Chapter 16 #2
I lash out the only way I can: with words.
“And I think you’re a dumb bitch.” Even if it isn’t true, she flinches like I’ve slapped her, but I’m too wound up to feel bad about it.
I keep going. “You still wanna diagnose me? Try to fix me?” I scoff, thinking she’ll finally get the fuck off of me, but she recovers and digs the tips of her fingers into my muscles.
It hurts. Everything hurts when she’s this close to me. “Stop touching me.”
She blows out a breath. “Tell me the truth and I will.” With a shake of her head, she flicks the thick curtain of her hair over her shoulder and sends a wave of lavender my way.
I choke on the scent as the memory of her sleeping like the dead flashes into my mind. I should have killed her that night in her bedroom. So many missed opportunities! I’d been tempted but too scared of pissing Kane off to go through with it.
“None of this would be happening if you’d just disappear.
” Meeting her gaze, I smile coldly up at her.
The siren that lured the love of my life away from me.
The woman haunting every dark corner of my life.
“Every time I see you, I get this feeling in my chest.” Pulling at my restraints, I hiss at the flare of pain as the ropes dig into my skin. “Kane won’t let you go.”
If there was ever any doubt, there isn’t anymore.
We’re going to die because of how much Kane wants her.
Samuel Wright will kill us the moment he decides to reclaim his son, and I’ll be tossed into a grave with both my lover and my ruin, forever stuck in the middle of their tragic love affair.
“He chose you,” I gasp, desperately trying to keep a sob at bay. “He chose you over me.”
Fuck, it hurts even more to say it out loud.
“That’s fucking stupid.” Kane’s face, red with rage, suddenly appears over Mercy’s shoulder.
“You went after Mercy because you threw a goddamn tantrum? Because you can’t fucking share?
” He runs his fingers through his honey hair and tugs on the ends.
“I told you already. I love you. Mercy is never going to change that.”
“She already has! You—” I blink away tears.
A flush rises to my cheeks. Anger and embarrassment and so much fear make it hard to breathe.
My breathing shallows, my pulse skyrockets, and my vision blurs.
I can’t fucking do this. I can’t be here with them.
But I can’t leave Kane, either, or he’ll die.
Samuel will break down the door and hold a gun to Kane’s head—
“Zane!” Mercy latches onto me and holds on impossibly tight. “You’re hyperventilating.”
From somewhere far away, Kane confirms that I’m having a panic attack. He grabs my hands and squeezes. “Get up, Mercy. I’m cutting him loose.”
She ignores Kane and holds onto me even tighter. “I’m not letting go.” Her cheek presses against mine. “You hear me, Zane? I’m not letting you do this. You’re not allowed to self-destruct just because life doesn’t go as planned.”
“Fuck—” I hiss through clenched teeth—“you!” I can’t breathe.
I can’t fucking breathe. What the hell does she know about anything?
My life is far from perfect, but thanks to my tireless efforts over the years, I’ve managed.
We’ve managed. Ever since Kane got out of juvie and we aged out of foster care, I’ve worked my ass off to keep us under the radar and out of trouble.
That year apart was the worst year of my life.
I sure as shit didn’t plan on spiraling while he was away.
Dropping out of high school wasn’t planned, either, but we earned our GEDs and made it work.
Murdering people for fun—that wasn’t exactly on my bingo card, but do you see me crying about it?
No, I roll with whatever punches Kane throws, because he’s it for me.
My past, present, and future. I don’t need anyone else to survive.
Especially not some meddling, sad-eyed angel of darkness who makes me feel so—
So fucking unsure.
I clench my eyes shut, but I can’t block her out.
A shiver of temptation threatens to unravel everything I’ve worked so hard to maintain.
I shouldn’t want anything else, because I don’t need anything else.
But the depths of my soul disagree. I quiver beneath Mercy’s touch—all at once soothing and suffocating—and want to scream.
I bite down on her shoulder and do just that, pouring my frustration into her bloodstream.
The copper tang of her blood fills my mouth as I break the skin, but I don’t let go.
I sink my teeth in deeper, wanting her to feel my pain.
Needing to let some of it go—to share it with whoever the fuck I can.
Otherwise, I’ll drown. I’ll sink to the bottom of the ocean where Kane’s light can’t reach.
He’ll forget about the anchor that’s been holding him down all these years and fly so high that he’ll catch fire and burn alive, laughing as the flesh melts from his bones and he forgets how much I need him to survive.
Life isn’t worth it if I have to walk alone.
Mercy’s voice floats through the murky waters of my mind.
“When my brother was first admitted to the hospital—” Her voice catches.
“I fought the people who were trying to help him, because I’d already lost my mom, you know?
I didn’t want to lose him too. I was scared.
” She runs her fingers through my hair, soothing me as best she knows how.
“So that feeling you have—the one that tells you to fight for Kane? It’s okay. I understand what that’s like.”
A cruel bitterness creeps up my spine. I unlatch my teeth from her shoulder and lick the blood from my lips. What’s the point in telling me any of that?
Mercy’s smile is strained. “Zane, I—I forgive you.”
Dark laughter crackles inside my chest. “You stupid girl. You stupid fucking whore.” I can’t help but snarl, spitting flecks of bloody saliva onto her skin.
“I don’t want your forgiveness!” I fight my bindings, not caring how badly it hurts.
Mercy weighs me down enough to keep the chair from toppling over, but I crave the crash, knowing that I’ll take her down with me.
I don’t deserve her compassion. I don’t want her understanding.
I want her pain and her fury and her anguish.
That’s what I’ve been waiting for. The punishment.
All of my selfishness is bound to catch up with me, so why not now?
My eyes latch onto the darkness in Kane’s gaze. “If you want to fuck her—” Bitterness seeps out of my pores as I start to sweat. “—go right ahead!”
Maybe that’s the punishment I deserve. My entire world collapsing.
There’s a roar from the other side of the room. “Don’t you touch her!” The four poster bed creaks as Sam struggles to free himself.
Laughing, I lean back far enough to stare into Mercy’s eyes next.
They’re blown wide, the shock freezing her in place.
“What’s wrong, Kitten? Isn’t that what you’ve wanted?
” I lick my lips and swallow her blood on my tongue.
“Kane’s fat cock splitting you open?” Another laugh spills free, cracking the chambers of my heart apart. “I hope you choke, you fucking bitch.”
A flash of pain, sharp and hot, hits me like lightning.
My head whips to the side as Mercy slaps me.
One of her fingernails cuts my cheek, and the sting makes me laugh even harder.
That’s right. Hate me. Make me bleed. Let me taste your fury so that I don’t have to feel my own self-loathing.
I drag in a lungful of air just in time for her to grab my face.
Her fingers dig into my stinging cheek. I smile against the warmth of her hand.
“I forgive you.” The fire in her eyes suggests otherwise, but she says the words anyway. Then repeats. “I forgive you, Zane.”
My voice muffles. “Stop—”
“I forgive you.”
“Shut up!”
“I forgive you.”
“Shut the hell up!”
Kane’s hand appears between us and covers Mercy’s mouth.
He hovers intimately behind her back, but his eyes don’t leave mine for a single second.
“You’re an asshole,” he grumbles, “but you’re my fucking asshole.
I know who you are, Zane Hunter. I’ve always known.
” He brushes his lips across Mercy’s cheek. “Now she does too. You scared, Siren?”
She shakes her head.
He grins. “See? You’re a goddamn mess, but we can live with that.”
Sam’s voice rumbles across the room. “I fucking can’t!”
“He’ll come around.”
“Like hell, I will!”
Kane rolls his eyes. “Shut the fuck up, Wright.” Kissing Mercy’s cheek, he backs up and lifts her off of my lap. “Go soothe your boyfriend, and I’ll soothe mine.”
I watch Mercy stand on her tiptoes and kiss Kane’s jaw before she flits away to the other side of the room and climbs into Sam’s lap, wrapping her body around his exactly like she had mine.
I stare at them and see a mirror image of myself in Sam—muscles tight, face red, so fucking angry that he can’t contain it anymore.
His emotions radiate off of him so strongly that I’m convinced he’s going to lash out…
until all of a sudden, he goes perfectly still.
Mercy’s kissing him so tenderly that he breaks.
“Eyes on me,” Kane murmurs, grabbing my chin and forcing my gaze away. He kneels at my feet and places his warm palms on my trembling thighs, gently rubbing my tired muscles. “How do you feel?”
I choke on a sob as a wave of emotion crashes over me. Shaking my head rapidly, I stare at my partner until he blurs from the stupid tears in my eyes. “I can’t—I can’t keep doing this.”
Kane uses the knife Mercy dropped to cut the ties around my ankles and rub my tender skin.
“Then don’t.” Once he’s satisfied, he moves on to the next set around my knees, slicing through them like butter.
Then he unties a strip of knotted rope around my waist and pulls it away.
“You’re only miserable because you want to be. ”
“You’re saying this is my fault?”
Our eyes meet. “Yeah. Kind of.” Spreading my legs wider apart, he rests his cheek on my thigh. “You freak out when things don’t go as planned. But that’s life. You’ve just gotta… have faith.” He reaches up and brushes a stray tear off my cheek.
“In what?” I whisper.
Kane’s gentle smile takes my breath away.
“In us.” He snaps the ties around my wrists and drops the knife to the floor before crawling into my lap.
The chair groans in protest at our combined weight, but Kane doesn’t hesitate to tilt my chin up and claim my mouth.
He sighs against my lips and licks the salty traces of my tears.
“Things won’t always look the same. We’ll get messy and we’ll fight and we’ll have to make up all over again. But you know what?”
I hold my breath.
“There’s no one else I’d rather fight with than you.”
Grabbing Kane’s hips, I scowl up at him. “Asshole.”
“Dick.”
“Bastard.”
“Boyfriend,” he murmurs, ducking his head to sigh against my lips. He trails kisses across my jawline and whispers in my ear. “Lover.”
While his hands slip beneath my shirt and wander up my abdomen, I glance over at Mercy and Sam. “Not here,” I wheeze, feeling my panic rise all over again. “Kane, not—”
“Shhh,” he soothes, kissing my fluttering pulse point. “Relax. They’re not even looking.”
“They could.”
Humoring me, Kane turns his head to watch them for a moment. “They’re busy.” He quickly returns his attention to me. “We’re busy.” His stubble scrapes across the curve of my neck as his lips travel lower. “Promise me something.” He bites down and sucks a bruise onto my skin, making me squirm.
“W-what?”
Sitting up, Kane grabs my wandering hands and holds my gaze. “Don’t ever hurt her again.”
My lips tug into a frown. “She’s—”
“Not the enemy.”
I choke on a flash of anger, but it’s short-lived. I know that he’s right. She’s not the one destroying us.
I am.
“Fine.” I tear my gaze away from Kane to watch Mercy grind on Sam’s lap, undoubtedly driving him into a frenzy.
“I won’t hurt her on purpose. But promise me something in return.
” Taking a breath, I tremble as my heart races all over again.
“If you fall in love with her, tell me first.” I return my gaze to my boyfriend, grateful that he’s watching me instead of them.
Kane nods solemnly. “I promise, you’ll be the first to know.
” He kisses me slowly, like he’s savoring the taste of me—or Mercy’s blood—on his tongue, and I willingly lose myself in the warmth of his touch.
I’m tired of hurting. Of bleeding from the inside.
Of driving myself crazy over Mercy Morningstar.
If she’s here to stay, I’ll have to learn to fight my inner demons… before they devour every last flicker of light I have left.