Chapter 15 Maddison
MADDISON
“Maddy, you need to listen to me, okay?” my aunt Ellie whispers. “One day, you’re going to figure out some stuff that may make you question who I am as a person. Just know that I love you, kiddo. Always.” She kisses my forehead.
I’m lying in bed, awake, but pretending I’m asleep.
I’m upset with her because she’s leaving again, and I hate when she goes.
It makes me feel abandoned. She’s the only person in my life who’s ever cared about me, and I want to go with her, but she won’t take me. I even begged, something I rarely do.
“Maddy, I’m sorry, honey,” she tells me as she smooths her hand across my head. “Please don’t be mad at me. I’d take you if I could.”
I stare at my bedroom window. The curtain is open, and the moon is like a crystal ball in the sky, giving the illusion that the night is magical.
It never is.
“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I have to go.”
The mattress rises as she gets off my bed to leave. I tell myself to stay angry with her, but knowing I’ll miss her, I turn and call out, “Wait.”
But all alone.
Always alone—
My eyelids snap open, and I engulf huge breaths of air into my lungs. Confusion fogs my brain as I frantically peer around, struggling to grasp where I am. A few gasping breaths later, I put the puzzle pieces together.
I’m in River’s room, sitting up in his bed. Sunlight is trickling through the crack between the curtains, and the air carries a stillness to it that conveys River and Finn are still sleeping or left.
I rub my hand over my aching chest. Those types of nightmares are nothing new. I know I’ve had abandonment issues for a while, stemming from every time my aunt left. I wanted her to stay—she was my only constant—and now I can’t even get a hold of her.
In a hopeless dumb manner, I collect my phone and check my messages to see if she’s messaged me back.
Nope. I only have messages from my mother and Drew that state the same old bullshit.
Although, my mother wants to know why I snuck into the house last night, like she believes I’ll just reply to her.
Heaving an exhale out of my lungs, I set my phone down and scoot to the edge of the bed, preparing to get up. River and I should be meeting up for practice in about an hour, but since I’m in his room, I’m unsure if I should wait for him here.
Before I can figure out what I want to do, I hear a door close from inside the dorm. It’s followed by a soft clinking noise.
With the threat of the society looming over me like a dark cloud, I quietly get up, tiptoe over to the door, and gently crack it open to peer out.
Standing on the other side is River. He has his fist raised as if he’s about to knock, and we both startle each other.
“Holy crap.” He presses his hand to his chest as I swing the door open the rest of the way. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“You scared the hell out of me,” I reply while catching my breath.
He has on a pair of running shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. His hair is pulled back, and he’s holding a brown paper bag. He smells sweaty, making me question … “Did you run already?” I aim for a neutral tone, but hurt seeps through.
I’m unsure why I’m even hurt, other than I have this inkling perhaps he went running to avoid spending time with me after what happened last night.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a jog, but we’re still working out.” He pauses. “You still want to, right?”
“Yeah …” I’m so perplexed. He’s acting so offish. “You don’t have to train me if you don’t want to. I get it if last night made things too weird between us.”
Loose locks of his hair fall into his eyes as he shakes his head. “No, not all.” He rubs the back of his hand across his forehead. “I’m sorry I’m acting weird. I’m just … There’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s important but might make things awkward between us … I don’t know.”
Tired of this discomfort between us, I step back and motion for him to come inside. “How about we talk, and then try to get rid of the awkwardness?”
He enters, nodding, but doubt weighs in his expression. “You might want to sit down. It’s a lot.”
I take a seat on the bed, tucking a leg under my butt. He hesitantly sits down beside me, leaving space between us.
He sets the bag he’s holding down then stares at his hands for a maddening amount of time. “Finn and I came up with an idea on how to keep the society from targeting you,” he starts, his gaze finding mine. Worry is stirring in his features. “I’m not sure how you’re going to react to it, though.”
“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” I gesture at him to spit it out.
His cheeks puff as he exhales then rests his hand on the bed, close to my hip but not quite touching. “There’s a rule within the society that if you’re dating a member, they’re protected from getting targeted.”
“Wait …” I slant back in surprise. “You want me to date Finn?”
He slowly shakes his head, and his worry is replaced by nervousness. “No, I want you to date me.”
“But you’re not part of the society,” I say then pause. “Unless you’ve been lying to me.”
“I haven’t,” he assures me while scooting closer. “I’m going to join. Finn actually told Eli this morning that I was going to, and initiation happens tonight.”
A slow blink from me. “Why would you do that? You said you hated the society.”
“I do.” The truth scorches through his voice. “But I don’t want them to touch you, and this is the best way to make it happen.”
“I could just date Finn.” Although I don’t want to.
Sure, he’s hot, but the idea of dating him, especially after I messed around with River, seems like it would be a disaster.
“Oh.” He leans away from me. “You want to date him?”
“What? No. I mean, I like him as a friend, but I don’t want to date him. But I don’t want you to have to join the society simply to protect me. I …” I stare at him in astonishment. “Why would you even consider doing that?”
His response doesn’t come immediately, but when it does, it knocks the air out of me.
“I think it’s pretty clear that I like you,” he says quietly while fiddling with his watch band.
“I’m not sure how you feel about me—maybe you just want to be friends.
I’d understand, considering my situation …
” He trails off, closing his eyes. “I wish my future weren’t what it is, but it is.
And I get if you don’t want to get mixed up in that, especially since you told me you don’t date.
” He opens his pretty eyes. “We can pretend, if you want—if that makes it easier.”
“Pretend to date?” I repeat in an even tone that is falsely misleading.
The harsh truth is that, inside, I’m a wreck of skipping heartbeats, and my lungs feel tight as I struggle to breathe evenly.
I’ve had guys tell me that they like me, but typically, my reaction is indifferent, minus a few times.
But never have I felt this way about someone.
And that is more terrifying than walking through northside at midnight on a Saturday night alone.
He brushes wisps of his hair out of his eyes. “If that’s what you want.”
I’m conflicted. Deep inside, a need is whispering, one tempting me to actually date him.
But then what? We date until the society moves on from me, and then we break up?
I can visualize myself actually falling for River, with his sweet smiles and beautiful eyes.
Not to mention he treats me so sweetly that I sometimes don’t even know how to deal with it.
“Yeah, I think fake dating is the better idea.” As soon as I say it, I sigh. “Are you sure you want to do this? I can handle it on my own.” I think.
That might be a lie. I can barely handle my northside problems, let alone this royal drama.
“Okay.” Disappointment flashes in his eyes, but he hastily blinks it away. “I’m still not entirely sure how this will work with the society, but for now, we can maybe walk around the hallway, holding hands, and let the gossip spread on its own.”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” I cannot believe I’m doing this. “It’s going to suck lying to Lily. She’s so nice to me.”
“I think it’s for the better. That way, she won’t have to lie about what we’re doing.” He collects the bag he brought with him.
“That’s true,” I say. “So, only you, me, and Finn will know?”
He nods, opening the bag. “And you can trust Finn. I promise.” He sticks his hand into the bag. “Now, I have two things for you, one of which sort of has to do with what we’re discussing.”
“What? Do you have a fake promise ring in there?” I joke, eliciting a crack of a smile from him.
“Nope. No promise ring. But I think you’ll like it as long as you don’t consider it a gift but a necessity.” He pulls out a small box that has a watch in it.
“No, I’m not accepting that.” I shake my head and slide away from him. “I can time myself manually like I’ve always done.”
“Maddy,” he starts with a pressing tone. “It’s not only about you being able to time yourself. I mean, it’s partly about that, but this watch also has a tracker built into it, so if something bad did happen to you, I could find your location.”
I drag my fingers through my hair. This is getting so complicated. “I don’t like this.”
“Like what?”
“That you’re getting so wrapped up in my problems. I never wanted to put any of this on anyone.”
“I know you don’t, and that’s what makes you so amazing.
” He moves closer to me and opens the box.
Then he removes the watch and softly takes a hold of my wrist. “I’ve spent a lot of my life drifting through events, complying, obeying, doing everything for other people, so I’m well aware when I’m doing things I don’t want to.
And this isn’t one of those times.” He places my hand on his leg and wraps the watch band around my wrist.
I should fight him—protest—do something other than watch him secure the watch onto my wrist like some lovestruck idiot. But that’s what I do.