Chapter 5 Erik
No one warned me that a Grand Prix was more interesting on television than in person.
In person, I’m watching a bunch of really loud race cars pass by me for a second or so over and over and over again.
It’s just a blur—a car zooms by, and I don’t see it again for more than a minute.
I know which one’s my brother, because of his livery.
And I know which one is Cristian’s, because I went to visit them in the pit.
But I’m not a racing fan, so I only know the basics.
Which means that most of the time my mind is wandering.
To Logan. Who stands behind me, stoic as ever.
For years, my bodyguard has caused too many inappropriate thoughts at the most inappropriate times.
But now it’s not just the lustful thoughts invading my brain that I need to deal with. It’s the feelings in my heart.
How much I appreciate him. How much I care about him.
How I watch the way he watches me. How he makes sure I’m comfortable.
How I suffer, wanting to show the world how I think and feel about him.
I strongly suspect that all the shit I gave Jasper when he first got together with Cristian was me projecting. I admitted as much a while ago, but it’s gotten much clearer now.
Because … because I have a major crush on my bodyguard that goes beyond the physical.
And it’s worse, now that I know what he tastes like when I kiss him. What he sounds like when he comes.
Now that we share a bed. Now that we’ve been messing around every night since the night we first got together.
Yet no one can know.
I’m in a royal box at the Australian Grand Prix. With me are other dignitaries from different countries. My bodyguard stays to the back.
I can sense when he’s nearby, even when he’s not in my line of vision. I always know when he’s around.
I can just feel him.
Years of training have taught me not to fidget.
I know the cameras could be on me at any time, so I don’t eat or drink anything. I don’t play on my phone. I don’t do anything but watch the race.
But my mind is far away.
My mind is thinking of Logan, dripping wet on the beach. Logan stripping down in the bathroom, while I’m in the tub soaking my leg.
Logan kissing me the first time.
I don’t know what’s going to happen to us. But he’s going to be part of my life.
I’ll make sure of it.
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