?”
Levy’s face went blank and he went very still. Then he nodded, slowly, eyes never leaving Kallen’s.
“Stay. Stay with me.” He shook his head, annoyed at himself and met Levy’s eyes again. “ Be with me. For real.”
Something flickered through the alpha’s face. “You are asking me out, right?”
Kallen bit back a laugh. He felt so exposed, but he could read Levy’s doubts loud and clear. “Yes, Levy, I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.”
The smile broke through like an unstoppable weight until Levy was dimpling on both sides and Kallen was echoing it, helpless to resist. A moment later the table rattled and he was getting yanked to his feet into another embrace, almost too tight. He returned it with equal fervour.
“ Yes ,” Levy whispered, like he thought Kallen might need to hear it.
He didn’t, he could feel it. But it was still nice.
EVEN THOUGH KALLEN had driven him there, Levy had made it to the interview by the skin of his teeth. They hadn’t had privacy for more, but they’d gone back to holding hands over the table, talking about everything and nothing, and it’d been easy to lose track of time.
Kallen had teased a bit, because it felt nice to get Levy to lose his track of thought by licking his lips. It wasn’t so unlike lure, really, a game they were playing together, a dance where Kallen was leading for a bit and then Levy took over, running his thumb over the delicate web of skin between Kallen’s thumb and forefinger and smirking when it made him shiver.
It was less fun to wait in the car with a semi. But even that was an acceptable sort of discomfort, knowing as he did that Levy would come out and they’d go somewhere together. He hadn’t asked about his... boyfriend’s return flight to Jiro. And Kallen was under no illusions about it, Levy only had a small overnight bag, he’d have to go back.
But he’d said he’d come back.
HE WOKE UP GROGGY AND disorientated. Levy was on the other side of his car window, smiling softly at him. Kallen fumbled for the door release, and Levy pulled it open, leaning in and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Hey, you. Nice nap?”
Kallen groaned, twisting his neck around. He reached out with a hand Levy took at once to help him out of the car. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he explained, burrowing his face into Levy’s shoulder until they were hugging again.
Levy kissed his hair. “Want me to drive?”
He nodded. “Will fall asleep again.”
“You can,” Levy said easily.
Kallen pulled back, reluctant but determined. “How did it go?”
Levy paused, but his eyes had gone bright at once. “Good, I think. You know I have never had a job interview before? Like, don’t think it counts if someone watches tape of you and then wants to chat to make sure you are not a maniac, right? Because then they already know you are qualified to do the job. The rest felt a bit like a formality.”
Kallen nodded. “So when will you know? I don’t really know how this works, either.”
It was a bit like they’d been living on another planet all this time, a planet where the basic rules of civility or decency didn’t apply and you didn’t need basic life skills.
“Oh, um, soon?” Levy looked caught.
“You didn’t ask, did you?” Kallen teased him, reaching out and tugging on one of his curls. Levy’s nose twitched, but he leaned closer until his face brushed Kallen’s hand. Kallen tucked the stray curl behind his ear.
His boyfriend shrugged. “I made a list of questions to ask, but I didn’t think of that.” He licked his lips, meeting Kallen’s eyes again. “The start date is right after New Year’s.”
That was in a little less than a month.
“Oh.” He swallowed.
“Too soon?” Levy asked at once.
“What? No!” Kallen argued. “I mean, you’d need time to pack and all that, right?”
Levy still looked unsure, which meant Kallen was making a hash of this.
“Can we go—?” Home, he’d been about to say, as if Levy’s presence had made him forget they weren’t in Jiro. “Do you have a hotel or...?”
“Yeah.” He was already going for his phone. “You want to grab food somewhere on the way? Show me the grub of your people?” he asked, but he didn’t let go of his hold on the belt hoops of Kallen’s jeans with his other hand and Kallen didn’t ask him to.
New Year’s was too soon, and it was also way too far away if it meant they’d be apart in the meantime.