Chapter Thirteen The Most Loyal Friend #2
During the journey he began to learn small details about them, things that prior to captivity he never would have cared about.
Such as that Tomaz liked lavender. They passed a clump of it on the journey, and the big man let out such a bellow that both Leah and the Prince turned around and unsheathed their daggers, ready for battle, until they saw the big man jump off Malial and lumber over to the purple blooms. Leah found this hilarious, and actually began to roll about on the ground with laughter.
The Prince began to chuckle as well… and then he was laughing full out with her, and so was Tomaz, who took some of the plant and stuck it behind his ears, while holding double handfuls to his nose and inhaling deeply.
It felt good to travel with the two Exiles, the Prince had to admit to himself.
True, the fare was nothing grand, mostly what Leah and Tomaz caught and harvested along the way to supplement the supply of cheese and dried meat they’d restocked in Banelyn via the mysterious Trudy, but there was a strange, peaceful quality to the woods that caught him by surprise.
It was a kind of serenity that he had never encountered before.
The summer was fading slowly into autumn, and as it did the mornings became chillier and fog would roll in at night to cover even the tallest of the tall trees, leaving them wrapped in a cocoon of misty silence.
The cold was too much for the Prince the first few days, as they built no fire so as to risk not even the slightest chance of pursuit, and even with the extra blanket he could only curl into a ball and shiver through the night.
But after they were sure they had lost any pursuit, they began to make small fires, and the nights became easier to bear.
The first deer Tomaz saw was quickly brought down, gutted, skinned, and over a few days transformed by a mysterious process the Prince could neither explain nor fully comprehend: the hide was stretched, scraped, painted with some foul-smelling stew made of various rendered animal parts, and then left to dry attached to the back of Malial’s saddle, extending out past his rump like a strange sail.
When it was done, Tomaz presented it to the Prince and told him it was a coat, if he could make it into one.
“I did the prep work, since I enjoy doing it,” he said, “but the rest is up to you. You can make it long, you can make it short, full sleeve, no sleeve, whatever you’d like.
I’ve got a couple more scraps of hide in one of the packs if you need anything, and of course I have plenty of thread.
So figure it out and make yourself a coat. ”
“I’m looking forward to seeing how this turns out,” Leah said, and they both turned to see her bringing in wood for that night’s fire, a smirk on her face.
“Don’t listen to her,” Tomaz said to him a quiet, conspiratorial whisper, “she’s just worried your first coat will be better than hers.”
The Prince spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how he felt about this interaction, and the unexpected gift of a deer hide.
For the next few days, he simply kept the hide as it was, wrapping it around him as he walked or rode Trudger like a robe or a cape.
But soon he started having ideas about what he could make with it, how he could add a hood to make a cloak, or cut a pattern to make a shirt… and he almost broke down.
He didn’t know why exactly. All he knew was that something about the hide had solidified for him the realization that his life had been changed forever.
Here he was, traveling through a forest with two outlaws, a hunted man, unshaven, unwashed, smelling like some dead animal, unable to return to his family, completely lost to everything and anything that had ever held meaning for him.
He had no goal, no destination; he was simply moving to move, traveling with Tomaz and Leah because they were the two who had rescued him, and yes they were fine, but they weren’t anyone important, they weren’t people who could fix the situation he was in, they were just two people, two EXILES, how had he ever gotten himself into this situation, what was it that he had done—done—he needed to figure out what he had done and return to his Mother, the EMPRESS, the ruler of Lucia.
He needed to return to her good favor; she was Life and Light and Salvation to all who believed in her and if only he could find a way to show her he was sorry, show her that he was still worthy; he needed to be penitent, needed to humble himself, accept his faults and go back, and if he died, if she needed him dead, then that was what was needed, because the good of the Empire was what concerned her, and if the Empire was better off with him dead, better off with someone more worthy wearing the Raven Talisman about their shoulders, better off without him—without him!
—then fine, he’d give up, give up and let it all end that way so he could just—
SLAP!
The Prince’s head rang like a bell, and stars exploded across his vision as Leah struck him clean across the face.
“Stop it,” she said, as calmly as if she were saying good morning.
Red, the deep, nauseating color of blood, clouded the Prince’s vision, and he felt rage rise up in him. It was one thing to strike him in combat, but to strike him unprovoked? That he would not let go.
He launched himself at the girl, bearing her to the ground with him. He thought he saw a brief look of surprise cross her face, but then he didn’t care, because he was pummeling every inch of her that he could reach, with fists, knees, anything at all.
An enormous hand grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him backward, up into the air.
“That’s enough of that, I think.”
The Prince, surprised to suddenly find himself dangling several feet off the ground, shot a murderous glare at Tomaz, and then refocused on Leah, lying on the ground with a trickle of blood coming from her lower lip.
“She slapped me! Shadows and light, I was just going along and then she slapped me, Tomaz! By the Empress, what do you want from me? She hit me! I may not be a Prince anymore, but I deserve the right to hit someone back when they hit me first!”
Tomaz looked at Leah, who was slowly getting up. The Prince saw, to mingled feelings of relief and anger, that she wasn’t much hurt. He’d been so blindingly angry that all he’d really done was knock her to the ground and give her a good amount of bruises.
She winced once and grabbed her side, and he felt a moment of triumph. Good! That’s what she deserved!
“What did you do that for, eshendai?” The big man sounded more resigned and exasperated than curious, but he waited for the girl to respond.
“He was going to a dark place,” she said. “Had to snap him out of it.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” the Prince retorted. “I can think whatever the burning shadow-cursed hells I want!”
“A noble thought, eshendai,” Tomaz said wryly, “but did you really have to slap him? You never take the subtle approach to anything, do you?”
“I remember you helping me in a similar way once, Tomaz,” Leah said. “He was closing off.”
Tomaz eyed the Prince, still held by the scruff of his neck in the air, and then slowly lowered him so that his feet were touching the ground again.
“Once I let you go, you will let her be. She struck you, you struck her back. You’re even.
If you attempt to hurt her anymore, then I can and will tie you back to the horse.
In case the two of you don’t remember,” he shot a look at Leah as well, “we’re being hunted by nearly everyone in the thrice-damned Empire.
Likely they’ve recruited even their grandmothers to keep a lookout and cane us about the shins as we pass by.
So, let’s try to be good boys and girls who don’t fight too much amongst ourselves, yes? ”
The Prince scowled at the big man, but when Tomaz raised an eyebrow, giving his no-nonsense expression, the Prince swallowed his anger and nodded.
Tomaz let go of him, and the Prince took a deep breath before turning to face the girl.
“Why did you strike me?”
“Because you were starting to think about going back,” she said, her look daring him to contradict her.
“You were thinking that maybe if you just went back, and even if you let them punish you and kill you, at least you’d be going back and doing the right thing, the thing that was best for everyone, the thing that was best for the Empire.
That maybe it would even be easier, because at least then you wouldn’t be hunted. Right?”
The Prince didn’t respond at first. When he did, he simply asked “How did you know?” his voice coming out a little mumbled and sullen.
“Because I went through the same thing,” she said. Her eyes clouded over for a moment. “And the only thing that ever brought me out of it was when Tomaz cuffed me upside the head for almost getting him killed.”
“You hit her?” the Prince asked, a little unbelieving.
“Hit might not be the right word,” Leah said dryly. “As I remember it, he clocked me so hard I flew ten feet through the air and hit a tree.”
A rumble-chuckle came from the big man, who clearly remembered the incident.
Leah pointed a finger dagger-like at the Prince’s chest.
“Use your anger. Cling to it. Let all of the other emotions burn up in it. It’s the most loyal friend you will ever have.
It will always take your side, and it will never leave you helpless.
Hold it close. When you feel shame or guilt, or anything at all, burn it up in the anger.
Focus in on a single point and feed the emotions, one by one, into the flame, until your mind is clear and you can think again. ”
“Anger is not useful,” he protested. “Anger clouds your mind.”