Chapter 27 #2
“Look,” he said, reaching through the leaves to pluck a small orb from a branch. He placed it in my hand as if it were a treasure.
“A miniature orange,” I said, not understanding. “A mandarin orange, I think. They come from China.”
“Have you ever had one?”
I weighed the fruit in my hand. “When I was younger, once, at Christmas. One of… my mother’s customers brought her a small crate of them, and they were nestled inside, wrapped in red tissue paper.
But they were overripe, half-spoiled, half-dried-out.
” I put the orange to my nose and inhaled. “This one smells much nicer, oh, wow.”
I suddenly realized something else. It smelled like Nin.
“You’ve been eating these,” I said, blinking at him.
He nodded, almost enthusiastic—for him, at least. “Oh yes, I certainly have been.”
“I thought you said you didn’t eat human food?”
“I said I didn’t need to eat it. Wanting to eat it is an entirely different thing. And this small citrus fruit is almost as refreshing as the Nightlands’ grapes we use to make wine.” His eyes sparkled with delight. “You must try it, come.”
He sat on the bench with me, carefully keeping an appropriate distance between us; then he made quick work of the peel, stuffing it into his jacket pocket. Aha! That’s why I’m always smelling oranges around him. He carefully tore off a section and held it out for me between two long fingers.
I picked it up and felt odd, eating while he watched.
He must’ve noticed my hesitation because he quickly tore off a second segment for himself and held it up.
I clinked my slice against his, making him smile, and bit into the fruit.
Sweet and tangy juice burst between my teeth, acidic and slightly floral.
“Mmm,” I murmured.
Nin closed his eyes to chew, savoring every bite.
“Damn, that’s good,” I said. “Sweeter than a normal orange.”
“Told you.”
“I’ll take another slice, please and thank you,” I said, holding out my hand.
He chuckled while divvying up the segments. “There are several trees in here with fruit. I tasted lemon for the first time about a week ago. It… was tarter than I expected.”
“They definitely aren’t an eating-fruit. But if you squeeze all their juice out and add water and sugar, you get lemonade. And that is good.”
“I’ll have to try it.”
We ate the juicy fruit together, segment by segment, quietly looking at the night sky through the greenhouse roof. “Is this world so different from yours?” I asked quietly.
“Yes and no… You have daylight here while we do not. It’s always night.”
“Nightlands.”
“Indeed. The night is not as dark as it is here. We are nocturnal, but the Nightlands’ vegetation gets nutrients from our stars, so all our trees and plants look different. And we exist more simply. No gas lighting in our homes, no marvelous human inventions.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Yes… and no,” he repeated. “I miss my friends, my sister. I miss freedom.”
“You and me both,” I murmured. “I had the worst feeling about taking this job when it was offered. I knew it would take me away from my studies, but I wasn’t really given a chance to say no.”
“Do you wish you were back home?”
I flicked a glance at his eyes. He was watching my face, and even though that made me self-conscious, I answered honestly.
“Much like you, yes and no. I miss my patients—not any particular ones, really. They came and went, so it was always changing. But I miss taking care of people who truly need me.”
“You master does not? Need you?”
“He’ll need me more when his disease progresses, which could be tomorrow or three years from now. Consumption is a slow death.”
“I’m very aware.”
My face warmed. “Of course, how silly.”
We sat in silence for a time, watching the dark sky.
I was so relieved that everything was okay between us.
If we never spoke about the incident in the carriage, then maybe we could both put it behind us.
I’d had many friendships over the years that didn’t require the sharing of every secret, every feeling. Perhaps that’s what this could be.
“Molly…,” Nin murmured.
“Yes?”
“I told you that I’m always honest.”
“Yes…?”
He hesitated, and that worried me. “If I asked you to tell me something true, would you answer?”
“Of course,” I said. “What would you like to know?”
“Something that I’m afraid to ask,” he said very low.
I stared at my skirts while my adrenaline spiked, preparing myself for the worst. “Go on, then. Ask it.”
But he didn’t. Not for a long while. Neither one of us could look at the other’s face. My breath came too fast. I shut my eyes to calm myself down, and when I did, he spoke.
“Do you think of me, Molly?”
My heart raced. I didn’t know what he meant by this. I knew what I wished he meant, but that was different. So I answered honestly. “Yes.”
“I think of you, too. Far more than I should.”
If my heart didn’t slow, it was going to burst out of my chest. “You don’t need to worry about me, if that’s what you mean. I can take care of myself.”
A pause. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Can you read my thoughts?” I whispered, suddenly paranoid.
“If I could, I wouldn’t be so anxious right now.”
Oh, okay. Why was he anxious? Surely not for the same reason I was. My breath was coming too fast. The hook-and-eye fasteners on my corset would pop if I didn’t calm down. “You never have to be anxious around me.”
He licked his lips. “I know that Bethany sees me as monstrous to behold. Do you see me that way too?”
This took me by surprise, and I didn’t know how to answer. “Bethany and I don’t share the same opinions about most things, you included.”
“All this time spent listening to humans,” he mumbled, “and I don’t know what to do or say. I just… don’t know how to do this.”
How to do what? “Nin…”
“Molly.”
Warm fingers covered mine on the bench between us. I didn’t pull away. I just stared at our hands, hoping he’d say more. Hoping he wouldn’t…
“Do you believe in fate?” he asked in a low voice.
“I don’t know. I didn’t believe in gods a few weeks ago. The world is always surprising me. Are you telling me that the concept of fate is real?”
The tips of his long fingers curled around mine. I clasped his in return.
“I cannot lie, I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve been told that my very existence was fated.
That my mother finding my father’s wandering soul was fated, as well as his death on Earth.
” He hesitated. “I’ve even been told that the Prince of Mourning is fated to be alone, to never find a bride, because I’m the embodiment of sadness, and sad people cannot be happy. ”
My brain heard “alone” and “bride,” and all I could think of was the first time I saw him, when I was a child, and how he looked like a lost groom.
I looked into his eyes. “Bollocks. Sad people can be happy. Sadness is not a permanent state of being.”
“Even for me?”
He sounded so hopeful. I considered the question seriously. “Is there a god of fate?”
He nodded. “A distant one. I do not know them personally, only through tales.”
“All right, then. Do the tales say this god changes people’s fate or forces them to submit to it?”
Nin looked at me with wonder, eyes wide in the dark of the greenhouse. “Both.”
“Well, then. In my mind, it sounds as if you have a little leeway with your destiny. Embrace it or change it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Didn’t you know, things are always simple when they’re just an idea. It’s when you actually try to do the simple thing you’ve thought about that you run into problems.”
“Is that so?”
“Trust me. I’ve spent my life thinking up very simple ideas that turn into complicated problems when I try to do them. But it’s never stopped me from trying them again.”
“Because you’re stubborn.”
“Probably. And if we’re talking about fate and destiny, I should probably be dead in a ditch somewhere, considering how I grew up and what I’ve endured.
But I’m still here, and if I can ever get free of this cursed manor, I’m going to be a nurse with a real certification.
Guess I’m no good at doing what I’m told, even if the order comes from someone named Fate. ”
“Oh, Molly,” he said, chuckling softly. “You are a simple idea and a very complex problem, all at the same time.”
I felt a little sheepish. “Am I?”
His gaze skimmed over my face while he caressed the back of my hand with his thumb, causing goose bumps to spread across my arms. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear a distant warning.
Or perhaps it was only the fading memories of my mother’s words, telling me that boys were nothing but trouble, when she caught me and Marco Hernandez kissing on the fire escape when I was fourteen.
But Nin had not offered me a kiss. Touching my hand was just a simple act of kindness that I’d shown a hundred patients back in the hospital. A connection, skin to skin, that seemed to generate energy. So much energy that I wanted to ask him if he felt it too.
But I couldn’t manage the words.
I knew I was likely misreading all of this, and that someone as beautiful and powerful as him would not be romantically interested in someone like me, plain of face and frank with words. And I’d promised my mother that I wouldn’t willingly give up my independence for another person.
Yet, sitting here with him, I didn’t care about any of those things.
I just wanted him to keep holding my hand like I was precious.
Like he would risk everything for me.
Because in that moment, that’s exactly how I felt about him.
“Molly?” he murmured.
“Yes?”
“I didn’t realize until I came here, until I got to know you, but… I don’t think I want to be alone for all eternity.”
“Then don’t be.”
“It’s only simple to you because it’s an idea,” he whispered. “What if I made it complex?”
“Only one way to find out,” I whispered back. I was out of control. Utterly and truly. All my doubts about Nin had been obliterated, and I dared to hope. For him. For us.
Dark lashes fluttered, and when our eyes met, I saw a fierce longing in his.
A reflection of my own heart.
He lifted a hand to push away a stray lock of hair near my temple, causing a riot of warm chills. His eyes were filled with yearning as they roamed to my mouth.
My heart hammered wildly.
Our breath intermingled.
I heard the clink of his bangles.
Then I heard nothing.
I only felt.
Soft lips pressed to mine, a little awkward and hesitant. Another wave of goose bumps spread across my skin like wildfire, and without thinking, I opened my mouth to his and we kissed.
At first, it was as if we were strangers, unsure and testing each other, trying to figure out if absolute trust existed between us.
I made a clumsy movement, causing our teeth to click together in an unsettling way, sobering me.
And Nin as well, for he pulled back a little, though he was still close enough for me to feel his ragged breath.
I panicked, thinking I had ruined something, and gripped the front of his jacket, fisting the wool tightly—as if I could keep him close to me.
His eyes were hooded and hazy as he looked down at my hand.
Then he slid an arm around my shoulders and cupped the back of my head as his mouth came down on mine.
All the awkwardness disappeared, and we devoured each other like caged animals, desperate and unsettled, trying to get closer and closer…
Like we were terrified it would end.
Like the two of us could burn down the entire manor and fly away into the night sky.
We finally stopped kissing, and his head dropped to my neck while his hands slid around my back. He embraced me tightly, and I wrapped my arms around him, listening to his thudding heart with my cheek against his chest.
And in that moment, I felt a peace that I hadn’t known in years.
I almost believed we could change our fates.